Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Project Pinnacle ❯ Hopeless Romantics ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo and its characters are property of AIC and
Pioneer. The proceeding story, though based on pre-existing characters, is
the property of the author and may not be reprinted without permission.
All original characters found herein are also the property of the author and
may not be used without permission. (Did that sound official? I hope so.)

Note to Reader: I really pushed it this time. This story comes
DANGEROUSLY close to being a lemon, or at the very least a lime. Still,
I tried to keep it as tasteful as possible, but just bear in mind that the story
most definitely contains content of a mature and suggestive nature,
probably more so than anything else I have ever written (however, since no
one reads my stories anyway, I'm sure that comparison is quite useless).
So, hide the young'uns and prepare for a wild ride!

Hopeless Romantics

Chapter 1: A Delicate Subject

"Okay, Arcese, this is it," Ryoko said from high above. "This is
going to be my most powerful blast."
"You have to find a way to block it," Washu said from her
observation point. "And, if you don't, our lawn's going to have a gigantic
hole in it, so I suggest you do everything you can."
"I really think I can do this," Arcese said with confidence. Since
his training had begun two weeks ago, he had increased his strength
immensely. Because of her prior combat experience, Ryoko was able to
teach Arcese how to attack physically and with the use of energy, as well
as how to effectively defend. However, due to the abilities that he was
given, Arcese quickly surpassed her. It had become obvious even to
Ryoko that he had become the most powerful being that any member of
the household had ever seen. By now, Ryoko was basically reduced to
more of a coach than an opponent.
"Well, you'd better," Ryoko said, "because here it comes!" From
her hand, a brilliant orange beam shot out at blinding speed. It represented
the most focused of all her attacks, and it was aimed at Arcese's head.
Arcese raised his hands in front of his face, and began to pulse in a
pale blue glow. Ryoko's beam tore through the air with amazing force.
Before the beam could find its mark, a blue wall of energy formed from
Arcese's outstretched palms, and the orange projectile stopped as if it had
slammed into a wall. The beam hovered there for a few moments, unable
to break through Arcese's defense. After becoming certain that he had
indeed halted the progress of the attack, he brought one hand back, and
swatted the beam skyward. The beam whizzed past Ryoko at an even
faster speed than she had originally sent it.
"Well done, Arcese," Washu said with a smile. "You didn't even
look like you were trying."
"Looks can be deceiving," Arcese said. "That took a lot out of
me."
"Could have fooled me," Ryoko said as she hovered down to the
ground. "That was the last test, and you passed with flying colors. It
seems that I have nothing more to teach you, Grasshopper."
Arcese wrinkled his brow. "Grasshopper?" he asked. "What are
you talking about?"
Washu snickered. "Arcese never saw that movie, Ryoko," she
said.
"Anyway, what's my power level up to?" Arcese asked of Washu.
"You're up to twenty two hundred," Washu said. "You could
probably go higher if you pushed yourself to maximum output."
"Well, if I'm at only seven hundred," Ryoko said, "he won't need
to go higher."
"I wish I knew, Ryoko," Washu replied in a serious tone. "I wish I
knew."
Ryoko breathed deeply. "Man, after that last attack, I'm wiped!"
she exclaimed. "I'm going for some breakfast."
"Yeah, that'll be it for today," Washu said as her computer
dematerialized before her. "You both did a great job today." Washu
followed Ryoko back to the house, as did Arcese.
Upon entering the residence, they found that Sasami was,
predictably, preparing the first meal of the day in the kitchen. Washu
made a beeline for her lab, but Ryoko sat down at the table. "I'm starved,"
she said. "When do we eat?"
"Breakfast won't be ready for another twenty minutes or so,"
Sasami announced. "I think there are some oranges in the cupboard,
though, if you're hungry now."
Ryoko got up and opened the cupboard. Apparently, someone else
had found the oranges first. Inside the cupboard was an overstuffed Ryo-
ohki, laying on a bed of orange peels. She meowed contentedly as she
reclined on her makeshift mattress. "I didn't know Ryo-ohki liked
oranges," Sasami said, momentarily distracted from her cooking by the
spectacle.
"She probably thought they were round carrots," Ryoko said dryly.
She picked Ryo-ohki up by the ears. "Jeez, how many oranges did you
eat?" she asked of her pet. "Just how big can your stomach be, anyway?"
"Sometimes I could ask the same of you," a voice behind everyone
sang out. The group turned around to see Ayeka standing at the kitchen
doorway. "I wonder how you can eat like you do and not gain an ounce."
"I guess I'm just one of those people," Ryoko said with a smug
smile. She put Ryo-ohki down on the floor, who promptly hopped over to
Sasami and nuzzled against her leg.
Sasami picked her up and placed her on top of her head. "How are
you this morning, Ayeka?" she asked.
"Very well, thank you," Ayeka replied.
"Breakfast will be a little while," Sasami said.
"That will be fine. Thank you, Sasami," Ayeka said.
"My, you seem to be in a very good mood this morning," Arcese
observed. "What's got you so happy?"
"Yes, enlighten us," Ryoko cut in.
"Oh, it's nothing," Ayeka said with a smile. "It's just one of those
days where I woke up feeling very nice." Arcese nodded, and gave her a
look that said, "you're hiding something." Ayeka only widened her smile.
The reason she was so happy was because, in Ryoko's morning absence,
she had taken the opportunity to wake up Tenchi herself. As opposed to
making a spectacle of herself, however, she felt that Tenchi would
appreciate her reserved nature. The smile that he gave her upon opening
his eyes proved her theory correct. When Tenchi smiled at her that way,
she couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy.
"I suppose it's always a good idea to start the day off on the right
foot," Arcese said, flashing Ayeka a knowing smile.
"Certainly," Ayeka replied with a chuckle.
The footfalls that reported from the staircase made everyone turn
their attention to the living room, where Tenchi had just made his way
downstairs. Ryoko got up from her seat and flew to him. She wrapped her
arms around him and nuzzled her cheek to his. "Tenchi, sweetheart!" she
cooed.
"Good morning, Ryoko," Tenchi said tightly.
"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there when you got up," Ryoko pouted,
"but mean old Arcese made me train with him this morning."
"You could have refused," Arcese said flatly. "You just wanted an
excuse to beat up on me."
"Too bad I can't anymore," Ryoko said. "Do you think you could
hold still tomorrow?"
"Now, what kind of challenge would that be for you?" Arcese
asked coyly.
"Who wants a challenge?" Ryoko returned. "I just want you to be
my punching bag. And I want you to be my cuddly teddy bear, Tenchi!"
Ryoko tightened her hug.
"Tenchi is most certainly not a teddy bear," Ayeka said. "If he's
anything, he's a lion. He is a fierce warrior with a noble heart."
"And what do you think that make you?" Ryoko asked. "A
lioness?"
"I have been known to bare my claws at times," Ayeka said with a
devilish smile.
"Speaking of claws," Tenchi interrupted, "do you think you could
let me go, Ryoko?"
"Don't you like me?" Ryoko asked pitiably.
"Of course I do," Tenchi returned, "but I like my ribs to stay
unbroken, too." Ryoko reluctantly let go of Tenchi and sat back down at
the table. Tenchi turned to Arcese. "How was training this morning?" he
asked.
"It went very well," Arcese reported. "I'm getting stronger, and
I'm learning a lot. Ryoko's a great teacher."
"Did you hear that, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked with a hint of
playfulness. "Imagine all the things I could teach you!"
"Well, I could certainly teach you a thing or two, Ryoko," Ayeka
said with dignity. "Like how to behave in a ladylike manner and not hang
all over people. It's clear that Tenchi is not responding to your full frontal
tactics."
"He's not exactly throwing himself at you, either," Ryoko replied.
"Well, I... ah, um... well, good point," Ayeka said with effort.
"I think," Ryoko mused, "that we might have to find some sort of
happy medium. We need to be aggressive..."
"...Without sacrificing dignity!" Ayeka finished. "I think you
might be right!"
"What are you doing? Tag-teaming me?" Tenchi asked nervously.
"Is that what you want?" Ryoko asked slyly. "Or maybe you want
us both at once?"
"What happened to dignity?" Ayeka asked.
"A three-way can be dignified," Ryoko contested. "It's all in the
execution."
"Umm, maybe you haven't noticed," Tenchi said, "but there is a
child present."
"Oh, that's okay, Tenchi," Sasami said, stirring a pot on the stove.
"My mommy and I already had 'the talk.'"
"Is it just me, or did it get warmer in here?" Arcese asked, tugging
at his collar. His face had turned slightly red. He had never received "the
talk."
"Well, I don't know about you, Sasami," Tenchi said, "but I'm
definitely feeling very uncomfortable right now."
"Hey, we're cooperating, aren't we?" Ryoko asked. "If one of us
can't get you in the sack, we'll just have to work together."
"Ryoko, you shouldn't exaggerate motivations like that," Ayeka
scolded. "It sounds so base and vulgar."
"You mean to tell me that you don't want to get it on with
Tenchi?" Ryoko asked, grinning.
"How could I possibly admit to something so dreadfully vulgar!?"
Ayeka asked, more than a little outraged. "I have nothing but the noblest
of intentions with Lord Tenchi."
"Then, if sex is so noble, why are you so shy about it, Princess?"
Ryoko asked slyly.
Ayeka opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She
could not respond, having been wedged firmly in a corner by Ryoko's
logic.
"Maybe she just doesn't like talking about it," Sasami said. "I
remember even back on Jurai she didn't talk about sex at all. I'm sorry,
Ayeka, am I embarrassing you?"
"I'm not embarrassed," said a bright red Ayeka.
"Newsflash, Ayeka," Ryoko said, "you're not on Jurai. Loosen up!
Have a drink! Go wild! Right, Tenchi?"
"Well, maybe not 'wild,' but..." Tenchi trailed off.
"The simple fact of the matter is that your idea of courtship is
much different than mine," Ayeka explained. "You handle yourself much
differently when you're alone with Tenchi than I do."
"Hey, Ryoko," Sasami chimed in, "what exactly do you do when
you're alone with Tenchi?"
"I really wish you hadn't asked that," Tenchi said.
Ryoko smiled. "Well, it hasn't really gotten that far yet," she said,
peering at Tenchi, "but, when it does, it will involve satin, a bucket of ice,
and a bottle of teriyaki sauce."
"You see? That is my point exactly!" Ayeka said authoritatively.
"I could never bring myself to do such things, even in the most private of
settings. It just seems so... degrading."
"Not if you're on the receiving end," Ryoko said, winking at
Tenchi. Tenchi turned a shade of red akin to that of a cooked lobster.
"You might want to stop this conversation before Tenchi passes
out," Arcese said. "This is a bit much before breakfast." Tenchi nodded
dumbly, thankful for the support.
Footsteps from the other room caused the procession to turn their
attention to the doorway, where Kiyone and Mihoshi both entered. "Good
morning, everyone," Mihoshi said with a loud yawn.
"Good morning," Sasami sang out. "I hope you two are hungry."
"Yeah!" Mihoshi said with enthusiasm. "I don't know about you,
Kiyone, but I can't go out on patrol on an empty stomach."
"Too bad the same doesn't apply to your head," Kiyone mumbled
under her breath.
"Heading out right after breakfast again?" Tenchi asked.
"Not today," Kiyone reported. "I'd like to run some maintenance
on the Yagami. The ship seemed a little sluggish yesterday."
"I'll help you, Kiyone," Mihoshi offered.
"No, that's okay," Kiyone said with alarm, knowing that "help"
and "disaster" were synonyms when Mihoshi was involved. "I can handle
it by myself. I would much rather handle it by myself. Just relax until this
afternoon."
"Well, if you need any help, please ask me," Mihoshi said.
Suddenly her attention was drawn to Arcese, who appeared to be pressed
against the wall. An odd look adorned his features. His face was red, and
his eyes had turned a shade of light blue. "Um, Arcese, are you okay?"
she asked.
Arcese's eyes hopped from person to person nervously. "Er, of
course I am!" he insisted. "Why do you ask?"
"You look... different," Mihoshi elaborated.
Arcese dove into the silverware drawer and pulled out a pie server.
He looked at his eyes in the reflective stainless-steel surface, and
understood just why Mihoshi said what she did. "Uh, please excuse me,"
he said tightly as he brisked out of the kitchen.
"I wonder what that was all about?" Ayeka wondered aloud.
"Maybe all your sex talk scared him off," Tenchi said dryly.
"Well, at least your still here," Ryoko said. "It's good to know that
that sort of thing doesn't scare you off."
"Believe me," Tenchi returned, "inside, I'm screaming in terror."
"I could have you screaming for other reasons," Ryoko said
seductively.
"Excuse me," Ayeka cut in, "but I thought we agreed that you
would be a little more dignified."
"I thought we agreed that you would loosen up a little," Ryoko
replied.
"Oh, please, I could loosen up any time I wanted to," Ayeka said
with a flip of her hand. "It's much harder to be respectful and ladylike
than it is to be promiscuous."
"You think it's easy being sexy?" Ryoko asked with mild outrage.
"I put a lot of effort into my approach. Being a flirt takes talent."
"That is so ridiculous as to be laughable!" Ayeka said with a toss
of her head. "Behaving in a ladylike manner takes years of education. I
doubt that someone such as you could even come close to such dignified
behavior."
Ryoko smiled evilly. "Well, then, I'll make you a deal," she said.
"You be me and I'll be you. Just for today."
"What are you suggesting?" Ayeka asked, suspicious.
"If you can pull off being the carefree flirt of the house," Ryoko
offered, "then I'll try my hand at being a stuffy maiden. Agreed?"
"I am not stuffy!" Ayeka insisted. "Besides, there is absolutely no
way that you could do it."
"So, we're agreed then?" Ryoko asked anxiously.
Ayeka thought for a moment. "Very well," she said finally, "I'll do
it. Just to show you that my approach to courting Lord Tenchi is far more
challenging than yours."
"Right," Ryoko said dismissively. "I think that Tenchi should be
the judge of that."
"I knew I wouldn't like this idea," Tenchi said, sinking his head
into his hands.
"And," Ryoko added suddenly, "as an added incentive, if one of us
actually kisses Tenchi, then whoever does automatically wins."
"Wins?" Tenchi asked with alarm. "Wins what?"
"Why, you, of course," Ryoko said with a smile.
"And you'll be doing this all day!?" Tenchi shouted.
"We have to," Ryoko said. "It's the only way we can decide which
of us does more to try and win your love, isn't it?"
"Um, wouldn't it suffice if I said that I loved you both?" Tenchi
offered.
"NO!" Ayeka and Ryoko said simultaneously.
"Well, this should be an interesting day," Kiyone said.
"We'll start after breakfast," Ryoko said.
"Very well," Ayeka said. She chuckled. "I pity you, Ryoko; you
have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Though you are a good
person at heart, you are clearly no lady."
"We'll see, Ayeka," Ryoko said, returning Ayeka's sly grin.
"We'll see."

