Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Interview with the Tenchi Cast! ❯ Lets the interviews begin! ( Prologue )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: Charles_Phipps 
Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, and more!
Anime/Manga: Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 7 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 423 | Status: Completed
Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, and more!
Anime/Manga: Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 7 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 423 | Status: Completed
Interview with Tenchi Masaki
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi Muyo save perhaps Ryo-ki and that's because I lured him to my house with a carrot one night.
Well it is every man's dream to be doing an interview with a fictional character and since I'm an amateur author I decided to fulfill that dream by interviewing Tenchi Masaki in a series I like to call…well I haven't got a name for it yet but just bear with me. My first guest in this series will be the SUPPOSED star of wonderful OVA, comics, movies, and not quite so wonderful television.
[Tenchi is conjured out of thin air in my living room]
Interviewer: Hey.
Tenchi: What the? Oh your not a space warlord or god or anything are you because if you are I've got to warn you I've got a…
[Searches around frantically for his sword]
Tenchi: Oh man.
Interviewer: No, no I'm not a space pirate or anything. I'm just here to interview you about your love life and several other embarrassing questions.
Tenchi: Huh?
Interview: Just answer the stupid questions or I'll do something very unpleasant like stick you in Washu's lab for all eternity.
Tenchi: Ahhhh, okay okay.
Interviewer: Okay the question on everyone's mind is I think 'Are you gay'?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: Fruity, Swings the other way, Homosexual, Doesn't go for the la…
Tenchi: Yeah I know what it means. I just want to know how you ever got that impression.
Interviewer: Well you live with let's see; …. Washu …. Ryoko …. Ayeka …. Sasami … Kiyone….Mihoshi after your body and you haven't jumped one. Why is that?
Tenchi: What the…Sasami's twelve years old for crying out loud.
Interviewer: Eight actually.
Tenchi: And she's doing all our cooking? Oh my….what the hell kind of sister is Ayeka?
Interviewer: Speaking of which, this is a more personal question from me to you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
[Shakes Tenchi]
Tenchi: Ahhh!
Interviewer: I mean for god sakes Ayeka is the most attractive woman in history! She has purple hair! She's rich! Traditional! Purple hair! Wonderful family! Jurai nobility! Great in bed! Cares about you! And for some reason she likes you. Dump the pirate and get to be Emperor!
[Tenchi stares at me like I'm a madman]
Tenchi: How do you know what she's like in bed?
Interviewer: Trust me on this. I'm a fanfic author.
[Interviewer gets a drink]
Tenchi: Right….um if you don't have any more questions can I…
Interviewer: NO!
Tenchi: Okay…
Interviewer: Next question, what the hell is up with your father? Dirty old man and if so how did he land your mother?
Tenchi: What? I'm not answering that…ewww I don't even want to think about that.
Interviewer: She's a babe, he's a typical anime geek. Now he's sneaking peeks at your girls, it aint right.
Tenchi: Actually I have kind of thought about that myself. I mean he's my father and all but sometimes…I just…
[Interviewer leans in]
Tenchi: Want to have a really serious talk with him.
[Interviewer throws his hands up in disgust]
Interview: Okay next question, aside from the occasional lightsaber blow why aren't you more aggressive?
Tenchi: Ummm I dunno.
Interviewer: I'll take that as I was wussed out by my hentai loving father father and intimidated by my crazy seven hundred year old samurai grandfather.
Tenchi: What? Where are you getting this…
Interviewer: Just bear with me…so what was up with Sakuya? You dump the white haired fanged pirate chick who I admit looks good in a bikini and the PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO BATHE IN THE SPITTLE OF OR STAND IN THE SHADOW OF for her.
[Tenchi's eyes widen]
Tenchi: Ummm she's human?
Interviewer: Human?
Tenchi: Uh yeah. Or I thought she was…
Interviewer: Yeah you were just banging another eight year old there.
Tenchi: OH FOR CRYING OUT…well your right.
[Interviewer looks at Tenchi in surprise]
Interviewer: Uh go on…
Tenchi: I mean Sakuya was everything a guy could want…
Interviewer: Save purple hair and being a princess.
Tenchi: Righ…yeah except for that and she looked great in a swimsuit. Well I mean if I gave into Ryoko I mean am I going to end up a pirate? She's not the settling down type here and I don't know anything about ruling a country let alone a planet so Ayeka well…
Interviewer: Let her rule you fool!
Tenchi: I'll give her your phone number, your Yosho's other grandson. How about that?
[Interviewer stares with awe at Tenchi's brillance with naked desire and hope]
Tenchi: So shut up and let me finish my story okay! So Mihoshi and Kiyone….well dang. I don't need to say what they're about but they want to be galaxy police officers…
Interviewer: Correction, they are galaxy class police officers.
