Tokyo Babylon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls ❯ XXII ( Chapter 22 )

The kiss was incredibly soft and gentle, speaking of a kind of familiar intimacy and comfort that took Subaru momentarily by surprise. It was such a casual kiss, and he responded automatically in kind, though to him this was his first kiss. The first kiss he could remember. The only--

Images swirled behind his eyes in a rush, and Subaru gasped. He was vaguely aware of Seishirou holding him by the shoulders and asking him if he was okay, but Subaru just closed his eyes around the onslaught of memories. It was as if every kiss he'd ever had was happening all at once. From the painful first kisses on the backs of his hands when Seishirou had forever marked him to the terrifying first kiss when Subaru thought he was going to die...the first time Subaru had kissed back and had almost cried when he realized what he'd just done....

He shoved it all away.

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing Subaru could think to say as he looked up at Seishirou's worried face. "I was just a little overwhelmed."

Seishirou was silent, caressing Subaru's cheek gently. The look of concern didn't leave his face, though it faded a bit. This went on for a long while, and Subaru began to relax again.

"It was every kiss we've ever shared, all at once. I could almost remember everything, and it was too much too fast." He reached up and held on to Seishirou's hand now, guided by ghosts of memories that told him that he'd always loved doing this. It seemed to be the right thing to do because Seishirou smiled.

"You said you didn't want to mourn me," he said.

Subaru nodded and answered immediately, "Yes."

"But...your Wish was to forget about me." It was an almost teasing statement, but Subaru was starting to realize that this was the way Seishirou set himself apart from the things he actually cared about. It must have bothered him then.

Subaru sighed. He just didn't have an answer. "I don't know. I don't remember." Even with that flash of years worth of kisses, Subaru still could not remember why he wanted to forget.

He would never know what Seishirou really thought about that answer. Instead of pressing for answers or continuing the conversation, Seishirou just said, "I love you."

"I...I love you too, Seishirou-san." Subaru's voice sounded breathless and hopeful even to his own ears.

"That's the first time you remember saying that, isn't it?"

Subaru blushed. "Yes."

"I will cherish it then." Seishirou leaned over and kissed Subaru one more time, then stood. "I have to go early today. Places to go, people to kill."

Subaru winced and looked away.

"It's who I am, Subaru."

As if he could forget that, even if he wanted to. "I know," he said whispered, then went on in a stronger voice. "Do you have to take it so lightly though?"

"There is no other way for me to take it," Seishirou said with a grin. "It's a job, it's a way of life, and it's a family tradition. If you can not joke about death, what can you joke about?" He sighed at Subaru's expression and became serious again. "I mean it--this is who I am. I can not change it...you'll understand some day. Maybe when you remember."

"If that's the kind of thing I'll remember, maybe that's what I wanted to forget," Subaru said, eyes narrowed.

"You may very well be right," came the calm and composed answer. Seishirou began to walk to the door, but he turned around after a few paces. "Thank you for your kind words, Subaru-kun. Do not feel you need to love me in return though. I'm quite selfish in my feelings for you, and that is fine." He was smiling brightly as ever while he all but called Subaru a liar for his declaration of love.

"It wasn't a lie! I do love you!"

Seishirou's smile did not falter or fade in the least. "You don't know if you do or not. All you remember is smoke and mirrors...a show put on for your pleasure and mine. You do not love Hokuto's murderer...though that is who I am."

Subaru didn't have an answer to that.

Seishirou left.