Chapter 2: All Systems Normal

"Washu, have you got a minute?" Arcese asked upon entering the
laboratory.
Washu halted her work. "I've always got a minute for my favorite
android!" she said jauntily. "What can I do for you?"
Arcese sat down in a nearby chair and stared vacantly down at the
floor. "Lately, I've been feeling... strange," he said.
"Strange?" Washu echoed. "How so?"
"I can't really explain it," Arcese said. "It's like some kind of
heaviness."
"When did it start?" Washu asked.
"Well, I guess it started getting really bad last week," Arcese said,
"but I noticed it as much as a month ago."
"Hmm..." Washu mused. "Do you know what caused it?"
"I can't say for sure," Arcese confessed. "But, it did just happen
again, and I checked and saw that my eyes changed color. That might
have something to do with it."
Washu leaned closely and carefully inspected Arcese's eyes. "I
see..." she trailed off. "Arcese, lie down on that table over there. I want to
run a few tests on you."
Arcese did as he was told and laid down on the nearby table.
Washu fitted his head with what looked like a bike helmet attached to a
machine by a plethora of wires. "Just relax," Washu told him. "This
machine is going to measure your emotional balances, as well as some of
your brainwave patterns. Judging by the change of color in your eyes, the
cause of your symptoms is probably some kind of external stimulus. If we
can find out what parts of your programming it's effecting, we might be
able to stop that funny feeling you have."
"I sure hope so," Arcese said.
Washu turned the machine on, and data began scrolling across the
monitor. Arcese turned his head to watch the characters scroll across the
screen, and marveled that his entire programming could be reduced to
pixels and symbols. What those symbols meant, however, he had no idea.
He presumed that only Washu knew how to interpret the data on the
screen.
After analyzing the data for several minutes, Washu turned the
machine off. She removed the helmet from Arcese's head, who sat up. "I
think I know what's causing your discomfort," she said. She had an odd
smirk on her face.
"What is it?" Arcese asked.
Washu chuckled, then said, "You're in love."
Arcese was floored. "Would you mind running a test to see if my
audio censors are functioning properly?" he requested. "Because I just
heard you say something ridiculous."
"It is not ridiculous!" Washu insisted. "And yes, you heard me
right. You've got a crush. Looks like my little synthetic being is growing
up."
Arcese stared absently at his feet, which dangled above the floor
from his perch on the stainless-steel table. "No, that can't be right," he
determined. "I was to understand that love is a wonderful feeling.
Something that sweeps you up, something that completely and totally
envelops you. It feels like I swallowed a cold rock. It has to be a
malfunction."
"There is no malfunction," Washu insisted. "You're having a
normal reaction."
"Normal?" Arcese asked. "How can it be normal to feel this
uncomfortable if I'm supposed to be experiencing an emotion like love?
Does everyone feel this way?"
"Love is many different things to many different people," Washu
explained. "To be perfectly honest, love is one thing that I don't
completely understand myself."
Arcese wrinkled his brow in thought. "Well, how do I snap out of
it?" he asked.
Washu laughed. "It's not that easy," Washu said. "When I gave
you your emotions, I was sure to cover all the bases. Even love. So,
you're going to have to find a way to deal with this yourself. My advice to
you would be to just go with it."
"Just go with it, huh?" Arcese asked. "Then tell me this: just who
am I in love with, anyway?"
"You tell me," Washu said with a smirk.
"You mean you couldn't figure that out with that machine?"
Arcese asked.
"Oh, I know who it is," Washu said knowingly. "And I didn't need
a machine to figure it out. I just want to know if you know."
"I'm afraid I don't," Arcese said, running a hand through his hair,
barely believing that he was having this discussion. "Would it be safe to
assume that it's somebody in this house?"
"You're getting warmer," Washu said. "Think, Arcese. Just try to
remember all the times that you felt strange, and figure out who caused it.
There lies your answer."
Arcese propped his chin on his hands. He thought hard about all
the times in the past week when his affliction flared up. What did all those
times have in common? He tried to remember visually who was around
him at those times. He recalled each instance and painstakingly attempted
to determine who was responsible for his condition. The most influential
evidence, however, was the last time it happened when his eyes changed.
It did not take him long to match up the color of his own eyes with
someone in the house. "Hang on a minute," he said, "I don't understand.
This can't be right. There's no reason why I should have these kinds of
feelings for her."
"You don't need a reason," Washu said. "Love just happens."
"But Mihoshi?" Arcese asked desperately. "That makes no sense!"
Washu put a hand on his shoulder. "Sometimes emotions don't
make sense," she said. "Arcese, the best thing you can do is pursue this. I
think that you will find it a rewarding experience."
Arcese's face was fraught with confusion. "I still can't believe
this," he said. "Are you sure that there's not something wrong with me?"
"Far from it, Arcese," Washu said.
Arcese sunk his face into his hands. "I can't believe this is
happening to me," Arcese said. "Dammit, Washu, why did you have to
make me so human!?"
"Don't look at this as a bad thing," Washu suggested. "Think of it
as an opportunity to better understand the people you live among by
feeling the same things that they feel. Go out there and talk to Mihoshi.
Maybe she'll start feeling the same way about you."
"You mean sick to her stomach?" Arcese queried.
"Just go out there, would you?" Washu commanded, nearly
pushing him out of the lab. "Talk to her. Get to know her. Give her a
reason to want to get to know you better. It's not as hard as you think."
"But I don't know what I'm doing!" Arcese insisted.
"It'll come to you," Washu said, continuing to usher him out the
door. "Wait, what am I telling this to you for? You're the empathic one,
you figure it out!"
"But what if she doesn't feel the same way about me?" Arcese
speculated, beginning to panic a little. "What if she doesn't like me?
What if I make a total fool of myself? What if--"
"Shut your mouth and talk to her!" Washu thundered. She gave
him a final shove out the door and nearly slammed it behind him. Arcese
stood there, completely bewildered at the turn of events that had just taken
place.
[This is ridiculous,] he thought to himself. [There's no way that I
could be in love. I've never been in love before, so why would I start now.
I'm sure it's all a big misunderstanding. I'm sure that Washu will go over
the results of the tests and come out of her lab in a few minutes and say,
"Arcese, you were right; there really is something wrong with you." And
then everything will go back to normal. Why am I getting so worked up
over this? Everything is going to turn out just fine.]
Apparently, breakfast had concluded, because everyone began
filing out of the kitchen. "Another wonderful breakfast, Sasami," Ayeka
said.
"Yeah, you really outdid yourself," Tenchi said.
"You're welcome," Sasami said with an appreciative giggle.
"Don't forget our agreement, Ayeka," Ryoko said.
"I haven't forgotten," she replied. "I just need a few moments to
prepare."
"If you need any outfits, feel free to raid my closet," Ryoko
offered. "I've got gowns, nighties, cat costumes, rubber underwear;
everything a well-prepared seductress needs."
"I'll see what I can do with my own wardrobe, thank you," Ayeka
said as she made her way upstairs.
"I'll start working on the ship, Mihoshi," Kiyone said. "You sit
tight, and I'll let you know when we're ready to go."
"Okay," Mihoshi said. "If you need my help, I'll be right here."
"I'm sure I won't," Kiyone replied quickly.
Arcese watched as Mihoshi walked towards him, making her way
to the stairs. He wondered if Washu was right. Could he really have a
crush on Mihoshi? He winced in discomfort; the cold rock was back in his
gut. He felt his cheeks flush as Mihoshi came ever closer. [This can't be
what love is supposed to be,] Arcese thought. [I feel like I'm about to
pass out. But, I have to know for sure.] He waved a trembling hand and
said, "H-h-h-hi, M-Mi-Miho-hoshi."
Mihoshi's eyes turned to him. "Hi, Arcese!" she said cheerfully.
"What's up?"
"Um, ah, er... uh, nothing, um... nothing really," he stammered.
Mihoshi leaned her face closer to Arcese, which made him feel a
little dizzy. Her brow furrowed as she inspected his eyes. "You do look
different!" she declared.
"Really?" Arcese asked. [Great,] he thought, [it's written all over
my face! She's going to find out and think I'm a total moron!]
"Something about that eye color," Mihoshi said, continuing with
her analysis. "It looks familiar. Now, where have I seen that color
before?" Arcese's nervousness was so overpowering that his knees began
to tremble. Convinced that his feelings were betrayed, his face was fixed
in a wince. "Now I remember!" Mihoshi said.
"You... you do?" Arcese asked agitatedly.
"Yeah!" Mihoshi confirmed. "It looks like the color of the sky!
Wow, they're really pretty. I wish I had eyes like that."
"Do you?" Arcese asked, puzzled.
"I sure do," Mihoshi said. She then made her way up the stairs.
"Well, see you later, Arcese."
Arcese was left standing frozen and bewildered in the living room,
watching as Mihoshi nearly skipped up the stairs and into her room. He
sank to his knees and sighed, "I just can't do this."

