The Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Trouble with Link ❯ The Plan ( Chapter 2 )

Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series.

 

 

The Bosses put their plan in place. Link becomes very confused.

 

 

The Plan

 

`It is my duty to save Hyrule?' Link wondered. `I can accept that, but why do I get this feeling that something is wrong? I'm sure I was in a different place before. I think I was in the Temple of Fire. How did I get to the dungeon on Dragon Roost Island? Where did that boat come from? Am I wearing a hat?'

 

Shrugging his concerns aside, Link dutifully fought his way past the minor monsters, wondering all the while about how he got there. Eventually he gave up wondering. He was the Hero of Time. No, that wasn't right. He was the Saviour of Hyrule. Wrong again. He was Link. That would do for the moment.

 

`I should be concentrating on the battle ahead,' he thought as he swung across to the Boss's door. He grabbed a fairy outside and entered using the Boss key.

 

As Link walked into the Giant Magtail cavern he saw the monster,

 

`I don't know. It looks pretty scary,' Link thought. A massive wormlike thing living in lava. `I'm sure there is a way of killing it,' he said as he watched it carefully.

 

The Giant Magtail looked at him. Quickly, Link drew his sword, ready to join battle. He was as ready as he would ever be.

 

The Giant Magtail said, `Arghhh. No! You have defeated me,'

 

The Giant Magtail then winked, removed her armour and jumped into the lava.

 

Link looked down confused by both the wink and the sequence of events. `What did I do? I didn't even touch her,' he wondered.

 

`Umm, Valoo.' Link called, `I think I've defeated the Giant Magtail, but I'm not sure.'

 

Link kicked the body a few times and announced, `Yep, she's definitely dead.'

 

Very disturbed Link left the dungeon, shaking his head.

 

From that day forth a tale is told on Dragon Roost Island at the great feast held on the Day of Link of how the Great Magician Link used his psychic powers to persuade the Giant Magtail to jump into the lava without even drawing his sword. So should perish all enemies of Hyrule.

 

`Maybe my next quest will be a little more normal,' Link thought hopefully as he walked toward the Spirit Temple. `Wait a minute. What am I doing at this temple? Shouldn't I be at Forest Haven? What in the name of the Triforce is going on? Why am I grown up? I was a kid a few minutes ago?'

 

He tried to return to Dragon Roost Island but each time he turned around he was again walking toward the Spirit Temple.

 

`I think I've been fighting too hard,' Link thought. `I wish there was someone I could talk to. Things are decidedly strange.'

 

Link puzzled his way through the Spirit Temple and was relieved that most of the monsters at least tried to kill him.

 

`Maybe it was just a glitch,' Link decided, relieved.

 

Link entered the room looking for the Iron Knuckle mini boss. The Iron Knuckle was sitting casually on his throne drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. He looked up briefly as Link entered and then flicked to the next page while having another sip of his coffee.

 

Link shuffled his feet.

 

`Aren't you going to fight me,' he asked, embarrassed at asking such a stupid question.

 

`What's the point? Anyway, I'm busy. I like to drink my coffee while it's hot,' the Iron Knuckle replied.

 

`But that's your job. You're meant to fight me,' Link said again confused.

 

`I'm looking for another job. Now could you get lost? I'm trying to read an article about Norwegian embroidery. Apparently it will be the next big decorating thing. I'm thinking of changing the look of this room,' the Iron Knuckle replied, still reading the magazine.

 

Link moved closer, drawing his sword. `Fight me,' he pleaded.

 

`Are you still here?' The Iron Knuckle put down his coffee and magazine. `Persistent little brat, aren't you?'

 

Reluctantly the Iron Knuckle got to his feet, drew his sword and accidentally fell on it.

 

`Oh, you have killed me wink, wink, nudge, nudge,' he said in a monotone and died.

 

Link ran from the room. `I'm going mad. I know I'm going mad,' he thought. Without meaning to, he ran to the Boss's room.

 

`Maybe that was the only problem with this dungeon,' he thought with hope. Hesitantly he opened the door.

 

Koume and Kotake were flying around as Link entered valiantly with sword in hand hoping for a bit more of a challenge.

 

`This looks more like it.' he thought, relieved.

