Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Wacky Sonic Adventures! ❯ Chapter 1: Rouge's secret job part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter 1: Rouge's secret job part 1.

 

[Our heroes including Eggman are at the gas station filling up Amy's car with gas]

 

Amy: Who's gonna fill up the gas tank?

 

Knuckles: I will.

 

Tails: I'll go with you, to make sure you don't do anything stupid. [they both get out of the car.]

 

Tails: Go inside and pay for the gas. [tries to give him a 20]

 

Knuckles: No thanks I got my own way of paying people. [holds up fists]

 

 

Inside the gas station..

 

Knuckles: [walks up to the counter]

 

Nerdy pimple face guy: Can I help you?

 

Knuckles: Listen bitch [grabs him by the collar with one hand, and shakes his fist at him with the other] you better let me get some free gas every time I come here or else.

 

Nerdy Pimple face guy: [egotistical] or else what?

 

Knuckles: Or I'll whip your ass. [cocky] and then go home to bang your mom.

 

[Tails then walks into the gas station to see Knuckles holding the nerdy pimple face guy by his collar and threatening him]

 

Tails: [runs over to them] Knuckles!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!?

 

Knuckles: [jackass] banging your mom.

 

Tails: [grabs the nerdy pimple face guy from Knuckles and sets him down gently] Sorry about my friend. [turns to Knuckles] Watch and learn. [pulls out a plasma pistol and holds it to the nerdy guy's neck] Listen bitch you better give us free gas for many years to come `cause if you don't [hits him in the face with the plasma pistol] I'll beat you shitless! Capish

 

Nerdy Pimple face guy:[scared] Capi, Capi, Capi [gives up on trying to say capish] yes!.

_____________________________________

 

At the car….

 

Eggman: What the fuck is taking them so long I have to take a shit.

 

[everyone is scared and disgusted]

 

Sonic: [tries to open the door but they apparently seemed to be locked] NO! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Let me out of this damned car [Eggman farts] TAILS KNUCKLES!!! HURRY THE FUCK UP!!

 

Rouge: [gas mask on, filing her nails] I don't see what the problem is.

 

Shadow: [starts punching the window to break it but no avail.] Break Dammit! What the hell are these windows made of?!

 

Eggman: I can't hold on much longer.[farts]

 

Shadow: [still punching the window] your fat ass better not let go!

 

Sonic: [given up trying to leave, is sitting beside Eggman concerned] Eggman what the hell did you eat?

 

Eggman: I ate three full grown Buffalo's whole [coughs up buffalo leg.]

 

Amy: [In the driver seat] Eggman you should go on a diet. [turns around to face him] And you should spend at least 15 minutes on a treadmill. [turns back around and mumbles] Fat ass bastard.

 

Shadow: [sees Knuckles and Tails come out of the Gas station] there they are!

 

[Knuckles and Tails walk up to the gas thingy and open up Amy's place where the gas goes, on her car.]

 

Knuckles: I wanna put the gas in.

 

Tails: [giving Knuckles a weird stare] Are you sure you know how?

 

Shadow: [from inside the car] Hurry the fuck up! Eggman's about to blow.

 

Tails: [sighs] alright hurry up. I don't wanna smell the stench of Eggman's lower intestine.

 

Knuckles: [salutes] aye, aye sir. [looks at the different gas flavors] which one do I use?

 

Tails: Amy what kind of gas does your car take?

 

Amy: Premium.

 

Tails: Knuckles use premium.

 

Knuckles: [well aware of what Tails said…but grabs gold instead] [mumbling under breath] pink bitch! How dare she force me to get her gas. Why are we even here getting gas anyway? We don't even use cars. All we do is outrun them. You'll see what happens when you mess with the guardian. [maniacal] YOU'LL ALL SEE!!

 

Tails: Knuckles what are you talking about?

 

Knuckles: [evil smile] nothing.

 

COMMERCIAL

 

[Eggman, Tails, Sonic, and Shadow are all at Tails' house playing Halo 2. Shadow is winning]

 

Shadow: [shoots Sonic's player with a rocket launcher and kills him] [jackass] Yeah bitch! I is da shit!

