Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ The Ball of Isengard ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two: The Ball of Isengard

[The camera pans through a forest. Riding through the forest are some of the heroes. The camera zooms past Duff Man, Luigi, and Shadow, and then comes to Eggman. The camera stays on him.]

Eggman: (posing) Oh yeah! Work the camera baby! Come on, zoom in on these guns. You know you want it!

[As Eggman continues to pose and act manly, the group enters the remnants of Isengard, where they see Knuckles and Rouge sitting on a wall.]

Knuckles: So…can I have sex with you now?

Rouge: (annoyed) You've been asking the same question over and over and the answer has always been, and will always be `no'. Always `no'.

Knuckles: Oh… (pause) …so, can I have sex with you now?

[Rouge gives a swift kick to Knuckles who falls off the wall, just as the riders approach.]

Rouge: Hey! It's Shadow…and Eggman…and Gordon! Oh thank God you're here! Knuckles…

Knuckles: (jumping up) Ooh! She said my name! You want me bitch!

Rouge: (leaping at Knuckles) I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR NU--!!

[Mr. Anderson appears out of nowhere swapping Rouge down in Matrix slow-mo.]

Mr. Anderson: Ahh! Luigi! Your brother has been bitching for the past few days. He doesn't seem too happy.

[Everyone pauses and listens. Mario's screaming rings out across Isengard.]

Mario: I'M-A GOING TO-A KILL-A YOU ALL! YOU WILL ALL-A REGRET HAVING MESSED WITH-A MARIO!

Mr. Anderson: (talking over Mario) He doesn't shut up unless we throw stuff at him.

[Mr. Anderson picks up a boulder and whips it at Isengard.]

Mario: AND-A YOU DAMN-A HIPPIES! I'M-A GOI-(SMASH)

Mr. Anderson: Whoa.

[Knuckles walks by, looks at the ground, and picks up a round black stone ball. Luigi looks at him.]

Luigi: Knuckles, you had-a better give that to-a me!

Knuckles: (stares at the stone) Sure…

[Knuckles tosses the ball to Luigi who reaches to catch it, but falls off his mount (which is Yoshi).]

Luigi: Acck! I-a broke-a my femur! GOD DAMN-A IT!

Knuckles: (cocky) Weakling.

Luigi: I-A AM BLEEDING INTERNALLY!

Rouge: Oh my God…you almost killed the only person who has any skill in this place!

Luigi: I-a think I-a can see-a the light…

Knuckles: That's just how skilled I am…come on Rouge, let me ravish you!

Rouge: I swear to God Knuckles, you will die.

Luigi: Is it-a normal for-a my-a leg bones to-a be…not in-a the leg?

Mr. Anderson: Whoa.

Eggman: Uhh…you have any restrooms around here? I think my last meal is clogging the piping…

Mr. Anderson: (points) Over ther-oh crap that is nasty image.

Shadow: Ooh…cleanse the mind…cleanse the mind…

[Eggman waddles off to the restrooms.]

Luigi: Oh-a hell…I'll-a do it-a myself.

[Luigi heals himself and jumps on Yoshi…wait...that sounds bad….]

Luigi: Now we-a just have to-a wait for-a Eggman to-a unclog.

Shadow: That could take a while…

[Time passes. The sun sets in the background as everyone stands around waiting. It starts to get dark.]

Eggman: (echoing) UNNNNHHH! THAT IS WHAT I CALL RELIEF!

Mr. Anderson: Whoa.