The Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Trouble with Link ❯ The Meeting ( Chapter 1 )

Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series.

 

Do the bosses in the Zelda games receive payment for their work?

 

 

Chapter 1: Meeting

 

 

The chu-chus were having fun. Squidge up, wobble, jump, squidge down. Some chu-chus were deliberately bumping into each other and giggling. Their fixed smiles and wide open eyes remained unchanged, but the giggling increased. They were ignoring the strange looking creature who was talking to them. They wobbled and squidged and played their chu-chu game.

 

`Surely you're tired of being killed all the time. Don't you mourn your parents, friends, loved ones? Aren't you tired of all the senseless killing? Aren't you scared you will die?' The creature persisted despite the lack of response. `Don't you hate Link? Don't you want him to stop?'

 

The final comments finally caught the attention of the chu-chus. They stopped squidging up and down and jumping. They all wobbled to face the speaker. They couldn't stop the wobble.

 

`Why Link stop? Link tickle me. Link hits with sword, sword tickle, chu-chu giggle,' said a green chu-chu.

 

`Die? Not die. Go pop, come back. You not die either. You come back. We like Link better than you. He play game and tickle us. You talk, talk, talk. No fun. Go. Fun time now, talk over,' said a red chu-chu.

 

The chu-chus again squidged up and down, wobbling all the while, ignoring the creature who continued to talk. He made the mistake of trying to grab a chu-chu to make it listen.

 

The chu-chu's reacted. This was not fun. This was serious. The creature was suddenly surrounded by the chu-chus who bumped into him until he ran away.

 

Not too far away deku scrubs were blowing nuts at each other, squeaking when they hit each other, running around and laughing. He tried to talk to them. He'd tried before but had failed. It took a few seconds before he was hit with a barrage of nuts. The deku scrubs liked Link and the games he played with them. Why change?

 

The creature sadly shook his head and went to talk to the keese. `The flaming keese are the worst,' he thought. I'm always scared of getting burnt. I have to try. After that, I've been told I have to talk to the wolfo's.'

 

ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

 

The building was large, very large. By normal standards it was enormous, but even so there was little room to move.

 

`I think we better open the doors and set up outside speakers,' suggested Giant Bobo Baba.

 

`But this is meant to be a secret meeting. How secret will it be if we start broadcasting our issues?' Gohma replied.

 

`Isn't there any place larger we could hold this meeting? I'm sure there must be,' Façade argued from the floor. `Could you remove your tendrils from my eye? They hurt,' the last comment was aimed at Giant Bobo Baba.

 

`Oh, sorry. I try to watch them, but they like to wander off. It's really hard when I attend dinner parties. They always end up in someone's soup,' Giant Bobo Baba said sadly.

 

`Remind you never to invite you to any of mine,' Façade said coldly.

 

`You have dinner parties and you've never invited me,' Gohma exclaimed. `That's down right rude. I'd invite you if I ever had dinner parties, which I don't because they don't fit with my image. That's it. You're off the list for my next games night. Don't bother turning up with that upside down cake you always bring. No one ever eats it and I end up lobbing it at you know who whenever he turns up. Sometimes I even manage to hit him with it.'

 

Façade glared at Gohma. `Fine. I hate your stupid games nights. All we ever play is cards and I find it impossible to hold them. You never listen to my request that we play Trivial Pursuit or Monopoly. No, it's always the cards or pin the Master sword on Link. Anyway, I wasn't saying I gave dinner parties and didn't invite you…'

 

`But you don't invite Gohma or Giant Bobo Baba,' Gleerock broke in. `At the last dinner party you said…Ooops,' said Gleerock as Façade turned his glare on him.

 

`Forget I said anything. I must have been thinking of someone else. Oh, there's Mazaal. Must go and talk to him about the, um, the weather. Bye,' Gleerock left as fast as a giant turtle dragon could, looking very embarrassed.

 

`Another person to take off your dinner party list,' Gohma gloated looking at Façade who was blushing furiously. `I've always said you were stuck up, or in your case stuck down. Just wait until this gossip spreads. I know where I'm not welcome. Come on Baba, let's go and talk to someone who is more socially adept. See you Façade.'

