Trigun Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ D/Chick and County One-Shots ❯ Nooo!!! Not My Bishonen!! ( Chapter 2 )

Nooooo!!! Not My Bishonen!!

-A One-Shot Rant by D/Chick and County-

D/Chick: (On the floor sobbing) I…just watched…the last…DVD…(Blows nose loudly)…of Trigun…excuse me, but I'm going to go shut myself up in my room with no food or anime men for days while I mourn over…Oh? (Jumps up and hugs County) Hey there County!!

County: (-_-) What the Hell do you want?

D/Chick: (>P) I didn't ask for anything dummy. Just…(sniff)…a little…(sob) consolation!!! (Rolls on the floor, clinging to her Zell plushy for comfort)

County: (-_-) I will never understand this girl, honestly…( u.u ) Ok, what happened?

D/Chick: THEY KILLED MY BISHI!! THEY KILLED MY WOLFWOOD!!!

County: Dude, he's an animated person. It's not like he was real or anything…

D/Chick: HE WAS REAL TO ME!!! (Points to her heart) I'm…hurting…(sniffle) right here, County…don't you understand one bit?! You heartless monster!! (Throws Zell plushy at County)

County: (Zell plushy bounces off of his head with a dog-toy squeak) Whatta load of crap. You also did this when…

D/Chick: (Covers County's mouth with her hand in utter desperation) No!! Don't speak those words!!

County: (-_-) Fine, I won't say who else died…

D/Chick: (Wails in a piercing tone) WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYY ARE YOU SO HEARRRRRRRRRRTLESS!!

County: (Crosses arms, irritated) …But you're being so ridiculous. Why are you getting all sappy over a fake reality? Why the Hell do women get all misty-eyed over the most STUPID THINGS!!!

D/Chick: (Eyes brighten) Really?! You consider me a woman?!

County: (Snorts derisively) No!

D/Chick: (-_-) That's harsh, County, real harsh…anyways, back to my man…Wolfwood…(Sad violin tune plays in the background, and all the lights darken except for a single spotlight on D/Chick) …You were a good whoop-ass priest, a real man. Your life was full of sadness…and you died sad…why…why couldn't I make you happy before you died? (sniff)

County: Because he had the freakin' hots for Millie…besides, who wants to be comforted by you?! (Throws head back and laughs insanely) BAAAH HA HA HAAA!!!

D/Chick: (starts boiling in rage) You…YOU…YOU ASSHOLE!!! (Kicks County in the nuts ^^;)

County: (Doubles over) Oof!!

D/Chick: WHEN YOU ARE LYING ON THE GROUND, CLUTCHING YOURSELF AND CRYING LIKE A LITTLE LAMB BECAUSE YOU ARE ON THE VERGE OF DEATH, I WILL KICK YOU IN YOUR SIDE AND LAUGH, "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!" YOU LITTLE SNIDE SARCASTIC FREAK!!!

County: UuUhhhhhhhhhhhh…

D/Chick: (Ignores County's position) Well, and now it's time to start the mourning, since County has been…eh, dismissed for awhile, so to say… (^^;)

County: Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

D/Chick: (Lights dim again, and tune starts back up) Wolfwood, you were a perfect, carefree man with an imperfect, heart-wrenching past. Hott, good with a gun, and funny as Hell. Abused in your past, used recklessly, and utterly traumatized. How could such a man with a horrible past look so determined and optimistic toward his future? Because, you were Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Nicholas D. Wolfwood…

County: Yeah, but wasn't Vash, like, uhh the same way? All that traumatized-but-still-optimistic stuff? Plus, Vash doesn't kill people…well, not purposely or without a reason, anyways…

D/Chick: (Thunks County on the head) You little weasel!! You ruined the mood!! Yes, I love Vash too (turns toward huge picture of Vash hung up on her wall w/ big shiny eyes, and turns back to County with a cough) …But you must understand that Wolfwood was…no, is…my Bishi!! He is mine!!

County: But you have, like, tons of other bishis, too…

D/Chick's Other Bishis: (sniff) But why, D/Chick? Why??

D/Chick: (Hisses to her other bishis) I'll explain later!! Now leave me alone!! (Turns back to County with a *^^;*)

County: (-_-) You are so hopeless…you Pimptress!!

D/Chick: I'M not the pimptress!! Go and ask my best buddy Liz if you wish to be her Man-Whore slave!!

County: (0_0;) yeek.

D/Chick: ANYWAYS, back to the MOURNING, COUNTY-BOY!!!

County: (u.u) right, right, I'll leave you alone, now…(walks out the door with a wave)

D/Chick: Much better…now, my mourning Wolfwood-fans…(Mourning Wolfwood-fans gather around D/Chick, sniffling and what-not) Let's all heal spiritually…together…

County: (Peeking through the door's keyhole) I can't believe it…she is such a fruit!!

D/Chick: Now, I will go first…oh, Wolfwood, why, why, please tell me…why do all of my beautiful Bishonen die? Folken…Wolfwood…(^^;) eh, ok, you're the only ones that actually died, but…why? Why?! The world of horny hormone-driven fan girls need you…please…tell us, what can we do? How can we relieve this grief we share?

Mourning Wolfwood-Fans: (Praying and begging and wailing towards the ceiling) Why?! How?! Tell us!! How?! Whyyyyyyy!!!