 

[Everything in the image freezes except for Eggman and he looks at the camera and begins to talk]

 

Eggman: Are you tired of playing videogames with fuck faces that are better than you and when they win they be even more of a dickhead about it? Well putting up with other peoples shit is a thing of the past with my new patented FUCKHEAD DISPOSER 5000! [reveals product, which looks like an ordinary plasma rifile.] It may look like an ordinary plasma rifile but its far better. It is equipped with missiles, rockets, tranquilizers, and it even has a beer can dispenser!

 

[the image unfreezes an Tails suddenly has said object in his hand]

 

Tails: Shadow I am tired of your constant jackassery. [fires weapon, which reduces Shadow to a pile of ashes in seconds and also destroys most of Tails house all while dispensing a beer can.] Wow! This really does work. [untouched. Drinks said beer.]

 

Eggman: And for a limited time get an extra FUCKHEAD DISPOSER 5000 with the original one. So that's 2 products for the price of one! And all this can be yours if and only if you [sad]

Donate to me so I can have enough money to move out of the homeless shelter! Just call the number at the bottom of your screen.

 

Number: 1-800-donate-money-to-Eggman

 

Voice from nowhere: Donate to Eggman! <Eggman whimpers>

 

END COMMERCIAL

 

Knuckles: [spraying gas all over Amy's windshield] HAHAHA!! Bitch burn in hell. [lights a match and throws it at the windshield then runs like hell]

 

Shadow: [with buffalo leg in hand batting the window] Come on! BREAK DAMMIT!

 

[BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!]_____________________________________

 

obviously where Knuckles is

[Knuckles is walking down the street laughing his ass off until he encounters the most horrible, vile, scary, disgusting, sickening, purple individual that you could ever come in contact with and he was doing the worst thing that you could imagine.]

 

Knuckles: [sees who is mentioned above and what he's doing and screams.]

 

[at the park across the street where he was standing Knuckles saw the most horrible thing that anybody who saw it would die from….whatever caused them to die it was, it was….Barney the dinosaur selling crack to a young six year old girl.]

 

Barney: You got the money?

 

Little girl: You got the merchandise?

 

[Knuckles just watches as Barney and the little girl make their trade and go on with their lives.]

 

Knuckles: Oh well. I guess I'm off to Tails house to snoop around his house for his secret porn stash. [leaves]

_____________________________

 

At Tails mystic ruins workshop/house

 

Knuckles: [clueless] I wonder what kind of porn Tails has?[Knuckles flicks on the light to reveal Sonic, Tails, Amy, Rouge, Shadow, and Eggman all with bloodshot red eyes staring at him like hungry cannibals.]

 

Shadow: [still with buffalo leg in his hand] So knuckles think you can just blow us up with explosives and just stroll back to Tails house?

 

Knuckles: It was payback for Amy. [dark, angry] that day she ruined my manhood [cackling lightning] forever!

 

Amy: I said I was sorry.

 

Sonic: [eyes no longer red] what happened that day?

 

COMMERCIAL

 

 

[Eggman is in the homeless shelter cafeteria grimacing over the horrible taste of their food.]

 

Eggman: these pancakes are old and stale [takes another bite; grimaces.]

 

Sonic: [suddenly there eating the same food Eggman is] This food tastes like table scraps.

 

Eggman: [being disgusting] this food tastes like my balls.

 

Sonic: [Disgusted. Thinking of how to respond, raises finger as if he was about to speak but decides against it.] whatever.

 

Eggman: [to the camera] this is what these selfish bastards feed us hobos. [serious] but you as a people have the power to stop this madness. Write letters to the president asking for better food in our shelters and all that other shit!

 

Random guy: Hey Eggman are you gonna finish your pancakes. [reaches for them but Eggman smacks his hand.]

 

Eggman: [angry] I told your greedy ass to stay away from my food bitch! [takes out plasma pistol and starts firing in random directions.]

 

Voice from nowhere: Donate money to Eggman <Eggman whimpers>

 

END COMMERCIAL

 

 

Knuckles: what had happened was [hears a noise.] what was that?

