Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Interview with the Tenchi Cast! ❯ Interview with the Tenchi cast ends ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Okay now the interviews that have gone before haven't necessarily gone well for me thus far [crosses his legs nervously] however I'm now going to interview the one person on Tenchi who absolutely positively is everyone's favorite character after Ayeka….
No not Tokyo scene extra 3#! Geez aren't there any Ayeka fans out there?

Great, dead silence.

I mean Sasami!

Oh NOW you give a a chorus of ooos and ahhhhhs!

Well without further ado I hereby conjure today's special guest…

[Sasami appears with Ryo-oki]

Sasami: Hello.

Ryo-oki: Rowr

[Interviewer looks at the small little bundle of joy and contentment and then looks at his questions, feeling now immensely guilty]

Sasami: Are you going to interview me?

Interviewer: Err that's the idea.

Sasami: Yea!

Ryo-oki: Rowr…

[Sasami gives the cabbit a carrot which he munches on as the interview commences]

Interviewer: Errr Sasami well I….

[Interviewer looks at the cabbit chewing and Sasami's big eyes and can't resist wrapping both in a gigantic cuddle]

Sasami: Ooooomph!

Interviewer: Sorry I had to get that out of my system first.

[Sasami fixes her hair]

Sasami: No prob. Happens all the time.

Interviewer: Well I guess…I kinduv have to get to the questions now…

[Interviewer chews lip nervously]

Sasami: Okay.

Interview: Ummmm do you uh….how do I broach this…LIKE Tenchi?

[Interviewer feels like a louse as he reads the question posted by apparently a large section of the pedophile population of internet]

Sasami: Absolutely! We're cousins and he's great. He was nice enough to let us stay in his house and he's absolutely ado…

Interviewer: No Sasami I mean like as in…err….ummm want to…marry him, yeah!

[Interviewer blushes furiously and says the Lords prayer for forgiveness after this]

Sasami: OH! Well if Ayeka doesn't want him and Ryoko I think I could make a great wife! I do all the cooking, cleaning, and most of the chores anyway!

[Interviewer squeezes tears away from the innocence of said comment]

Interviewer: Yeah, speaking of which, some people have commented that you probably shouldn't be doing that at your age.

[Sasami looks hurt]

Sasami: They don't think my cooking is any good?

Interviewer: No! I mean no they think it's…

Sasami: I follow the recipes right! Honest! I'll do better I swear!

Interviewer: No no! Your doing fine! No it's just…

Sasami: Is it the laundry? Should I add more starch?

[Interviewer feels like Satan]

Interviewer: Never mind.

Sasami: Oh, okay. I really will try and help out more!

Interviewer: Okay well let's move on with the interview to errr…Oh my God.

[Looks at the next question]

Sasami: You shouldn't swear. What is it?

[Interviewer lifts up clipboard to his chest to hide it from Sasami to hide the "So Sasami what do you think of all the steamy loving fics out there baby" question posted by his questioneers]

Interviewer: There's…it's a question which asks what you think of your fan popularity which is second only to Ryoka, particularly among the adult…population.

[Interviewer gets a bad taste in his mouth]

Sasami: You mean all that stuff on the internet with me and tenchi, me and Ryoka, me and Ayeka, me and Ryo-oki, me and the galaxy police, me and Yosho, me and Nobuyoki, and sometimes me and them all at once?

Interviewer: Errr you know about that? The stuff with the…

[Sasami sticks her tongue out]

Sasami: NC-17 before it? Ya. I clicked on it one night while I was at fanfic.net looking for some Sailor Moon fictions. I figure I'm seven hundred AND eight years old so there wouldn't be too much of a problem.

[Ryo-oki spits]

Interviewer: Um yeah.

Sasami: I asked Ryoko what all the words meant. She just laughed so I asked Tenchi then I had to sit in a corner for a week after his granddad overheard him trying to explain. I don't understand adults.

[Interviewer avoids snorting laughter just barely]

Interviewer: Okay.

Sasami: I think he's still cleaning out the bath tanks.

Interviewer: So Sasami you have your own show in Japan now. What do you think of the fandom that's made you the first character to have a spinoff?

Sasami: Is the same fandom who makes the NC-17 stories where I…

[Whispers in Interviewers ear the rest]

Interviewer: Oh my God! No!

