The Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Trouble with Link ❯ The Second Meeting ( Chapter 3 )

Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series.

 

Chapter 3: The Second Meeting

 

The building was again full, but every boss seemed unhappy. Quiet conversations were taking place without the usual banter and trading of happy insults.

 

`It was a failure. A complete and utter failure,' mourned Maggs.

 

`I wouldn't say a complete and utter failure,' comforted Gyorgocto.

 

`I actually had a bit of fun,' Koume said. `Did you see the look on Link's face as we grabbed his bombs, Kotake? For a moment it seemed like he expected us to do something else.'

 

`I didn't like it at all,' Bongo-Bongo complained. `When Giant Chu-chu fell on me, I thought he had broken my drum. Do you know how hard it is to find enough skin to cover a drum that big?'

 

`You could sell your treasure to pay for it,' suggested Shadow Hag.

 

`Link took it again,' Bongo-Bongo sighed.

 

`Ganondorf refuses to let me go out at night,' Shadow Ganon complained. `He's imposed a curfew. How old does he think I am? 130?'

 

`I now call this meeting to order,' Maggs announced unhappily. `Any new business?'

 

After the previous attempt to get their masters to listen to their demands, the bosses realised they had failed. Their masters were very unhappy, but the one with the largest grudge was Ganondorf.

 

`Previous business: We attempted to get some favourable working conditions from our masters. Has anyone had any concessions granted?' Maggs asked.

 

No one spoke.

 

`Any downturn in conditions?' Maggs asked reluctantly.

 

`A curfew,' shouted Shadow Ganon.

 

`I had my oven removed. I can't bake cakes anymore,' Façade announced sulkily.

 

The cheer that sounded at his announcement was quickly silenced. A few bosses looked guiltily at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at Façade's scowl.

 

`I can't have a dinner party unless Majora's Mask is invited as guest of honour,' groaned Goht. `He's lactose intolerant so I can't serve anything made with cheese. No more fondue. No more cheese platters. I miss dipping the bread into the cheese and burning my mouth. I miss the cheesecake and the sour cream on my nacho's.' Goht started sobbing as Shadow Hag patted him consolingly on the shoulder.

 

`I miss them too,' she said. `You are so good at bringing out the best in cheese. You have an affinity for it.'

 

`Vaati is only providing IOU's for treasure', now Dark Nut Elite mourned. `My mother is not talking to me anymore. I sent her a chest of treasure for her birthday. I didn't know it had an IOU. She won't return my messages and my father won't speak to me. My sister scorns me. I feel like an orphan,' he howled.

 

`Pull yourself together. Is that any way for a boss to act,' Façade sneered.

 

`We're in a worse position than before,' yelled Eyesoar. `We're the laughing stock of the gaming world. People now play the games for laughs instead of excitement.'

 

A roar of agreement erupted in the hall.

 

`Maggs, you started this. You should fix it,' shouted Genie.

 

`I didn't suggest this. It was Shadow Ganon,' Maggs reminded the bosses.

 

They turned to find Shadow Ganon trying to creep out through the door. Giant Bobo Baba quickly extended a tentacle and caught him just as his hand reached the door knob.

 

`Leaving so soon?' asked Medelock. `I think you have some information that may be useful.'

 

Shadow Ganon firmly shut his mouth and shook his head.

 

`I've still got some of Façade's cake. If you don't tell us what we need to know, I'll force it down your throat,' offered Giant Poe.

 

Façade yelped at the insult, as fear turned Shadow Ganon's visage a ghastly colour.

 

`It was all Ganondorf's idea. He thought we should be harsher on Link so he could go on holiday. He said if we made the game really hard, Link would never reach the higher levels and then he could take a trip. He threatened me. I had to do what he said.'

 

`Rubbish,' retorted Phantom Ganon. `He promised he would give you a holiday. He was going to make me replace you. I read the letter.'

 

`You've stooped to reading my private correspondence?' Shadow Ganon shrieked in outrage.

 

`The letter was addressed to `The other Ganon'. I'm another Ganon, aren't I?' reasoned Phantom Ganon.

 

“Ganondorf thinks you're a poor imitation. He's been thinking of changing your name to Dork, I mean Dorf,' Shadow Ganon said crossly.

 

`You're just jealous because Link likes me better than you,' Phantom Ganon claimed.

 

`Not true. He likes me better. I know he does. He always refuses to look at you,' retorted Shadow Ganon.