 

Kotake said `You have finally come, Oh great warrior. We shall give you the greatest battle ever.'

 

Link smiled, happy. Everything was getting back to normal, `Finally an interesting battle,' he thought

 

His smile faded quickly as both Kotake and Koume winked at him.

 

`Oh no, not again,' he said. `I suppose at least these two are female and slightly human.'

 

Koume and Kotake charged at him on their broomsticks, screaming loudly.

 

Hopefully Link raised his sword ready to attack. Koume flew to the right of him, Koutake to the left and they both grabbed a bomb each from his tunic. Link grabbed at his tunic.

 

`Were they touching me?' he thought with fear. `First the winking, then the touching. What sort of game is this?'

 

The witches armed with the bombs, flew in opposite directions.

 

Koume screamed `Oh, great warrior, your battle skills have defeated us. Forgive us, master'.

 

The bombs exploded turning both witches into big piles of smoking ash.

 

Link backed out of the dungeon, slowly, unable to take his eyes from the piles of ash.

 

`Maybe I should try to find Sheik and ask his advice,' Link thought taking out the Ocarina and playing the Prelude to Light.

 

The tales told at the Gerudo's Fortress on the Eve of Link, speak of the Mighty Warrior, Link who defeated the evil witches. With one gaze of his Powerful eyes, they crumbled to ash. So must perish all enemies of Hyrule.

 

Link was approaching the Ancient Castle of Ikana. He stopped. This definitely was wrong. He was supposed to be in the Temple of Time and he was a kid again. This most definitely wasn't the Temple of Time. He stood there for a while shifting from foot to foot, rearranging his shield and sword. He hummed under his breath as he tried to decide what to do.

 

`Heck. I'll just go in and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen?'

 

Strange images of winking bosses filled his imagination. `I wish I hadn't asked that question,' he thought.

 

Looking at his feet, Link trudged into the Ancient City of Ikana.

 

`I know I don't have all the necessary items,' Link thought. `I'll have to backtrack,' he looked at his items. All the ones he needed were there.

 

`I bet this never happens to the characters in Final Fantasy,' he thought.

 

Reluctantly, Link made his way through the dungeon. Everything proceeded as normal until he entered the bosses' room.

 

Igos Du Ikana and his skeleton henchman were kneeling on the floor intent on a game of marbles.

 

`I saw you nudge that one,' one of the henchman complained.

 

`Who's the boss here?' snarled Igos Du Ikana. `You're just a bad player and you're jealous.'

 

`Am not,' was the response.

 

Link cleared his throat. The marble playing monsters ignored him.

 

`My shot now, I think,' said Igos Du Ikana.

 

One of the henchman sighed. `It's actually my turn.'

 

`Excuse me,' said Link and was again ignored,

 

`It's my turn,' Igos Du Ikana said flatly.

 

`Excuse me,' said Link loudly.

 

Unenthusiastically, Igos Du Ikana looked at Link.

 

`Don't you know it's rude to interrupt?'

 

`Er, sorry. But aren't you supposed to fight me now?' Link asked.

 

`Am I? Are you sure you don't want to play marbles, instead?' One of the henchmen asked.

 

Link shook his head.

 

`You can have your shot now,' the other henchman urged.

 

`No. I have to fight you. It's in the rules,' Link said.

 

`Let's get this over with,' sighed Igos Du Ikuna.

 

The three monsters got to their feet.

 

`Noble warrior, you will meet your defeat at my hands,' said Igos Du Ikuna in a bored tone.

 

The three monsters turned and said `Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

 

Link blushed furiously. This was becoming embarrassing as well as scary.

 

The three monsters started to move toward Link, but slipped on the marbles and crashed to the ground, impaling each other on their weapons.

 

`Not again,' thought Link as he turned and ran out of the room.

 

In Ikana Canyon on the Morn of Link the tale is told of the fearsome warrior Link who defeated the ancient King and two ferocious warriors with a single breath. So will perish all enemies of Hyrule.

 

Blinking, Link entered the darkness of Tail Cave. `I know this is not right, but what can I do? I know something is going on, but no one explains anything before they die. I haven't managed to get into a town for a while, or seen a Great Fairy. Maybe I should look for a Great Fairy. Maybe she would help. Or if I visited a town, people there might know what's happening.'