Sasami: Oh good then I like them. I like being a Sailor Scout.

Interviewer: I don't think your technically supposed to be a Sailor Scout.

[Sasami looks disappointed]

Interviewer: Well um you get the dress….*shudder* which is amazingly short and to fight bad emotions…

Sasami: Rei won't be coming to my birthday party? I even have Usagi hair…

[Sasami begins to tear up]

Interviewer: No No your Sailor…Sun or something…your…of course they're coming!

Sasami: Oh good.

[Interviewer wonders if it was like this on Jurai for Ayeka]

Interviewer: So now onto your relationship with the goddess…WHO THE HELL WRITES THESE QUESTIONS?

[Interviewer throws down clipboard]

Sasami: Shhh don't hell and don't cuss or I may have to tell my dad you aren't right for Ayeka

[Interviewer freezes up]

Interviewer: Uh no Don't do that.

[Gets cabbit a carrot and pats Sasami on the head]

Interviewer: Some people are curious what your thoughts about the upcoming merger with Tsusami will mean…to…for…you in your mind?

Sasami: Oh it's going to be great! I'm going to be a goddess and very pretty!

[Interviewer bites his lip]

Interviewer: Your not…worried?

Sasami: About what?

[Interviewer doesn't have the heart to proceed with that line of questioning]

Interviewer: So finally we'd like to hear your feelings on your fellow cast members.

Sasami: Okay day.

Ryo-oki: Carrrrots.

Interviewer: Oh God you even like Jar Jar.

Sasami: hehehe he reminds me of Mihoshi except she's got a gun and is blonde.

Interviewer: Okay that covers her, Kiyone?

Sasami: She's nice.

Interviewer: err okay…Nobuyuki?

Sasami: He's nice. He let us live in his house and is always paying attention to us.

Interviewer: Yosho?

Sasami: He's a really big brother now!

Interviewer: My parents are diabetic you know Sasami. What are your feelings on Washu?

Sasami: She's nice and has cool inventions for us to play with. Tenchi must be very happy we can visit him any time now with that warp gate!

Interviewer: So I hear! Ryoko.

Sasami: Redemption is great! Now she's no longer a mean old space pirate serving Kagato but a heroine! It's too bad about those fifty-three galaxy police cruisers or so…and that bank…

Interviewer: Okay now for Tenchi himself.

Sasami: Snicker, he's got lots of love trouble though I don't think he's as sure as all those fanfics portray him…..or could do that stuff with his…

Interviewer: YEAH! Um okay! Good um you can stop now I get the picture.

Sasami: Okay you forgot Ayeka and Ryo-oki.

Interviewer: Okay what do you have to say about the beautiful purple haired vixen?

Sasami: Who?

[Interviewer slaps himself in the forehead]

Interviewer: Your sister.

Sasami: Oh well, I love her and wish her the best. I think she has a big temper but her hearts in the right place, plus she'll make a great queen of Jurai.

Interviewer: No aspirations to the throne yourself?

Sasami: No silly, I'm going to be a goddess.

Interviewer: *underhisbreath* If Tsusami hurts her so help me God I'll tranform her into the badfic victem of the century.

Sasami: Pardon?

Interviewer: Ryo-oki.

Sasami: Oh she's so cute and she's a space ship too. I hope she grows up big and strong! She's my friend.

Ryo-oki: Carrrots.

Interviewer: Well that's it for the interview! Until next time when we interview the galaxy police!

Sasami: Byeee!

[Sasami fades away with a smile]

-Comments?

***

Well we're now well into our interviews of the Tenchi cast and having interviewed the three main characters of the Tenchi series in the star, our lady of Red lovely eyes, oh yeah the *cough* pirate, and the lovable Sasami it's time to get to some of the less visible characters but no less beloved.

You can cease the Washu chant, we'll get to her in due time. Specifically when I've taken an advanced physics course and get some Jurai bodyguards.

Thus let's get to everyone's second favorite Galactic Police Officer Kiyone….

Ow will the Kiyone fans stop throwing stuff!

[Conjures Kiyone]

Kiyone: Hello.

[Kiyone pulls out a small computer]

Interviewer: Welcome to our interview Kiyone, it's an honor to have you here.

Kiyone: Out of curiousity yesterday did you interview an eight year old girl named Sasami?

