Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ An Alternate Ending ❯ Live Through ( Chapter 5 )

An Alternate Ending

Part Five: Live Through

By Bekka Mouri-Hibiki

(Trigun doesn't belong to me and I am not making any money from this so please don't sue. The re-write continues!)

" Vash! Oh Vash! Wake up! " Rem's voice sounded so far away and he forced his eyes open to see just how far away she was. Everything was blurry and he blinked a few times to make his uncooperative eyes focus. Sunlight poured into the room from a window next to a sink and he could see the room he was in was a little bare.

He could smell something cooking and his eyes moved to a pot simmering on a stove. His eyes darted to another corner of the room where his ragged coat hung from a door. ~Where am I? ~ He thought, sitting up. His hand went to his stomach and he found his body was bandaged.

~What happened? How? ~ He put a hand to his face as he tried to make his brain work. It all came crashing down on him like a ton of rocks… he recalled that he had shot Legato and that Wolfwood was probably dead as well. He remembered the girls on the ground at the mercy of the mob of pawns but he also remembered her coming to him… and him pushing her away.

His mind went back to Legato… the man he had shot. The man he had killed with his own hands, He started to shake, ~what have I done? ~ He thought. ~What have I done? ~

" Thank you for letting us stay here, " Meryl's muffled voice came through the door. " I don't know what would have happened without all of your help. "

" Think nothing of it. Don't be afraid to ask if there's anything else you need. If you need it, just ask, " A man replied.

" I will. Thank you again, " Meryl said as she opened the door and stepped into the room. She shut the door and looked to Vash, startled to see him sitting up.

A long silence filled the room as they stared at each other, her eyes looking like that of a scared animal and his looking like those of a helpless bewildered child. Had she done all of this… the bandaging, cooking and whatever else had been done for him while he was asleep? Had he underestimated the little hothead all along?

She forced a smile, " Oh! You're awake! Let me get you some soup… I'm sure you have to be starving. You have been asleep for almost ten days now. "

~Ten days? ~ Vash thought. " Where are we? "

" Oh, we're in a small village about 200 iles from LR Town. The villagers lent us this house so we could care for you and Wolfwood. Do you remember anything? " Meryl said then realized she should have left the last part out.

~Of course he remembers… smooth move, Meryl, ~ She berated herself silently as she dished out a bowl of soup for Vash.

" Wolfwood? " Vash asked quietly.

Meryl nodded, handing him the bowl of soup. " Yes. He's been drifting in and out but he's still with us. Now, drink your soup… you need nourishment and it's my own special recipe especially made for healing. "

Vash looked down at the soup and became quiet. Should he talk to her and try to make sense out of what happened? Did she really care or did she feel guilty because she had come after him after he had specifically told her not to and wanted to make up for disobeying him? He sighed, " Meryl, I… I want to… "

Meryl held her breath as she waited for him to berate her for disobeying him but decided not to give him the chance. " I forgot! I have to be somewhere and I'll be late if I don't hurry! " She said as she walked to the door. " Finish all of your soup and I will be back in a bit! "

Vash watched as she left, ~I was going to thank her… she left before I could thank her. Have I finally scared her as well? ~ He thought. ~Why do I chase off everyone who cares? Why does everyone have to be in danger because of ME? ~

He felt tears come to his eyes as he felt like the undertow Legato had spoken of was sucking him down. Uncontrollable sorrow overwhelmed him and he flung the bowl of soup away, the dish hitting the wall as he started to scream. He felt like the world was closing in around him along with his constant companion of death…

**

Meryl leaned against the door, jumping when she heard something hit the wall and Vash's agonized cries. She wanted to stay and listen to everything he had to say but she… she was afraid. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and cradle him until there was nothing left inside of him to tell but she was scared that he would get angry with her again. She didn't want him to be angry with her for she had done it all for him.

She pushed away from the door and went to the one that led into Wolfwood's room, cracking it slightly. She peered in and saw he was on curled up his right side with the pillow bunched up under his head, the blankets pulled up to his neck. Every time he woke up, he complained of being cold and Meryl assumed it was because of the blood loss. She pulled the door shut again and headed for the front door.

She stepped put into the street and started walking, looking down at her feet as she got lost in her own thoughts. She was so lost; she didn't hear the village elder calling her name until he had said it a second time. " Miss Meryl? " The old man hobbled up. " How are your friends? "

" Oh! They are much better. They are both conscious and will probably be back on their feet in no time, " Meryl smiled although she wasn't sure of her words.