 

`He always looks at me so kindly before he kills me. You were going to ask him on holidays with you, weren't you?' Phantom Ganon accused.

 

Shadow Ganon shook his head, but not very convincingly.

 

`You aren't supposed to fraternise with the enemy,' the Giant Sandworm commented.

 

`We're not supposed to kill ourselves and let Link win either, but you agreed to that,' Shadow Ganon sulked.

 

`I suppose you told Ganondorf everything,' mused Slime Eyes.

 

`No. I didn't tell him much at all. I just told him…,' Shadow Ganon fell silent as the other bosses glared at him.

 

`What did you tell him?' Maggs asked curiously.

 

`I told him I'd failed,' Shadow Ganon admitted.

 

`So that's why you have a curfew and I don't,' Phantom Ganon said excitedly.

 

`I had to give him a reason. I tried to make one up but he didn't believe me. He won't stop reminding me it's my fault that he got beaten by Zelda. He's almost too ashamed to try and kidnap her again. He says she doesn't take him seriously anymore and asks about his rubber duck. The story about the rubber duck has spread all through Hyrule. He keeps receiving fluffy toys and rubber ducks from his fans instead of the usual money and grovelling letters. He refuses to have a shower unless the front door is locked and all the windows closed and I have to wait outside until he's finished. The dentist has given notice saying that it upsets his patients to have dead bodies littering the waiting room. Ganondorf's driving me mad. Now the travel agent won't refund his money and he didn't take out travel insurance,' Shadow Ganon put a hand to his forehead. `My head hurts. I think I'm developing a migraine.'

 

`I didn't realise that he was treating you so badly, Shadow. I'm sorry. Can we be friends again?' Phantom Ganon asked.

 

Shadow Ganon smiled at Phantom Ganon. `I don't like Link better than you. I was only saying that.'

 

`I know,' Phantom Ganon said. `How could you like him better than me: your sort of brother, cousin thingy? Are we related?'

 

`I think so,' Shadow Ganon said thoughtfully.

 

`Touching though this family reunion is,' Slime Eyes said, `what do we do now? Our strike failed and we are in a worse position than before. Do we stay on strike?'

 

`What choice do we have?' Maggs said sadly. `I think we have to forget about being treated fairly.'

 

`You give up too easily,' said Impa.

 

The bosses all turned and looked at their unexpected guest.

 

`You again!'

 

`Why are you here?'

 

`Who invited you?'

 

`The advice you gave only made matters worse.'

 

`The strike is a failure.'

 

These and other complaints were voiced as the bosses vented their anger at Impa.

 

`I don't think the strike was a failure,' Impa said. `You made your masters aware that you could think and act independently. How could that be a failure?'

 

`They don't want us to be independent,' Genie said. `That's why they keep trying to gain the Triforce and take over Hyrule.'

 

`No wonder we're being punished,' mourned Igos Du Ikana. `I might be a one time king, but I am nothing compared to the might of our masters. Majora's Mask never forgives.'

 

`None of our masters ever forgives. Ganondorf is always blathering on about the cake too, and the banner. He said we all betrayed him,' Maggs mourned.

 

`You did betray me,' complained Ganondorf.

 

The bosses looked around. All their masters were there and they did not look happy.

 

`I thought this was supposed to be a secret meeting. Who sent out invitations?' mumbled Kotake.

 

`You betrayed all your masters on the advice of Zelda's nurse? We shouldn't be punishing you. We should banish all of you into a fan fiction story. Oh, sorry we already did,' purred Vaati.

 

(MS: Thanks for noticing Vaati, but doesn't that mean you're also banished to a fan fiction? And would the bosses even know what a fan fiction is?

 

Vaati (V): Mmmmm? Good point MS. I'll have to think of another threat.)

 

`You will all be banished to a reality television show,' Vaati stated.

 

(MS: They won't know what a reality television show is, either. Didn't you read the earlier chapters? They didn't even know what a rupee was. They certainly won't understand about television.

 

Ganondorf (G): What is a reality television show?

 

V: We don't have time for this. We should be getting on with the story.

 

MS: Then come up with a better threat.

 

Majora's Mask (MM): You're the writer. You come up with a better threat.

 

MS: Hold on. You just invaded my chapter, without an invitation, or a warning and then you try to take over. No wonder the bosses are revolting, in more ways than one. You come up with the threat.)

 

`Um, excuse me,' Maggs called. `Can we get on with this? I know that you're trying to work out the plot, but it's getting a little stuffy in here. Should we break for lunch while you work out what happens next? Say half an hour?'