 

Link wandered through the dungeon distractedly killing monsters, but not having much fun.

 

`I'm nervous. If this Boss acts strangely I might just give up. Maybe they need a new character for Kingdom Hearts 3. Or I could hang up my sword and shield and do something else. I hear interior designers make a good living. Or maybe I could become a musician. I can play the Ocarina.'

 

Link was getting more worried as he came closer to the boss's room. First he went to the mini-boss, Rolling Bones room. Rolling Bones didn't even try.

 

He just flung a fairy at Link, clutched his head and said, `Can you die from a migraine? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

 

Rolling Bones then fell to the floor and died, rather dramatically.

 

Link rubbed his eyes and scratched his head. `Does this ever end?' he asked the body lying on the floor.

 

There was no answer.

 

Link aimlessly wandered through the dungeon now even more troubled about the encounter with the next boss. Eventually, bored with the interior design, Link made his way to the boss's room.

 

`So you finally got here,' the Giant Moldorm commented as Link slowly entered the room.

 

Link nodded distractedly.

 

`Hero of Hyrule, prepare to meet your doom,' the Giant Moldorm continued as he `borrowed' Links fire arrows, winked at Link and shot at his own tail. `Oh, I am slain,' the Giant Moldorm said as he exploded.

 

Link retrieved his arrows, wondering how they got there. Fire arrows weren't in his equipment list for this dungeon.

 

`I won't even think of the winking. It's getting too disconcerting,' he told himself as he left Tail Cave.

 

In Mabe village on the solemn celebration of Links Noon they tell the tale of the 9 foot tall Link who with a single twitch of his eyebrow defeated the Giant Moldorm. Thus shall perish all evil in Hyrule.

 

After the fiasco with the Giant Moldorm, Link managed to visit the village of Mabe. It was great for a while, talking to the villagers, breaking some pots, just lazing around. After a while he overheard some of the tales told of his adventures.

 

`I'm not 9 foot tall. I don't have bulging muscles. I only know the magic the Great Fairy's teach me. What's with all these stories? I better not mention my name. No one will believe I'm Link. At least they don't mention the winking.'

 

Highly embarrassed, Link left the town and ended up in another dungeon. He did not even try to work out how he got there.

 

After working his way though the dungeon at the Poisoned Moth's Lair, Link noticed a note pinned to the wall as he walked into Calamareye, the mini-bosses cave.

 

`I'm already dead. Fearing your arrival, I ate some of Façade's upside down cake. It killed me. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

 

`He didn't even try. I'm feeling increasingly apprehensive about this. May as well see what next disaster is awaiting me,' Link said slowly walking toward the room where the Poisoned Moth was supposed to lurk.

 

At first the room was empty. Then the door slammed.

 

`This is more like it,' Link thought relieved unsheathing his sword.

 

Shadow and Phantom Ganon appeared from opposite sides of the room.

 

`I will defeat you in the name of Ganon,' said Phantom Ganon.

 

`That's my line,' argued Shadow Ganon.

 

`I used it first, so it's mine,' Phantom Ganon retorted.

 

`But I always say that line,' Shadow Ganon pouted.

 

`Think of something else. Try to be original, and stop pouting. It makes you look ridiculous,' observed Phantom Ganon.

 

`I like that. You look ridiculous. I don't mean you Link. You look cute as always,' said Shadow Ganon.

 

`Leave Link alone, Shadow. He likes me better. You do look cute today Link,' said Phantom Ganon.

 

Link sank to his knees and put his head in his hands.

 

`This is not happening. This is not happening,' he chanted. `I am under an evil enchantment caused by Valdi or Majora's Mask or someone I don't know yet. It will pass and everything will return to normal, whichever normal it is.' Recovering slightly Link rose to his feet.

 

`Look, guys, nice to see you and all, but aren't you in the wrong game. I didn't even know you knew each other,' he addressed Shadow and Phantom Ganon.

 

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon exchanged a quick look with each other and then winked at Link at the same time.

 

Feeling very uncomfortable Link looked down shuffled his feet, rearranged his tunic and said, `I'm sorry. I'm flattered but neither of you are my type.'