 

`Not if I see you first,' muttered Façade.

 

Bongo Bongo started beating his drums to gain everyone's attention. The talking began to quiet as bosses turned to the platform where Bongo Bongo was placed. Next to him was Medelock who had reluctantly agreed to chair the meeting. He looked as embarrassed and irritated as he could. He tapped his foot, waiting for all the noise to subside.

 

`We all know why we're here today,' Medelock began.

 

`I don't,' yelled Odolwa.

 

`Shut up, you fool,' hissed Hot Head. `Thus is not a time for jokes. This is serious.'

 

Medelock just glared at Odolwa until he looked at his feet, shamed by the criticism.

 

`As I was saying, we all know why we're here. We were all asked to this extraordinary meeting by the Giant Magtail. She wishes to report on her findings. Maggs, go on. Talk.'

 

`I've sent some minor bosses to talk to the other creatures who are affected by that pest, Link. They've had no luck whatsoever. Some of them are recovering from the injuries they received while trying to gain support for us and they can't attend today. The chu-chus are too stupid, the keese too flighty, the spiders are too lazy, just to mention some of the problems. We won't even talk about the wolfo's. I don't think Blue Stalftos will ever be the same again,' said the Giant Magtail (hereafter referred to as Maggs).

 

`Get to the point,' yelled Goht. He was quickly subdued when one of Giant Bobo Baba's tentacles `accidentally' jammed his mouth shut.

 

`Thanks Baba,' Maggs said. `To continue, I think they're all too stupid to consider. For some weird reason, they all love Link. We're going to have to work this out with the help of the mini-bosses. Any questions so far?'

 

`Yeah. When do we eat?' asked Eyesoar. He was quickly silenced when the Angler Fish sat on him.

 

`Look, either take this seriously or get out,' roared Medelock. `It's been hard enough trying to organise this without your stupid comments. Now either work with us, or I'll tell Link the cheats to defeat you. I've had a quick look at the Strategy Guides and walkthroughs as well. I know everything.'

 

There was stunned silence as this threat hung in the air.

 

`You, you, you, can't do that,' the Giant Chu-chu stuttered wobbling in fright. `Tha, tha, that is against the unwritten code. You will fi fin fin find yourself dem dem demoted to a mini-boss. You will ne ne ne never be invited to any so soc social events. Christmas will be a time when y yo you receive no cards. Birthdays wi wi will bring no presents. Y yo you can't betray us li li like that!' His voice was wobbling in terror to match his body.

 

`I can and I will if I keep getting interrupted by stupid comments,' said Medelock briskly. `Now, does any one else need to interrupt?'

 

There was absolute silence.

 

`Good. We may continue. I will now ask Shadow Ganon to read the list of our grievances against Link,' Medelock said firmly.

 

Shadow Ganon appeared mistily on the stage. He held a sheaf of papers in his hand and cleared his throat nervously.

 

`This is the list of our grievances against Link, may his sword break, his shield burn, his tunic shrink in the wash and his tights get laddered.

 

He never says anything before he fights us. Even a hello would be nice. Or a chat about the weather, but no, he just tries to kill us.

He always steals our treasure but denies being a thief.

He never says `thank you'. Never shows any gratitude.

The unwritten code says that the victor should always clean up after the battles. He cuts off tentacles and never cleans them up, or sews them back on, just as an example.

Who is supposed to clean up after Epona and never does? That's right, Link.

Link is constantly opening graves and taking what he finds. Big Poe is very upset and so is Dampee. Isn't it illegal to desecrate graves?

When he's practising with a new tune on the ocarina, the sound is dreadful. Can't he go and practice somewhere no one else can hear him?

Does he ever change his clothes or have a bath except when he falls in the water? I think someone should mention personal hygiene to him.

I'm worried by all the fairies. Do you want them around your children?

Some of us are having trouble replacing all the things he breaks. Do you know how long it takes to make a pot?'

 

Shadow Ganon paused waiting for the hubbub to die down.