 

`We are the masters. We decide when you have lunch,' Onox said obnoxiously. `Now stop interrupting. We're having a private conversation with the writer who is being very unhelpful. Talk amongst yourselves until we finish.'

 

(Onox (O): Now, get a move on MS. Be a good little fan fiction writer and think of a good threat. We're all working toward a common objective here. We want to finish this story so we can all go home.

 

MS: (sulking): Good little fan fiction author, thank you. I am home and I'm not being unhelpful. I just want to write this chapter and be left in peace. I actually wanted to work on another story.

 

MM: Too bad. You're working on this story now, author.

 

G (sadly): I want to go home. I want people to stop talking about my shower cap and rubber duck. I want to be feared again.

 

V: We're getting off the point here. We need a good threat. Thought of anything yet, MS.

 

MS (frowning): No.

 

Impa: I have an idea.

 

MM: Do you mind? It's already been stated that this is a private conversation. I think you should leave.

 

V: Where's Cartoonpen. Surely she will help.

 

MS: She's busy. I always knew you preferred her to me.

 

V: Don't be silly. You're my favourite fan fiction author. Well, one of them. You're somewhere in my top 100. Make that 1,000. 10,000? Actually have I read any of your work?

 

MS (storming off): You're not my favourite boss. That's it. Finish the story yourself. I'm sick of being slighted.

 

O: Now you've done it, Vaati. I'll go after MS. You think of a good idea and an apology.)

 

Please excuse this break in conventional story writing while the characters take a short break and the author has a good sulk. And no, you cannot go to lunch.

 

Da da da da da

Da da da da da (insert appropriate music here.)

 

A short time later:

 

`As a punishment, we have cut off all communication links. After this meeting you will not be permitted to contact each other unless you have received permission from your masters,' Ganondorf said.

 

Angry gasps filled the room as the bosses realised the implications of these new rules. No more socialising, not more dinner parties; no more fun.

 

`It may sound like a harsh punishment now, but you will see the benefits as time passes,' Vaati assured them.

 

`Benefit to whom?' grumbled Shadow Hag and the other bosses started to mumble to each other.

 

`Benefit to us all. Now, we expect the games to be returned to normal and from now on you will fight against Link and try to beat him,' Majora's Mask said loudly over the hubbub.

 

`Try to beat me? How?' a sleepy voice asked from behind the curtains.

 

Link emerged rubbing his eyes. He looked out at the crowd before him and went pale. `Zelda, I think I need your help,' he called.

 

Zelda emerged from behind the curtain, still dressed as Sheik, also rubbing her eyes and yawning. `What's going on?' She caught sight of Ganondorf and waved. `Hi, Ganny. How's your rubber duck?' she said and started to giggle.

 

`What were you doing behind that curtain?' Impa demanded.

 

`Stop asking about the rubber duck. And my name is not Ganny,' Ganondorf yelled.

 

Zelda continued giggling. `That's none of your business, Impa. What are you doing with the bosses?'

 

Link, ignoring Impa, was trying to hide behind Zelda. `I can't bear to look at them. They might start winking at me again. Or they might fall on swords or eat cake at me.'

 

Zelda turned around and patted Link on the shoulder. `It's okay, Link. Remember, you're a hero. Heroes' should be used to facing danger.'

 

`I'm not worried about danger. I'm worried about the winking. And what happens if Vaati, Majora's Mask or whoever challenges me to scissors, paper, and rock? How will I be able to hold my head up? I can just imagine the snide comments from Mario or Sora. I have to fight people. I fight, therefore I am,' Link gabbled.

 

`I think you'll find the correct quotation is: `I think, therefore I am,' Impa observed dryly `And Zelda, I still demand to know what you've been doing with Link.'

 

`That's not important right now,' Zelda said to her nurse. `Can't you see Link is traumatised? It's okay Link. Remember, if anyone challenges you to scissors, paper and rock, I'll take the challenge for you.'

 

`Um, do you mind leaving, everyone. This was meant to be a secret meeting and I've booked the building for another hour,' Maggs said hopefully.

 

`Be quiet, underling,' Ganondorf told her harshly. `I am your master. I have a right to be here.'

 

`You don't even remember my name, do you,' Maggs accused Ganondorf.

 

`If you're plotting against me, I have a right to be here,' Zelda said.

 

`I'm happy to go,' said Link looking around nervously.

