Sonic X Fan Fiction ❯ Lucky 13 ❯ Broken Things ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

To be one thing and the exact opposite cannot happen in one mortal lifetime. Fate shall thread the different lives of the same individual together...

And then the golden thread of another shall embroider it beautifully, but at what cost?

Anime/Manga: Sonic X Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Supernatural / Hentai / Psychological | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 07.01.2006 | Pages: 10 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 350 | Status: Completed

“Lucky 13” Chapter 4: “Broken Things”

I woke up at the feeling of cold, wet, and miserable.

Ever wonder how mud must feel? I don't. I know how it feels. If it feels anything, it feels just like that.

Cold. Wet. Miserable.

And I woke up as mud. The lowliest of life, stepped in, scraped off shoes, hated by all because I was low down, dirty, and unwanted.

It was raining. It was raining hard. I'd never been so wet.

Just the other day I was the luckiest guy on earth, I had talent, charisma, I was good at everything. I was peppy, I was fun to be around.

Now what was I?

If you are what you feel like you are, then I was a dead maggot, floating in a sea of mucky water.

…Well, that's not fun at all, I thought.

Great… all I had left of my talents was my talent for understatement.

I didn't move. I didn't want to. I just wanted to be dead.

I used to be so alive.

I wonder… If you're one thing, and also the exact opposite of that thing at the same time… Are you also everything in between?

Are people who are both heroes and villains everything? Are they gods?

Or is it the other way around?

I wasn't wise enough to figure out the answers. My wisdom was gone. No… the past events proved to me that I never had it at all. I was a fool.

And here I was, a cold, wet, miserable fool.

I didn't bother to open my eyes. I didn't bother to move anything. I didn't even bother to breathe. I wanted to be dead. Death never looked so nice until I was so very cold, wet, and miserable.

I tried to muster my old spirit, my old optimism. It didn't work. My spirit was broken.

And I was broken with it.

So that was it. I was broken. Left out in the rain, because I didn't work the way I was supposed to. Because nobody wanted me. I wasn't good for anything. I was trash.

What do you do with broken things? Do you fix them?

No. You throw them out, because they're worthless. Without even thinking.

It wouldn't matter if you thought about it. You'd do the same thing.

I… I don't blame you, or anybody. It's what I'd do too, I guess. It's what anybody would do, isn't it?

I mean, it's the rational thing to do, right? It's natural…

So I sat there in the mud, sinking. I could hear the storm above, grumbling and growling like a living thing, like an animal. The rain came down harder, and I still didn't move, or open my eyes or do anything. I was too broken.

What's the point of existence when you exist only as something that's already broken?

I didn't care about the answer, or even if there was one. I didn't care about anything. I didn't have hate, only sadness and pity.

And there was nothing more pitiable than myself.

Of all the things that had broken, my self-confidence was broken the worst. I didn't think that one could be repaired by even the greatest of mendings…

Rain. The sound of car's splashing by. Thunder.

…Cold. Wet. Miserable.

I just lay like that for the longest time.

And I cried. I cried without sound, without whimpering or sobbing, or twisting my face or sniffling. Just tears. Broken tears.

You probably couldn't tell in the rain.

“Look mommy! A kitty!” Came an sweet little girl's voice.

I didn't know what was going on. I didn't care. I just lay there in the mud. Not moving, not opening my eyes. I figured maybe if I pretended I was dead for a long enough time, it would really happen.

Pah. If only I were that lucky.

“Oh my, what a strange looking cat…” A woman's voice said.

“I wanna pet him!”

“No no, sweetie. That kitty's probably got some kind of disease or something. Besides, it's a black kitty. That's bad luck.” The lady said.

“Aww, but he looks so sad. I wanna make him feel better.” The little girl's pouty voice came.

“Honey, mommy will buy you a nice puppy for your birthday. That kitty's dea-…erh, sleeping. We should probably leave him alone. Now come on, let's get to the car before we catch our death out here.” The woman's voice said, fading.

It didn't even occur to me that it could have been me they were referring to. But I did however notice how similar the `kitty's' situation was to my own.

Only innocent little kids like to play in the mud. Only dumb, naïve little children play with broken toys. Parents were there to tell them that they were being foolish at times like those.

And they were right. Broken things aren't meant to be fixed…

I… Wasn't meant to…

…Time passed. I remained motionless, lifeless, cold, wet, miserable, and broken.

I remembered Lady Luck, and her punishment. So this was it.

…What a lame way to kill somebody.

Or was she trying to kill me? I'm sure if she'd wanted to do that, she could've done so easily. No, she wanted to make me suffer. She wanted to make me wish I was dead.

And she did just that.

“Dammit!” Came an angry voice. I felt a sharp pain in my side as something collided with me. From the sound that followed, somebody had tripped over me.

