Star Wars - Series Fan Fiction ❯ "You're not alone... " ❯ you and I ( Chapter 3 )

[ A - All Readers ]

 WARNING: This chapter has a little violence, if you’re sensitive to that I recommend you stop. It’s a sprawling scene that contains a descriptive fighting sequence in which there are violent blows towards the female lead character. Understand that the scene serves a purpose to the story, so please bear with me.

 

Ch. 2

 

            Rey had worked herself into a headache. After her last conversation with Kylo Ren she felt drained, as if being in his presence through the connection had affected her physically. Luke had told her about the Jedi scriptures, after accidentally coming across the old Jedi tree temple. She had been honest with him, she had told him about everything she knew of the Force, which was very little, considering she had been born over three decades after the last Jedi, and merely 10 years before the destruction of the Jedi academy. She had also admitted to him about seeking her own place in everything. Because how could a “nobody” like her, like her parents, suddenly be of so much importance? How can someone who only knows how to scavenge to survive suddenly have in her hands the responsibility of restoring balance to the galaxy? It was not fair, one day you’re just surviving, scraping through old abandoned ships to get some parts of it to trade for food and the next its up to her the survival of everyone and everything. She honestly thought coming here would bring some peace to her, that pretending to be a hero she would fill the void left inside her, but it all seemed futile when so many things made no sense. How could anyone not see that there was no way to find any balance if Light tried to overpower Dark and the other way around. Even in this very island that dark place called to her, and even the master Jedi had blocked all darkness in himself. How could there be light if there is no dark? She wanted answers, she needed them desperately and she’d have them soon enough. She knew Luke was not being completely honest with her, and it wasn’t because she could read his mind or anything, it was just something about the way he had just decided to conceal himself from darkness that allowed her to guess he was not being completely truthful and that bit was eating her away. Before she could even realize what she had been doing Rey found herself in front of the dark hole, the place where the darkness on the island resided. What the heck am I doing here? She needed to eat something before she went crazy. She turned back the way she had come. She felt more determined about what her real duty was, not only to the galaxy, but to herself as well.

 

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            Kylo had returned to his quarters after training, exhausted, when suddenly he felt Rey’s thoughts, as if she were there with him. He felt his room fill with her heated emotions, he could smell the rain and feel the shift in the environment.

 

-“I’d rather not do this now”- her voice was sharp and cutting. She stopped short on her tracks when she realized there was no way of stopping this now. She turned around knowing that would be where Kylo would be. Maybe this was her first opportunity at seizing for answers. She was stunned to find him without a shirt, his chest gleaming with sweat. Rey swallowed the lump in her throat and looked away quickly.

 

-“Don’t you have a robe or something to put on?”- She babbled the words like a little child while looking away, trying to hide the embarrassment at having invaded his privacy. Kylo stood where he was, the way he was, and prudence was not exactly his forte. Realizing he was not going to do anything about his exposure Rey proceeded to face him regardless.

 

-“Why did you do it…”- she tried to sound fierce as before, but her voice betrayed her true feelings.

 

-“You had parents that gave a damn about you! And then you go and.. and…”- she had began to cry, her face red with anger. Kylo swallowed hard.

 

-“And what? Say it!”- He sounded angry, underneath the cool exterior he portrayed she knew she’d hit a nerve, she was about to make him snap, yet she could not find a way to say what he had done without condemning him.

 

-“Why did you murder your father”- she gasped the word “father” in between sobs. Kylo could not answer that question, because he was unsure of if himself, he had no idea how he had been able to do it.

 

-“You’re a monster”- she was crying softly now, whispering the words. Kylo did not break his stare towards her, and Rey felt the scrutinizing he was doing, not liking it one bit.

 

-“Yes I am”- and all was said. With that Rey willed him away and Kylo was once again left all alone. He felt as if his heart had been removed from his chest and handed to him on his hand. He was looking at the marching line of troopers as he realized that whatever they had shared in that moment had been strong, because he found the need to wipe water from his face, water that was not present where he stood.