Chapter 3: Differing Approaches

Kiyone reviewed the results of the diagnostic she had run on the
Yagami. After removing the vessel from its subspace parking garage, she
tested the engines, and indeed found them to be running at a relatively low
efficiency. Less than seventy percent, in fact. She wondered what could
have caused the sudden drop in power. Looking over the numbers, she
couldn't figure out why the power output was so low, and even continuing
to drop. The diagnostic concluded that all power couplings were
functioning normally, the fuel injectors were at optimum efficiency, and
the onboard computer showed no glitches in its power distribution circuits.
She stroked her chin, having no idea about how to address the problem.
Her experience told her that, if the problem wasn't revealed on the
diagnostic, then an inspection of the engine was in order. She turned
around and was startled by someone standing right behind her.
"Arcese!" she said, clutching her hand to her chest. "Don't sneak
up on me like that!"
"I'm sorry," Arcese said. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Don't worry about it," she said with a deep breath. "At least
you're not Mihoshi. She's the last thing I need right now."
Arcese agitatedly scratched the back of his head. "Funny you
should bring her up," he said with a nervous chuckle. "That's what I
wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh, no," Kiyone said with exasperation. "What has she done
now?"
"No, no, it's nothing like that," Arcese insisted. "I just, you know,
want you to... tell me about her."
"Tell you about her?" Kiyone echoed. "Why? What for?"
"It... I... It's a long story," Arcese stammered. "I just want to know
more about her, that's all."
"Er, well, what do you want to know?" Kiyone asked, wondering
why Arcese was so curious about the ditzy blonde.
"You know, basic stuff," Arcese specified. "Like, how old she is,
what her hobbies are, what her favorite food is; just a little background."
Kiyone sat down. She wasn't sure why Arcese was pursuing this
line of inquiry, but it seemed innocent enough, so she decided to humor
him. "She's twenty five," Kiyone began. "She's been my partner on the
Galaxy Police for about four years, now. Boy, that's four years I wish I
had back."
"Why do you say that?" Arcese asked.
Kiyone sighed, wondering how to put her opinion in gentle terms.
She could not. "Mihoshi is, without a doubt, the dumbest, clumsiest, most
absent-minded airhead that I have ever met in my entire life." she said.
"All she ever does is eat, sleep, and watch television. She can't even
handle the simplest tasks that are clearly outlined for her. And, just when
things are starting to look up, she somehow screws up the entire situation.
She has cost me promotion after promotion, and the worst part is that I
would never be able to get rid of her if I tried. It's like she's handcuffed to
me, or something. Every time I start talking about a transfer, she
immediately insists that she'll transfer right along with me. I swear, that
woman is going to haunt me the rest of my life!" She sat back in her chair,
having exhausted herself by raising her voice to a scream.
Arcese only nodded. "Well, um, aside from flushing your career
down the toilet," he said, "what else does she do?"
Kiyone leaned forward. "Why are you so interested in Mihoshi,
anyway?" Kiyone asked.
"Er, ah, no reason!" Arcese said nervously. It was at that moment
that Kiyone first noticed the color of Arcese's eyes.
"Hey, you look like you have Mihoshi's eyes," she observed. She
knew about Arcese's "mood eyes," but wondered why they would change
to the color of Mihoshi's vacant blue orbits. "Something's going on
between you two, isn't there?"
Arcese cast his eyes to the floor; no point in tap-dancing around the
issue anymore. "Well, you're half right," he said sullenly.
Kiyone sat in thought, considering the facts. She knew that Arcese
was a very open person who often spoke his mind, even if not asked to. If
he wanted information about Mihoshi, he would have asked her about it.
The fact that he went to Kiyone first meant that he was hiding something
big. Arcese's nervousness, his request for information, his change in eye
color; it all added up. Arcese was in love with Mihoshi.
"What the heck are you thinking!?" was all she could think to say.
"She's an idiot!"
"I'm just as confused about this as you are!" Arcese revealed. "I
have no idea how any of this happened. But Washu told me to just go
along with it, so I guess I'm just going to have to make the best of a bad
situation."
"I didn't even think you could... think that way," Kiyone marveled.
"Well, Washu gave me human emotions," Arcese explained. "I
guess this was part of the bargain, too."
"Wow," Kiyone said, staring sideways at the android. "Just how
human did Washu make you?"
"What do you mean?" Arcese asked.
"Well, I mean," Kiyone began tightly, "can you... you know... do
it?"
"Do what?" Arcese asked.
"You know, 'it.'" Kiyone replied.
"I'm afraid I don't know what 'it' is supposed to be," Arcese said.
"Could you explain?"
Kiyone's face flushed. "Er, forget it," she said, stopping that
uncomfortable discussion dead in its tracks.
"Okay," Arcese said. "Can you at least tell me more about
Mihoshi?"
Kiyone reclined in her seat. "There's really not much to tell,"
Kiyone said. "Not much to her; she's really simple."
"Anything you could tell me would help," Arcese said.
"Well, she's always liked karaoke," Kiyone began. "She's glued to
the TV half the time. Even on patrol, she'll watch those blasted cartoons
of hers. I mean, you'd think that someone who has been approved to carry
a loaded weapon would be a little more mature, and realize that patrols are
not the time to be following the exploits of completely fictitious
animations that have absolutely no bearing on reality--"
"Kiyone," Arcese cut her off.
Kiyone cleared her throat. "Sorry," she said. "Anyway, what else
is there? Her favorite food is miso soup... She's been known to knock the
bottle back on certain occasions... She likes cats... Well, for that matter,
she seems to like anything small and furry. One time, there was this
mouse that found its way on our ship, and she spent about an hour chasing
it around the cockpit, trying to pet it and feed it a rice cracker. Meanwhile,
she left me to chase after that hit-and-run driver, completely disregarding
the fact that we were weaving through space debris, and that I could have
used her help to navigate. But nooooo; she had to play with the fluffy
little mousey--"
"Kiyone!" Arcese said sharply.
"Er, sorry," Kiyone said sheepishly. "Guess talking about Mihoshi
gets me a little worked up."
"Yeah, I noticed," Arcese said, sensing Kiyone's annoyance at her
partner. He decided to cut the conversation short, knowing that Kiyone
was tapped out of nice things to say about her partner. "You have to admit
that she's a nice person, though. At least, she seems nice. Right?"
"I don't think I can argue with that," Kiyone confessed. "When
she's not making my life a living nightmare, I guess she's pretty good to
be around."
"Alright," Arcese said, "well, thanks for the info; I appreciate it."
"No problem," Kiyone said. Then, an idea flashed in her mind. If
she got Arcese and Mihoshi together, then that would mean that she would
have more time away from her. Maybe if she was able to distance herself
from Mihoshi even a little, she would be able to break free from the curse
that was her partner. "If there's anything else I can do to help you two hit
it off, and I do mean anything, don't hesitate to ask me," she said with a
wide smile. "I'll be more than willing to help."
"Well, thank you, Kiyone," Arcese said, returning her smile. She
seemed really enthused about the idea. "I'll be sure to ask you if
something comes up."
"That's what I'm here for," Kiyone sang. "Good luck, Arcese!"
"Thanks," Arcese replied as he made his way out the door.
Kiyone smiled to herself. [Arcese and Mihoshi,] she thought.
[That poor guy has no idea what he's getting himself into. She'll probably
drive him nuts by the end of the day. Still, what a break it would be if I
got those two together. I'd finally be free! Well, aside from the fact that
she'd probably ask me to be a bride's maid at the wedding. Then she'd
throw the bouquet and probably knock something over with it. Whatever
she knocked over would probably fall on my head. Then I'd have a
concussion and be off the job while I recovered, and I'd get passed over
for another promotion for inactivity. Gee, maybe this isn't such a good
idea, after all.] Remembering the task at hand, she made her way to the
engine room.
She brought up the engine specs on the computer console, and ran
a thorough search from there. Upon completion of the computer's
analysis, the results displayed a reduction in power due to excess deposits
in the fuel line. [Something's gumming up the engine,] Kiyone thought.
[That doesn't make sense; I had Mihoshi put additive in the fuel tank a
few days ago. It looks like it's even worse than before, now.] Kiyone
shook her head; if the problem was too severe to be fixed by additive, she
would need to bring the engine in to a repair shop for a thorough cleaning.
Now that she had determined that the problem was more than likely out of
her hands, she decided to address a few of the smaller problems. One of
which was the clogging of the sink in the bathroom.
Upon entering the bathroom, she knelt down and opened the
cabinet under the sink. She withdrew the bottle of drain cleaner and
uncapped it. An unfamiliar smell permeated the room. She sniffed the
liquid within the bottle. [This smells like gasoline additive,] she said.
Realizing the implications of her discovery, she leapt to her feet and
rushed to the trash receptacle in the engine room. She dove into the can
and rifled through its contents. She finally found what she expected to,
and held up the empty bottle of drain cleaner with a scowl.
Trembling with anger, she shrieked through gritted teeth,
"MIHOSHI!!"