I didn't move. I didn't even respond to the pain. I was too depressed. Too out of it.

Too broken.

“Damn mangy little shit!” Came the same man's voice. I felt pain again as something hit me much harder this time. I think somebody kicked me. It hurt… a lot.

I didn't care. I just wished it would have hurt enough to put me out of my misery…

But of course, I wasn't that lucky.

I felt my body rolling down a hill, down, down. I didn't struggle, and I didn't resist. I was broken. Limp, broken, and worthless.

I fell into some water, face first. This water was big enough to submerge my entire body. And I floated out into it, hoping I would drown or something.

I heard a swashing noise, and I tasted salt water.

The ocean? I didn't care. Whatever puts me out of my cold, wet, broken misery.

The waves jostled my limp, broken body this way and that, and I felt like I was drowning in, not the water, but my own sadness. I didn't want to die like this.

But I didn't want to live like this even more.

More empty time passed, and I, if anything, became more and more broken by the second. I thought I would wash out to sea, and be eaten by a shark, or sink into oblivion, or something. No.

Not that lucky.

I washed ashore, and I felt the biting, sandpapery feeling of laying in wet sand.

I chanced opening my eyes, and I saw my reflection in the wet sand.

…And I realized that Lady Luck must truly believe she is a riot.

She'd turned me into a humanoid black cat… thing.

Now on top of everything else, I was a freak of nature… The very incarnation of bad luck…

A soaking wet cat. I now realized why cats hated getting wet.

And for some reason, I wasn't surprised, or sad, or upset, or at least not anymore than I already was. I was too broken to care.

Great.

So I just laid there, wondering if I'd have to get up and finish myself off, or if some harsh force of nature or society would eventually do it for me.

I was too broken to move. I could have moved, physically, I was able. But emotionally, I had nothing left. My spirit, my will, my heart, all broken.

Before, those were the most important parts of me. With those broken, I wasn't me anymore.

Josh was done for.

The rain continued to descend upon me. I wondered if the whole world was as wet as me, or if there was just one, tiny black rain cloud nested perpetually above me. I wondered.

I waited for some happy news. Anything. Even a tiny moment of happiness. I waited.

And… I prayed. I prayed for a miracle. I didn't ask for anything particular, I was too broken. I just asked for a miracle. Not vocally. I just, with my severely broken spirit, reached out, and asked for some kind of miracle. I don't know who I asked. I just asked.

And I think somebody heard me. Because then… I heard her.

“Oh my goodness!”

The voice was remarkably high pitched, but gentle, and impossibly sweet. It rang like a bell in my ears. I think I might have smiled just a little, before I passed out entirely.

Once again, my world faded to shadow.

-__--__+

I thought I had died… Finally died. To this day I'm wondering if I really did die that day.

When I woke up, it was almost like I was living the exact same, broken life. Like I had an extra, or something like that.

I'd already died once, but that was a different kind of death. A metaphorical one. This time I woke up the same. Broken. I was the same as I was before I had died… erh, if I really did die.

But now I was back. Was it some kind of curse? Was I forced to live as a miserable, broken mortal?

Was this my fate? Was my fate punishment? Was my punishment fate?

Too many questions… too many questions for a broken mind to answer.

I lay like that for the longest time, just thinking about how I would deal with being forced to live a broken life.

Then I realized this broken life wasn't quite the same as the last one. This time I wasn't cold, or wet. No.

I was dry, and warm. So very warm. I inhaled a fresh, sweet scent. It was almost a dreamlike smell. Could I have been dreaming?

If it was a dream… would I wake up as Joshua Duncan, or cold, wet, miserable nobody?

I shifted a little, the first motion I'd made since I broke.

I heard a little gasp, and felt a warm, comforting presence. I squinted my eyes together, as the light tried to seep through them.

And I was just a broken thing, waiting for something to happen. I was nobody now that I was broken. I couldn't do anything else. Just wait. And after what I've waited for arrives, I watch it pass me by, and then I wait for something else.

Why? I didn't know. My broken soul couldn't produce an answer.

“Sir…?” Came a familiar shrill, remarkably sweet voice.

It was a voice I was sure I'd heard before, if only in my dreams. My sweeter dreams, dreams I had when I wasn't broken. Before I had gone and gotten myself broken, like a fool.

But no matter how warm, dry, and curious I became, I was still broken. I still did not feel like moving. But, I hesitantly decided that I was curious enough to at least open my eyes. Maybe I'd see something nice.

The light that entered my eyes was a glare at first, and I reflexively lidded them again. Cautiously, I slit them open again. I felt the sting setting in, and becoming a bit less fierce as my eyes pushed out a few drops that the sensation had brought about. The blurry world came into focus… And I…

I did see something nice. So nice that it scared me. It made my broken heart leap like it wasn't broken at all, when I saw that surprised, sweet, adorable, caring… inhuman face.

