Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Excel Saga Fan Fiction ❯ TenchiEX ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

In a broom closet, the self-proclaimed number one genius scientist in the universe sat typing away at her computer. A scream and a flash of light followed and the scientist sighed.

"All right Mihoshi, what did you touch this time?" she demanded as she appeared near a pile of miscellaneous fallen objects. "Aaah! Look what you've done Mihoshi! Don't you even knock? Now get up and clean this mess up."

The pile moved and shifted until Washu saw a glimpse of light brown hair. She pushed aside some stray objects and glanced at the head again.

"You're not Mihoshi. Who are you?" Washu asked and the person underneath the pile stood up.

"My name is Excel Excel and I am in search of a really smart person in this anime!" Excel cried and Washu tapped away on her computer.

"A wormhole between animes, huh? Interesting. You've come at just the right time. I've got some experiments that need to get done."

"Miss Washu? It's time to eat. Oh. Who are you?" Tenchi asked as he walked up to them.

"She's a stranger that just appeared here, Tenchi," Washu said and Tenchi looked shocked.

"Oh. Another one? It's nice that you all came here but don't you think I've got enough?"

"You don't understand Tenchi. I'm going to run some experiments on her but don't go too far, Tenchi. I still want to play doctor with you," Washu said and Tenchi took a nervous step back.

"Did you say food? Excel knows that it is not polite to beg but Excel's poor tummy is making noises at her. You see, Excel has not eaten since episode one when Lord Ilpalazzo sent me out to scout for weaknesses in the ignorant masses and her emergency food supply Menchi is not with her because there is a supporting character strike but Lord Ilpalazzo does not think that will last much longer so Excel should have her wonderful Menchi..."

"Are you trying to say you're hungry?" Tenchi asked and Excel lowered her head.

"Excel must admit that she is very hungry," she replied.

"Well then why don't you join us? I'm sure Sasami won't mind."

"Let's go before it's all gone," Washu said and hurried them out the door. Once in the hall, something furry ran past Excel's leg and she screamed.

"What the hell was that?" she demanded. "Excel hopes that this house does not have rats. Rats are NOT cute cuddly creatures."

"Rats? Oh. Come here you," Tenchi said as he bent down to pick up the startled furry animal. "That was no rat. That was Ryo-ohki. Say hello, Ryo-ohki."

"Meow," the cabbit said and hopped out of Tenchi's arms to inspect the newcomer.

"Help! Excel is afraid that the Rio Grande will eat her!" she cried.

"Hey what's going on out here? Are you going to eat or what?" Mihoshi asked as she walked into the hallway.

"Hey you. Crazy girl," Washu said and Excel turned around.

"That is Excel!" She declared.

"Are you going to eat or aren't you?"

"Excel is more than ready to eat!"

She ran into the kitchen and stopped short when she saw Ryoko and Ayeka fighting over a tray of food.

"Ryoko don't you have any manners?! Everyone else hasn't entered the dining room yet!" Ayeka cried.

"Don't think I didn't see you sneak some food, Ayeka. Your plate didn't magically become half-full," Ryoko said and Ayeka glared at her.

"Ayeka please stop fighting!" Sasami cried and Washu whistled shrilly.

"Ayeka! Ryoko! Must you always fight over the food?" she demanded and Excel gazed at the food with hunger in her eyes.

"Who is that, Washu?" Sasami asked and Ryoko and Ayeka glanced at Excel.

"One of your friends, Ryoko?" Ayeka asked and Ryoko glared at her.

"And what's THAT supposed to mean?" Ryoko demanded.

"She dresses like you."

"Ayeka be nice. Here, you must be hungry," Sasami said and handed Excel a tray of food.

"Excel feels as though she is in heaven! It smells so good but how does it taste? Geez! It tastes really, really good! Excel has never tasted anything so good before!"

"She's nuts," Ayeka muttered as Excel picked up the tray and began shoving items of food into her mouth.

"Gee I guess she hasn't eaten in awhile," Tenchi commented as Ryo-ohki in her humanoid form, stood up and walked over to the table. She picked up the carrot Samami had left out for her, just as Excel reached for it. Ryo-ohki growled at her and Excel drew back.

"Is that the same furry thing that Excel ran into earlier?" she asked as Ryo-ohki held up the carrot to her mouth and took a bite out of it.