"I really appreciate you helping me clean up the kitchen, Tenchi,"
Sasami said with a smile.
"Hey, it's the least I can do," Tenchi said. "After all, if it wasn't
for you, we'd probably all starve to death."
Sasami giggled at the compliment. "Well, gee, then it's a good
thing I'm here," she kidded."
"You can say that again," Tenchi said with a smile. "Well, I'm
going to wash up."
"Okay, Tenchi," Sasami said as she watched him go upstairs.
"Thanks again for the help!"
While Tenchi took his bath, he wondered what Ryoko and Ayeka
were up to. Should he have taken that agreement that they had made
seriously? The two of them seemed pretty set in their ways, so chances
were that they wouldn't take their machinations very far. However,
whenever the two of them got into some sort of competition, all bets were
off. He was extremely nervous.
After Tenchi toweled himself off and dressed he made his way
back to his room. Oddly, the door was closed, which was not how he had
left it. He did not take this as a good sign. Fearful of what he might find
on the other side, he cautiously peeked inside. The sight that he saw
caused a thin trickle of blood from his nose. A nearly naked woman was
handcuffed to his bed. However, it was not Ryoko--who could have been
expected to do such a thing--but Ayeka.
"Tenchi, thank goodness you're here!" she said. "Help me undo
these handcuffs."
Tenchi raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing in handcuffs to
begin with?" Tenchi asked, wiping the blood from above his lip. "Where
did you get those handcuffs?"
"I borrowed them from Ryoko," Ayeka confessed. "I thought it
would be attractive if I handcuffed myself to the bed. But I fastened them
too tight, and it's really uncomfortable. And I'm getting cold lying here in
nothing but my underwear. Please, Tenchi, just help me."
"Don't you have the key?" Tenchi asked.
"I dropped it behind the bed," Ayeka said with a sigh. "I can't get
to it."
"Alright, hang on," Tenchi said. He braced his feet and gripped the
bed tightly. He slid it back from the wall enough so he could get behind it.
He looked behind the headboard and found the key on the floor.
"This is really embarrassing," Ayeka said, blushing. "I'm making
a total fool of myself."
"Don't worry about it," Tenchi said.
Ayeka watched as Tenchi leaned over her and inserted the key into
the lock. With a quick twist the cuffs were opened, and Ayeka brought her
hands in front of her, massaging her sore wrists. "There you go," Tenchi
said with an understanding smile, "all set."
Ayeka looked into his eyes. She knew that the moment could
certainly call for a suggestive comment. She trembled with excitement
knowing that she was in a position to seduce him, but she couldn't think of
anything to say. "Thank you for your help, Lord Tenchi," Ayeka said.
"No problem," Tenchi said. "Why don't you put some clothes on?
You look like your shivering."
"Oh, yes," Ayeka said, blushing again. "I will. Thank you, Lord
Tenchi." She sheepishly got up off the bed and shuffled out of the room.
Tenchi scratched his head. "Now, that was unexpected," he said to
himself. He pushed his bed back in to place and sat down on it. He
picked up the handcuffs and examined them. [So, Ryoko's got
handcuffs,] he thought to himself. [I'm going to have to be a lot more
careful around her.] He heard a knock on his door. "Come in," he said.
Into the room stepped Ryoko wearing a billowy blue kimono.
Tenchi raised an eyebrow, not used to seeing her clothed so
conservatively. Ryoko had a puzzled look on her face. "Tenchi, I just saw
Ayeka walk out of your room in her underwear," she said. "What's going
on?"
"Nothing's going on, Ryoko," Tenchi said, hiding the handcuffs
behind his back.
"Whew, that's a relief," she said. "I thought she had already tried
to start seducing you." She flipped her hair and tossed her head back.
"Honestly, such behavior is so base and vulgar. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Er, sure," Tenchi said cautiously. "Gee, I guess you both really
intend to go through with that bet you made at breakfast, huh?"
"I'm a woman of my word, Tenchi," Ryoko said. "Besides, if
prancing around in her underwear is the best she can do, I've got nothing
to worry about."
"Well, that makes one of us," Tenchi said.
Ryoko sat next to Tenchi on the bed. "That kind of thing really
makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it?" she asked.
"A little," Tenchi confessed. "I just don't know how to handle
girls like that. It's really intimidating. Especially since I've never... well,
never been... 'initiated.'"
Ryoko opened her mouth to speak, but checked herself. She gave
herself a mental slap on the wrist. She had almost said it. She almost let
slip with, "I could change that." That's something she normally would
have said, but she was honor bound to avoid that kind of behavior, no
matter how golden the opportunity. She was determined to stick to her
end of the bargain. "Gee, Tenchi, you don't have to be so afraid of girls,"
Ryoko consoled. "They're people, just like you. They're a lot more
understanding than you think. When I try and seduce you, it's like a game.
I like to think that you enjoy the attention, and I try not to overstep my
boundaries, really."
Tenchi was puzzled. "You mean, you're not trying to... sleep with
me?" he asked.
"Well, I am," Ryoko said matter-of-factly, "but I really don't want
to force it on you. I just hope that maybe my efforts will... accelerate your
readiness, that's all."
"I see," Tenchi said slowly. "Well, you do make me
uncomfortable sometimes."
"In a good way, I hope," Ryoko returned.
Tenchi sighed. "I guess I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't flattered
by all the attention you give me," he said. "But, the simple fact of the
matter is that I'm just not ready yet. I'm not sure when I will be, either."
Ryoko nodded. "You're scared, aren't you?" she asked.
"No, I'm not scared!" Tenchi said defensively. "It's just that I...
well... I don't... I mean..."
Ryoko put a hand on his knee. "I understand," she said softly.
"I'm kind of scared, too. I've never felt this way about anyone else. When
I first realized just how much I love you, I was terrified. I was afraid that
there was something wrong with me. Now that I know that it was all
because of you, though, I want nothing more than for you and I to be
happy together. That's all that matters to me. Is that a scary thought?"
"Well... well, no, not really," Tenchi replied, his face lightly
flushed.
Ryoko smiled. This was nice. She and Tenchi never really just sat
and talked. She never realized just how nice a heart-to-heart conversation
with him was. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Tenchi," Ryoko
continued. "I know I may seem out of control sometimes, but underneath
all that is a heart that only yearns to be beside you always. You know that,
if you asked, I would stop trying to seduce you, right?"
Tenchi was dumbstruck. It never occurred to him before to just
ask. Or maybe, in the back of his mind, he didn't want to ask. "Er, I
guess," he said dumbly.
"Just say the word, Tenchi," Ryoko said, leaning a little closer to
him. "Say the word, and I'll do anything you want. I'll be anything you
want me to be. I just want to make you happy, that's all."
"Um, uh, er... thank you?" Tenchi stammered.
Ryoko leaned in a little closer, feeling as though the air itself
crackled with electricity. She could feel it deep within her; this was the
moment. This was the moment she had waited for for so very long. Her
every nerve trembled in anticipation, joyous that the object of her every
desire was no longer showing resistance. It was finally going to happen.
Something caught Ryoko's eye at the last second, however. Something
that glinted silver in the corner of her eye from behind Tenchi's back.
"What's this?" she asked, swiping the metallic object from behind
Tenchi's back. Tenchi yelped once in protest, at which point all the color
drained from his face.
Ryoko held the handcuffs in front of her face, looking quizzically
at them for several moments. Then, Tenchi's heart sank into his stomach
when Ryoko turned to him and a wide smile slowly overtook her face.
"You naughty little boy," she said breathlessly.
"Ryoko, it's not what you're thinking!" Tenchi insisted, waving his
hands in front of him.
"Too bad," she said, "because what I'm thinking isn't permitted by
law in most galaxies."
"Seriously!" Tenchi croaked. "Ayeka was... Oh, never mind how
they got here. I wasn't planning on using them! Honest!"
"Good thing plans can change," Ryoko said, closing in with the
handcuffs opened in her outstretched hands. "Very clever, fooling me
with that whole 'I'm not ready' speech just to get me closer. You're more
erotic than I gave you credit for. Now, be a good boy and put your hands
behind your back. You're under arrest by the love police. You have the
right to remain aroused..."
Tenchi leapt up from the bed. "Cut it out!" he pleaded. "Ryoko,
weren't you just saying that you didn't want to force anything on me?"
Ryoko suddenly snapped to attention, and hit the flat of her palm
on her forehead. "That's right!" she said. "The agreement! Tenchi, I'm
sorry. I just forgot. It's just, well... Handcuffs. You."
Tenchi sighed. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Just please try
not to do that again." He opened his door to leave the room. "By the way,
those are your handcuffs to begin with," he said as he walked out.
Ryoko examined the handcuffs more thoroughly. "Hey, they are
mine!" she proclaimed. "I was wondering where they went off to."

Chapter 4: Sweet Talk

Arcese stood frozen in the living room, standing behind the couch
that Mihoshi now sat on. She was transfixed to the television, apparently
mesmerized by whatever program was being shown. Arcese glanced at the
vacant cushion next to her. Should he? He was torn between his desire to
be closer to Mihoshi, and the wish that his present emotional state would
just dissipate. [This is absolutely ridiculous,] he thought. [So now I
can't even think about getting near her without going bonkers? Maybe I
should just go ahead and sit next to her. The sooner I get this over with,
the sooner I'll be able to find out if things will be going back to normal or
not.] He straightened up and walked around to the front of the couch. He
cautiously sat down next to Mihoshi.
Mihoshi did not even seem to acknowledge him. She continued to
let her eyes dance vacantly over the television screen. Arcese took this
opportunity to analyze Mihoshi's emotions. Oddly enough, he noticed that
her present emotions seemed to emulate those that were being displayed
by the television characters. He wondered if there was any reason why she
would get so absorbed by a fictitious program. "Hello, Mihoshi," he
finally worked up enough courage to say.
"Hi," Mihoshi said absently, not even bothering to look at him.
"So, uh... is this a good show?" Arcese asked.
Mihoshi nodded dumbly in response, still staring at the screen.
"What's going on with the story?" he asked, hoping he could strike
up a conversation with her.
In one breath Mihoshi explained, "Tsuyoshi has to go to Nepal to
find a rare mountain flower that will cure his girlfriend Ika who thinks
she's an Egyptian queen after getting hit on the head by Tsuyoshi's twin
brother Takashi who mistook her for his ex-wife Yamame who ran off
with her lawyer Masaharu who represented her when she sued Kuratsu's
company after it exposed her to radiation." Even after all that, her eyes
were still fixed to the television.
Arcese looked quizzically at Mihoshi. "You don't say?" he asked.
Mihoshi gave no response.
Arcese stopped trying to get her attention at the moment. Maybe
during the commercials she would be more responsive. He decided to sit
quietly and watch right along with her. After all, perhaps she preferred the
strong, silent type.
The show dragged on. Arcese had no idea what was going on.
However, Mihoshi was hanging on every single word, rocking back and
forth, perched on the edge of her seat. Arcese noticed that she would even
mouth the lines of the characters from time to time. Her enthusiasm for
the show was more than apparent. He shook his head, believing that
Kiyone was right in her declaration that Mihoshi's enthusiasms were
definitely distributed incorrectly. Still, he couldn't shake the cold rock out
of his stomach.
After what seemed like forever, the show finally ended. As the
credits rolled, Mihoshi hugged a pillow and sighed. "Wow, Tsuyoshi is so
gallant," she said wistfully. "He would do anything for Ika. And how
freely he told her of his love for her! I almost believed that he was talking
right to me. Gee, I wish I could meet someone who could sweep me off
my feet the way he can."
Arcese perked up at the comment. So, it seemed that she wanted
the heroic, romantic type. He decided that, if he was going to get Mihoshi
to feel anything at all for him, he would have to pull no punches. He
reached over and tightly grasped Mihoshi's hand. Mihoshi turned her
wide blue eyes to him, wondering what he was doing.
"Mihoshi," Arcese began, "since you have come into my life I find
myself dreaming about you more and more each day. The thought of a
gaze from your eyes, a smile from your lips, a touch from your hand fills
me with fantastic hopes I have never felt before. Your very presence
thrills me even now, as I find myself lost in your eyes, deep and crystalline
blue like lagoons in a tropical paradise. Every moment I spend with you is
at once forever and the blink of an eye. Just to be near you makes my
heart sing like the nightingale. Mihoshi, you are my world, my very
reason for being. Words cannot express how deep my feelings for you
run. My love for you rises higher even than the stars in the sky, stars that
pale in comparison to your beauty. I love you, and I need you, forever and
always."
Arcese felt like he was about to die from nervousness. However,
he was very proud of himself for saying everything that he had planned to
almost flawlessly. He only hoped that his declaration would get some kind
of reaction from Mihoshi.
Mihoshi continued to stare into Arcese's eyes. The pair remained
as such for several moments. Arcese scanned Mihoshi's emotions, and
found them a little clouded; much like his own were at the moment. His
heart leapt, feeling as though he had indeed gotten through to her.
Mihoshi finally broke the silence by saying, "Yeah, that's exactly what I
would want someone to say to me! Gosh, why can't I meet someone like
that?"
Arcese let go of Mihoshi's hand and slumped back in his seat. He
ran his hand down his face. [Doesn't she even know what I'm trying to
say?] he thought. [I knew she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but
jeez...] Maybe he was being too direct. He decided to lighten things up a
little. "Would you, uh, like some popcorn?" he asked her.
Mihoshi smiled. "That would be really nice," she said. "Thank
you."
Arcese got up and walked into the kitchen. He tossed a bag of
popcorn into the microwave. As the time counted down, he reflected.
[This is not going well,] he thought. [I practically gave her a dissertation
about how I feel about her, using every sweet and romantic thing I could
think to say, and I get a better reaction with, "Do you want some
popcorn?" Either I'm doing something really wrong, or Mihoshi's even
more dense that Kiyone makes her out to be. Dammit, I hate being in
love! It's so confusing!]
The popcorn finished cooking, and Arcese unceremoniously
dumped it into a bowl. He trudged back out to the living room and sat
back down on the couch. In his absence, another show had begun on
television, and once again Mihoshi gave the screen her undivided
attention. Arcese extended the bowl towards her. "Here's your popcorn,
sweetie," he said boldly. Mihoshi took the bowl, not even turning her
head from the screen. She mechanically began eating the popcorn, one
piece at a time. "So," Arcese began, "you like this show, too?"
With her eyes still glued firmly to the set, Mihoshi nodded a
response. Arcese brought his hand up to his face. It would be another half
hour before Mihoshi would be receptive to verbal stimulus. Arcese
thought, [This is going to be a long afternoon.]