Interviewer: Uh yes…

Kiyone: Was they're any physical contact or touching between you?

Interviewer: Well I hugged her.

[Kiyone grits her teeth]

Kiyone: UH-huh.

Interviewer: Listen what the hell is this about?

Kiyone: We're investigating molestation charges.

Interviewer: WHAT?

Kiyone: Was there any sexually orientated discussion between you?

[Interviewer looks around remembering the bizarre fanfic conversation]

Interviewer: Well th…READ THE TRANSCRIPT!

[Interviewer hands it over to her with a huff while Kiyone reads it carefully]

Kiyone: Uh huh well everything seems to be in order here. I'll tell Miss Ryoko that we don't have grounds. Just a routine follow up.

Interviewer: GRRRRRRRRR…

Kiyone: So are you going to interview me or what?

Interviewer: Uh sure. So are you and Mihoshi like together?

Kiyone: She's my partner.

Interviewer: Ah I've always suspected.

Kiyone: Wait, hold on, what are you implying?

Interviewer: Nothing that you haven't already confirmed.

Kiyone: Now wait just a damn minute here….

Interviewer: Next question, what did you do to get stuck with Blondie? Did you sleep with a superior officer and got caught, beat suspects, DUI with the starship or what?

[Kiyone turns several shades of red]

Kiyone: I AM A VERY GOOD DETECTIVE OF THE GPF! THE BEST!

Interviewer: Uh huh and how do you explain the fact Mihoshi's performance level drops every time you enter the immediate vicinity?

Kiyone: SHE'S THE BAD LUCK CHARM, NOT ME!

Interviewer: and how do you answer the fact Ryoko the infamous murderess and pirate remains still free and living in the lap of backwater planet luxury while you a galaxy police officer are frequently present with no sign of attempted apprehension. Is this just a sign of gross incompetence or are rumors of you and her…

[Kiyone whips out her pistol and points it at the Interviewer's head]

Kiyone: No one mourns a child molester.

Interviewer: Okay how do you explain your meteoric rise to first class detective for the Galaxy Police at such a young age?

[Kiyone doesn't move her stare from the Interviewer or blink as she puts her gun away]

Kiyone: Dedication and unwillingness to compromise.

Interviewer: I've noticed.

Kiyone: Keep noticing.

Interviewer: It's been commented that of all the Tenchi characters you seem to be the only one aside from the men who is apparently fully human.

Kiyone: This is correct and I'm a damn good looking one as well.

Interviewer: I won't argue that point in the slightest however it's been also noticed that this makes seemingly precocious little sense unless your from Earth.

Kiyone: I'll let that one slide if you don't refer to it again in the slightest.

[Kiyone's tone carries the subtle motioning to her pistol]

Interviewer: So what about your fans who say your perfect for Tenchi.

Kiyone: Well I definitely think as a good role model for young women blessed with skill with weapons yet not sacrificing my femininity…

Interviewer: Errr

Kiyone: I should definitely be on the show more and preferably in my own show which I hope I'll be able to take over with the new galaxy police series once I drive off their token male character.

Interviewer: That's not what I asked.

Kiyone: What passes behind closed doors between me and the Prince is my business, you got that child molester?

Interviewer: I'm not a child molester! I'm an Ayeka fan!

Kiyone: Same difference!

[Kiyone is hit from offstage by the once hidden Ayeka fans]

Kiyone: Owwww! I thought you guys were a myth!

Interviewer: That should teach you to listen to fanfic as an indicator of a character's popularity, now Kiyone your first appearance wasn't in Tenchi proper but a series of Sasami…

Kiyone: A reason I'm very protective of her..shhhh I'm not advertising that.

Interviewer: Do you have any idea why you were thus brought into Tenchi proper?

Kiyone: Just like the galaxy police thought, they thought Mihoshi needed someone to balance the blonde nature and a beautiful brunette with talent up the wazoo ain't half bad.

Interview: Okay then what DO you really think of Mihoshi?

Kiyone: I take my job seriously…and the problem is Mihoshi takes it seriously as well but she's…err easily distracted. Absolute heart of gold and I think she's a friend to the end but….

Interviewer: Easily distracted. Would you like another partner?