Tenchi: So I've been told. Yeah but I really don't want to leave Earth…or have to learn how to pilot a star destroyer or whatever I'd have to do in Space. I like it here with my family and shrine and…sometimes….sometimes I admit I wish it had never happened all of it.
[Interviewer conjures a lightsaber and prepares to cut him down]
Tenchi: AH! Hey I said sometimes! Most of the time I've very grateful they came by and I can't imagine my life without them
[Tenchi shouts at the top of his lungs as the Interviewer sits down and deignites lightsaber]
Interviewer: And what about Washu?
Tenchi: She scares the living Hell out of me. What do you think? Plus she's twelve years old most of time…though awfull…no not going there. Sasami I repeat IS tw…eight, geez what kind of stuff are we doing to that poor girl? She did my laundry yesterday.
Interviewer: So rumors of you and her after she face hugger/chest busters with Tsusami are all hocus-pocus?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: You know when Sasami is made into a hot babe but may or may not lose her soul to that mysterious and thus evil tree babe.
Tenchi: Is that all you think about?
Interviewer: Actually no these were the top questions I had compiled out of thousands of fans submissions. My original interview was about your feelings being trapped as part Juraian in a destiny beyond your control and how you deal with that.
Tenchi: Well I…
Interviewer: Quiet the fans want to know who you want to sleep with.
Tenchi: If I said Ayeka would you let me go?
Interviewer: Maybe.
Tenchi: I want to sleep with Ayeka
Interviewer: I KNEW YOU WERE JUST AFTER THE SEX YOU STINKING LYING DOG!
[Tench groans before sinking his head into his hands]
Interviewer: Oh well Mr. Masaki you can go. Next up, Ryoko…or Ayeka if she calls. Heck I'll even settle for the cabbit.
-Comments please
***
Next up on our list is the most beautiful woman in the world of Tenchi Muyo and other lands where she's drawn the same. No not Ryoko. No not Sasami you perverts. No not Kyione or Mihoshi! Alright who said Tokaimi?
AYEKA
Okay haha, the dead silence is a REAAAAAL laugh riot. Well she's my favorite character so deal.
[Interviewer conjures Ayeka]
Ayeka: Good evening, I understand your Tenchi's cousin?
[Smiles to himself at the lie Tenchi told in his favor]
Ayeka: The…gay one?
[Silently promises to rend Tenchi limb from limb in many fanfics]
Interviewer: Um no that's Tenchi's OTHER cousin. I'm quite straight.
[Ayeka nods]
Ayeka: Ah.
Interviewer: Your highness we have numerous questions here posted by those who wish to know more about you I'm supposed to ask you.
Ayeka: That sounds lovely, where shall we begin?
[Interviewer looks down at his interview questions then stares in horror]
Ayeka: Is something wrong?
[Staring at a dozen questions which roughly translated as "Whatever the Hell did Ryoko ever do to you, you mean spirited purple haired bitch?" with the occasional substitution of "Whatever the hell did Sasami ever do to you, you nasty cruel purple haired bitch?", he immediately grabbed the clipboard and tossed it in the fireplace]
Interviewer: Justsaythefirstthingthatcomesintoyourmind…..WILL YOU MARRY ME YOU PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS?
[Ayeka moves back shocked as the Interviewer slaps himself]
Interviewer: Um unless the answer is yes, please ignore that.
Ayeka: I suppose.
[Interviewer clears throat]
Interviewer: What attracts you to Tenchi Masaki?
Ayeka: Ah yes. I was expecting a loaded question like that to be coming. Tenchi you know warned me about you. I know all your tricks.
[Interviewer stares shocked wondering what exactly she considered loaded and what she would have done if he'd given even a Toonami edited style version of the questions he'd been given]
Ayeka: Well if you must so, which you don't but I will tell you in the interests of intergalactic peace. I admire Tenchi's nobility.
Interviewer: His blood?
[Interviewer desperately prays no or he's going to have to kidnap Tenchi for a transfusion]
Ayeka: Oh goodness gracious no. I admire his courage, strength of character, respect for tradition, love for his family, and his innate dignity.
[Interviewer does subtle swaying Happy dance because he's got all that]
Ayeka: Pardon me but do you need a doctor?
Interviewer: Oh no…no I'm fine. Joyous in fact.
[blushes and wonders how he's going to bluff his way through the next few questions]
Interviewer: So it's been…commented on that you have a….occasionally….mild sense of disc…dis…disagreement with Ryoko on ocassion?
Ayeka: Commented on? By who?
[Interviewer is terrified and thinks of who Is the least dangerous person to pin this one on]
Interviewer: Umm uh….WASHU!
Ayeka: Ah yes, of course.
[Interviewer stares, wondering how long it will take Washu to dissect him on a lab table for that one]
Ayeka: Yes unfortunately my relationship with THAT woman has occasionally left something to be desired. I've long since forgiven her for her attack on Jurai and the depriving me of my intended husband who languished for seven hundred years in exile on this backwater world because of his noble sacrifice to stop her…however she's very rude and I don't like that.
