Teen Titans Fan Fiction ❯ The Force of Hatred ❯ The Diary ( Chapter 1 )

CHAPTER ONE

The pain shot through Beast Boy like a stinging sword piercing through his chest as he dashed through town to meet with his teammates. Those awful words from that horrible scene kept repeating in his head over and over on a continuous loop…

“Things change, Beast Boy. The girl you want me to be is just a memory.”

Even upon arriving at the battle zone and helping his teammates capture the white, shape shifting monster, the thoughts didn't leave him be. Finally, the creature was apprehended and taken to a high-tech security facility, but Beast Boy remained as he was. The other titans resisted the urge to scold him for not being there, and where he was all this time as the spiritless look on his face was enough to tell them that something really upset him, and they all didn't have to be Raven to sense what that something was.

On the way back to the tower Beast Boy said nothing and just sat between Raven and Starfire with his head hanging low. This made the others worry about him, and upon arriving back at the tower, “Friend…” Starfire said finally breaking the silence “Are you all right.”

Beast Boy finally turned to face her, but he still said not a word. Just handed her his communicator and the turned to walk off to his room sliding the door shut and locking it with every single lock he had on it from the inside.

“He's not all right.” Cyborg said.

“You just realized that?” Raven said sarcastically.

Robin took the communicator from Starfire, and noticed the recorder-signal was flashing, meaning Beast Boy had recorded something. “Maybe we should look into it.”

…

While back at school, the day had come to an end. Terra was with her two friends, Jackie the red headed girl, and Jillian the black girl. The two girls were talking about hitting the mall, but Terra seemed rather down and upset herself. “I'm just not in the mood.” she said “I'll catch up with you guys later.” and she walked down the hall. Her friends were confused “Is she still upset about that green guy?” asked Jackie. “I don't know…” Jillian said “I say she's better off without him being such a Brat Boy.”

Terra had gone into the empty girls locker-room, the same one that Beast Boy had almost followed her into. She was aching with guilt for what she had said to him and the way she had acted, and she had in fact seen him run out of the school after she had left for her geometry test, and that spiritual look on his face ate away at her insides.

She backed against the wall, slid gently down to the floor and began sobbing into her hands.

…

The titans had watched the footage Beast Boy had recorded, and they were most surprised. “Terra really is back.” Robin said “Beast Boy was telling the truth.”

They watched right up to the last bit where Terra said “Things Change, Beast Boy, the girl you want me to be is just a memory.” And all the way to where Beast Boy ran out of the school.

“Dang…” said Cyborg “No wonder the little guy's all messed up.”

“Terra did not wish to be our friend?” added Starfire “She did not wish to return, or return Beast Boy's feelings?”

“Sure looks that way.” Raven pointed out. The titans decided that if Terra didn't want to come back it was best to leave her in peace, and let her live a comfortable, normal life. “But what of Beast Boy?” asked Starfire “Should we not… speak with him… or… shall we…?”

Robin shook his head “No, Star. It's best we leave him alone right now. He'll come round.”

…

Beast Boy lay down flat on his bed feeling… indescribably hurt and numb. The pain was still eating away at him. How could this happen to him? Why did it happen? What was he going to do now? “Why, Terra…? Why?” he kept saying in his mind over and over.

He finally got up and reached into his pillowcase pulling out a diary with a pencil attached to it. He flipped through the pages, passing each divided segment about the other titans, and reaching his own segment and began to write…

I have lost the one thing that I hoped could bring me the happiness I truly wished for all my life. I've decided to quit trying to change things for the better. It seems every time that I try; things only get worse and worse for me. “Things Change.” As Terra said, but what she doesn't realize is some things never change, and I am one of those things.

The time has come for me to stop kidding myself, and face facts that I have nothing to gain in this world, only to lose. Also, I have a sick feeling that the Titans will soon start to slip away from me, just like everyone else I come into close contact with.

This may be my last ever entry to you, as it seems even talking to you is losing its charm, but at least you've been here for me, unlike anyone else has.

…Love Garfield

A knock at his bedroom door was heard. “Beast Boy…?” Robin called hoping for a response, but Beast Boy still said nothing. “Look, we understand how you must be feeling.”

“Sure, you do.” Beast Boy thought angrily, “You've got a hot alien girlfriend, and I've got nothing. You totally know what I'm feeling.”

“Beast Boy, listen… if you don't want to talk to us, we understand, but we really hope you get better soon.”

Beast Boy just lay flat on his bed and put on a set of headphones he had and played soft music he played whenever he was upset to drown out Robin's voice.

…

The Titans stood outside his locked door still waiting for a response or for him to at least come out. Unfortunately, he didn't. No one said a thing, and Raven resisted the urge to put her head through the wall and see if he was okay. They all just walked off.

…

A full week had past and Beast Boy had hardly emerged from his room, and even if they did see him, he still would not speak, or smile. He was starting to look as if he hadn't slept or eaten anything in a long time.

Finally, one morning when the other titans were gathered at the table for breakfast, Beast Boy came into the lounge, looking more grumpy than upset like he was before. He just got a sip of water from the kitchen tap, and then headed towards the lounge windows. “Beast Boy, where are you going?” asked Robin.

Beast Boy turned to face him and simply said “Out.” Then he turned into a bird and flew out the window and headed towards the city. The titans decided it was time to talk to him. “He's got to face the facts.” Cyborg said.