D/Chick: (Begs with them) HOW?! WHY?!

*Suddenly, the ceiling starts to crack…*

D/Chick: What…the…HELL?! AHHH!!!

*The ceiling cracks and crumbles until a huge hole forms…and when the dust and screams clear…*

D/Chick: (Looks up at the hole with a *-_-*) I can't believe it. I seriously cannot believe it…

Wolfwood: (Scratches head) Uhh, Folken, just how did the ceiling break without us falling through?

Folken: (Shrugs) Beats me.

D/Chick: (Smears the white dust off of her face and *somehow ^^;* jumps up into the hole in the ceiling) Wolfwood!! Folken!! You little bastards!! You tricked us all!! (Giggles)

Folken and Wolfwood: (o_0)

D/Chick: (Pulls them both into a hug and giggles happily) I can't believe it!! I seriously cannot believe it!! You're alive!! You're ALIVE!! (Motions for the Mourning Wolfwood-fans to come up with her) C'mon, girls, let's all give Folkie-Baba and Wolfie-wood a hug!!

Folken: (0_0) I don't…

Wolfwood: (0_0) …Think that's such a good idea…(!!!)

Mourning Wolfwood Fans: (*Somehow ^^;* jump up into the hole in the ceiling) Yeeeee!! We missed you, boys!! (All join in a hug)

Wolfwood: (Tries to free himself from their hold) WAIT!! NOT HERE!!

*The ceiling starts to creak and moan*

Folken: (Yells) WATCH OUT!!!

*Ceiling finally breaks, and this time it ALL falls…*

Everyone: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Girls: Folken and Wolfwood will protect us!!

D/Chick: (Grits her teeth) You better you little bastards!!

Wolfwood: (Screaming) How come we haven't fallen yet?!?!

Folken: (Shrugs) Beats me…(!!!)

*THUNK*

D/Chick: (Pushes the rubble off of her, hair white with dust and sticking up everywhere) Uhh, well folks, the mourning ceremony isn't exactly over…now we must mourn over our "dead" Bishonen while their numerous wounds from the fall heal…(Sparkle) So join us next time!!

Mourning Fans: (Rise from the rubble like zombies) MUST…MOURNNN…

Folken and Wolfwood: (Still buried ^^;) Merrrr…cyyyyyy…

County: (Still outside the door, cracking up on the floor) Ha HA!! This is the absolute most HILARIOUS THING EVER!! HA HA HAAA!!!

D/Chick: (Boiling in rage) COUNTYYY-BOYYYY!!!

-El Fin- ^^;

D/Chick: Ah yes…(lying on beach-recliner in a bikini while sipping a tropical drink)…no D/Chick and County One-Shot is complete without blatant adverstisement…so, go and read these other great titles by me!! (Glitter and peace-sign)

County: Riiight, "great titles"…well, I'm getting paid to read this list…(Pulls out list and puts on reading glasses)…so here we go…

- Young Luv <3 <3: An A/U Escaflowne fic. The characters from Esca are teenagers in a high school setting, dealing with the everyday crap and their complicated romance-scandals. Rated PG-13 for language.

Your Daily Dose of Painful Reality: An Escaflowne continuation fic. Hitomi goes back to Gaea, still madly in love with Van. But why is Van's personality different? What news, good or bad, does he have to share? Rated R for language and Adult Themes.

D/Chick: And not to mention racy scenes!! (Squeals)

County: (-_-) Yeah, that too. But there's no lemon.

D/Chick: I find that writing such naughty material would truly make me a pervert…

County: …Yeah, what she said…and why are all these summaries so damn cheesy?!

D/Chick: (>P) They're not cheesy, they're summaries…now read them!!

County: (Sighs) Fine, fine…

Irvine's a Dumbass: A quirky cliché-filled One-Shot. But, since this is a Story Type One-Shot, I'M not in it, just D/Chick…yeah, rated PG-13 for suggestive dialogue and language…sequel coming soon.

Trigun Spiff: Not quite a spoof, but not quite a fic…a D/Chick and County One-Shot Rant!! (me and D/Chick are only a team in the one-shot rants. She's not directly in her REAL fanfics, either, but she writes these crazy author notes…anywho, where was I?) Basically, D/Chick raves over "sexy" Trigun men while she makes fun of and belittles me…rated PG-13 for language and the mention of a (shiver) nude Vash…

D/Chick: (Pouts) Countyyy, follow the summaries!! You're adding your own stuff in!!

County: Yeah, well, the fans still get the idea of the stories, so what's the harm?!

D/Chick: (hmph) Fine…

Plus, new fanfics coming soon…D/Chick thought it would be really funny to make a Pilot Candidate Soap-Opera, so be expecting that…also, maybe even a REAL Trigun fanfic…uhh, more One-Shots (Rants and Story-Types)…well, that's all, I guess…

D/Chick: Yay!! Thankyou, County!! ( Waves and poofs into nowhere)

County: Hey, where's my pay?! Dammit, get back here, woman!!

D/Chick: (Poofs back, hand over giggling mouth) Why, County, I'm so flattered!! You really DO consider me a woman!! Hee hee hee!! (Poofs back, grabbing Zell plushy before she goes)

County: (-_-) I really, really, DON'T like her sometime…(sigh) well, might as well go home…(walks away with his hands in his pockets, mumbling about annoying people…)

-EL Fin ^^;-