Interviewer: Errr didn't Yosho elect to stay here?
Ayeka: THAT'S A VICIOUS LIE AND WHOEVER IS SPREADING IT I WILL PERSONALLY REND LIMB FROM LIMB UNTIL THEIR BLOOD FLOWS OUT THEIR EARS!
[Interviewer knocks the coach backwards trying to get away from Ayeka's sudden outbust]
Interviewer: Uh right. My mistake.
[Interviewer sighs in deep deep love and terror, yes much terror]
Ayeka: Your forgiven my cousin and potential suitor. I assume large gifts to show your devotion to me will be arriving at my father's palace shortly.
[Interviewer nods vigorously as he reckons he can write something up and the lady of purple hair would kill him otherwise]
Interviewer: Now about your relationship with your sister Sasami?
Ayeka: Is this another one of your puissant questions about how I am less than amicable to those whose roof I share?
Interviewer: No! No! I'm just wondering however it is you maintain such a wonderful loving relationship to her.
[Ayeka's face visibly softens]
Ayeka: Ah well that I can answer. Sasami's loyalty to me is quite fierce and I would gladly go through the terrible tortures of Tokaimi rather than she her harmed in any way shape or form.
Interviewer: Umm then why did you take her on a seven hundred year mission to seek out your brother when she could have spent it…ummm playing?
Ayeka: Hahaha you silly boy.
[Interviewer waits for an answer and realizes one's not forthcoming but decides to forgive the purple haired one and move on]
Interviewer: If you become Emperess…I mean WHEN you become Emperess what will some changes be to the administration you intend to make?
Ayeka: Changes? Oh Oh I see what you mean. I intend to make Earth part of the Jurai empire.
Interviewer: You plan to conquer us?
Ayeka: I prefer the term annex but effectively supplant your culture completely with our own and interbreed to rejuvenate our weakened bloodlines. That sort of thing.
[Interviewer tries to get past the breed part to contact what last remnants of Earthly dignity he has]
Interviewer: That's…great! Can't wait.
[Interviewer realizes he has not very much apparently]
Ayeka: Your enthusiasm is most encouraging.
Interviewer: Okay for the final part of our interview we'd like you to say the first thing that pops in your head when I read off these names.
Ayeka: How very odd. Still it sounds fascinating.
Interviewer: Ayeka
Ayeka: Goddess.
Interviewer: Couldn't agree more. Mihoshi
Ayeka: Blonde
Interviewer: I wonder what the stereotype for purple hair is on Jurai.
[Ayeka whispers and the interview turns pale and blushes deeply]
Interviewer: Tenchi
Ayeka: Boytoy
[Interviewer is not surprised in the slightest]
Interviewer: Ryoko
[Ayeka thinks for a moment]
Ayeka: Bitch
[Interviewer is still not surprised]
Interviewer: Washu
Ayeka: Pikachu
Interviewer: Eh?
Ayeka: What? You said first word that popped into my mind.
Interviewer: Okay. Yosho.
Ayeka: TRAITOROUS DOG!
Interviewer: Ummm Noboyucki
Ayeka: Dead meat if he looks at me like that again.
Interviewer: Fair enough.
Ayeka: Sasami
Interviewer: Sweet…hold on. I think we got it reversed. Sasami
Ayeka: Slave. You already said Sweet.
Interviewer: Err and finally Tsusami.
Ayeka: The Creature from the movie Alien.
Interviewer: Uhhmmm well that was a good interview.
Ayeka: Why thank you.
[Ayeka passionately kisses the interviewer before he faints and she leaves with a smile]
-Comments?
***
Ah third on our list will be Ryoko! The Space pirate! Hey will you stop with the deafening applause? It really gets on my nerves.
[Interviewer summons Ryoko]
Interviewer: So the biggest question on everyone's mind is why do you want Tenchi? Are you just a big skank or wh….URK!
[Ryoko holds the Interviewer by his throat]
Ryoko: I've already heard about you from Tenchi and even Ayeka so here's how it goes. You ask what questions I want you to ask. You ask them how I want you to ask them and if you don't I will do things to you that would make Kagato vomit. Comprende?
[Interviewer nods horrified]
Ryoko: Goody
[Interviewer is let go for a gasp of breath]
Interviewer: So what's your favorite color?
Ryoko: Yellow.
Interviewer: thatexplainswhyyouliketenchi
Ryoko: Hmmmm?
Interviewer: No nothing. Nothing at all. So how does it feel to be free from seven hundred years of imprisonment?
Ryoko: Pretty good! Except for the fact of the freaking family reunion I'm getting when I come out to mess up my day and the fact I live with that STINKING PIECE OF OFFAL WHO IMPRISONED ME.
Interviewer: I sense some hostility to Yosho.
Ryoko: No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off?