Tenchi strolled back to the house from the mailbox, leafing
through the mail that had been delivered that day. Once again, it was
largely junk mail that composed the content. He gave an exasperated sigh
as he wondered just how all the companies who distributed the catalogs
and circulars obtained his address. Almost at the front steps he looked up
to see a sight that made all the mail tumble from his grasp. He gaped at
the sight of Ayeka at the top step wearing a low-cut, skintight black leather
outfit with matching stiletto heels. She had an anxious smile on her face.
"What do you think of my outfit, Tenchi?" she asked. "Is it provocative
enough?"
"Well, it... certainly makes me think," Tenchi replied.
Ayeka snickered excitedly, then took a step. Unfortunately, due to
her inexperience with stiletto heels, she lost her balance and fell forward.
With a shriek, she fell into Tenchi's arms in a most awkward and
unattractive fashion.
Tenchi tried his best to cushion her fall without injuring himself,
but even through his thick jacket he felt the unyielding impact of his back
on the frozen ground. He grunted in pain as Ayeka rolled off of him.
"Tenchi, are you alright?" she asked concernedly.
Tenchi sat up laboriously. "I think so," he said, reaching a hand
back and rubbing his spine.
"Oh, Tenchi, I'm so sorry!" Ayeka said, helping Tenchi to his feet.
"I thought you would think this outfit would be attractive. I hope you're
not hurt too badly."
"I think I'll be okay," Tenchi assured her. "It's just a little sore,
that's all."
"Oh, you poor thing!" Ayeka fawned. She put his arm over her
shoulder. "Let me help you back into the house." She led Tenchi up the
front steps and through the door.
From his seat on the couch next to Mihoshi, Arcese heard the two
enter. He saw Ayeka gingerly supporting Tenchi. "Is he alright?" he
asked. "What happened?"
"Oh, I messed up again!" Ayeka said aggravatedly. "Arcese,
would you be a dear and prepare some tea for Tenchi?"
"Of course," Arcese said, galloping to the kitchen without
hesitation. Ayeka continued to lead Tenchi up the stairs and into his room.
She closed the door behind them and laid Tenchi face-down on the bed.
"Just relax, Tenchi," Ayeka said. "Try not to move too much."
"Really, Ayeka, it's no big deal," Tenchi said. "I really think I'll
be okay."
"Please, Tenchi, I will not sit idly by and watch you suffer in
silence," Ayeka said. "I want to at least help you get better first. Now,
take off your shirt."
"WHAT!?" Tenchi yelled. "Ayeka, just what are you up to!?"
"Trust me, Tenchi," Ayeka said seriously. "This will help your
back."
With a twinge of fear still in him despite Ayeka's reassurance,
Tenchi nonetheless complied and removed his shirt. Ayeka blushed a little
at the sight of his toned and well-tanned bare back. She then got onto the
bed and straddled his waist.
"Ayeka, what are you doing!?" Tenchi screeched agitatedly.
"Just relax, Tenchi," she said softly but firmly. She gently placed
her hands on his back and began kneading, massaging the area thoroughly.
After a few moments she asked, "How does that feel?"
"It feels... pretty good, actually," Tenchi confessed.
Ayeka snickered. "I told you this would help," she said. "I'll have
you good as new in no time, and refreshed, too."
Tenchi sighed as he let himself get absorbed by the rhythmic
movement of Ayeka's hands over his back. She had been absolutely right;
his back was feeling better already. Still, it was a little perplexing to him
as to why Ayeka was doing this. Was she massaging his back only
because she wanted to help, or because she was trying to seduce him? He
hoped it was merely the former, but even if not he cared little, being
completely overtaken by Ayeka's skillful pinches and tugs.
Without warning the door opened, and Arcese came through
carrying a cup. "I've got the tea," he said before stopping dead in his
tracks at what he saw: Ayeka, in leather, straddling a shirtless Tenchi. It
was a sight he had never seen before, and wondered if it would ever be
seen by anyone again. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting anything?" Arcese
asked nervously.
"Not really," Ayeka said as she got up off the bed and took the tea
from Arcese. "Thank you Arcese, that will be all."
"Uh, okay," Arcese said slowly, backing out of the room. "I guess
you can take it from here." He shut the door behind him after he exited.
Ayeka sat down on the bed next to Tenchi. "Do you think you can
sit up?" she asked.
"Yeah," Tenchi said. He rolled over and sat up, leaning his back
against the headboard. Ayeka took a pillow and placed it behind him,
leaning his head forward such that it came in uncharacteristically close
proximity to her breasts. She unfolded the blanket at the foot of the bed
and slid it over him. She handed him the tea and took a seat beside him.
Tenchi reclined on the pillow and took a sip of the tea. "It's really nice of
you to do all this," he said, "but I'll be just fine. I've had worse."
"Well, I want to do all I can to speed your recovery," Ayeka said.
"Tell me," Tenchi said inquisitively, "was learning how to give
massages part of your royal education? Or are you just taking your bet
with Ryoko very seriously?"
Ayeka gasped in realization. In trying to help ease Tenchi's pain,
she had forgotten that she was supposed to be throwing herself at him.
Suddenly a depression swept over her, because, even though it seemed as
though she was shamelessly trying to seduce him, her only intent was to
help him feel better. However, her true intentions were lost behind a
veneer that she was supposed to be using, but wasn't at the time. She was
torn between telling Tenchi that her actions were genuine, and not going
back on the agreement she had made with Ryoko. She bit her lip and
turned her head away.
"I'm sorry," Tenchi said, noticing Ayeka's reaction, "I meant no
disrespect."
"It's not that," Ayeka insisted. "I just had no idea that this could
be so stressful. I mean, look at this outfit; I look ridiculous. This just isn't
me."
"Why don't you just call off the bet?" Tenchi suggested. "I'm sure
Ryoko would understand."
"But then it would seem like I'm giving up on you," Ayeka
contended, "and you mean far too much to me for that."
"Ayeka, when it comes right down to it, this has nothing to do with
me," Tenchi said. "This bet is between you and Ryoko. I certainly won't
think any less of you if you decide you want to back out. If it's something
you can't handle, then don't torture yourself. I mean, think about it; I
know it's an act anyway, so there's really no use in keeping up with it in
the first place. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm kind of like the
third party here. I'm just letting you two do whatever it is that you feel
you need to do."
"I do feel like I need to do this, Tenchi," Ayeka said seriously. "I
need to prove to Ryoko, and myself, that I can do anything that she can."
"But why do you want that?" Tenchi asked. "You're different
from her. You're not Ryoko; you're Ayeka. And I rather like Ayeka."
Ayeka brought her eyes up to his. "You mean that?" she asked.
"Sure!" Tenchi said with enthusiasm. "Would I let you lie next to
me on my bed in a skintight leather outfit if I didn't?"
Ayeka looked down at her outfit and blushed. "You know, I never
could understand how Ryoko can wear things like this," she said as she
fidgeted a little. "It's so constricting and uncomfortable."
"Then take it off," Tenchi said.
Ayeka turned bright red, as did Tenchi when he realize what he just
said. "I didn't mean that!" he corrected quickly. "I meant you should
change into a different set of clothes! That's what I meant! Honest!"
The shocked expression on Ayeka's face suddenly softened into a
smile. "Now I know why Ryoko likes doing this to you," she said. "You
do look rather cute when you're flustered."
Tenchi's blush deepened. "Maybe you really should call off this
bet," Tenchi said tightly. "You sound like you're starting to enjoy this a
bit too much."
"Tenchi, I still intend to go through with this," Ayeka told him
flatly, "if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can."
"Well, then, I guess there's not much that I can say," Tenchi
sighed. "Remember, if at any time you want to back out, I support you all
the way."
"I'll keep that in mind," Ayeka said. She swung her legs over the
side of the bed and stood up. "For now, rest up until your back gets better.
I suppose we can resume this later."
"Take your time," Tenchi insisted. Ayeka quietly glided out of the
room, leaving Tenchi to sip his tea peacefully in bed. He stared vacantly
as he thought, [I wonder how much of what she's doing is just an act?]