Kiyone: *grumble* Probably not. As much as I hate it sometimes I'm glad to say that I've been able to do the good I have been with her only because of her. I just wish we were in a region that had more traffic. Are they're any crimes you'd like to confess to make this trip worthwhile?

Interviewer: I'll try and think of some.

Kiyone: Good. Just make sure you talk into the wire I'm wearing.

Interviewer: Your wearing a wire?

Kiyone: Yes wanna guess where?

[Interviewer blushes and backs away]

Interviewer: Err…ummm….What is the source of this driving ambition of yours?

Kiyone: I'm stuck with Mihoshi, don't you think that gets around the office?

Interviewer: I suppose.

Kiyone: Not to complain about sexism in the galaxy police but I think I'm being held down too.

Interviewer: You've mentioned you want a higher traffic area. Has it occurred to you with Tokimi, Kagato, and numerous other evil gods, goddesses, pirates, and scientists that you have a actually prestigious assignment?

Kiyone: Hmmm I never thought of it that way.

Interviewer: Now seriously why not arrest Ryoko?

Kiyone: Whole saved life thing and it would hurt Mihoshi.

Interviewer: Hurting Mihoshi is more important than the lives…

Kiyone: YOU TRY AND REFUSE HER WHEN THE WATERWORKS GET TURNED ON!

[Interview nods and puts away his questions]

Interviewer: Favorite movie?

Kiyone: Intergalatic Space Jockeys and Miss Congeniality.

Inteviewer: Okay that's all folks, next Mihoshi!

[Interviewer sends Kiyone away]

-Comments

***

Ah there's nothing like an interview to brighten one's day and today's special guest star is the brightest star in all of Tenchi Muyo!

No not Ryoko! We already did her!

I mean Mihoshi!

[Conjures the Blonde haired one]

Mihoshi: Oooooo wow. That was neat! How did you do that?

Interviewer: I'm a fanfic author.

Mihoshi: Wow! That's neat! Could you make Tenchi fall in love with me and me like Queen of the universe then?

Interviewer: Well I suppose I could…

[Mihoshi closes her eyes and waits]

Interviewer: Um let's finish the interview first?

Mihoshi: What interview?

Interviewer: the one we're having.

Mihoshi: I'm being interviewed? Great!

[Interviewer bites his tongue knowing this is going to be like cheerleader practice with his niece]

Interviewer: So Mihoshi you're a member of the galaxy police force.

[Mihoshi salutes]

Mihoshi: First Class detective Mihoshi reporting for duty!

Interviewer: Yes well some have questioned your rank in it on occasion.

[Mihoshi blinks then pulls out her badge]

Mihoshi: Well that's odd it says it right here.

[Interviewer shakes his head]

Interviewer: Let's try a different track. They're curious how you got that rank.

Mihoshi: By being the best darn detective in the galaxy!

Interviewer: Kiyone actually claimed that in the previous interview.

Mihoshi: *giggle* *snort* Oh she did, did she?

Interviewer: Yes she did.

Mihoshi: Well good for her!

[Interviewer checks his clipboard wondering why nothing offensive has happened yet]

Interviewer: Actually some have wondered if your grandfather being the commissioner of the Galaxy Police Department has anything to do with your high rank.

Mihoshi: Oh absolutely! He's been a real inspiration in everything and I'm very glad to have him as a role model to succeed in capturing the not very nice at all like Kagato.

Interviewer: Again not exactly…let's move on. How do you justify the fact Pirate Ryoko is still free?

Mihoshi: Well I don't know much about it but I think Tenchi let her loose, you really should have asked them in their interview.

Interviewer: No I mean why didn't you arrest her?

Mihoshi: Oh because her warrant ran out and she's such a sweet gal, it just wouldn't seem right. Especially when she helped me capture Kagato and rescue Tenchi.

Interviewer: Well I…actually Tenchi killed Kagato.

Mihoshi: Hahah silly no he didn't.

[Interviewer stares at Mihoshi]

Interviewer: Righhht.

Mihoshi: I hope they reform him. He did a lot of bad things.

[Interviewer privately wonders what Mihoshi's reports on incidents in the series would look like]

Interviewer: Yes I understand he did.

Mihoshi: That's why they should reform him.

[Interviewer gets very irritated before watching Mihoshi curl up on his couch in a sunbeam]

Interviewer: Mihoshi what are you doing?

Mihoshi: Mmmm sunlight.