Interviewer: Just a guess. Recently you resumed your career as one of the galaxy's most infamous pirates and from the looks of the animation probably killed about fifty-three to a hundred police officers while robbing numerous planets blind. Given the fact you were in no way under Kagato's influence how do you justify that?
Ryoko: Child abuse, I don't remember it happening, I was possessed by an alien entity.
Interviewer: You were not!
Ryoko: Bah as long as long as the courts believe it.
[Interviewer growls something and scribbles down a note to call anyone but Mihoshi and Kiyone in the police after this for a tip-off]
Interviewer: So can you describe your relationship with the rest of the Masaki household?
Ryoko: A never-ending living hell.
Interviewer: Perhaps I should be more specific….
Ryoko: Okkkay.
Interviewer: Tenchi
Ryoko: Inoffensive guy who I think with just the right amount of prodding could snap and take over the galaxy. Plus I've been a mummified corpse for the past seven centuries so wanting to jump his bones doesn't hurt either, nice ass too.
[Interviewer gives heterosexual guy 'ewwwww' look]
Interviewer: Right….so rumors that it also hurts Ayeka are just Ayeka fan wish fulfillments.
Ryoko: Ayeka fans? * snort * All two of you want to believe that.
Interviewer: Hey we are legion!
Ryoko: Yeah and the cabbit isn't a demented idea for a death-ship and obviously the product of Washu's brain.
Interviewer: Speaking of which what do you think of Washu?
Ryoko: Ah yes Mommy-dearest. I'm still wondering what the hell the old ba…sorry young bat did to me while I was still an egg. I mean for Tsusami's sakes why couldn't I have had someone normal for a parent like…
Interviewer: Noboyuki?
Ryoko: While I can appreciate the man's desire to sneak a peek the toll for such involves scissors and a very sensitive area.
[Interviewer crosses his legs]
Interviewer: Now for Sasami…
Ryoko: The girl is cuddling up to my ship so she can take it to become a pirate herself!
[Interviewer blinks]
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Ryoko: Oh like you didn't notice! That rabbit is the embodiment of death to a thousand colonies! Sasami is the oppressed younger sister who while doing excellent whites and colors also burns for something more to do with her life so she's going to steal my ship and attack jurai when she's like oh…ten.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Ryoko: Fine, don't believe me. When your planets reduced to ash by the dread pirate Sasami it'll be no sweat off my back.
Interviewer: Dread pirate Sa…okay we'll move on finally to Ayeka.
Ryoko: Ummm I really actually respect and *snerk* like her. Hahahahaha.
Interviewer: Oh come on! The Ova backs that up.
Ryoko: Yeah she's the wind beneath my wings. *snort* Hahaha!
[Interviewer waits until Ryoko's peels of laughter stop]
Interviewer: Okay and now for everyone's favorite galaxy police detectives Mihoshi and Kyione.
Ryoko: Gee that's a toughy. I have to say I'm very glad Mihoshi is so good natured about the whole mass murder, terrorism, robbery thing. Plus my blaming her for all of it and about a half a million other things. I'm very happy to have her on board as my friend, maybe next time I blow up a planet she'll take the wrap.
Interviewer: *growl*
Ryoko: Hey how many blondes does it take to put on a battle suit?
Interviewer: I honestly don't know.
Ryoko: One if your grandfather is the Commissioner!
Interviewer:…and Kiyone?
Ryoko: I think she has a thing for me.
[Interviewer just loses all his patience]
Interviewer: WHAT?
Ryoko: Hey I'm sorry to disappoint all my adoring male drooling fans but I don't swing that way but hey…come on look at Kiyone, you can't tell me she's not the type to go after the feminine?
Interviewer: Uh I…NO!
Ryoko: Eh suit yourself.
[Shakes the image out of his head after a few seconds to Ryoko's grin]
Interviewer: You mentioned the rather large section of the fanbase you've managed to acquire, particularly in America. Do you have any idea why this is?
Ryoko: I don't have purple hair. It's a real turn off.
[Interviewer throws down questions]
Interviewer: IT IS NOT!
[Ryoko laughs out loud then taps her fingers]
Ryoko: It's the whole bad girl thing in which the aggressive girl goes after the un-aggressive guy. Plus I'm this poor widdle…
[Her eyes grow large and disturbingly like Mihoshi's]
Ryoka: Abused child of Washu who was kidnapped by the bad man and spent hundreds of years pining for someone like Tenchi. Cry Cry boo hoo I'm his soul mate Sob.
[Ryoko's eyes go back to normal cynical]
Interviewer: Right. So did you pine for Tenchi all those years he was visiting the shrine?
Ryoko: Hell yes, he was the only game in town.
Interviewer: Well that about covers that for this interviewer.
[Ryoko looks to the public]
Ryoko: I love you all you happy wonderful people you! Keep sending your e-mail and letters to the Masaki Household care of RYOKO RULZ AYEKA SUCKS at P.O box….