Chapter 5: Progress

Arcese stared dejectedly at the television as the object of his
affection, mere inches away from him on the couch, gave it her undivided
attention. He was about to give up on the whole idea. It was clear to him
that Mihoshi had no other interests than what was going on in the small,
puzzling little world she had made for herself. Whether she knew it or
not, she was successfully keeping him at a distance.
Breaking the awkward moment, Kiyone came through the door.
"Well, the ship's engine is in worse shape than I thought," she said.
"because it seems that SOMEBODY poured drain cleaner into the fuel
tank! So, it looks like I'll be taking it to a repair shop this afternoon,
meaning, of course, that we won't be able to go on patrol, which means
that we'll probably get another 'failure to perform' write-up. I certainly
hope you're happy, Mihoshi."
Mihoshi made no response, but only continued to stare at the TV.
"Mihoshi, are you listening!?" Kiyone yelled.
"Yeahinaminute," Mihoshi said vacantly.
Kiyone seethed, clenching her fist tightly and gritting her teeth.
She stomped over to the television and turned it off. Mihoshi snapped
back to reality at the termination of her stimulus. "Hey!" she said. "You
made me miss the best part!"
"Mihoshi, will you focus for two seconds!?" Kiyone screamed.
"I'm trying to tell you that we will not be able to patrol today. I need to
bring the ship in for repairs."
"You mean you couldn't find out what was wrong with the
engine?" Mihoshi asked. "If you need my help, just ask me and I'll--"
"No, no, no!" Kiyone cut her off. "Believe me, you've done quite
enough already. I'll take the ship in, you just... stay her where Arcese can
keep an eye on you."
Mihoshi looked at the occupied seat next to her. "Arcese, you're
still here?" she asked.
"Yeah, hi," Arcese confirmed.
Kiyone turned the television back on. "Arcese, can I talk to you for
a moment?" she asked, motioning for him to follow her into the kitchen.
Arcese got up off the couch and followed the teal-haired detective.
They both sat down at the kitchen table. "So, how is it going?"
Kiyone asked.
"Horribly," Arcese confessed. "I can't even get her to talk to me."
"Odd, it seems that I can't get her to shut up," Kiyone puzzled.
"If it wasn't for that damn television..." Arcese trailed off.
"Welcome to my world," Kiyone said with an air of satisfaction.
"How do you get her to pay attention to you?" Arcese asked.
"Well, the important thing to remember about Mihoshi," Kiyone
explained, "is that she has the attention span of a wicker basket. Just put
something else in front of her to distract her."
"Like what?" Arcese inquired.
"Well, anything with bright colors has worked in the past," Kiyone
recalled. "Wait! I've got it. I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner.
Ryo-ohki!"
"You think that'll work?" Arcese asked.
"Oh, for sure!" Kiyone answered. "Mihoshi loves Ryo-ohki. I see
them napping together all the time."
"I see..." Arcese mused. "So, if I just show up with Ryo-ohki,
she'll ignore the television?"
"It's worth a try," Kiyone said. "I hate how she's giving you the
cold shoulder like that."
"Somehow, I don't think it's intentional; she's just not very
observant," Arcese contended.
"I hope this works out for you," Kiyone said. "I've got to run. If I
don't get the ship in before the shop closes, I'll have to wait until
tomorrow. Then I'd lose another day, and headquarters would be all over
me, just because that blonde twit didn't think to read the label on the
bottle--"
"Kiyone," Arcese cut her off.
"Sorry," she sighed. "Anyway, good luck to you. I'll be back
around dinnertime."
"Thanks for the advice," Arcese said. "I'll let you know how
things turn out."
The two went their separate ways; Kiyone to limp her impaired
ship to the nearest repair shop, Arcese to seek out Ryo-ohki. Not
surprisingly, he picked up her emotional signature together with Sasami's
in the laundry room.
Sasami worked diligently taking clothes out of the dryer and
folding them neatly into the laundry basket. Ryo-ohki looked on from
atop the washing machine. She gave a meow as she saw Arcese enter.
Sasami paused from her work and turned around. "Hi, Arcese," she said
cheerfully.
"Hi, Sasami," Arcese returned. "Hey, doesn't Ayeka usually do
the laundry?"
"Usually," Sasami confirmed, "but she asked me to take care of it
today. She said she had something really important to do."
"Like what?" Arcese inquired.
"She wouldn't tell me," Sasami said. "But, I overheard her talking
about handcuffs and leather. Do you know anything about that?"
Arcese blushed, remembering the graphic scene he had viewed
earlier. "Nothing important," he replied. "Anyway, I was wondering if I
might be able to borrow Ryo-ohki from you for a little while."
"You need Ryo-ohki's help?" Sasami asked with puzzlement,
wondering why Arcese would require the services of the cabbit.
"In a manner of speaking," Arcese said. "It won't be for too long."
"Well, what do you think, Ryo-ohki?" she asked. "Do you want to
give Arcese a hand?" Ryo-ohki meowed her compliance and hopped onto
Arcese's shoulder.
Arcese scratched the cabbit behind the ear. "Thanks, you two," he
said with a smile. He jauntily strode out of the laundry room, leaving
Sasami to watch as he walked away. "I wonder what that was all about?"
she asked aloud.
"Now, Ryo-ohki," Arcese explained as he walked back to the
living room, "all you need to do is just look cute and let Mihoshi pet you.
If all goes well, we'll get a conversation going, and she'll finally know just
how I feel about her. Do a good job, and I'll run out to the shed and grab
you some carrots. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Ryo-ohki meowed
enthusiastically and nuzzled his cheek. "I thought so," Arcese said as he
again scratched her behind the ear.
Arcese confidently sauntered back to the couch and sat down next
to Mihoshi, a little bit closer than before. Taking that as her cue, Ryo-ohki
jumped off Arcese's shoulder and leaned affectionately on Mihoshi's
thigh. "I think someone has decided to join us," Arcese said.
Mihoshi looked down, and Arcese smiled as her eyes positively lit
up. "Hi, Ryo-ohki!" she said gleefully. She picked her up and rubbed
noses with her.
"I guess she's another one who really wants to be with you today,"
Arcese said, with a hint of suggestion.
Mihoshi placed the cabbit on her lap and stroked it underneath the
chin. "Aren't you the cutest little thing?" she asked playfully. Ryo-ohki
seemed completely absorbed in all the attention she was receiving. Arcese
smiled, satisfied that Mihoshi was no longer glued to the television; Ryo-
ohki made the perfect solvent. He slid himself just a little closer to her.
Mihoshi giggled as Ryo-ohki licked her hand. "Your tongue feels
like sandpaper," she observed.
"Gosh, she's awfully cute," Arcese said of Ryo-ohki. "Still, she's
not the cutest one here."
"I'll bet you're hungry, aren't you?" Mihoshi asked Ryo-ohki. "I
wish I hadn't finished all my popcorn."
The smile vanished from Arcese's face. Upon checking her
emotions, he found that she was completely absorbed in Ryo-ohki, and
still wasn't even acknowledging his presence. Indeed, Ryo-ohki had
served to distract her from the television, but in doing so became the
center of attention herself. "I'll get her some carrots," Arcese mumbled
glumly as he stood up. He walked out the front door, leaving Mihoshi
affectionately stroking the cabbit. [Boy, I wish I was Ryo-ohki right
now,] he thought rather shamelessly.
He trudged out to the shed to fetch Ryo-ohki's payment. She had
done her part, after all. Unfortunately, she did it a little too well. [What is
with her?] he asked to himself. [What do I have to do to get her
attention? Do I have to set myself on fire? This is ridiculous! This really
makes me wonder how I could have possibly fallen for her in the first
place. Washu just has to be wrong about all this. There's no way that I
could possibly have those kinds of feelings for someone so dense.]
Arcese reached the shed and grabbed a handful of carrots from the
store that was amassed a while ago. With one arm practically full of the
orange vegetables, he slogged back to the house. [No matter what
happens,] he promised to himself, [I will never let myself fall in love
again!] Arcese again entered the living room, in order to pay the cabbit
her preferred currency. He looked to the couch, and saw that Mihoshi was
sprawled out upon it, snoring softly. Ryo-ohki was curled up in a ball on
her stomach.
The carrots in Arcese's grasp tumbled to the floor as he gaped in
disbelief. Apparently, things had gotten worse. He stood over the
sleeping police officer, looking at her with hopelessness in his eyes. Still,
after all he had been ignored by her, he still could not bring himself to
leave her side. He scooped her up in his arms, knowing that the couch was
not as comfortable as her bed. He carried her up the stairs and into her
room, the sleeping Ryo-ohki hitching a ride in the process. He laid her on
the bed, and gently removed Ryo-ohki from atop her stomach, laying her
down on the pillow next to Mihoshi's head. He unrolled the blanket and
covered Mihoshi's body with it. He watched silently as the blonde,
undisturbed throughout the course of the transportation, continued to sleep
peacefully. Due to forces unknown, Arcese felt compelled to lean down
and softly kiss her forehead. Before exiting the room, he took one look
back at the sleeping woman. "Why do I love you, you funny girl?" he
asked aloud. He turned off the light and closed the door.

Tenchi's attention was turned to his door when a knock suddenly
sounded on the other side. He picked the cup of tea up off the side table; it
had grown cold. Apparently, he had dozed off for quite some time.
"Come in," he called, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Ryoko opened the door and stepped inside. "Hello, Tenchi," she
said. "Am I disturbing you?"
"Not at all," Tenchi replied. "I must have just dozed off. Thank
you for waking me."
"Oh, well, you're welcome," Ryoko said with a smile. "Tenchi,
may I sit with you?"
"Er, sure," Tenchi permitted.
Ryoko took a seat at the end of the bed, trying hard not to stare at
him. The image of him lying in bed with no shirt was a delicious sight
that normally only came to her in dreams. Being dignified and reserved
was harder than she had thought. Still, she wasn't ready to admit defeat
just yet. Especially since she considered the fact that, if she was having a
rough time with the bet, Ayeka must have been going absolutely crazy.
"I have to ask you something," Tenchi said. "Why are you and
Ayeka taking this bet so seriously? I thought that you two weren't in
competition anymore."
"We don't show it," Ryoko replied, "but we still try to show each
other up. Neither one of us wants to give an inch when it comes to you."
"You know you don't have to do this," Tenchi said. "I know this is
just a game. Whatever you do today isn't going to matter, because I know
you're not being yourselves."
"I think more than anything else that I want to do this to show you
that I can rise to any occasion," Ryoko said. "You know, just so you don't
doubt me."
"Ryoko, when have I ever doubted you?" Tenchi asked
rhetorically.
"I just need to prove myself," Ryoko replied.
"No you don't," Tenchi replied. "You've already proven yourself
to me. You're acting kind of paranoid about all this."
Ryoko considered Tenchi's statement. Could it me that she was
taking her feelings too far? No, that couldn't be it; when five other
women are after your true love, there's no way you can go too far. She
would never give up her efforts, even now, when she had to approach
things completely different. "I have nothing to lose by proving myself
again," she contended.
Tenchi sighed. "Well, then, I guess there's not much that I can
say," he said. "I just wish that you and Ayeka didn't take this so seriously.
Just like I told Ayeka, this is all just a game, anyway."
"It's a game I want to win," Ryoko said. "Anything that brings me
closer to you."
"I don't think this is the best way to get closer to one another,"
Tenchi replied.
"I beg to differ," Ryoko said slyly. "One day of acting like a lady,
and I've already got you in bed with your shirt off."
Tenchi blushed, then quickly covered his bare torso with the
blanket. "I was like that when you got in here!" Tenchi defended.
"Don't worry, Tenchi," Ryoko said, snickering at his discomfort,
"a promise is a promise. I'm not going to come on to you like I normally
do."
Tenchi breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good to know," he said,
"especially with Ayeka trying to give you a run for your money."
"She hasn't... done anything yet, has she?" Ryoko asked anxiously.
Tenchi knew exactly what she meant. "No, she hasn't," Tenchi
reported. "But she's trying. Very hard."
Ryoko swore under her breath. If Ayeka was even partially
successful on her end of the bet, then she was already in a better position
than she was. She decided at that moment to use her one ace in the hole,
the one thing that she was entitled to do: be polite. "Tenchi?" she asked.
"Can I ask you something, please?"
"Of course, Ryoko," Tenchi said with a smile. "What is it?"
"Well," she began in a shy voice, "I was wondering if... if you
wanted... that is, I mean, if it would be okay if... do you want to, um...
would you like to, er... can we, maybe... kiss with tongues?"
"RYOKO!" Tenchi shouted in alarm. "I thought you said you
weren't going to come on to me!"
"I'm not coming on to you," Ryoko contended innocently. "I'm
asking you politely."
"But, you can't just as to kiss someone... with your tongue!"
Tenchi stammered.
"Says who?" Ryoko asked, again innocently.
"Says... well, it's not important," Tenchi said. "But, you can't just
ask for a kiss. Isn't it supposed to be something you're just supposed to let
happen?"
"Well, okay, if you feel that way about it," Ryoko trailed off. She
began leaning closer to him.
"Ryoko," Tenchi began tightly, "what are you doing?"
"Letting things happen," Ryoko explained. She continued to lean
towards him.
"Well, cut it out," Tenchi scolded lightly.
"But I thought you said if I just let things happen, then we would
kiss with tongues," Ryoko pouted.
"I never said that!" clarified Tenchi.
"But... but..." Ryoko stuttered, "...but... but... kissing! Tongues!
Please?"
"Ryoko, how is this any different from your normal behavior?"
Tenchi asked.
"I asked first, didn't I?" Ryoko contended.
"Well, yeah, but--" Tenchi cut himself off, knowing that Ryoko
was right. At least she asked. Still, it was very confusing. He got up from
the bed and walked to the closet, where he grabbed a shirt. "Ryoko, I
never thought I would say this," Tenchi began as he buttoned the garment,
"but I think you're easier to deal with when you're trying to seduce me."
"So you like it when I do that?" Ryoko asked excitedly. "Good!
Then tomorrow I'll do something extra-naughty, just for you!"
"I never said I liked it," Tenchi said dryly. "Ryoko, I really think
you ought to consider calling off this bet with Ayeka. I hate to offend you,
but neither of you are impressing me. Just stick to being yourselves; that's
why I like you in the first place."
"Sorry, Tenchi, but I made a promise," Ryoko said with
determination in her voice. "I'm going to see it through to the end."
"Well, it'll have to wait until dinner," Tenchi said. "I have to
spend a little time at the shrine helping Grandpa."
"May I accompany you?" Ryoko asked, a little over-politely.
"Sorry, no," Tenchi said. "I'll be back by dinner, though."
"But what will I do until then?" Ryoko asked pitiably.
"Trade notes with Ayeka," Tenchi suggested as he left the room.
"You two both have some very interesting stories to share."