"Yes. Ryo-ohki has three forms. Now everyone, about twenty minutes ago this girl crash landed into one of my experiments. She says she comes from another world," Washu said and Excel waved her hand.

"Wow! What a coincidence! We're all from different worlds too!" Mihoshi said and Washu shook her head.

"What I mean by different world is a different dimension."

"Well what are you doing here?" Sasami asked and Excel scratched her head.

"Excel does not remember. Wait! Excel's memory bank had not been broken into! Lord Ilpalazzo told Excel to find the smartest person in this anime and..." she took out a piece of paper. "Find a light that does not break, burn, or explode."

"Just a simple light? That's easy for the number one genius scientist in the universe!" Washu cried.

"Great! Where is this super smart person?" Excel asked.

"Just what we need. Another Mihoshi," Ayeka muttered.

"You're lookin' at her!" Washu cried and Excel looked at her strangely.

"Aren't you too short to be smart?" she asked.

"Height has nothing to do with brains. Look at you."

"You're absolutely right! Excel is very tall and very short on little gray brain cells. Excel thinks that's because of the many falls she's taken and since the Great Wheel of the Macrocosoms is also on strike, Excel needs to be very careful or else she won't survive until the next episode."

"Tenchi...." Ayeka hissed and Tenchi looked at her.

"What?" he asked and Ayeka glared at him.

"I don't want to share a room with her."

"Well you can't expect her to sleep in my room."

"Lord Tenchi! I would NEVER suggest anything like that."

"Tell you what," Ryoko said as she walked up to the two. "She can sleep out here and I'll stay with Tenchi."

"That's a much better suggestion. I must hand it to you, Ryoko. You've made an excellent suggestion. You stay....WAIT A SECOND!! WHAT DID YOU SAY??!!"

"Why does she yell so loud?" Excel asked and Washu sighed.

"That's just Ayeka's personality," she replied. "Now, I think I'll take some food to my lab and work on your problem."

"Excel thanks you very very much!"

"I'll send you my bill later."

"Excel does not have much money..." Excel said as Washu walked off.

"Then you're going to have to find a job to pay her bill then," Ryoko said and Tenchi looked at her.

"Washu wouldn't make her pay, Ryoko," he said as his grandfather, Yosho stepped into the room and cleared his throat.

"Tenchi, why don't you let this young woman assist you in the keeping of the shrine? That way she's helping out us while she waits for Washu to finish her request," he said and Tenchi nodded his head.

"That's great, Grandpa! Thanks."

"What will Excel do at the shrine thingie?" Excel asked and Tenchi looked at her.

"Why don't you come with me and I'll show you?" Tenchi asked and reached for her hand. Jealousy floated through Ayeka and Ryoko's eyes as Excel and Tenchi left and Mihoshi took a nervous step backwards.

"Um....are you two feeling all right? Hello?" she asked.

"Did you see that look she had on her face when Lord Tenchi took her hand?" Ayeka asked and Ryoko nodded her head.

"Yeah. She's going to need watching. She'd better not do anything to my Tenchi," Ryoko said and Ayeka glared at her.

"YOUR Tenchi?! When did he become YOURS?"

"Well he's certainly not yours, Princess."

"I never said he was!"

"Don't yell in my ear."

"Don't make insinuations about Lord Tenchi, then you monster!"

"WHAT did you call me?"

"With those big ears of yours, you heard me perfectly fine, Ryoko!"

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Ryoko! Ayeka! Please don't fight!" Mihoshi cried as electricity crackled between the two.

"You take that back, Princess!" Ryoko ordered and Ayeka stuck out her tongue.

"I will most certainly not take it back. It's what you deserve for talking about Lord Tenchi like that," Ryoko replied.

"I'll make you pay!"

************************************************************

"Well here's the shrine," Tenchi said and walked over to where a broom lay and picked it up. "I guess you can start by sweeping. It gets a little dusty out here."

The sound of an explosion close to the house resonated at the shrine and Excel covered her head in fear. Tenchi sighed and wished that he was a different person on a different continent. Excel looked nervously around for a few moments then glanced at Tenchi.

"What was that loud bang? Are we under attack?" she asked and Tenchi shook his head.

"No, they're at it again. If you just start sweeping here, I'll be right back. I'd better check and see what the damage is."

"With this broom Excel shall sweep all the little leaves and dust away while the smart person works on Lord Ilpalazzo's request. La la la la! Working, working, working for ACROSS! Lord Ilpalazzo, I do everything for yoooou!" Excel sang in her off-key voice and the birds in the surrounding trees flew off in search of another place to rest.

