Speed Racer Fan Fiction ❯ All of My Heart ❯ Chapter Four ( Chapter 4 )

“How can you see into my eyes
like open doors
Leading you down into my core,
where I've become so numb
Without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there
and lead it back home.”
-- Bring Me to Life, Evanescence, Fallen

“Stop it.”

Thud.

“Stop it.”

Thud.

“Stop it.”

Thud.

Stacey Joyce stepped lightly into the room, her eyes falling on her patient. The orderlies had him in a straight jacket, tied to his bed, but he was sitting up. His medications were slowly starting to wear off, she could tell. She'd seen a drastic change in him since they had started to wean him off his medications. He'd become more agitated, more violent, and they'd had to isolate him from other patients. She gave him a quick glance over, to see how he'd been faring. According to the nurses and the orderlies, he would spit his food out, most of the time in their faces. And he wouldn't sleep, either. He'd scream long into the night, howling as if pained. Looking at him, she could believe it. His face had become pinched, as if he'd started to starve himself, and his eyes had dark circles under them.

'I really should learn how to listen to my peers,' she grumbled to herself as she approached the disturbed young man.

“Mr. Racer?” she ventured, keeping her eyes on him. “Mr. Racer?”

At first, he paid no attention to her, just kept hitting his head against the wall and chanting, “Stop it.” Still, she didn't want to approach him without him seeing her. The orderlies had informed her that, if she did that, Speed got even more violent than what he would if he could see her getting close to him.

“Mr. Racer,” Stacey tried again. He glanced at her, his blue eyes bright and feral. A rumbling noise emanated from him and he bared his teeth at her. But that wasn't what had stopped her so completely in her tracks. It was the anger and the frustration, the hurt and resentment that she saw reflecting in his eyes. Being weaned off of his meds allowed him to remember.'He's growling at me,' she thought numbly, frozen in one spot. 'He's actually growling at me. Dr. Johnson was right. He does not like females at all. Why did I even agree to this?'

“Calm down, Speed,” a male voice stated. “She's just assisting me with your treatments. That's all.”

His eyes turned to the other person who had spoken, who she knew to be Dr. Ron Johnson, but Speed continued to growl. All of his rational thoughts seemed to have evaporated. Stacey felt herself trembling, suddenly feeling very grateful for the straight jacket and Ron's presence.

“Get. Her. Out of here.”

“Speed, Trixie and Rex would like her to help you,” Ron stated quietly. “They asked me to let her assist me.”

“Get. Her. Out of here,” Speed hissed, his expression becoming livid. “I. Don't. Want. To see her. I. Don't. Want. To see her. I. Don't. Want. Trixie's. Help. I. Don't. Want. Her. Here.”

“Very well, Speed. You don't have to see her. Dr. Joyce, if you please . . .”

“Yes, Dr. Johnson,” she murmured, quickly averting her gaze and turning away from Speed. Hurriedly, she headed for the door but not before Dr. Johnson handed her a piece of paper. Once outside, she read it.

Go into the observation room. Next door down. Page me once you're there.

Ron

Stacey frowned as she read it.

'Just what is he up to?

* * *

“It's okay, Speed,” Ron soothed, approaching the troubled young man with the greatest of ease once he had Stacey's page. “She's gone. You can relax now.”

“Don't. Want. To relax,” Speed panted, now struggling against his straight jacket.

“You still need to relax. You'll give yourself a heart attack if you keep this up. You don't want to go to the hospital, do you?”

“No . . .” Speed blinked then leaned back. Some of the fire and anger left his eyes but not entirely. Ron knew that Speed was far too angry, far too hurt to ever let that fire go.

“Then take a deep breath and relax,” the doctor stated, sitting on the foot of Speed's bed. He watched the former race champion with hooded eyes, knowing how Fate had mocked this poor boy by putting him on top of the world then sending him crashing down. But there was something different this time. There was recognition in Speed's eyes when he looked at him.

'Strange. He's normally not this lucid when we take him off his medications like this. Why is this time different? Is he fighting to regain control?'

“Why. Am I. Off my meds? I. Don't. Want. To be. Off. My. Meds.”

“We normally take you off your medications around this time of year and put you under hypnosis,” he explained gently. “It is how we normally determine the next course of action for you.”

“I. Don't. Remember. Any. Of. That.”

 

“You wouldn't,” Ron murmured. “It's just a temporary course of action. That way you get the best care. And you can also decide what it is that you want to do.”

“Like. Staying. Here. And. On my. Medications.”

“Yes,” Ron affirmed. “Like staying here and on your medications.”

“That. Lady. Who. Was. She?”

“Dr. Stacey Joyce.”

“They. Tried. To replace. You. Again. Didn't. They?”

“They did. Right now, Dr. Joyce is technically your doctor.”

“I. Don't. Want. Her. As my. Doctor. You're. My. Doctor.”

“Give her a chance, Speed. She might just be able to get through to Trixie and Rex.”

“No. Don't. Want. Her. As my. Doctor.”

“Speed . . . Would you like to go back to the outside world?” Ron licked his lower lip in apprehension. He was taking a risk, he knew, but, if Stacey Joyce could pull it off, then Speed would no longer need to be here. “Wouldn't you like to go outside and not have to worry about orderlies following you around? Be free from this place?”

 

“No. Not. If I. Have to. Remember. Don't. Want. To remember.” He let out a choked whimper.

“I know,” Ron soothed. “You don't want to remember. And I don't blame you for not wanting to remember. However, with Dr. Joyce, you might just have a chance to go back to living a normal life without those memories, Speed. Wouldn't you like that?”

“She. Can. Make. That. Happen?”

“She has told me she was going to try,” Ron assured him. “She's been keeping me informed of her discussions with Trixie and Rex, and, from the sounds of it, they're starting to accept the possibility of either hypno-therapy or electro-shock therapy. Whichever it is you want to choose, Speed.”

“Will. I. Still. Have. To go. Under. Hypnosis?”

“I would like for you to. And it's the only way the hospital will agree to whatever you ask for when it comes to treatment. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. I. Understand.”

“Good,” Ron smiled. “Now how are you feeling otherwise?”

“Tired. Ache. All. Over.”

* * *

“Rex, I think we should talk.”

“About what, dear?”

“About Speed's treatment . . . I'm not sure I want to do this anymore.”