Just where are you right now scavenger girl?

The smell of rain faded away along with her warmth and presence, and Kylo was once again left alone to his own thoughts.

 

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            Rey had made it to her hut, where she immediately sat down to breathe and calm her beating heart. She was sad, so sad, because inside herself she knew perfectly well she had no valid reason to hate Kylo Ren, who had once been Ben Solo, son of Han Solo. The first time she had engaged in conversation with him he had been wearing that mask, the one that had haunted her in dreams even before she had met him, and after seeing his face she was reminded he was human, just like her, just like Luke or Finn or her parents. He was allowed weakness as well, and it made her angry to feel compassion growing inside her. He had crossed a line, seeing his face had been proof enough of his humanity, but then his exposed chest, the long pink scar across his face, neck and chest, evidence that he bled, much like she did, that he hurt, that he was mortal that she had wounded him and marked him permanently. Rey covered her face with her hands and screamed inside them. What was she feeling? Why was she feeling this? Again she was the abandoned little girl back on Jakku. She took her staff and headed out, the first answer she had received had only placed her further into a maze of confussion, because how could someone like Kylo be so blunt and honest with her? Maybe beating a rock or two would calm her down, she needed to center herself before anything, she needed to know exactly what she wanted to know.

            Atop a mountain, Rey practiced her moves, her balance, her stamina, her resistance; she needed it all to be under control. It was always moments of calm when her body did all the managing, when her mind would set itself on autopilot and get done anything needed for survival that required no emotional involvement. She was one with the wind, her arms and legs gracefully attuned to the Force and all it came with. She almost tripped when she felt the shift around her. Settling back to her fighting stance, she saw Kylo sitting on the grass in front of her, a couple of feet away. She felt a little embarrassed at being stared at, but the red in her cheeks easily passed as workout exertion.

 

-“What do you want? It’s rude to stare and spy on people you know?”- Kylo said nothing, he seemed serene, and this time he was fully clothed, his face exposed, his black hair falling in his sides, his pale complexion contrasting with it. Rey could not help herself, he was handsome, much like his father, but there was something sweet about his eyes, about his lips, probably something inherited from his mother.

 

-“I’m just as surprised as you are to be here. I was eating just a moment ago in the quiet of my own quarters”- his voice never seemed to stop being smooth. Rey had no idea what was happening, and if Kylo didn’t either, she had no reason to be pissed at him.

 

-“Well, if you don’t mind I’ll get back to my training”- she was about to resume her routine when Kylo interrupted.

 

-“Your stance… It’s all wrong”- he simply said. Rey frowned. She had not asked him for his opinion in any way. She stopped and looked at him flabbergasted and annoyed.

 

-“Excuse me, but this very stance was the one I used to beat the living daylights out of you back in the Starkiller base. You forget that?”- She lifted her eyebrows defiantly. Kylo said nothing, but she noticed his cheeks flush a little at that.

 

-“The only reason you bested me girl is because I was already injured, otherwise things would have turned out rather differently”- he said matter-of-factly. Rey didn’t doubt his words to be true, she had luck on her side all the way through the end, and the fact that she did not end him right then and there also fell in that category; luck.

 

-“You leave yourself open way too much, because you are constantly on the offensive, which is not a bad thing if you’re fighting unskilled adversaries”- Rey considered this, and all the people, aliens and creatures she has had to fight to survive for the past 13 years of her life. Kylo arose from where he was sitting and straightened his back. Rey watched him, she was a little confused as to what she should do, but there was no way she could actually respond right now that wasn’t paying attention to the man. He closed his eyes and placed his arms and legs in a position that looked a little funny to Rey.

 

-“What’s so funny girl?”- He asked, not a little amusement on his voice. She hid her own amusement from her face and tried to comment on his stance.

 

-“You look silly. How is that any better than what I am doing?”- She asked, almost laughing. Kylo smirked; her ignorance turning into arrogance would be her demise.