 

`Not until I am given a proper explanation of what you and Zelda were doing,' demanded Impa, her arms folded across her chest.

 

`Why should I remember your name?' Ganondorf asked Maggs.

 

Everyone started talking and accusing each other of real or imagined slights, when a further commotion broke out. Shadow Ganon threw a convenient pot at Ganondorf.

 

`I'm sick of the curfew,' Shadow Ganon yelled suddenly at Ganondorf and broke into sobs. `I don't want to stand outside the bathroom while you have a shower. Everyone `forgot' my birthday. I didn't even receive one lousy card. Not one card, even from you. Everyone hates me because you made me start this. No one invites me to dinner parties anymore. On top of this you want to prevent us from talking to each other. I hate you,' he said through sobs.

 

Every one became quiet, staring first at Ganondorf and then at Shadow Ganon.

 

`He's going through that difficult age,' Phantom Ganon told everyone. `He's growing up and the hormones are making him act a little emotional.'

 

`You promised you wouldn't tell,' Shadow Ganon said, still sobbing.

 

`I'm sorry, but you don't want them to think you're a wuss, do you?' Phantom Ganon apologised.

 

`I'm not a wuss. I'm just very unhappy,' Shadow Ganon declared.

 

There was silence as Phantom Ganon patted Shadow Ganon on the shoulder.

 

`Now that everyone is quiet, it's time we worked this out,' Zelda said, showing once again the dignity and common sense of a true Princess of Hyrule. `I call this meeting to order.'

 

`I'm supposed to say that,' grumbled Maggs.

 

Majora's Mask glared at Maggs, who slunk off the stage.

 

`First order of business. I want to get agreement that no one is to wink at Link,' Zelda commanded.

 

`Where's the fun in that?' Koume asked Kotake.

 

`I agree,' said Link who was looking at the walls, not daring to look at anyone else.

 

No one else said anything.

 

`Until I receive this agreement I will not act as mediator between you,' Zelda said.

 

`No one asked you to mediate. We were working it out without any help,' grumbled Vaati.

 

`No you weren't. You even had a fight with the author,' Façade pointed out.

 

`And you still haven't answered my question about Link,' Impa said sternly to Zelda.

 

`One thing at a time,' Zelda griped at Impa. `Nothing happened. I'll tell you later.'

 

`Tell us now,' Majora's Mask requested slyly. `I want to know.'

 

`So do I,' yelled Eyesoar.

 

`If you must know, I wanted to hide from everyone and this building was deserted, unlike any of the dungeons. I was worried that no one was fighting me and everyone was winking at me. Zelda came with me and we talked all night. She was really nice. We kissed and then, I think, we must have fallen asleep. I was really tired. I was woken up by all the noise,' Link admitted, blushing and shifting his feet.

 

`You kissed him,' Impa said angrily to Zelda.

 

`Yes, we kissed. So what? It was only a kiss,' Zelda retorted.

 

`Did you use tongues?' yelled Onox in a badly disguised voice.

 

Zelda blushed and pressed her lips together.

 

`I think we need to have a serious talk about this, Princess,' Impa said folding her arms again.

 

`What do you expect? He's the only possible love interest in the games,' Zelda said crossly. `He was feeling sad and I was hugging him.'

 

At the mention that Link was the only possible love interest, Ganondorf's face fell. Vaati became glum. A few of the other characters looked sad.

 

`The hugging wasn't mentioned earlier. Is there anything else you forgot to mention?' the anger was evident in Impa's tone.

 

`No. We hugged and kissed a few times and then went to sleep,' Link said.

 

Zelda kicked him in the shins. `Shut up, Link. You're only making matters worse.'

 

Looking very embarrassed, Link nodded.

 

`Princess, you are not to see Link again, unless I am present,' Impa commanded.

 

`Wait a minute. You let a weird guy wearing a shower cap and bathrobe, with a rubber duck in his pocket; abduct me, for what purpose you don't even know, and now you won't let me kiss Link? That's weird logic,' the anger is Zelda's voice was evident.

 

`I agree,' shouted Gyorgocto. `Zelda, if you get tired of Link, I'm here for you.'

 

`So am I,' said Iron Knuckle.

 

`And I. You're gorgeous, Zelda,' yelled Dark Knuckle Elite.

 

A scuffle broke out between a number of bosses and mini-bosses intent on telling Zelda of their affections.

 

`I'm here for you Link,' screamed Kotake.