 

`Does anyone disagree with the list?' Medelock asked.

 

`No,' was the resounding response.

 

`I do,' muttered Goht having managed to get the tentacle out of his mouth. He quickly shut his mouth as a tentacle wavered in front of him.

 

`Now, the next item of business. We have a special guest speaker today who wishes to address us about the trouble with Link. Please be silent for Impa,' announced Medelock

 

There was first a stunned silence and then a startled murmur around the room.

 

`Impa. Isn't she supposed to be one of the good guys?'

 

`What's she doing here. Doesn't she normally help Link?”

 

`Zelda's nurse. There must be some mistake.'

 

`Didn't she teach him one of those tunes?'

 

These comments and similar were overheard as Impa arrived on the stage. She waited for silence before she began to speak.

 

`I know you're all surprised to see me here. But I too have a grievance against Link. I never wanted to be the Shadow Sage, locked away from humanity forever. I was the last of the Sheikah and had hoped to have children so my race would not die. That choice was taken away from me by Link,' she began.

 

`Shouldn't she be blaming Ganondorf,' murmured Moldorm only to be quelled by a stern look from Medelock.

 

`He has never once thanked me for all my help and I'm afraid he is a bad influence on Zelda. She's taken to saying `Hya' regularly and is constantly breaking things looking for rupees. She never used to want rupees. I think she is secretly sending it to Link. He should be stopped before he destroys everything. He must pay'

 

`I agree,' yelled Shadow Link. `He always acts as if he's better than me.'

 

`Down with Link,' screamed the Shadow Hag.

 

`Roast him. Ice him,' screeched Koume and Kotake, shaking their broomsticks.

 

A general outcry against the evils of Link was only silenced by a further threat by Medelock.

 

A hand was raised.

 

`What's the question, Wart? Make it quick and it better be relevant,' commanded Medelock.

 

`What are rupees? I don't understand. I've never heard of them before. Are they something nice to eat?' Wart asked curiously.

 

Medelock looked puzzled. `I don't know. I've never heard the word before. Impa, what are rupees?' Medelock asked.

 

`Rupees? Don't you know what a rupee is?' she asked surprised.

 

`Why would I ask if I knew?' said Medelock. `I don't ask questions I know the answer to. That would be silly.'

 

`You use rupees to buy things. Look, here's a blue rupee. It's worth 5 green rupees,' Impa held up a blue stone.

 

`That's treasure,' said Medelock. `We guard that for our masters. Are you saying it's more than just a pretty thing? I didn't know that.'

 

`Don't your bosses pay you?' Impa was stunned.

 

`Pay? What's that? He threatens us if we don't do what he tells us. He certainly doesn't pay us unless we lose, then he pays us in kind. I'm sick of him beating me,' complained Goht.

 

`I w wa want to know m mo mo more about rupees,' stuttered the Giant Chu-chu.

 

`So do I. What can you buy?' asked Façade who had regained his composure.

 

The meeting was becoming more disorganised every second.

 

`Order, order,' shouted Medelock angry at the disruption and intrigued by Impa's words.

 

`You can buy food, clothes, pots, all manner of things,' Impa said.

 

`Pots? I could buy pots instead of getting my henchman to make them? That would save so much time. Though it would spoil Arts and Crafts time. In our spare time we make wallets and I never know where they end up. It irritates me that Link might come back a few minutes after he's left and we have to have all the stuff he's broken on his last visit back in place. He could at least go and annoy someone else for a while. I like the idea of rupees and pay,' commented Aquamentas who had been quiet up `til now.

 

Impa looked around the room, as if a new idea had just occurred. `Do you get any benefits? Any medical cover? Disability allowance? Holidays?'

 

All the bosses and mini bosses looked at each other worried.

 

`What are those things,' asked Mags. `Are they painful?'

 

`Can you eat them?' asked Eyesoar who had managed to wiggle our from under the Angler Fish.

 

`I thought the King was cheap, but he's got nothing on your masters,' said Impa, a slight smile on her face.

 

`Would you please explain, Impa? I think there is a lot you could teach us,' asked Bongo Bongo.