“- Well come here then, attack”- Rey looked doubtful, he wasn’t really here now was he? She placed her staff on her shoulder and assumed her offensive stance, charging towards him, screaming she swung her weapon at him. In a swift movement Kylo had moved out of her range, there was no telling if she could strike him or not, because when she had shot him the first time they connected he had felt pain. Kylo moved out of her way in a quick stride and tapped her on the back. He’d tapped her? She felt his touch. In her distraction she received a knee to her face and then a fist to her ribcage. Rey felt every blow, as if Kylo was here with her. She fell to her knees, unable to catch her breath. Her staff fell to her side, and at being hurt anger flashed inside her. Kylo felt it and flinched, moving back and away from her. Rey allowed her anger to cloud her mind and she seized the saber in her bag with her hand using the Force, something that left Kylo paralyzed in amazement. Before he could even move Rey was over him with the saber activated and swinging a deadly blow, instinctively he summoned his own saber and deflected her attack. In a clash of red and blue they were both left alone, each to their own surroundings and thoughts.

 

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Rey dropped the weapon and looked at her hands. What had happened? She had lost all control of her emotions, nothing particularly new to her, but had Kylo really been here or not? She felt him tap her on the back, she felt his blows and when she attacked him the saber, they had clashed and collided in an explosion and then he was gone. Just like that.

What is happening to me? She did not feel like training anymore, she found her mind back at the place with the hole in the island, the place that “wanted” to tell her something.

 

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Luke and Chewie sat around the fire, sharing stories about the old days. Where usually the man would be inside his hut, he seemed so much lighter when he was around the Wookie and R2-D2. Rey liked seeing him like that, in a way, free of fears and responsibilities, he even seemed to be young again. She didn’t want to interrupt them so she made her way quietly to the edge of a cliff. Here, where she had stood face to face to the Jedi master for the first time, Rey finally let out a deep breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding. She looked under the water at the sunken ship there and wondered how it got there. Maybe a crash. She also wondered about the night Ben Solo turned on Luke and all the Jedi training in the temple. What did Kylo mean with “ask him and we’ll see how you react?” Luke had told her, he had told her how the young boy had taken on the darkness inside him and turned on his master who had gone to confront him, how he had deliberately murdered every single student but handful. There was nothing more to that, or was there? Because it sounded very convincing but it also sounded very simple. Kylo Ren.

 

-“Ben Solo”- she whispered the name aloud without even realizing it as she closed her eyes and lay back on the cool, soft grass.

 

            Lying back on his own chair at the ship Kylo Ren felt his name being called. No, not felt, he heard it, a female’s voice, soft and soothing. He thought of his mother and recalled her soft hands whenever she’d caress his face after he had a bad dream, how she hushed him and tenderly nursed him back to sleep, humming a lullaby of sots that he could not recall. He missed her and for a slight moment he wondered if she missed him, a thought quickly dismissed by the anger that came along with memories of his uncle and father. He knew supreme leader Snoke was right, he was at war with himself, and he was also aware that being at war with himself would undoubtedly bring collateral damage to anyone around. He needed to eradicate those feelings of… of compassion, as he had called them when he confronted Kylo’s weakness for the scavenger girl.

 

-“Rey”- he also found himself whispering her name. She seemed to be able to undertand the struggle of the duality inside themselves. She seemed to know first hand the war, the calling of both sides, but unlike him, she didn’t find herself conflicted and unbalanced. She tipped the scales every now and then, but she always found her way back to the center. There was no denying her anger and desperation and loneliness, feelings that to him were the fuel to keep his sanity afoot here in the ship, but she also had courage, happiness and calm. Rey was strong with the Force, but that was not it all, she was also in balance, she was not in denial of what she was, she knew the dark called her, and she did not feel the same shame he felt at his own calling of the Light.  Tired of how own thoughts Kylo Ren got up from the chair, releasing the conflict of his thoughts and looked at the melted piece of black metal that had once belonged to his grandfather, a great Sith Lord, Darth Vader. But not even there could he find the comfort he needed for his aching soul.