[Interviewer watches her then gets himself an iced tea and waits twenty minutes while she snores quietly and purrs]

Interviewer: *quietly* yyymmcaaa…it's fun to stay at the yyyymmmmcaaaaa.

[Mihoshi sits up and yawns]

Interviewer: Glad to see you're awake.

Mihoshi: Is the interview over yet?

Interviewer: No.

Mihoshi: Oh.

[Mihoshi looks disappointed]

Interviewer: Don't worry we'll get to making you queen of the universe sometime.

[Mihoshi brightens instantly which is rather like staring at a supernova]

Interviewer: Uhhhh ummm well let's get into the race issue.

Mihoshi: I'm all for all races living in peace and harmony even the ugly, stinky, and evil ones.

[Interviewer bursts out laughing and tosses his clipboard away]

Mihoshi: It's no laughing matter though I must admit I feel the ugly, stinky, and evil ones should be taught the merits of cosmetics, good hygiene, and ummm goodness.

[Interviewer continues laughing]

Interviewer: No I meant your not human.

Mihoshi: Oh no that came out! Oh dear I wonder if I have to immigrate now officially. I have job skills! Really!

Interviewer: Uh…huh?

Mihoshi: I can type eight words per minute!

[Interviewer shakes his head]

Interviewer: No it's though….actually some have speculated that you may actually be a descendant of Washu through the commissioner thus making her your great grandmother.

Mihoshi: SHE IS? WOW! Small universe!

[Interviewer quietly gets up and leaves the room before screaming and coming back]

Mihoshi: Mihoshi…what are you doing?

[Interviewer watches Mihoshi pointing her gun at his kitchen]

Mihoshi: Target practice.

[Interviewer ducks as laser bolts start flying through his house and Mihoshi finishes after about forty shots]

Mihoshi: I just remembered I hadn't done it this morning.

[Mihoshi blows her gun as the Interviewer gets up from behind his couch holding his left arm]

Interviewer: Right….well let's finish up this interview before I head to the burn ward of my local hospital.

Mihoshi: I have a medi-kit…

[She starts getting out a scalpel with a laser out of her cube]

Interviewer: NO! I mean, no thank you.

Mihoshi: Suit yourself.

Interviewer: Yeah. Theres been some speculation also you may be a goddess like Washu or Tsusami.

Mishohi: I am?

Interviewer: Yes….yes you are.

Mihoshi: Excellent!

Interviewer: Okay to wrap this interview up we'd like your opinions on everyone in the Masaki household?

Mihoshi: Even the weird old pervert who hangs around the women's baths?

Interviewer: Yes even Tenchi's dad.

Mihoshi: Oh no I mean this guy in a trench coat whose been creeping around the place for the past few weeks, I'm ready to call the local police.

Interviewer: *blinks* you should do that.

Mihoshi: I don't like him to answer your question.

Interviewer: I did…what's your opinion of Tenchi Masaki?

Mihoshi: He's a hero and deeply in love with me. I'm glad we're getting married and hope we have beautiful children with my looks and his heart.

Interviewer: Right.

Mihoshi: Unless they're boys in which that would be kind of weird.

Interviewer: I can't believe the interview with Ryoko was less crazy…so what's your opinion of Tenchi's family?

Mihoshi: Does this include Juraians like Sasami and Ayeka? If so how much ancestral detail do you want to include? Aside from his great grandfather, step great grandmother, and great grandmother I don't know many.

Interviewer: Let's focus on Yosho and Noboyuki for now.

Mihoshi: Nice guys!

Interviewer: I thought that would be what you'd say. What do you think of your Partner Kiyone?

Mihoshi: She's like a cute little puppy dog, a rottweiler except I understand she's more attractive…me being a girl and all I can't comment on her appearance.

Interviewer: Never st….never mind. Ryoko.

Mihoshi: I'm so glad the galaxy president pardoned her and she was made an honorary princess of Jurai.

Interview: When did…

[he remembers it's Mihoshi]

Interviewer: Err so am I! Sasami and Ayeka?

Mihoshi: It's so sad Sasami is going to be possessed by that awful goddess. I'll just have to rescue her!

[Interviewer blinks wondering why the fates would make her the only willing to do something]

Mihoshi: Ayeka's fun too. I'm glad she found a long lost cousin of Tenchi's to marry.