[Interview frantically sends Ryoko away]
-Comments?
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi Muyo save perhaps Ryo-ki and that's because I lured him to my house with a carrot one night.
Well it is every man's dream to be doing an interview with a fictional character and since I'm an amateur author I decided to fulfill that dream by interviewing Tenchi Masaki in a series I like to call…well I haven't got a name for it yet but just bear with me. My first guest in this series will be the SUPPOSED star of wonderful OVA, comics, movies, and not quite so wonderful television.
[Tenchi is conjured out of thin air in my living room]
Interviewer: Hey.
Tenchi: What the? Oh your not a space warlord or god or anything are you because if you are I've got to warn you I've got a…
[Searches around frantically for his sword]
Tenchi: Oh man.
Interviewer: No, no I'm not a space pirate or anything. I'm just here to interview you about your love life and several other embarrassing questions.
Tenchi: Huh?
Interview: Just answer the stupid questions or I'll do something very unpleasant like stick you in Washu's lab for all eternity.
Tenchi: Ahhhh, okay okay.
Interviewer: Okay the question on everyone's mind is I think 'Are you gay'?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: Fruity, Swings the other way, Homosexual, Doesn't go for the la…
Tenchi: Yeah I know what it means. I just want to know how you ever got that impression.
Interviewer: Well you live with let's see; …. Washu …. Ryoko …. Ayeka …. Sasami … Kiyone….Mihoshi after your body and you haven't jumped one. Why is that?
Tenchi: What the…Sasami's twelve years old for crying out loud.
Interviewer: Eight actually.
Tenchi: And she's doing all our cooking? Oh my….what the hell kind of sister is Ayeka?
Interviewer: Speaking of which, this is a more personal question from me to you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
[Shakes Tenchi]
Tenchi: Ahhh!
Interviewer: I mean for god sakes Ayeka is the most attractive woman in history! She has purple hair! She's rich! Traditional! Purple hair! Wonderful family! Jurai nobility! Great in bed! Cares about you! And for some reason she likes you. Dump the pirate and get to be Emperor!
[Tenchi stares at me like I'm a madman]
Tenchi: How do you know what she's like in bed?
Interviewer: Trust me on this. I'm a fanfic author.
[Interviewer gets a drink]
Tenchi: Right….um if you don't have any more questions can I…
Interviewer: NO!
Tenchi: Okay…
Interviewer: Next question, what the hell is up with your father? Dirty old man and if so how did he land your mother?
Tenchi: What? I'm not answering that…ewww I don't even want to think about that.
Interviewer: She's a babe, he's a typical anime geek. Now he's sneaking peeks at your girls, it aint right.
Tenchi: Actually I have kind of thought about that myself. I mean he's my father and all but sometimes…I just…
[Interviewer leans in]
Tenchi: Want to have a really serious talk with him.
[Interviewer throws his hands up in disgust]
Interview: Okay next question, aside from the occasional lightsaber blow why aren't you more aggressive?
Tenchi: Ummm I dunno.
Interviewer: I'll take that as I was wussed out by my hentai loving father father and intimidated by my crazy seven hundred year old samurai grandfather.
Tenchi: What? Where are you getting this…
Interviewer: Just bear with me…so what was up with Sakuya? You dump the white haired fanged pirate chick who I admit looks good in a bikini and the PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS YOU ARE UNWORTHY TO BATHE IN THE SPITTLE OF OR STAND IN THE SHADOW OF for her.
[Tenchi's eyes widen]
Tenchi: Ummm she's human?
Interviewer: Human?
Tenchi: Uh yeah. Or I thought she was…
Interviewer: Yeah you were just banging another eight year old there.
Tenchi: OH FOR CRYING OUT…well your right.
[Interviewer looks at Tenchi in surprise]
Interviewer: Uh go on…
Tenchi: I mean Sakuya was everything a guy could want…
Interviewer: Save purple hair and being a princess.
Tenchi: Righ…yeah except for that and she looked great in a swimsuit. Well I mean if I gave into Ryoko I mean am I going to end up a pirate? She's not the settling down type here and I don't know anything about ruling a country let alone a planet so Ayeka well…
Interviewer: Let her rule you fool!
Tenchi: I'll give her your phone number, your Yosho's other grandson. How about that?
[Interviewer stares with awe at Tenchi's brillance with naked desire and hope]
Tenchi: So shut up and let me finish my story okay! So Mihoshi and Kiyone….well dang. I don't need to say what they're about but they want to be galaxy police officers…
Interviewer: Correction, they are galaxy class police officers.
Tenchi: So I've been told. Yeah but I really don't want to leave Earth…or have to learn how to pilot a star destroyer or whatever I'd have to do in Space. I like it here with my family and shrine and…sometimes….sometimes I admit I wish it had never happened all of it.