I… For a second I thought I might have seen the face before.

My broken memory couldn't remember.

I blinked a few times, still trying to get used to the light. It seemed like my eyes were more light sensitive than they were before, even as far back as before I ran into Lady Luck's brick wall, and broke into a million pieces.

I turned my head just enough to look at her and only her. I didn't pay attention to any other detail in the room. I studied her.

She was a petite humanoid bunny, it seemed. With a rather exotic mesh of off-white and red-orange colorations. Her eyes were big, brown, and resonated with all kinds of nice things.

What did I see in those eyes…?

I saw everything I wasn't. Music, fun, flowers, fortune, happiness…. compassion. Concern.

There was a whole uncharted galaxy of beauty in those cocoa eyes… Each individual star in that galaxy was a different quality. And I hadn't even known her for a minute.

Even one as broken as I was could see that this girl was something… rare, different… beautiful.

Inside and out.

The girl blinked a few times, then wiped her eyes free of a few stray tears. I… I wondered what she had been crying about?

“I…I can't…! Y-you really are alive!” She breathed, in a way that showed that she didn't truly believe her own declaration.

She looked at me, as if waiting for a response. I looked to my left, and all around for another individual besides her. I looked back up into her eyes, those captivating eyes.

…Wait… Was she talking… to me?

Why would such a perfectly unbroken being waste their words on something so broken?

I just looked at her, not saying anything. She couldn't be talking to me… She wouldn't waste the time. No… no one would.

She waited a moment, and then looked a bit flustered.

“Oh my, I'm sorry! I was a bit… uh, startled when you woke up… I thought I felt your pulse stop just a minute ago, but I must have been mistaken…” She said, blushing in the awkwardness.

Was she really speaking to me…?

She waited for me to respond. I didn't.

She looked embarrassed, and it was actually cute. “Well uh… oh, how rude of me… I haven't even introduced myself, have I…?” She grinned, and extended a gloved paw. “I'm Cream.” She said.

Cream. A… suitable name, I guess. Not quite pretty enough for a girl like her, I thought, but reconsidering, I didn't know any word that would really be worthy of labeling someone so cute.

A moment passed, and I just stared at the angel white glove, then blinked, looking back up into her eyes. I never changed my blank expression.

Who was she talking to…?

The girl's hand retracted, like a tree in a desert, shriveling back to her side. She bit her lip, and her eyes relayed something I deducted to be… well, she looked like she felt out of place.

“Oh…. okay… so… What's your name…?” She asked, hesitantly.

She was looking right at me. She had to be talking to me… no one else was here.

I tried to think of an answer. I wasn't Josh. Josh was broken. Josh was gone. I was… what was I…?

Shyly, I made my boldest move since opening my eyes, and I freed one of my arms. Never looking away from her, I simply pointed at myself.

She cocked her head, then giggled. That giggle… It was like happiness made tangible. It made me feel… like I wasn't quite as broken as I knew I was.

“Of course you, silly! There's no one else here!” She said, with a happy face.

I almost felt like smiling. I tried…

Hehe. Too broken.

So she was talking to me. Really? There had to be a catch. Somebody not broken, talking to somebody broken? What good was I to her? Why would she…?

One question at a time, my broken mind pleads me.

Okay… so… what is my name…?

I almost open my mouth to say Josh, but I know that it's not true. Josh is dead. I'm not him. So who am I? I was broken. Broken things don't get to have names. They're not important enough…

But… I wanted so badly to give her an answer. She was so… I dunno. Wonderful to look at. To me. I mean...

I guess I was weird even before I was broken. Nevermind that.

But I felt like she deserved an answer. She was wasting her time asking me the question, so she at least deserved an answer. But what was the answer?

I frowned. I simply couldn't bring myself to speak.

She frowned when she saw me frown. I felt bad that I had made her pretty face melt into such a waste of beauty. She… was she concerned about me?

No, that wasn't possible… was it?

“Sir…? What's wrong…? Your name…” She trailed.

I looked into those eyes, which shined brighter every time I looked at them. I felt like I had to say something. Anything. The truth… she deserved the truth.

And I finally brought words to my lips.

“…I don't have one.”

She looked surprised when she heard my voice, like she wasn't even certain if I could speak at all. Then she looked confused, and then, concerned. She opened her muzzle to say something, but then shut it. She looked like she was thinking heavily. She frowned again. I almost felt like something was biting at my already broken heart when I saw her frown.

“You don't have a name…? That's so sad! That…” She trailed. She then looked almost valorous in a cute sort of way, as if she was willing to do something heroic. “No, that won't do at all.” She said.