 

Rouge: [hears it too] yeah I heard it too!

 

[Tails and the others walk into the kitchen and he flicks on the light to reveal…..Mario and Luigi rummaging through the refridgerator for food.]

 

Mario: [exposed] this-a isn't what-a it looks like.

 

Tails: [confused] Why are you two in my kitchen rummaging through my refridgerator?

 

Luigi: [sad] We got-a fired from-a Nintendo.

 

Sonic: [jackass] serves you right.

 

Mario: We need-a place to-a crash for-a few days. Er months-a can we stay-a with you?

 

Tails: [not caring] whatever.

 

Rouge: [looking at her watch surprised] Holy shit I'm late for my night job.

 

Shadow: [curious] what job?

 

Tails: [Same as Shadow] Yeah. What night job?

 

Rouge: [rushing] no time to explain bye. [she leaves.]

 

Shadow: [To Tails] I think we better investigate.

 

Tails: [nodding] Right. [looks at the others who are paying no attention to them] Me and Shadow are going out somewhere make yourselves at home.

 

Sonic: [watching television ignoring Tails] Yeah I'll tell Rouge when she gets back.

 

[Tails and Shadow leave leaving everyone else behind to sit and have their minds slowly deteriorate in front of the greatest invention known to man a.k.a. the television.]

______________________

 

The streets

 

[Tails and Shadow are tailing Rouge unnoticed through the streets of Station Square wondering where she's going]

 

Shadow: [whispering] Tails where do you think she's going?

 

Tails: [pulls out a video camera] I don't know but I hope its somewhere worth the videotaping effort.

 

[They both continue to follow Rouge until they see her walk into a restaurant with the most exciting name you could imagine. Joe's naked waitress steakhouse.]

 

Shadow:[looking through the window] OH God!

[motions for Tails to come over and he does so.]

 

Tails: [surprised taping the whole thing] mother of god. [They both see in the window dozens of beautiful naked waitresses]

 

Shadow: [putting on a fake moustache] Here Tails take this. [hands him one.]

 

Tails: [puts it on] alright Shadow let's go!

 

Shadow: [nods] let's go.

 

COMMERCIAL

 

[Eggman and Shadow are walking down the sidewalk to get to the candy store when suddenly the coke addicted Barney walks up to them.

 

Barney: [pulls out a bag of coke] hey you wanna buy?

 

Eggman: Nope I need my brain I'm gonna rule the world someday.

 

Shadow: [shrugs] nah.

 

Barney: [pulls out a knife] I said you fucking buying some coke whether you likes it or not.

 

Eggman: [pulls out the FUCKHEAD DISPOSER 5000] eat plasma bitch. [he fires nothing happens.

 

Barney: [laughing] I replaced your ammo with coke.

 

Eggman: [opens the ammo compartment and surely enough its filled with coke.] [narrows eyes] you bastard.

 

Barney: I told you, you was going to buy some coke and I meant it. [comes closer with the knife still in hand

 

Eggman: not today bitch! [pulls out a plasma pistol and shoots barney in the head]

 

Shadow: [shaking his head] I told him not to sell coke…..told him twice.

 

Voice from nowhere: Donate money to Eggman <Eggman whimpers>

 

END COMMERCIAL

 

[Tails and Shadow enter the restaurant filled with topless women, still with their moustaches intact. Soon enough that they walk in they are greeted to a topless and very sexy looking Rouge The Bat!]

 

Rouge [seductive voice]: Hey boys welcome to Joe's naked waitress steakhouse. [eyes Tails and Shadow up and down still unaware that it is them] How may I help you?

 

Tails [whispering to shadow]: I think she's on to us Shadow take evasive action.

 

Eggman [walking in the front door]: Well I'm starving. [sees Rouge's rack] DEAR LORD!! I'M NEVER LEAVING THIS PLACE!

 

Rouge [mumbling]: Shit exposed.

 

Tails' Mystic ruins workshop/house

 

Mario [arguing over the remote with Luigi]: No dammit! I-a get the fucking-a remote!