The girls agreed. It was time Beast Boy grew up, and they all decided the first thing to do was help him move on from Terra. They decided to go into his room and clean out everything that belonged to Terra, once was Terra's, or was anything to do with Terra. They even thought of taking down Terra's room, since she wouldn't be coming back any time soon.

Beast Boy's room needed a serious cleaning, anyway. It was naturally messy. Cyborg even found several dishes he had thought were long since missing from weeks ago due to the obvious forks and knives stuck to the food stains, or the half eaten meals that were all moldy and fuzzy. Raven felt like she was going to puke. “Disgusting!” she groaned “Purely disgusting.”

As Starfire stripped Beast-Boy's bunk beds of the sheets, she felt something hit her shoe when she stripped the pillowcases. She looked down at her feet and saw a small book. “What is this?” she asked. The others huddled over and since Beast-Boy was not one for reading or buying many books, and the fact that it had labeled segments with the titans' names. “It's a diary…” Robin said “Yep. It's Beast Boy's all right… it smells like tofu.” Cyborg said. “Beast Boy has a diary? Now I've seen and heard everything.” Raven said.

Starfire gazed down at it and everyone else was starting to get that urge. “We… we must not.” said Starfire “It is not right to look into the private thoughts of another.”

“Girl's right…” Cyborg said “It wouldn't be charitable to BB, and make us dirty like slime.”

Robin and Raven agreed, but as expected they all decided to peek in it anyway. After all, Beast Bo poked around in their private stuff many times before. So they all decided to see what Beast-Boy said about each of them.

-Robin

I cannot believe I am saying this, but he is turning out to be one of the worst teammates I ever had.

“What…?” Robin snapped.

I honestly thought he was a cool guy, and now I realize the only time he ever is cool is when he's not around. He's always being so serious, he doesn't like my ideas. He treats me like such a little kid, and what really sickens me most is now he's gotten together with Starfire.

So what if his folks died when he was eight, at least he had a chance to know them and grew up in way I could only dream of.

Dude, if I was team-leader… you can bet, I'd show him what it's like to be shouted at or talked down to.

“I can't believe he said that about me!” Robin said with his fists clenched. “And my… my parents…!” That hurt him a lot, and the other titans were outraged by Beast Boy's insensitivity. Starfire took the book next and read the recent article about her…

-Starfire

She claims she knows how I feel? Yeah right! She and Robin have been dating since we got back from Tokyo. Starfire's no prize pig herself. She may have been there for me tons of times, and while I admit I've been a little bad, she's starting to show less care towards me each and every day. She's been on Earth for what, like three years now, and she still hardly knows much.

And she calls me a “CLORGBAG VILKERNILK.” While I still don't know what that means, but to me… that's all I can see in her now these days.

Starfire had fire in her eyes and was grinding her teeth angrily. “How dare he say such…! UGH…!” she angrily passed the book to Cyborg. “He better not have said anythin' bad about me…!”

-Cyborg

I thought I could trust the dude, I thought I could show him that I understand what it's like to be different. He was like a brother to me, but now… I really don't know what he is anymore, or what to think of him. Maybe it was cooler when I didn't know him.

Even though nothing too rotten was said about him, Cyborg still felt his oil boiling. Raven at first resisted the urge to look at her section, until the others started reading the first line of her part aloud, then she grabbed the book and read every last line…

-Raven

She is so pathetic. To me… she's even creepier than a spider crawling in your bed while you sleep. She never smiles. She's no fun at all. She's always in a nasty mood. She hates my ideas. She never wants my help. She never thinks anything of me except a dumb kid with no brain, and if I had a dollar for every time she smacked me or gave me a look I'd be rich enough to move out and make my own life.

So what if she was Trigon's portal key… IT'S OVER… HE'D DEAD!! The way I see it, she only needs to master her powers so she can loosen up. What's she got to be so gloomy about? “I'm” the one who has a real beast inside of me. “I'm” the one who has to watch his temper.

All I ever tried to do was make Raven laugh, or smile, or give her something to look forward to, I even remember the time she hugged me for showing her she's not as alone as she thinks she is, and what do I get in return…? I just told you.

One of the days, I'm going to have half a mind to smack her myself and see how she likes it… that… that… GHOUL!!

Raven's hair stood up and her eyes were glowing white with rage. All the titans felt they had seen enough and stopped reading… not even bothering to read the segment about Beast Boy or Terra.

It was at that moment that Beast-Boy had returned from his outing and caught them all red-handed. “I… I… can't believe you guys just read MY DIARY!! How could you guys?!”

“How could we?” snapped Cyborg “How could you such things like that about us?”

“You are a very horrid person, Beast Boy.” growled Starfire.

Robin approached Beast Boy angrily and looked him dead in the eyes. “If you ever… ever… EVER… say anything like that about my parents again…I don't know what I'm going to do with you.”

The others just left, and Raven just gave him a look, she had nothing to say to him and didn't bother smacking him. Beast Boy felt just horrifyingly outraged, and worse his anger grew worse when he noticed a lot of his things that Terra gave him were missing. “It's happening all over, isn't it!” he said aloud.

He also noticed that they hadn't read his own section, which explained half the reason why he said and felt all those nasty things. “Uhn…!” Beast Boy groaned as he fell flat on his bed.