 

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon winked again and charged at each other swords drawn. The clang of metal on metal lasted only a few seconds before each killed the other.

 

Link scratched his head and wandered off mumbling to himself. There was no sign of the Poison Moth.

 

The tale told in Subrosia on the Vigil of Link's night tells how the harsh words of Link's rejection made Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon decide they did not wish to live a moment longer with Link out of their lives. They killed each other from despair and thwarted passion. Thus shall perish all perverts in Hyrule.

 

`I'll give up thinking,' thought Link as he walked toward Ganon's Tower. The Giant Fairy was not home. He'd checked. Crossing the rainbow bridge he was bothered by Giant Chu-chu falling on Bongo Bongo, killing them both. Why they were there he had no idea. He shut his eyes hoping to avoid the winks.

 

Opening the door to the tower proved to be very difficult. Link pushed, he shoved until eventually he managed to get the door partially opened only to find the interior crowded with bosses. They appeared to be having a tea party. There was an air of expectation in the room.

 

Noticing the door opening, the room became quiet. The bosses turned to see who was disturbing their celebration.

 

A whisper went around the room. `It's him.'

 

`It's Link.'

 

`He's here.'

 

`Quick. Action stations.'

 

In unison the bosses winked at Link.

 

Link stood there staggered as the bosses launched themselves at each other.

 

Eyesoar jumped on top of the chandelier, breaking the chain and making it fall to the ground, crushing the bosses underneath. He was in turn killed by the Giant Poe, who was attacked in turn by the Shadow Hag.

 

Meanwhile, wielding a very sharp piece of paper, Octorock was delivering death by paper cut to any boss unfortunate to get in his way until his paper was burnt by a fire ball shot by Medelock. Octorock died from tripping over a stray deku nut. Within minutes the room was littered with dead bodies, broken porcelain, paintings, bits of broken chandelier, deku nuts, ashes and the occasional piece of cake.

 

`This is not happening. This is not happening,' Link told himself as he picked his way through the room.

 

With a feeling of extreme trepidation, Link made his way up the tower. There were no enemies to bar his way. That was just wrong. Biting his nails Link climbed the final set of stairs and then sat on the top step.

 

`I don't want to go through with this. I don't think I can cope if Ganondorf winks at me. I find the winking very harrowing,' Link thought.

 

Idly he pulled at a loose thread on his tunic. `Am I supposed to be saving Zelda? I'm confused by all this hopping around. What if Zelda winks at me?'

 

Scared by his thoughts, but even more terrified by what awaited him behind the door, Link finally got to his feet.

 

`I am a hero. I have to face my fears. If I finish this, maybe everything will go back to normal,' Link said aloud. `That's what I will do.'

 

Bravely, Link approached the door. This is how a hero should behave he reminded himself.

 

The door opened and he entered the room. It was empty.

 

Link felt disappointed. After all that fear, all that build up, Ganondorf didn't even bother to show. Link began to look around expecting to find a note. Nothing.

 

The door opened. Link spun around expectantly.

 

Coming through the door was Ganondorf.

 

Ganondorf emerged through clouds of steam.

 

`Great entrance,' thought Link. `This is more like it,' but his rejoicing was quickly replaced by dismay.

 

Ganondorf was wearing a shower cap, fluffy slippers and a white bathrobe with the name Ritz embroidered on the left hand side. It was rather threadbare. He looked stunned to see Link. Link was pretty taken aback by Ganondorf's appearance

 

`Link! How did you master all the dungeons and defeat the bosses so quickly? You're not scheduled for another couple of hours,' Ganondorf complained as he got a time table out of his pocket and looked at it. `Look it says quite clearly that you won't be here for 3 hours. I was just having a shower.'

 

`It's a relief to hear that. I thought there was something funny going on. All the bosses are behaving oddly,' Link began to explain but Ganondorf ignored his words.

 

`I haven't had time to kidnap Zelda or take over Hyrule yet. It takes time to get these evil schemes in place. I wanted to be clean and fresh for kidnapping Zelda. These niceties make all the difference. People notice. A dirty evil genius gets little respect. If you want to battle me now can you give a couple of minutes to get ready? You can wait here,' Ganondorf said showing Link to a waiting room.