[Interviewer conjures a lightsaber and prepares to cut him down]
Tenchi: AH! Hey I said sometimes! Most of the time I've very grateful they came by and I can't imagine my life without them
[Tenchi shouts at the top of his lungs as the Interviewer sits down and deignites lightsaber]
Interviewer: And what about Washu?
Tenchi: She scares the living Hell out of me. What do you think? Plus she's twelve years old most of time…though awfull…no not going there. Sasami I repeat IS tw…eight, geez what kind of stuff are we doing to that poor girl? She did my laundry yesterday.
Interviewer: So rumors of you and her after she face hugger/chest busters with Tsusami are all hocus-pocus?
Tenchi: What?
Interviewer: You know when Sasami is made into a hot babe but may or may not lose her soul to that mysterious and thus evil tree babe.
Tenchi: Is that all you think about?
Interviewer: Actually no these were the top questions I had compiled out of thousands of fans submissions. My original interview was about your feelings being trapped as part Juraian in a destiny beyond your control and how you deal with that.
Tenchi: Well I…
Interviewer: Quiet the fans want to know who you want to sleep with.
Tenchi: If I said Ayeka would you let me go?
Interviewer: Maybe.
Tenchi: I want to sleep with Ayeka
Interviewer: I KNEW YOU WERE JUST AFTER THE SEX YOU STINKING LYING DOG!
[Tench groans before sinking his head into his hands]
Interviewer: Oh well Mr. Masaki you can go. Next up, Ryoko…or Ayeka if she calls. Heck I'll even settle for the cabbit.
-Comments please
***
Next up on our list is the most beautiful woman in the world of Tenchi Muyo and other lands where she's drawn the same. No not Ryoko. No not Sasami you perverts. No not Kyione or Mihoshi! Alright who said Tokaimi?
AYEKA
Okay haha, the dead silence is a REAAAAAL laugh riot. Well she's my favorite character so deal.
[Interviewer conjures Ayeka]
Ayeka: Good evening, I understand your Tenchi's cousin?
[Smiles to himself at the lie Tenchi told in his favor]
Ayeka: The…gay one?
[Silently promises to rend Tenchi limb from limb in many fanfics]
Interviewer: Um no that's Tenchi's OTHER cousin. I'm quite straight.
[Ayeka nods]
Ayeka: Ah.
Interviewer: Your highness we have numerous questions here posted by those who wish to know more about you I'm supposed to ask you.
Ayeka: That sounds lovely, where shall we begin?
[Interviewer looks down at his interview questions then stares in horror]
Ayeka: Is something wrong?
[Staring at a dozen questions which roughly translated as "Whatever the Hell did Ryoko ever do to you, you mean spirited purple haired bitch?" with the occasional substitution of "Whatever the hell did Sasami ever do to you, you nasty cruel purple haired bitch?", he immediately grabbed the clipboard and tossed it in the fireplace]
Interviewer: Justsaythefirstthingthatcomesintoyourmind…..WILL YOU MARRY ME YOU PURPLE HAIRED GODDESS?
[Ayeka moves back shocked as the Interviewer slaps himself]
Interviewer: Um unless the answer is yes, please ignore that.
Ayeka: I suppose.
[Interviewer clears throat]
Interviewer: What attracts you to Tenchi Masaki?
Ayeka: Ah yes. I was expecting a loaded question like that to be coming. Tenchi you know warned me about you. I know all your tricks.
[Interviewer stares shocked wondering what exactly she considered loaded and what she would have done if he'd given even a Toonami edited style version of the questions he'd been given]
Ayeka: Well if you must so, which you don't but I will tell you in the interests of intergalactic peace. I admire Tenchi's nobility.
Interviewer: His blood?
[Interviewer desperately prays no or he's going to have to kidnap Tenchi for a transfusion]
Ayeka: Oh goodness gracious no. I admire his courage, strength of character, respect for tradition, love for his family, and his innate dignity.
[Interviewer does subtle swaying Happy dance because he's got all that]
Ayeka: Pardon me but do you need a doctor?
Interviewer: Oh no…no I'm fine. Joyous in fact.
[blushes and wonders how he's going to bluff his way through the next few questions]
Interviewer: So it's been…commented on that you have a….occasionally….mild sense of disc…dis…disagreement with Ryoko on ocassion?
Ayeka: Commented on? By who?
[Interviewer is terrified and thinks of who Is the least dangerous person to pin this one on]
Interviewer: Umm uh….WASHU!
Ayeka: Ah yes, of course.
[Interviewer stares, wondering how long it will take Washu to dissect him on a lab table for that one]
Ayeka: Yes unfortunately my relationship with THAT woman has occasionally left something to be desired. I've long since forgiven her for her attack on Jurai and the depriving me of my intended husband who languished for seven hundred years in exile on this backwater world because of his noble sacrifice to stop her…however she's very rude and I don't like that.
