Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ That’s Going to Leave a Mark ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter Three: That's Going to Leave a Mark

[The camera pans dramatically over the fields of Rohan as the heroes ride towards Edoras and the Rusted Beer Hall. The camera pans to the entrance of the Beer Hall, where Samus is standing. The camera then switches to the interior of the Beer Hall, which is filled with a bunch of people.]

Duff Man: (holding up a mug o' beer) Duff Man says we must honor the dead! Oh yeah!

All: Oh yeah! (they all drink)

[The camera cuts to Eggman who has a slightly odd facial expression.]

Eggman: Oooh…I think I'm going to need to find a bathroom…

[The camera cuts again, and shows the party at some later point in time. Everyone is getting outrageously drunk. Eggman comes tottering in and walks toward Samus.]

Eggman: Wooo! I recommend that no one use that bathroom for a few days…

Samus: Bathroom? Where exactly did you go?

Eggman: You know…the bathroom in the Beer Hall.

Samus: There isn't a bathroom in the Beer Hall…

Eggman: You mean that (points to an opened door) isn't a bathroom?

[A look of panic crosses Samus' face.]

Samus: Is that where you…?

Eggman: Oh yeah.

Samus: That's my bedroom!

[Samus runs to her room and looks in. She recoils in horror and turns to face Eggman.]

Samus: (rage) You…you little…I'm going to kill you for this.

Eggman: Ahh, don't be so upset. A few months of airing out and it will be good as new.

Samus: (rage) And what am I supposed to wear? All I've got is the clothes I'm wearing right now!

Eggman: (seductive) You can always wear me.

[The camera cuts to the outside of the Beer Hall. There is a sudden creaking noise and, accompanied by a deafening roar and a shower of wooden splinters, Eggman comes flying out of the roof.]

Eggman: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[With a tremendous "Thud!" Eggman returns to the ground. Meanwhile, back at the party, Shadow and Luigi are talking.]

Shadow: So…any news about Sonic?

Luigi: None-a whatsoever.

Shadow: So…you think he may be dead?

Luigi: It is-a possible that he has-a died.

Shadow: Sweet! Now I can be Sega's mascot! In your dead face Sonic!

[A cell phone rings. The ring tone is the Super Mario theme. Luigi rummages through his pocket and pulls out the ringing phone.]

Luigi: I-a have a text-a message! (starts to read the message) "I am-a safe and-a sound, and am-a still heading to-a Mt. DOOM -Sonic." He's-a alive!

Shadow: Damn it! Is it so much to ask that I become the mascot of the Sega corporation and become lord and master over all that moves?

Luigi: That doesn't even-a deserve a reply.

Shadow: That's right!

[Shadow jumps on a table and demonic hellfire begins to consume the room.]

Shadow: (deep evil voice) All of you shall bow before the Almighty! I shall consume your souls and drink your blood, while I snack upon your entrails and have a dessert of brains and a side dish of those little cocktail wieners. Bow before me you damned fools! Have your women-folk come here and let them love and pleasure me! Desire me foolish mortal women!

Random Rohan Dude 2: Hey! Jackass! Shut up! I'm trying to get hammered over here!

Shadow: (same voice) Dare you question your Master and Ruler?

[Someone throws a shoe at Shadow. The hellfire disappears.]

Shadow: (normal voice) Ow! Fuck, that hurt! Who's the bastard who threw that?

Knuckles: (raising hand) That would be me!

[Shadow lunges at Knuckles and the two fall to the ground fighting. Cervantes meanders out of Samus' room.]

Cervantes: (drunk) AaaaRrrRrrr!

Samus: (extreme rage) THAT IS NOT A FUCKING BATHROOM!