 

`This is just getting too strange,' Link said looking for the nearest exit.

 

`I think we should talk about this later, Impa. There are more important matters to discuss.' The authority with which Zelda said these words, had Impa nodding in agreement.

 

`Be quiet!' Impa's imperious tone echoed round the room, and everyone fell silent.

 

`Does everyone agree to stop winking at Link?' Zelda questioned. `Say aye if you agree.'

 

A few desultory ayes were heard.

 

`I said say aye that you agree or I'll side with Vaati, Ganondorf and the others,' Zelda threatened.

 

`Aye,' said most of the bosses.

 

Link looked relieved. `Thanks Zelda,' he said quietly.

 

`Next matter of business. What has been happening? The games keep going wrong.'

 

A number of bosses explained the situation with some assistance from Impa. After a few minutes of discussion Zelda understood the problem.

 

`Link, from now on, you should be a bit nicer to the bosses. They're only doing their job. Clean up after the battles and Epona.'

 

Link nodded reluctantly.

 

`Now you, masters, or whatever you call yourselves. The bosses are unhappy. They think Link treats them badly, but you're even worse. No holidays, no pay. It's slave labour! You will pay the bosses and they will have holidays. I'm going to set up an independent working committee that will investigate all the necessary working conditions. Maggs, I want you to head the committee.' Zelda was showing that she would be a great ruler one day.

 

Maggs nodded happily. It was nice to be recognised.

 

`What about our rights?' Vaati asked.

 

`You will get holidays, also,' Zelda said.

 

`How? It's not possible,' Onox moaned.

 

`Stand in for each other. Wear disguises. Honestly, you never thought this through, did you? Or you could ask Link to be particularly clumsy for a week. You know, when he keeps blowing himself up, or falling over a cliff. Or he could become distracted by a side quest. Or even become obsessed with collecting rupees. He's good at that type of thing. I know that the Boss in Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones has had one player stumped for ages with the fight after the chariot race. He was really happy. The Prince was rather disgruntled by it all,' Zelda said.

 

`You've been talking to heroes from other games,' Link said unhappily.

 

`It's okay, Link. All he can talk about is the Empress of Time and the other girl, what's her name? Farrar, is it? I've forgotten. I got tired of listening to him,' Zelda looked at Impa. `I don't know why you insisted I go on that date.'

 

`He's a prince, you're a princess,' Impa said. `Not some child of unknown parentage.'

 

`You're getting off the topic again,' Vaati growled. `Leave your personal business `til later.'

 

`Look, it would be easier if we did this with representatives who will form part of the committee. Maggs will be one of them. Bosses, you choose five other representatives. Masters all of you attend. Link, Impa and I will represent the impartial observers,' Zelda said.

 

`Not very impartial,' declared Onox.

 

`We'll include a few towns' folk. We want the games to work as normal. I want Link to feel confident again. I'll even stop teasing you, Ganny,' Zelda chuckled.

 

`My name is not Ganny. It's Ganondorf,' he sulkily replied.

 

`Yes, Ganondorf,' Zelda replied meekly.

 

`I agree with Zelda. Let's work together,' said Onox.

 

`As long as I don't have to stand in for Vaati, I agree,' said Majora's Mask.

 

`I may as well agree too,' Ganondorf reluctantly stated.

 

The other masters approved, as did the bosses. The committee met and after much wrangling, consultation and discussion with towns' folk and lawyers, an agreement was reached.

 

Epilogue

 

Hyrule has now changed for the better. The minor monsters don't notice. Nothing has changed for them. The committee is still making recommendations, some of which are being implemented. The bosses are happy and continue to have dinner parties, which they sometimes invite their masters to join. Majora's Mask is still lactose intolerant. The masters get the occasional holiday. Link is more polite and cleans up after himself.

 

The only people who aren't happy are Impa and Façade. By common consent, Façade still does not have an oven and has been banned from ever making another cake. Impa's plan to estrange Link and Zelda did not work out. However, she is now dating Ganondorf, when they have free time. They found they have much in common. They both dislike Link and enjoy interior design.

 

Link and Zelda are being very quiet about their relationship.

 

THE END

 

Author's note: I know there was quite a delay in updating this story, but now it is finished. Hooray!!!

 

Thank you anyone who decided to take a chance and read this story. I hope you enjoyed it.

 

Cartoonpen was busy and did not help me with this chapter.

 

Please review.

 

Vaati is not my favourite boss.