Interviewer: Errr didn't Yosho elect to stay here?
Ayeka: THAT'S A VICIOUS LIE AND WHOEVER IS SPREADING IT I WILL PERSONALLY REND LIMB FROM LIMB UNTIL THEIR BLOOD FLOWS OUT THEIR EARS!
[Interviewer knocks the coach backwards trying to get away from Ayeka's sudden outbust]
Interviewer: Uh right. My mistake.
[Interviewer sighs in deep deep love and terror, yes much terror]
Ayeka: Your forgiven my cousin and potential suitor. I assume large gifts to show your devotion to me will be arriving at my father's palace shortly.
[Interviewer nods vigorously as he reckons he can write something up and the lady of purple hair would kill him otherwise]
Interviewer: Now about your relationship with your sister Sasami?
Ayeka: Is this another one of your puissant questions about how I am less than amicable to those whose roof I share?
Interviewer: No! No! I'm just wondering however it is you maintain such a wonderful loving relationship to her.
[Ayeka's face visibly softens]
Ayeka: Ah well that I can answer. Sasami's loyalty to me is quite fierce and I would gladly go through the terrible tortures of Tokaimi rather than she her harmed in any way shape or form.
Interviewer: Umm then why did you take her on a seven hundred year mission to seek out your brother when she could have spent it…ummm playing?
Ayeka: Hahaha you silly boy.
[Interviewer waits for an answer and realizes one's not forthcoming but decides to forgive the purple haired one and move on]
Interviewer: If you become Emperess…I mean WHEN you become Emperess what will some changes be to the administration you intend to make?
Ayeka: Changes? Oh Oh I see what you mean. I intend to make Earth part of the Jurai empire.
Interviewer: You plan to conquer us?
Ayeka: I prefer the term annex but effectively supplant your culture completely with our own and interbreed to rejuvenate our weakened bloodlines. That sort of thing.
[Interviewer tries to get past the breed part to contact what last remnants of Earthly dignity he has]
Interviewer: That's…great! Can't wait.
[Interviewer realizes he has not very much apparently]
Ayeka: Your enthusiasm is most encouraging.
Interviewer: Okay for the final part of our interview we'd like you to say the first thing that pops in your head when I read off these names.
Ayeka: How very odd. Still it sounds fascinating.
Interviewer: Ayeka
Ayeka: Goddess.
Interviewer: Couldn't agree more. Mihoshi
Ayeka: Blonde
Interviewer: I wonder what the stereotype for purple hair is on Jurai.
[Ayeka whispers and the interview turns pale and blushes deeply]
Interviewer: Tenchi
Ayeka: Boytoy
[Interviewer is not surprised in the slightest]
Interviewer: Ryoko
[Ayeka thinks for a moment]
Ayeka: Bitch
[Interviewer is still not surprised]
Interviewer: Washu
Ayeka: Pikachu
Interviewer: Eh?
Ayeka: What? You said first word that popped into my mind.
Interviewer: Okay. Yosho.
Ayeka: TRAITOROUS DOG!
Interviewer: Ummm Noboyucki
Ayeka: Dead meat if he looks at me like that again.
Interviewer: Fair enough.
Ayeka: Sasami
Interviewer: Sweet…hold on. I think we got it reversed. Sasami
Ayeka: Slave. You already said Sweet.
Interviewer: Err and finally Tsusami.
Ayeka: The Creature from the movie Alien.
Interviewer: Uhhmmm well that was a good interview.
Ayeka: Why thank you.
[Ayeka passionately kisses the interviewer before he faints and she leaves with a smile]
-Comments?
***
Ah third on our list will be Ryoko! The Space pirate! Hey will you stop with the deafening applause? It really gets on my nerves.
[Interviewer summons Ryoko]
Interviewer: So the biggest question on everyone's mind is why do you want Tenchi? Are you just a big skank or wh….URK!
[Ryoko holds the Interviewer by his throat]
Ryoko: I've already heard about you from Tenchi and even Ayeka so here's how it goes. You ask what questions I want you to ask. You ask them how I want you to ask them and if you don't I will do things to you that would make Kagato vomit. Comprende?
[Interviewer nods horrified]
Ryoko: Goody
[Interviewer is let go for a gasp of breath]
Interviewer: So what's your favorite color?
Ryoko: Yellow.
Interviewer: thatexplainswhyyouliketenchi
Ryoko: Hmmmm?
Interviewer: No nothing. Nothing at all. So how does it feel to be free from seven hundred years of imprisonment?
Ryoko: Pretty good! Except for the fact of the freaking family reunion I'm getting when I come out to mess up my day and the fact I live with that STINKING PIECE OF OFFAL WHO IMPRISONED ME.
Interviewer: I sense some hostility to Yosho.
Ryoko: No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off?