Chapter 6: Interesting...

As they had stated earlier, Kiyone and Tenchi both returned to the
house around dinnertime. Arcese was very glad to see Kiyone, with whom
he needed to discuss his situation with Mihoshi. As well, Ayeka and
Ryoko were, as always, glad to see Tenchi, and in turn make one final
push to decide who's approach was better.
Kiyone and Arcese sat in the living room before dinner was served.
"So, how are things going?" Kiyone asked.
"Not so good," Arcese confessed. "No matter what I do, I can't
seem to make her pay attention to me. It's like I don't even exist to her."
"When she's watching television, a nuclear war doesn't exist to
Mihoshi." Kiyone observed. "Did you bring Ryo-ohki in like I told you?"
"Yes, I did," Arcese said. "Then, she got so wrapped up in Ryo-
ohki that she still wouldn't pay any attention to me. Before I could think
of something else, she fell asleep."
"Sheesh," Kiyone said tightly. "Where is she now?"
"Still sleeping," Arcese said glumly. "Who knows? Maybe I'm
the cure for insomnia."
"Hey, I've got an idea," Kiyone said. "Why don't you wake her up
for dinner?"
"I suppose I could try," Arcese reasoned. "Anything would be
better than just sitting around doing nothing."
"Good luck, Cassanova!" Kiyone encouraged with a wink.
"Thanks," Arcese said as he made for the stairs. "The way things
have been going, I'm going to need it." Kiyone watched anxiously as he
approached the door to the room in which Mihoshi slept. Arcese reached
down to grasp the knob. His hand never made it there. Suddenly the door
swung outward and smacked him in the face. Surprised by the blow,
Arcese fell backwards over the railing and landed with a sharp THUD on
the floor below. Not knowing that she had sent someone downstairs the
hard way, Mihoshi scampered out of the room.
"Why didn't somebody wake me!?" She asked in a flustered tone.
"I could've slept through dinnertime!"
Kiyone smacked her palm against her forehead. "Mihoshi, you
dimwit!" she said through clenched teeth.
Washu emerged from her lab. "What was that sound?" she asked.
"It was just me," Arcese said as he stood up.
"What happened?" Washu asked, curious as to why Arcese was
lying on the floor.
"I'll tell you what happened," Arcese said, rather angrily. "I have
officially had it! To hell with love! Do you hear me? It's too much for
me to put up with. My life is confusing enough as it is. If the greatest
genius in the universe can't figure it out, then what hope do I have? So,
I'm just going to cut my losses and forget that this day ever happened.
And I expect all of you to do the same!"
Mihoshi looked at him quizzically. "What are you talking about?"
she asked.
"You know very well what I'm talking about!" Arcese snapped. "I
wasted a whole day trying to get your attention, and you didn't even
notice!" By now, everyone who was in the kitchen had drifted into the
living room to get a better listen to the argument.
"Of course I noticed," Mihoshi said rather plainly.
Arcese perked up. "You... you did?" he asked.
"How could I not?" Mihoshi replied. "You were practically
drooling over me."
Arcese was stunned. Mihoshi had given no indication that she
even acknowledged his presence throughout the course of the day. And
now, almost as a side-note she admitted to understanding every word that
he had said, every action that he did. "Well, if you noticed," Arcese
began, "then why didn't you say anything?"
"I wanted to be polite," Mihoshi said innocently. "I didn't want
you to think that you were giving me the wrong idea."
"Wrong idea!?" he blurted. "What wrong idea? I was trying to get
you to like me, plain and simple. Couldn't you see that?"
"That's what I thought at first," Mihoshi said, "but I just knew it
couldn't be right."
"And what, pray tell, led you to this amazing epiphany?" Arcese
asked, clearly annoyed.
"Well," Mihoshi began, "I didn't think anything of it because I
know that you and Washu are together."
Washu's eyes went wide. For that matter, so did everyone else's.
Arcese began looking back and forth quickly between the blonde police
officer and the pink-haired scientist, a look of absolute turmoil on is face.
"Me and... and... Washu!?" he stammered.
"Well, yeah," Mihoshi said. "I mean, you two are always in the lab
alone together, so I figured that you two had that kind of relationship.
Don't you?"
"Washu is dating Arcese?" Sasami asked excitedly.
"NO!" Washu answered quickly.
"This is unbelievable!" Arcese said. "How in the world did you
get to be a detective if you can't even figure out what's going on right
under your nose? Do you have any idea how much I agonized over all of
today? How much effort I put into trying to learn more about you and get
you to talk to me? Obviously not, because, if you had, you would have at
least smiled at me out of pity!"
"Hey, it's not my fault that you don't know the right way to get a
girl's attention," Mihoshi said, surprisingly flippantly as she turned and
walked towards the kitchen. "And besides, it's not like I was rude, or
anything. Sheesh, what a dork."
Arcese watched as she walked out of the room, feeling worse than
he ever had before. With good reason; possibly the nicest, most upbeat,
most innocent girl in the world had just called him a dork. Arcese sank to
the floor and curled up into a ball. "What are you doing?" Ryoko asked.
"If I wish hard enough," Arcese said into the floor, "then maybe I'll
die."
Kiyone got up and helped Arcese to his feet. "I'm sorry," she told
him as she sat him on the couch. "I shouldn't have given you all that
advice. I guess I'm the one that messed things up for a change."
"Don't blame yourself," Arcese said, staring down at his feet.
"You were helping. Besides, I came to you. At least you gave me a place
to start. Frankly, I don't know why I saw her that way to begin with."
"Actually, you didn't," Washu cut in. All eyes turned to her. "I
went over the results of the test again, and I found out that you were never
in love with Mihoshi."
"YES!" Arcese yelled with a triumphant pump of his fist. "I knew
it had to be a mechanical malfunction. This is fantastic news!"
"You didn't let me finish," Washu said, preempting his
celebration. "Even though it's not Mihoshi that you're in love with, you
are in love with someone."
Arcese sank back into his seat and brought his hands to his face.
"I'm in hell," he said flatly. "I don't know how, but I've died and gone to
hell."
"Don't you want to know who it is?" Washu asked.
"Not particularly," Arcese said.
"Okay, I'll tell you later," Washu said. "For now, let's eat!" At
the suggestion, everyone adjourned to the kitchen table, leaving Arcese to
sulk on the sofa.