 

Briefly and clearly Impa outlined the meaning of holidays, paid leave, medical cover, pay and other conditions of employment.

 

After the explanation, the noise became deafening as all the bosses started to talk to each other. Even Medelock was discussing the information with Bongo Bongo and Mags. Tempers were building and the air in the room was becoming heated.

 

`Maybe we should have a break,' suggested Shadow Ganon weakly, sliding toward the exit.

 

`Oh, no you don't. You'll just run off and tell Ganondorf and then he will tell everyone else,' said Mags looking at him with suspicion in her eye. `Baba, grab him.'

 

Before he could fade out, Baba grabbed Shadow Ganon with two tentacles and held him firmly.

 

`Don't bother trying to struggle or fade out, or I will swallow you,' said Baba grimly. `I've had my suspicions about you. I always thought you were Ganondorf's pawn.'

 

`Of course I am? What else could I be?' Shadow Ganon asked reasonably. `He created me in his image. Did you expect something else?'

 

`True, true,' said Phantom Ganon. `I'm in the same position.'

 

`What should we do Impa? I think we should be paid fairly and receive all the conditions you've outlined, but how do we do that?' asked Mags wanting more information.

 

`Strike,' she answered simply.

 

`Hit our masters? I don't think that is a good idea. They're violent enough without any provocation,' yelled Ghoma.

 

Many of the other bosses nodded in agreement.

 

`Don't you know what a strike is?' Impa asked.

 

`Please tell us. I think I have heard about more new things today than I have in years,' begged Digdogger.

 

`I'm really amazed at the things you haven't been told,' said Impa. Quickly she explained the theory behind a strike.

 

The bosses looked at each other wonderingly.

 

`You mean we don't do anything, at all,' burst out Eyesoar.

 

`That's correct. Just give Link everything he wants. Help him get to your masters quickly. They'll get the message soon enough. I'm sure they will be open to negotiation,' Impa smiled.

 

`I don't think we should be rash,' pleaded Shadow Ganon.

 

`I agree with Shadow Ganon,' bleated Phantom Ganon.

 

`Oh, shut up,' shrieked Koume and Kotake. `This meeting was your idea anyway.'

 

`But it wasn't meant to go like this. Ganondorf assured me…' cried Shadow Ganon. Baba promptly swallowed him.

 

`He'll be all right,' Baba assured everyone who looked shocked. I'll let him out once we have made a decision.' Baba looked at Phantom Ganon. `If you want the same treatment…' he started.

 

`No. No, don't worry about me,' assured Phantom Ganon spreading his hands in appeal. `I promise I'll just stay here quietly. I realise that our masters have perhaps not been completely fair.'

 

`Keep an eye on him, Eyesoar, will you?' Bongo Bong ordered.

 

`Happy to be of help,' said Eyesoar moving closer to Phantom Ganon.

 

`How do we decide? Should we go on strike, or should we try reason?' Mags asked nervously.

 

`I say we strike,' yelled Goht.

 

`Strike,' agreed Diggdogger.

 

`R R Re Rea Reason,' quavered the Giant Chu-chu.

 

`Stop wavering,' snapped Shadow Hag. `The wobbling I can cope with, but the wavering is annoying. Strike, strike now.'

 

`All in favour of a strike say Strike,' Mags said.

 

The walls resounded to most of the assembled multitude yelling `Strike'.

 

`Okay. Who wants reason,' asked Medelock.

 

Phantom Ganon and Giant Chu Chu opened their mouths to say reason, but were quelled by the glares of those around them.

 

`Right. We are on strike as from now. Let's see how our masters react,' Medelock pronounced. `Thanks for all the help, Impa.'

 

`My pleasure,' she smiled. `Better go. I don't want people to know I've been talking to you.' Impa quickly walked to the exit.

 

It took a little time to clear the building and persuade Baba to release Shadow Ganon, but soon the Bosses and Mini-bosses were returning to their assigned dungeons.

 

Would the strike encourage the masters to negotiate?

 

 

I have started working on Chapter 2. Cartoonpen will be assisting me as she has some really funny ideas.