Interviewer: Just a guess. Recently you resumed your career as one of the galaxy's most infamous pirates and from the looks of the animation probably killed about fifty-three to a hundred police officers while robbing numerous planets blind. Given the fact you were in no way under Kagato's influence how do you justify that?
Ryoko: Child abuse, I don't remember it happening, I was possessed by an alien entity.
Interviewer: You were not!
Ryoko: Bah as long as long as the courts believe it.
[Interviewer growls something and scribbles down a note to call anyone but Mihoshi and Kiyone in the police after this for a tip-off]
Interviewer: So can you describe your relationship with the rest of the Masaki household?
Ryoko: A never-ending living hell.
Interviewer: Perhaps I should be more specific….
Ryoko: Okkkay.
Interviewer: Tenchi
Ryoko: Inoffensive guy who I think with just the right amount of prodding could snap and take over the galaxy. Plus I've been a mummified corpse for the past seven centuries so wanting to jump his bones doesn't hurt either, nice ass too.
[Interviewer gives heterosexual guy 'ewwwww' look]
Interviewer: Right….so rumors that it also hurts Ayeka are just Ayeka fan wish fulfillments.
Ryoko: Ayeka fans? * snort * All two of you want to believe that.
Interviewer: Hey we are legion!
Ryoko: Yeah and the cabbit isn't a demented idea for a death-ship and obviously the product of Washu's brain.
Interviewer: Speaking of which what do you think of Washu?
Ryoko: Ah yes Mommy-dearest. I'm still wondering what the hell the old ba…sorry young bat did to me while I was still an egg. I mean for Tsusami's sakes why couldn't I have had someone normal for a parent like…
Interviewer: Noboyuki?
Ryoko: While I can appreciate the man's desire to sneak a peek the toll for such involves scissors and a very sensitive area.
[Interviewer crosses his legs]
Interviewer: Now for Sasami…
Ryoko: The girl is cuddling up to my ship so she can take it to become a pirate herself!
[Interviewer blinks]
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Ryoko: Oh like you didn't notice! That rabbit is the embodiment of death to a thousand colonies! Sasami is the oppressed younger sister who while doing excellent whites and colors also burns for something more to do with her life so she's going to steal my ship and attack jurai when she's like oh…ten.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Ryoko: Fine, don't believe me. When your planets reduced to ash by the dread pirate Sasami it'll be no sweat off my back.
Interviewer: Dread pirate Sa…okay we'll move on finally to Ayeka.
Ryoko: Ummm I really actually respect and *snerk* like her. Hahahahaha.
Interviewer: Oh come on! The Ova backs that up.
Ryoko: Yeah she's the wind beneath my wings. *snort* Hahaha!
[Interviewer waits until Ryoko's peels of laughter stop]
Interviewer: Okay and now for everyone's favorite galaxy police detectives Mihoshi and Kyione.
Ryoko: Gee that's a toughy. I have to say I'm very glad Mihoshi is so good natured about the whole mass murder, terrorism, robbery thing. Plus my blaming her for all of it and about a half a million other things. I'm very happy to have her on board as my friend, maybe next time I blow up a planet she'll take the wrap.
Interviewer: *growl*
Ryoko: Hey how many blondes does it take to put on a battle suit?
Interviewer: I honestly don't know.
Ryoko: One if your grandfather is the Commissioner!
Interviewer:…and Kiyone?
Ryoko: I think she has a thing for me.
[Interviewer just loses all his patience]
Interviewer: WHAT?
Ryoko: Hey I'm sorry to disappoint all my adoring male drooling fans but I don't swing that way but hey…come on look at Kiyone, you can't tell me she's not the type to go after the feminine?
Interviewer: Uh I…NO!
Ryoko: Eh suit yourself.
[Shakes the image out of his head after a few seconds to Ryoko's grin]
Interviewer: You mentioned the rather large section of the fanbase you've managed to acquire, particularly in America. Do you have any idea why this is?
Ryoko: I don't have purple hair. It's a real turn off.
[Interviewer throws down questions]
Interviewer: IT IS NOT!
[Ryoko laughs out loud then taps her fingers]
Ryoko: It's the whole bad girl thing in which the aggressive girl goes after the un-aggressive guy. Plus I'm this poor widdle…
[Her eyes grow large and disturbingly like Mihoshi's]
Ryoka: Abused child of Washu who was kidnapped by the bad man and spent hundreds of years pining for someone like Tenchi. Cry Cry boo hoo I'm his soul mate Sob.
[Ryoko's eyes go back to normal cynical]
Interviewer: Right. So did you pine for Tenchi all those years he was visiting the shrine?
Ryoko: Hell yes, he was the only game in town.
Interviewer: Well that about covers that for this interviewer.
[Ryoko looks to the public]
Ryoko: I love you all you happy wonderful people you! Keep sending your e-mail and letters to the Masaki Household care of RYOKO RULZ AYEKA SUCKS at P.O box….
[Interview frantically sends Ryoko away]
-Comments?