During dinner, Ayeka was still having a rough time trying to be a
seductress. She found it difficult to chew and swallow while her head was
leaning on Tenchi's shoulder. "You know, Ayeka," Tenchi suggested,
"maybe you should sit upright while you eat. You're getting a lot of rice
on my shirt." Ryoko chuckled, feeling that Ayeka was making a total fool
of herself.
"I'm going to get the hang of this yet," Ayeka said with
determination as she snuggled closer.
"Ayeka, what exactly are you wearing?" Sasami asked.
"They happen to be bunny ears," Ayeka said with dignity.
"I still say they looked better as my Halloween costume," Kiyone
said.
"Nevertheless, I myself find them an effective complement to my
natural beauty," Ayeka replied. "If not a tad unusual."
"And pretentious," Washu added.
"Oh, and the devil costume Ryoko wears isn't?" Ayeka asked.
"Hey, I can't help it if I was born to wear skintight red leather
outfits," Ryoko defended.
"All I have to say is thank goodness everything is going to go back
to normal after today," Tenchi said. "I may not be able to cope well, but at
least I'm used to it."
"I'm looking forward to it, too," Ryoko said with a wide smile.
"Oh, the things I'm going to do to you tomorrow."
"Watch me count the minutes," Tenchi said unenthusiastically.
"In case you haven't noticed," Ayeka said, hugging Tenchi's arm,
"the day is not over. Restrain yourself."
"Okay," Ryoko consented, "I'll restrain myself today. But I expect
Tenchi to restrain me tomorrow."
"Don't count on it," Tenchi said, still unenthusiastic.
"Yes," Ayeka taunted, "Tenchi will be far too busy with me this
evening to even think about you."
"Not if bunny ears is the best you can do," Ryoko replied.
"It most certainly is not," Ayeka said knowingly. "You would be
surprised what I'm capable of."
"Before you elaborate on that," Ryoko said, "Let me finish my
dinner. Otherwise I might lose my appetite." Ayeka growled slightly as
the two silenced themselves for the remainder of dinner.
At the conclusion of the meal, the diners exited the kitchen, finding
that Arcese had remained on the sofa, still looking a little dazed. Kiyone
looked at him pitiably. "Mihoshi, I think you should talk to him," she
whispered to her partner.
"About what?" she asked.
"About today," Kiyone elaborated. "He seems really depressed.
He needs to know that you at least pay attention to him."
"I pay attention to him," Mihoshi insisted.
"Does he know that?" Kiyone shot back, gesturing to the
downtrodden android.
Mihoshi's eyes looked down. "Okay, I'll say something," she said.
She ambled over to the sofa and took a seat. "Arcese?" she asked. "Are
you okay?"
"Yeah, just a little confused," he said. "This is all kind of new to
me."
"Hey, no hard feelings," Mihoshi said cheerily. "I still like you."
"Do you?" Arcese inquired.
"Sure I do," Mihoshi confirmed. "You're a nice guy. You're
completely pathetic when it comes to romance, but you're a nice guy."
Arcese couldn't help but laugh at Mihoshi's tactless directness.
"Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely adorable?" Arcese
asked.
"Actually, Kiyone told me that a couple of times," Mihoshi replied.
"Er, no, wait... she said I was 'abhor-able.' But they sound the same, so
they must mean the same, too, right?"
Arcese laughed again. "Sure," he said.
"Hey, I'm sorry I called you a dork," Mihoshi said. "Even though
you are, kinda. We can still be friends, can't we?"
"I think I'd like that," Arcese responded. "Thanks for
understanding."
"Anytime, pal!" Mihoshi said with enthusiasm. "By the way,
didn't Washu say something about you being in love with someone else?
Who is it?"
"I don't know," Arcese said, "and I don't think I want to know just
yet." Just then, their attention was turned to the other side of the living
room, where Ryoko and Ayeka had begun to raise their voices a little.
Ayeka was tightly clinging to Tenchi.
"If you're entitled to do it, then why can't I?" Ayeka asked
indignantly.
"Because you're not doing it right!" Ryoko shot back.
"Even if I'm not, there's nothing you can do about it!" Ayeka said
with a tint of harshness. "The agreement we made allows me to act in
such a manner if I so wish."
"Not if it disgraces the very essence of what it means to be a
seductress!" Ryoko snapped. "You know, I think Tenchi was right; we
should just end this all now."
"Not a chance!" Ayeka said. "Not until I have proven to you that it
is easier to be promiscuous than it is to be ladylike."
"I'm all for the two of you calling it off," Tenchi whimpered.
Ryoko seemed to calm down a little. She smoothed her hair and
took a deep breath. "Ayeka, this day has been hard on both of us," she
said calmly. "If you insist on continuing with this little agreement, then I
suggest we wait a little while so each of us has a chance to do our
homework and go about this the right way."
"Ryoko, we've been living together for quite some time," Ayeka
replied. "I think we've been around each other long enough to know
approximately how we act."
"Approximately isn't good enough," Ryoko contended. "If I'm
going to do this, I want to do it right."
Ayeka stepped back and thought for a moment, leaving Tenchi to
wait in anticipation for a response. "On one condition," she finally said.
Her hungry eyes turned to Tenchi. "Tenchi, kiss me."
"WHAT!?" Ryoko blurted.
"WHAT!?" Tenchi blurted.
"I've been acting like a harlot all day," Ayeka reasoned. "I've been
handcuffed, fallen down, worn the most uncomfortable shoes imaginable,
and all I have to show for it are seam lines from those infernal skintight
outfits. I think I deserve at least a little something for my troubles."
Ryoko became alarmed, remembering the clause in their verbal
contract about kissing Tenchi. "Don't kiss her, Tenchi!" she begged.
"She's trying to trick you into winning the bet!"
"That's not true at all," Ayeka replied. "I simply want the
satisfaction of knowing that all my efforts were not for naught. Just a
small kiss, that's all, Tenchi." She shut her eyes and moved in.
Tenchi backed away. "Er, I'm not sure if... I mean, do you think...
It might not be..." he stammered tightly.
Ryoko became quite angry. She decided that, if Ayeka was going
to play hardball, she would have to beat her to the punch. Ryoko advanced
towards Tenchi and puckered her lips, intending to press them to Tenchi's
before Ayeka. She closed her eyes and waited for bliss to overtake her.
With the mentality of a fighter pilot, Tenchi analyzed the situation.
[Bogeys at three and nine o'clock,] his mind said, [and closing fast.
Verbal ammunition has been exhausted. Impact in two seconds. Take
evasive action!] Tenchi took a long step backwards and out of the line of
advancement of his two housemates. Amidst wide eyes, the two enemy
pilots collided.
[Oh, Tenchi, your lips are so soft!] Ayeka thought. [This
moment is worth all the hardships that I've been through today. It's worth
more than everything in my life! I will treasure this moment forever...]
[Tenchi, I'm so glad that you and I are finally together,] Ryoko
thought as she continued to kiss. [I always knew that you were the only
one for me. I'm so happy that you feel the same way about me. I love
you, my darling...]
Once the sheer shock of the sight had left him, Arcese quickly
rushed over to where Sasami stood and covered her eyes with his hand.
"You should not be watching this," he said. "Hell, I shouldn't be watching
this."
"Then look away," Kiyone suggested, gaping and staring.
Arcese whimpered thinly, "I... I can't."
Tenchi's jaw hung slack as he viewed the scene that he helped
cause. Seeking an explanation, his eyes automatically sought out Washu,
the objective voice of reason. She was staring just as impolitely as
everyone else. "Interesting..." she trailed off.
Mihoshi's hand went to her mouth. "Oh, dear!" she said. "I've
never seen this happen on TV before."
Washu looked at her watch. She began counting down, "...Five,
four, three, two, one..." Ayeka and Ryoko simultaneously opened their
eyes.
For a moment they stood there, lips still fastened firmly, rigid and
unyielding like a statue of two lovers. Two very confused, shocked,
disgusted lovers. They finally leapt back from one another, as if a fire had
been lit under their feet. They stared vacantly at one another, as the
realization of what had just occurred slowly sank in. As Ayeka fell stiffly
to the floor, Ryoko began to spit and gag furiously.
"Oh, Ayeka!" Sasami shouted as she rushed from behind Arcese's
hand to help her sister to the couch. At the same time, Ryoko looked like
she was performing an Indian war dance on the hardwood floor.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god,
oh god, OH GOD!" she chanted. "I... I... I KISSED PRINCESS LIPS!!!"
Ayeka remained somewhat catatonic on the couch. "Ayeka, are
you alright?" Sasami asked concernedly. "Say something, please!" Ryo-
ohki quickly leapt upon the unresponsive Ayeka and wagged her tail
underneath her nose, intending to tickle her back into consciousness.
Ayeka awoke with a startled snort, a glassy look in her eyes.
"Oh, Sasami," she said weakly. "Run to the bathroom and fetch
me a bottle of peroxide and a toothbrush."
Meanwhile, Ryoko continued to gesticulate wildly. "Now I'm
going to have to boil my face!" she almost wept.
Amidst the confusion, Arcese began to chuckle to himself softly.
The chuckle grew into a laugh, which continued to evolve into an outright
fit of hysterics as he doubled over guffawing. Everyone looked at him
quizzically. Ryoko recovered long enough to shoot him a piercing glance.
"What's so funny!?" she thundered.
Arcese looked over at Washu. "You see?" he said between laughs.
"I told you love was confusing!"

Chapter 7: Forget It

Arcese was in the lab, trying to recover from his fit of uproarious
laughter in the living room. Still, a stray giggle would escape him, much
to the annoyance of Washu. "Would you cut that out?" she asked firmly.
"I don't see what was so funny to begin with. That whole thing was so
surreal. I'm not sure I wanted to see that."
"Neither am I," Arcese struggled to articulate between chuckles.
"But it sure proves that I'm right, doesn't it?"
"It just proves that Ayeka and Ryoko's lips have lousy aim,"
Washu contended.
"Yeah, but what about Mihoshi?" Arcese asked with renewed
merriment. "Thinking that you and I were an item! Now that's surreal!"
"Now that I think about it," Washu said, "it is a weird idea isn't it?
Still, I can see how she might think that. After all, we do spend a lot of
time together. Behind closed doors. That's usually how rumors get
started."
"Speaking of rumors," Arcese said, trying to get a hold of himself,
"we might want to stop another one from starting. I think you better tell
me who it is that I'm actually in love with."
Washu looked at him seriously. "Are you sure you're ready to hear
this?" she asked.
"How can I not be?" Arcese asked. "Mihoshi made a fool of me,
and I watched Ayeka and Ryoko swap spit. I doubt anything could get to
me now."
Washu sighed and walked to where Arcese sat. She whispered the
information in his ear. The smile on Arcese's face fell crashing to the
floor, as did his jaw. His eyes grew unnaturally wide in disbelief.
"Washu, if this is a joke..." he trailed off.
"No joke," Washu said.
"But... but..." Arcese stuttered, "..but... but... but... she's... she's...
she's..."
"I know, I know," Washu said with understanding. "That's why
you parlayed those emotions onto Mihoshi. Next to Sasami, Mihoshi is
the most innocent and sweet of any of us."
"...she's... she's... she's... she's... she's a... a... a... a kid!" he
stuttered.
"I knew you wouldn't be ready yet," Washu said with a sigh.
"She's... a... KID!" Arcese stuttered again.
"Yes, we've been over that," Washu replied.
"I can't feel that way about a kid!" Arcese declared nervously.
"There's no way! If you tell me to pursue this, you can forget it!"
"I'm not going to tell you to pursue it," Washu assured him.
"Luckily, love comes in many guises. Just because you love her doesn't
mean you have to flirt with her."
"Good, cause I'm not going to!" Arcese said defiantly.
"No, I think you have a more, shall we say, passive love for
Sasami," Washu observed.
"Washu, I've already promised myself that I would never fall in
love again," Arcese declared. "So I'm going to forget that you even told
me that."
"Sorry, but you've got no choice in the matter," Washu said with a
knowing smile. "One thing I do know about love is that no one can
control it."
"Well, love hasn't met my secret weapon," Arcese said
forebodingly.
"And that is...?" Washu asked.
"Denial!" Arcese declared. "And I thank you for giving me the
power to do that!"
Washu just shook her head. "Whatever," she said. "Just
remember that you said that when you find out that kids grow up."
Arcese couldn't help but perk up. Washu noticed this. "That's
right," Washu said suggestively. "Before you know it, she'll be a fully
developed young lady."
"Fully... fully developed?" Arcese wondered aloud.
Washu smiled. "You have no idea," she said slyly.
Arcese furiously shook his head. "No, no, that's just wrong," he
said. "I don't think of her that way, and I never will. No matter how
'developed' she gets!"
"Suit yourself," Washu said. "Just remember that patience is a
virtue."
"So's chastity," Arcese replied flatly.
"Yeah, but that's no fun!" Washu said with a smile.
"It is when you know you're better off," Arcese said rather coldly.
"Arcese, some day a woman will come along and change
everything," Washu assured him. "Who knows? Maybe she's already
here."
Arcese looked at her quizzically. "Washu," he asked, "are you
coming on to me?"
Washu promptly slapped Arcese in the face and walked off,
grumbling. Arcese rubbed his cheek. [Boy,] he thought, [she hits hard
for such a small girl.]

On their way to their rooms that evening, Ayeka and Ryoko
crossed paths. They nervously glanced at each other as they passed in the
hallway. Ryoko was almost through her door when she heard Ayeka call,
"Ryoko!"
Ryoko turned around, refusing to make eye contact. Ayeka as well
was staring at the floor. "Um, about today..." she began.
"Don't," Ryoko preempted her. "As far as I'm concerned, it never
happened. It was all some horrible nightmare. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got some serious repressing to do."
"I didn't mean... that," Ayeka said uncomfortably, feeling her body
suddenly grow cold. "I meant our wager. Who won?"
"Frankly, I don't care anymore," Ryoko said flatly. "Why don't we
just call it a draw and never speak of it again?"
"Agreed," Ayeka said without hesitation.
"Great," Ryoko said, emotionless. "Sleep well, Ayeka."
"Never again, Ryoko," Ayeka said with a shiver. "Never again."
Ryoko closed the door to her room and sat down on her bed, her
head propped in her hands. [I don't believe that happened,] she thought
to herself. [Tenchi was right there. How could I miss? I feel so... dirty.
Oh well, at least my eyes were closed through most of it. God, every time
I shut my eyes, I can still see her looking back at me. Jeez, I'd rather have
kissed that letch Arcese! I won't be able to flirt for a while, after what I've
been through.]
Ryoko leaned down and reached underneath her bed. After feeling
around a little, she found what she was looking for and pulled up the bottle
of teriyaki sauce. [Great,] she thought dejectedly, [now this stuff is
going to spoil!]