Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Here We Go Again� ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Volkov

Chapter One: Here We Go Again…

[The camera pans along some rock strewn mountains, finally setting into a small cave, where Tails is sleeping. Sonic is sitting down with a tortured look on his face. Tails wakes up.]

Tails: (rubbing eyes) Oh…man did I sleep badly…(looks to Sonic)…did you sleep at all?

Sonic: Nah…scared of what you might do to me while I was asleep.

Tails: What are you implying? That I'm going to rape you or something?

[Before Sonic can answer, Omochao appears at the mouth of the cave.]

Omochao: HEY! HEY!

Tails: Shut up!

[Tails throws a rock at Omochao, who falls down, showering Sonic and Tails with small gears and screws.]

Sonic: Ooh…I'm so damn hungry…

Tails: (rifling through a bag that just appeared) Well…we've only got the supplies we picked up at New Robotropolis…lard, lard, lard, a bit more lard…and some lard.

Sonic: Uggh…I'll die before I eat that crap…

Omochao: Okay…we don't have any time to eat. We've got to get to Mordor.

Tails: You're a robot! You don't need to eat. We do need to eat.

Sonic: Its fine…let's get going.

[Sonic and co. start to hike through the mountains. The scene changes to show the group later in the day. They are currently taking a break.]

Omochao: Can we see the preciousss?

Sonic: Why not?

[Sonic pulls the Ring out of…nowhere I guess, and tosses it to Omochao. Omochao starts playing with the Ring.]

Tails: What an easily amused retard.

Sonic: (Strained look) You just hate him! You can't stand the thought that I may love him more than you! Oh crap did that come out wrong…

Omochao: My preciousss…huh? (Omochao stares at the Ring) What the hell?

[Omochao walks up to Sonic.]

Omochao: Uh…

Sonic: (Ignoring Omochao) I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY I LOVED YOU!

Omochao: Excuse me!

Tails: (Starlit anime eyes) You…you really love me…and I thought all my effort had been wasted...

Omochao: (Pissed off) SHUT UP!!!!!

[Sonic and Tails shut up.]

Omochao: Yeah. Umm…I don't know how to say this, but this is sure as hell not the One Ring.

Sonic: What?

Tails: Oh crap…

Sonic: This is a fake? A FAKE?!

Omochao: Yes.

Tails: Oh crap…

Sonic: NO IT'S NOT! IT'S NOT A FAKE! I DIDN'T JUST SPEND TWO WHOLE MOVIES CARRYING A FAKE RING AND ENDURING THE UNENDING SEXUAL ADVANCES OF TAILS AND THE FREAKING ANNOYANCES OF ALL THESE MORON BAD GUYS TO GET TO THE MIDDLE OF FRIGGIN' MORDOR AND REALIZE IT'S A BLASTED FAKE BECAUSE SOME DAMN HINT GIVING ROBOT THINKS IT WAS MADE IN CHINA!!!! [Censored] TO HELL! I SAY IT'S REAL AND IT SURE AS [Censored] IS REAL!!

Tails: You noticed my sexual advances? I though I was being discreet…

Sonic: DISCREET?! DISCREET?! YOU…YOU…I really don't know what to say.

Omochao: (Cunning look) Me neither…

Sonic: I was talking to Tails, not you…

Omochao: (Seductive) I know…(realizes Sonic is looking at him) OH CRAP!

Sonic: Whatever. We have to go and dump the REAL Ring in Mt. DOOM.

Tails: But the real Ring is back at home.

Sonic: I said: WE HAVE TO DUMP THE REAL RING IN MT. DOOM!

[Sonic and Tails start to walk off again. Omochao hangs behind.]

Omochao: That was close…

Sonic: What'd you say?

Omochao: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Sonic: Good.

[Sonic, Tails, and Omochao walk off.]

Omochao: What a dumbass…

Sonic: (coughing) I'm right here.

Omochao: Oh, I know…jackass.

Sonic: God, if you have any mercy, kill me now…

[Sonic stares up at the Heavens…and waits. Nothing happens.]

Sonic: Screw you God!

GOD: (all God-like) You know what? BITE ME!

Tails: Ooh! Is that an invitation?

Sonic: Okay….maybe this scene needs to end…