Interviewer: HE DOESN'T HAVE AN..

[Interviewer remembers he lied to Ayeka]

Interviewer: Oh yeah him. Great guy.

[Mihoshi nods vigorously]

Interviewer: Finally Washu.

Mihoshi: I should get her something for mother's day!

[Interviewer sends her away with a wave of his hand and waves it several more times for good measure]

Interviewer: Next...WASHU!

-Comments?

***

Next on our list is the last of the Tenchi girls unless I choose to interview his beautiful daughter or brief girlfriend Sayuki…..*must keep straight face* HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Okay now we've got that seriousness out of our system let's interview…

WASHU!

[Interviewer disappears and appears strapped to a table in Washu's lab]

Interviewer: AHHHHHH!

Washu: Quiet. I'm just going to do a little exploratory probing and you'll be fine.

Interviewer: AHHHH!

[Washu looks into my eyes]

Washu: Quiet can mean with a mouth or without a mouth.

[Inteviewer gets very quiet]

Washu: Gooood.

[Washu pricks his finger and takes a blood drop before putting a band-aid on it]

Washu: There done.

Interviewer: That's it?

Washu: Want me to do a sperm count?

Interviewer: No!

Washu: Okay then let's get on with the interview with the greatest scientist in the universe.

Interviewer: Kagato?

Washu: Hmmm I think a big sample will be needed…

Interviewer: Ahhh! You, you, you!

Washu: Of course me.

Interviewer: Your daughter apparently gets a lot of traits from you.

Washu: But of course.

Interviewer: Can you let me off of this table? Or at least loosen the restraints?

Washu: No. Next question.

Interviewer: Okay the obvious question.

Washu: Why are you in my universe rather than the other way round?

Interviewer: Actually it was why the 12 year old body but that had occurred to me.

Washu: I'm attempting to determine the origins of fan fic authors power to avoid being forced to do unspeakable things to people. However the twelve year old thing just is a whole looks deal. I'm a serious world class babe you realize with five planets and pink hair, I have to keep the suitor's hands off me.

Interviewer: the fact you've restrained me sort of prevents that now doesn't it?

Washu: You'd be surprised *wink*

Interviewer: Errrr….

Washu: Next question.

[Interviewer desperately fumbles for a question]

Interviewer: So I understand your a goddess?

Washu: Ex-goddess actually. Long ago it was just me, Tsusami, and Tokimi but then I decided that the world was being deprived by my just being a mysterious, enigmatic, but dead sexy entity. So I ditched most of the power, kept the knowledge and began my tour of the galaxy.

Interviewer: Is that when you met the father of your child?

Washu: Hereafter referred to as the rat bastard, yes.

Interviewer: Out of curiosity if even then you were the greatest scientific mind in the universe…

Washu: I was.

[A laser appears between the Interviewer's legs and starts arching upwards slowly]

Interviewer: Been watching Goldfinger have we?

Washu: Hmmm?

Interviewer: *sweats* and you were an ex-goddess how could the man find you a commoner unworthy his time oh beautiful pink haired…goddess…whose the greatest genius in the galaxy and a wonderful mother.

[Washu turns off laser and records some notes]

Washu: The subject known as the rat bastard came from a VERY important family and he was an idiot.

Interviewer: Of course…milady…to abandon one such as you.

Washu: Oh you flatter me you cute little bundle of proteins.

[Washu pinches the Interviewer's cheek]

Interviewer: Ye…Yes. So what about the rumors that the Commissioner of the Galaxy is your son and Mihoshi is your great-granddaughter?

Washu: I'd question just how closely my bloodline has been interbreeding to produce such results.

Interviewer: Oh that's mean she's really quite smart….just..err…

Washu: Blonde. I did a study on the scientific effects of pigments on personality and outlook…tsk tsk tsk shocking.

Interviewer: Why can't our scientists be so practical? So what inspired you to make Ryoko and Ryo-oki?

Washu: Well Ryoko was an attempt to fulfill that special need inside of me for a daughter but not require to involve the godless race of abominations that is men in the process.

Interviewer: Errr okay.

Washu: I was bitter. Seven thousand years in a box will fix that though.

Interviewer: Right…

Washu: I'm much more bitter about other things now. Do you need all your appendages?

Interviewer: YES!