 

`I thought things were becoming normal,' Link thought sadly as Ganondorf shut the door behind him.

 

Link wandered around the room. There were many chairs and tables with magazines spread over them. Modern Elf; Dastardly Adventure; Witch; Hut and Garden; Vague; and Alchemy Hyrule to name a few. All were at least six months out of date. Link sighed. The pictures on the wall were nice, and Link admired the quality of the carpet. The soft peach tones of the walls were relaxing. The doilies covering the table tops were a very alluring feature.

 

Ganondorf still had not returned. Link sat down and began to read a Huts and Gardens magazine. An article about remodelling a tree house absorbed him. He gradually began to be aware of the music playing through the speakers. That was a nice touch. A new song started. Link's ears pricked up as he recognised Weapon of Choice by Fat Boy Slim.

 

(If you've ever seen the film clip of this song, you will know what happens next.)

 

Link stood up and started dancing to the music. He loved the film clip. It had taken him ages to master the acrobatic part, but he tried his best. While he was in the middle of dancing on top of the table, Ganondorf retuned, still wearing his bath robe and shower cap. Zelda came with him complaining loudly.

 

Link hurriedly got off the table and pretended that he had been standing there the whole time.

 

As soon as she saw Link, Zelda shook free of Ganondorf and ran to him.

 

`Hi Link. Thank the Triforce you are here. I think Ganondorf has gone crazy. He came and abducted me dressed like that, in front of everyone. It was kind of embarrassing. He's even got a rubber duck in his pocket. I can't take him seriously,' Zelda said, very upset.

 

Ganondorf looked down and flushed.

 

Edging toward the door he said, `I won't be long' and rushed out.

 

Link and Zelda looked at each other.

 

`Does he really have a rubber duck in his pocket?' Link asked.

 

`Yes. It squeaked. I didn't know evil villains wore shower caps. It takes away some of his mystique,' Zelda commented. `Do you think he would notice if we left?”

 

At that moment Ganondorf rushed back into the room wearing his normal clothes.

 

`I've been expecting you two,' he declaimed grandly.

 

`What's that supposed to mean. You knew we were here,' Zelda said pointedly.

 

“That's not important right now,' Ganondorf hissed. `I, Ganondorf, the ruler of Hyrule, controller of the Triforce, will destroy you now,' he said in a loud voice.

 

Link sighed, scared of further winking and rather tired. `I've had a hard day. Zelda, you fight him. I'll just be over here reading a magazine.'

 

Zelda looked at Link, shocked. `It's your job. You fight him.'

 

`I'm not interested,' Link said, very depressed. `He's probably going to wink at me and kill himself. I can't cope if that happens.'

 

Ganondorf looked at Link and asked, `What are you talking about? I won't wink at you. Why would I kill myself?'

 

Link shook his head, determinedly. `I'm not fighting. If I don't fight then nothing strange can happen. I'll just sit here. These chairs are comfortable.'

 

Link moved across to the chairs and sat down.

 

Zelda sighed. `Okay. I'll fight him this time. Give me time to get changed into Sheik.'

 

She left the room. Link and Ganondorf sat opposite each other. They waited. There was an uncomfortable pause. Link shuffled his feet.

 

`So how's the weather in Hyrule?' Ganondorf asked.

 

`I don't want to talk about the weather,' Link said flatly. `Can't we talk about something else? I admire the décor of this room. Did you get a designer in? I really like the doilies.'

 

Ganondorf smiled, very pleased. `I decorated the room myself. I didn't know you were interested in décor. I can tell you where you can get a great discount on furnishings.'

 

`That's great. I was thinking of redecorating. I hear Norwegian embroidery is going to be the next big thing.'

 

Excitedly Link and Ganondorf discussed decor for a while swapping ideas and recommendations.

 

`Even though I admire what you've done with this place, it does remind me of a dentist's waiting room,' Link said casually.

 

`I rent it out. I need the income for my evil plans to destroy you. That reminds me, the dentist is due soon. I hope we can get this battle over quickly. I'll need time to tidy up any bodies,' Ganondorf said looking at his watch.