"Excel must work really, really hard! Lord Ilpalazzo is sitting in his chair in the dark with no one to take care of him. Do not worry, Lord Ilpalazzo! Excel will return soon with the object you requested. Hmmm....what is this? It looks like a wooden cylinder thingie."

"Hello," Azaka said and Excel stepped back in shock.

"Excel is hearing things. She thought she heard this wooden thing talk to her!"

"Azaka did talk to you. My name is Kamadake and we're Princess Ayeka's guardians," the second wooden cylinder said and Excel stared at them.

"You...both talk? How is this possible? Oh what is Excel thinking? This is an anime. In animes, anything is possible."

"Where are you from? I know I haven't seen you on Jurai," Azaka said and Excel looked at it again.

"Where is Jurai?" she asked.

"It's a long ways away from here," Kamadake replied.

"This way, Ryo-ohki!" Sasami cried as she ran up the stairs towards the shrine. "We came to talk to you."

"Does that thing bite?" Excel asked nervously and Sasami laughed.

"Of course not. The only thing Ryo-ohki bites is carrots. They're her favorite food. So what's your home like?"

"Well, my home is full of the ignorant masses that are corrupted. Excel and Lord Ilpalazzo are trying to purify the masses by wiping out all the corruption but it is really, really hard."

"Who is this lord person? Is he like a king?"

"Lord Ilpalazzo is the head of a secret organization whose sole purpose is to create a better life for all."

"That's a great idea. There's a lot of unfairness in the world, isn't that right, Ryo-ohki?"

"Meow!" the cabbit agreed and Sasami laughed.

"I see you met my sister's guardians, Asaka and Kamadake. How are you two today?"

"We're fine, Princess Sasami," Asaka replied.

"Although we did frighten your guest a little bit. Apparently, she's never seen our kind before," Kamadake said.

"That's all right. She's not from this dimension at all. Washu says she comes from a faraway place so she's not used to the things we have here," Sasami said.

"What was that loud noise earlier?" Excel asked and Sasami sighed.

"That? That was...my sister and Ryoko fighting. They do it a lot and I wish they wouldn't. Why can't they just get along with each other?"

"Princess Sasami, you know your sister has a quick temper," Kamadake said.

"She also gets extremely emotional," Asaka added and Sasami nodded her head.

"I know. I just wish she wouldn't fight with Ryoko so much."

Hmm...Excel thinks that after Lord Ilpalazzo takes over the corrupted F city, he should take over this place too. It seems that this place is really corrupted too. At least Excel thinks so, Excel thought as she went back to sweeping leaves.

"Hey, what do you think of Tenchi?" Sasami asked and Excel looked at her.

"Is that like a Menchi? Excel misses her cute, little Menchi. She is afraid that she will never see her emergency food supply again," Excel said and Ryo-ohki looked nervously at Sasami.

"If you need food for your trip, I can give you some. I meant Tenchi. He's the boy that brought you here. Everyone thinks he's really nice."

"Excel did not really pay that much attention to the boy that brought me here. She was too concerned about carrying out her orders for Lord Ilpalazzo."

"You'll like him. Everyone does. Just don't tell that to my sister or Ryoko. They get jealous for some reason. I think they both have a crush on him. It's kinda silly...except when they start using their powers."

"What powers would those be?"

"You heard the explosion at the house, right? Well that was my sister and Ryoko."

Sasami sighed and glanced away. Excel leaned against her broom and began to think. She thought about Menchi and how good she would look roasted alongside some steamed vegetables and shook her head. She wasn't supposed to be thinking about her emergency food supply. She was supposed to be thinking about something else but what was she supposed to be thinking about? She thought about Lord Ilpalazzo and how pleased he would be when she brought him the light he had requested. She wondered if he would give her a promotion for her good deed.

"It's starting to rain. I think we should go back to the house," Sasami said and Excel screamed.

"Damn it! Excel has forgotten what Excel was going to say! Why do these things happen to Excel?" she asked and Ryo-ohki meowed. Excel drew back in fright and then looked closely at the cabbit. Hmm, she thought as she looked at the small creature. This thing looks like it might be good to eat. Excel wonders if she can make this cabbage thing her emergency food supply for this episode.

"Come on! We're going to get wet!" Sasami cried and pulled on Excel's arm.