[Washu snaps her fingers]

Washu: Oh darn. Well as for Ryo-Oki I felt I needed something cuter than a rabbit or a cat and longer lived then I realized why not make it the galaxy's most powerful starship too? It was sheer genius and only requires beta-keratin as fuel.

Interviewer: Errr the depths of your mind are as usual…awe inspiring.

Washu: Again your so sweat, do you want an extra appendage?

Interviewer: NO!

Washu: Oh fine be that way with two legs, two arms, and a single head.

Interviewer: Um uh right. So why did you take Kagato on as a student? Many people have wondered given his blatant evil.

Washu: Good in bed. Next question.

Interviewer: EH?

Washu: I said NEXT QUESTION!

[The laser restarts]

Interviewer: Some people have commented on your feelings for Ryoko…and how your occasional displays of affection are ummmm….thoughtless?

[Interviewer recognizes he will probably die so he might as well maintain some journalistic intergrity…before he realizes he has none]

Washu: How can you say that?

Interviewer: You locked her in your lab after she'd been imprisoned for seven hundred years in a cold dark place, with the lights off!

Washu: Oh that! Bah! I could do seven hundred years standing on my head! In fact I have.

Interviewer: Perhaps a story for a later time…

Washu: Yes and Ryoko should be grateful I'm helping her overcome her fears. So wanna play Doctor?

[Washu snaps latex gloves on as the Interviewer tries to muffle a scream he's about to make]

Interviewer: Let's finish the interview first.

Washu: Okay.

[Washu puts on laboratory glasses and then ignites a blowtorch]

Interviewer: Oh G…so what's your relationship with Tokimi and Tsusami?

Washu: It's a whole goddess/sisterhood thing. Threes are important numbers in primitive superstitious societies…like yours! I think Tsusami is supposed to represent nature, I order and civilization, and Tokimi destruction and chaos.

Interviewer: Think?

Washu: It's been awhile, you never know if either of them decided to get a life by now.

Interviewer: Right. Is Ryoko going to replace you as a goddess because she has the three gems?

Washu: Yep…hehehe sucks for her.

Interviewer: You really are a ter…GREAT mother.

[the Interviewer corrects as he wonders what the chainsaw is for]

Washu: Aint I though? So last questions. I'm getting kind of bored here.

Interviewer: Oh God…

Washu: Yes?

Interviewer: I said God! Not goddess!

Washu: Just wait til I'm through. You'll not even remember our lady of the purple hair and bloodshot eyes.

[Interviewer is terrified…and admittedly slightly intrigued before shaking his head]


Interviewer: So what do you think of Tenchi Masaki?

Washu: Wow he's got quite a little inner energy battery! I think he'd be good for Ryoko as well because he can survive the occasional disintegrator bolt she's bound to throw during a lover's spat but might regret later. Plus unlike the majority of men he's inoffensive and easily controlled.

Interviewer: Uh huh.

Washu: Easily means that they don't need my twenty thousand years at it.

Interviewer: HELP!

Washu: No chance of that arriving.

Interviewer: Okay finally…the rest of the household? *gulp*

Washu: Hmmm that's a toughy. Aside from being woefully mortal I think Kiyone and Mihoshi are some of the nicest Galaxy class police officers that they've managed to produce in the last few millennium. Ayeka will make a wonderful queen as soon as she realizes anything with half my DNA can crush even a great gal like her in half a decasecond in a race for a boy. Sasami will make a great Tsusami even though I must admit one would think she'd aspire higher than being a tree. I gave my opinion on Ryoko which is she's half as wonderful as me which is just amazing and Ryo-oki which is after he's done being a good little spaceship he'll taste great with some cabbage. Yosho is pretty cute for an old guy and Noboyuki will make excellent spare parts for Tenchi should he get hurt and need organ transplants I can't easily replicate *snort*.

Interviewer: Your horrible!

Washu: You ain't seen nothing yet.

[Washu goes over to get some more power tools as an alarm blares off in the distance]

Washu: Oh blast my death star's thermal exaust ports are exploding again.

Interviewer: Eh?

Washu: I'll fix that damn design flaw if I…

[She rushes off as Ryo-oki bounces in and begins gnawing through the restraints]

Interviewer: Bless you small cabbit!

[The interviewer disappears in a flash]