 

Luigi: No you-a fat bastard I-a rip your balls-a off and-a sell them to-a Peach!

 

[Mario and Luigi then start to slap each other yelling many Italian profanities, while still fighting over the remote.]

 

Sonic [Angry]: No you pitiful bastards! [grabs the remote] I choose what we watch.

 

Mario [pissed]: I ain't gonna-a take some bullsheet-a (he meant to say shit) from some-a ugly ass-a blue hedgehog-a man mutant!

 

Sonic [furious]: Ugly? Who the fuck are you calling ugly big nose? [pokes Mario's nose]

 

Luigi [agreeing with Sonic]: Yeah you-a fat ass motherfucker-a. Yous the ugliest-a motherfucking-a plumber in the universe![super angry] With-a your plunger-a always saving-a the day getting all-a the glory and-a me getting none. That's why Peach fucked-a Bowser and they-a had a son-a Bowser Jr. [whips out a plunger] I show-a you the true-a plumber! [starts to beat Mario's face in with the plunger while yelling all the Italian profanities known to man.]

____________________________________

 

In the mushroom kingdom

 

Peach [sitting on her throne]: Mario I miss all the good times we had together. [reminiscing] also [sudden firery rage] I remember all the times we went out and you tried to be cheapYou poor fat Italian bastard!!

 

Toad [confused, scared]: Princess are you okay?

 

Peach [unleashing her rage on Toad]: Do I look okay you fucking midget face mushroom!! [brings out her trusty vegetables and begins to smash them over Toad's head.]

 

[Suddenly Bowser breaks through the wall of the castle angry and irritated at the same time for he was carrying his squirming son on his head known as Bowser Jr.]

 

Bowser [angry]: How dare you, you fucking whore?

 

Peach [clueless]: what are you talking about Bowser?

 

Bowser [mad rage]: you know damn well what I'm talking about! How dare you just come to my lair, have sex with me, get pregnant, have a son, and think you can just go back to your regular ways of being Princess HUH BITCH!!?

 

Peach [still clueless]: What are you talking about Bowser? I would never do all those things [shudders] especially with you!

 

Bowser [holds up son]: Oh yeah well I have proof.

 

Peach [suspicious]: How do you know it's mine?

 

Bowser: Because he calls you mommy.

 

Peach: So he's a turtle so he thinks I'm his mommy because he saw me first. [nods head]

 

Bowser [more rage]: That's duck's you imbecile. And even if that statement were true if you weren't his mother then how could you have seen him first when he was born?

 

Peach [nervous]: Because I'm the princess and whatever I say goes.

 

Toad [curious]: Princess did you really let Bowser deflower you?

 

Peach [sighs. Defeated] Yes, yes I did.

 

Bowser: Now we're getting somewhere.

 

Peach: So what do we do with the kid?

 

[Bowser just whistles the super Mario bros. Theme as he drops Bowser Jr. next to Peach's throne then he ran out of the hole he made in the wall.]

 

Toad [disgusted]: You people are sickening!

__________________________

 

COMMERCIAL

 

[Bowser is in his castle with Eggman playing cards together]

 

Eggman: So who did you say you were again?

 

Bowser [annoyed]: Bowser.

 

[Mario, Luigi, and Sonic break through the wall]

 

Mario [pissed]: How-a dare you think-a you can just-a knock up-a Peach and just-a get away with-a it without me-a knowing.

 

Bowser [disappointed]: Oh man and I thought I was going to play cards with my new best friend today.

 

Luigi [poking fun at Mario]: HAHAHA-a I told your-a fat ass that-a Bowser fucked Peach's-a brains out. [maniacal laughter] MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!!!!!!

 

Sonic: Eggman playing cards? No way [leaves]

 

[Mario is in a fetal position in the corner of the castle mumbling Italian profanities about Bowser.]

 

Voice from nowhere: Donate money to Eggman <Eggman whimpers>

 

END COMMERCIAL

 

 

THAT'S THE END OF PART1!! MORE EGGMAN COMMERCIALS AND OTHER VARIOUS CROSSOVERS ARE YET TO COME!!!