It was an adorable sight to see her put on a face that suggested that she had strength enough to move mountains. Heh. I bet she could. She wasn't broken… nowhere near it. Her spirit… it was like nothing I'd ever witnessed.

I wonder. Am I idolizing her 6 minutes into meeting her because I'm so broken, or because she's just that impressive? I wonder…

However, I only stared timidly at her from behind the huge comforter I had draped over me. I didn't bother to think of where that warm shelter might have come from, but I was glad it was there. Every time she looked at me I wanted to be invisible. She was so pretty… and I was broken. Having her eyes upon me felt so taboo, and yet...

I think I might have felt a tiny piece of my heart click back into place.

She grinned cutely at me, and I pulled the covers up to cover everything except my eyes. I wanted to be able to see her… She was… worth looking at.

I don't know. I'm too broken to know why I can't stop looking at her.

…Excuses…? What are you talking about?

“Hehe. You don't have to hide from me. I won't bite.” She tittered. I pulled the comforter up a bit more, and she giggled like it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

Well, as long as she was getting some amount of amusement out of me.

She waited a moment, then she put her hand to her chin, in an adorable pensive sort of look. “What to call you…? Hmm.”

She really was talking to me. Boy, all the sudden I felt… warmer. Maybe even hot. She's… Really talking to me… wow.

“Well… You've got the prettiest gray eyes I've ever seen… I could call you Stormy… no wait, that's dumb.” She tittered.

Not only is she talking to me, she's trying to give me a name. She said I had pretty eyes… I felt hotter, like I was going to break out into a sweat as she talked to me. But I didn't take the comforter away… I didn't want her to see my freaky cat-thing face…

I realized she'd already seen it. I felt stupid, and pulled the comforter up a bit more.

“Hey, now stop that. Don't be such a shy boy… Come now, let me see your face.” She said, with an expectant smile.

I didn't want to do what she said, but the way she asked made me feel like I had no choice. Hesitantly, over what seemed like minutes I pulled the comforter down just enough to where she could see the tip of my little pink cat-thing nose.

She examined me, and I felt my eyes looking down. My face got warmer. I felt her eyes on me, and I didn't feel worthy at all. No, I felt worthless, alone, and really hot.

It was…. an odd feeling, even for a broken cat-thing.

“Hehehe. If I didn't know better, I'd say your fur is even blacker than Shadow's.” She said.

I didn't know what she was talking about, but she mentioned my black fur, and I winced. I didn't like my current form. Even though I was being judged by a humanoid bunny, I couldn't help but feel that a humanoid cat would be strange to her.

I worked up my broken courage, and trailed my eyes back up to look at her face. She was grinning, cute as can be. Looking at me.

She was looking at me. What was there to see? What did she see that was making her smile like that? It couldn't be anything about me… could it?

“Black fur. Hmmm. What's a pretty word for black…?” She asked herself.

I just watched her, blinking under the comforter, wishing I was invisible. Her eyes felt like sun beams, and everywhere she looked, I could feel it.

She was so fascinating, it was actually intimidating. I didn't say anything, couldn't mold my broken courage into any form of words. I just sat there, staring blankly… shyly at her.

“No suggestions? It's your name, you should be the one to decide…” She said, moving her face closer to mine. I backed away, pulling the comforter over my whole head.

She giggled. It was an adorable sound that almost made me happy. Just hearing it gave me a reason to laugh with her. But I was scared. Something like her attention seemed too good to be true for a broken, lonely, unlucky cat-thing.

Eventually I could no longer resist at least being able to look at her, and I slowly let the comforter trail back down to where my eyes were visible. As soon as I did, I found here face directly in front of me, so close all I could see where her eyes.

“Peekaboo.” She said.

I felt a meow-like peep escape my mouth as I quickly retreated to the safety behind the comforter once again.

She tittered again, and I pulled it back down to look at her. She was back where she was, just laughing at me. It wasn't a mocking type of laughter, but one that suggested she was really happy.

“That's so cute!” She giggled. I felt embarrassed in a happyish sort of way.

Happy…? She made me…

I blinked blankly, innocently from behind the blanket, watching her closely. I still paid attention to nothing in the room but her. Nothing else in the room was of any interest compared to her.

She finally sighed, in a way people do after finishing hysterical laughter, but hers was more of a coo. She looked at me, quiet for a moment.

“I have to give you a cute name now. I was going to call you Coal, or Midnight, or Obsidian, but those don't seem to fit you…” She said trailing. Her little lips curved. “I think I'm going to call you… Sable.”

I sat there, my face blank, my broken heart beating faster than a broken heart should. She gave me a name. She gave a broken cat-something-or-other a name. Just for me. She put thought into it.

And I liked it.

And so, my life as Joshua officially ended. And my life as Sable began.

End Chapter