 

The door opened. Link and Ganondorf eagerly looked toward the door expecting to see Zelda. To their dismay it wasn't Zelda. Instead some of the revived bosses crowded into the room. They carried banners with the words Go Link written large. Link looed at them confused.

 

`Zelda's fighting Ganondorf,' he said hoping they wouldn't wink at him again. The bosses turned and shuffled only to return a few seconds with the banners. The name Link had been crossed out and replaced with a wobbly Zelda.

 

Ganondorf rose to his feet, imperious in his anger.

 

`Why are you doing this,' he demanded of the bosses.

 

`We have our reasons', replied some of the bosses.

 

`But you shouldn't even be here,' Ganondorf yelled.

 

`We're staying,' said Angler Fish.

 

`Get out,' shrieked Ganondorf losing control.

 

As he said this Zelda returned dressed as Sheik.

 

`Are you talking to me?' she asked.

 

The bosses cheered her arrival and started chanting `Zelda! Zelda!'

 

Ganondorf shook his head in disgust and looked at his watch.

 

`We don't have much time. We will decide this with a challenge of great power, wisdom and courage. This will test your very soul. I only issue this challenge to the bravest and nobles of warriors. The challenge is: Scissors, paper, rock,' he declared.

 

`You've got to be kidding,' said Zelda, disgusted. `I had to get dressed as Sheik for that? Link talk to him.'

 

`I'm not getting involved' said Link who was trying to hide from Phantom and Shadow Ganon. `Please, don't draw any attention to me. I think those guys like me.'

 

`Very well,' said Zelda displaying all the dignity of a Princess of Hyrule, dressed as a boy.

 

With all the bosses crowding around and after much frenzied hand movement Zelda displays the winning move. Paper wraps rock

 

The bosses cheer loudly.

 

Ganondorf was disgusted. `Two out of three is fair,' he suggested.

 

`That wasn't the deal. I won,' Zelda retorted.

 

`This is not the last you will hear of this,' Ganondorf said. `How am I supposed to die?'

 

`Here, eat this,' said Giant Bobo Baba, helpfully passing him a slice of upside down cake.

 

`This is awful. Who made it,' said Ganondorf his mouth full of the cake. The words were barely out of his mouth as he felt to the ground, dead, with a horrid grimace on his face.

 

Façade tried to pretend he didn't notice it was his cake that had killed Ganondorf. He felt very hurt.

 

The door opened and into the room walked a strange figure.

 

`I was told this room would be tidy and available at this time. What are all you creatures doing here and why is my landlord lying on the floor, dead? Who's going to clean this up? It's not good enough,' said the dentist in an aggrieved manner.

 

Zelda and Link looked at the body and then at each other.

 

Link nodded to Zelda. It was time to get out of here. They didn't want to get stuck with clean up duty. Nothing had returned to normal but there was always the next time. Maybe if he had the chance to talk to Zelda they could work out what was going on. Just seeing Zelda made Link feel better. Maybe she had an idea about the winking and how to get Phantom and Shadow Ganon to leave him alone. With one accord Link and Zelda hands in pockets walked quickly out of the room, whistling, followed quickly by the bosses closest to the door.

 

`Right then,' said the dentist to the bosses who were left behind. `You can clean up. I want the body removed, the magazines arranged, the doilies replaced and the cake crumbs swept from the floor. Move it.'

 

`It wasn't meant to be like this,' Smog muttered as he arranged the magazines. `I think we need to have another meeting.

 

 

The chapter was co-authored by Cartoonpen. The winking was her idea. Thanks Cartoonpen. Now, please stop telling me more ideas for this chapter. We have to think about the next chapter.

 

There will be one more chapter of this rather peculiar story.

 

Just in case you're interested the Bosses Link fights are from the following games

 

Giant Magtail Windwaker

Koume and Kotake Ocarina of time

Igos Du Ikana Majora's Mask

Moldorm Links Awakening

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon are from Ocarina of Time and Windwaker

Ganon/Ganondorf, specifically from Ocarina of Time.

 

Next chapter will consider the meaning of life. Not really. The bosses meet with their masters. Impa makes another guest appearance and Link remains confused.

 

Review please.