" That's wonderful! " The man said. " I'm happy to hear that. "

A loud rumble erupted from the well and a giant chunk of rock hurdled towards the sky. It lost momentum and started to fall downward, landing a few feels from Meryl in a matter of seconds. One of Milly's stun gun bullets landed next to it and Meryl heard her friend call from the well, " Sorry about that! " before she came through the opening, giggling.

" Milly! You need to be more careful! " Meryl snapped.

" I'm sorry. Did you come to walk me home? " Milly asked, crawling out of the well.

" Yes, " Meryl nodded.

Milly dusted herself off and looked at a near by porch. " I want to rest for a little bit before we go home, okay? I have had a hard day. "

" Sure, " Meryl said and followed the younger woman to the stoop.

" So… is there any change? Mr. Wolfwood didn't wake up when I left this morning so I couldn't ask him if he felt any better, " Milly stretched, popping her joints.

" Vash woke up today, " Meryl looked towards the well her friend was helping with.

" Mr. Vash is awake? That's wonderful! " Milly seemed like she wasn't believing her ears.

" Yes, " Meryl stared at the ground, afraid to tell Milly anything else about Vash. She didn't want her to know about him breaking down and crying like he did or that she was scared he would be mad with all of them for following.

" That's great, " Milly said. " When Mr. Wolfwood gets well, everything will be great. "

" Yeah… " Meryl still stared at the ground.

" Oh! I almost forgot! I have today's wages; " Milly pulled an envelope from the pocket of her work cover-alls and handed it to Meryl.

Meryl stared at the envelope for a moment, " I feel so bad about making you do all the work, Milly. I'm sorry for making you work so hard while I don't do much of anything at all. "

" I don't mind because you do plenty, Meryl. It's not easy to care for sick people and this job really doesn't bother me at all. I used to work the fields when I was at home so this isn't as hard as it looks, " Milly smiled.

" But I… " Meryl started but was cut off.

" It helps keeping me from worrying about things and I stay busy, " Milly added. " Between here and taking care of Mr. Wolfwood, I don't have time to think about bad things because I'm too tired to think. "

" How is the well coming along? " Meryl wanted to know. When the well was finished, Milly would have to find another job if the men were still incapacitated.

" It's coming along just great! " Milly smiled, " According to the schedule, we'll reach the water vein in one to two weeks. "

Meryl looked at the younger girl, " Okay. Why don't we splurge on dinner tonight? "

" Really? " Milly's eyes lit up. " Do you mean it? "

Meryl nodded, " Yes. "

**

He pulled the blanket tighter but it was no use… he was still cold. He let out a frustrated growl and flopped onto his back. He wondered how much longer it would be until his body replaced the blood he had lost. He had to admit he wasn't as cold as he had been but he still had a long way to go before he felt like his normal temperature.

He wondered how Vash was doing but felt too weak to get up and go looking for him. He was probably pretty close by but Wolfwood still couldn't convince his body to move. Milly had been working his limbs so he didn't lose too much strength but his muscles were aching from lying in bed for too long. ~I have to move around…. This is driving me nuts. ~

He heard a door open and it sounded like it was just across the hall. He heard footsteps next, padding down the hall and another door open. ~I wonder who that could have been? ~ He thought, sitting up and swinging his legs out of the bed. He stood up and the room started to spin.

~Damn! I got up too fast! ~ He thought as he tumbled to the floor. He tried to get up a few times but the room was still spinning, ~Shit… I guess I'm stuck until someone comes home… damn. ~ He reached up and pulled the blanket down so he wouldn't get cold waiting.

**

" Thank you! Come again! " The shop owner called as Meryl and Milly left, each of them with an armload of groceries.

" This place kind of reminds me of my hometown, " Milly said as they walked down the street towards the house.

" Was your hometown like this, Milly? " Meryl asked.

Milly nodded, " Yes. It is just a quiet plain little village but it was great because my family was there. "

Meryl looked ahead and smiled, " Family… "

The ridge that overlooked the town came into view and Meryl looked towards it, stopping in her tracks. " Meryl? " Milly asked when she noticed the smaller woman had stopped.

" It's him, " Meryl said quietly, referring to a man sitting on the ridge. The light breeze tousled his floppy blonde locks and his bandages were visible in the sunlight.

**

Vash stared across the desert that stretched out before him, his eyes fixed in the direction of Demitrihi… the town where Knives was suppose to be waiting for him. ~I know he's out there… waiting for me to come to him. How can I face him though? I'm no better than he is because I'm a killer too. ~

(Flashback)

" Answer me one thing. What do you intend to do when you see Knives? " Wolfwood said as he aimed the Punisher Cross at him. He had been waiting for Vash just outside his hotel and greeted him like an old friend would have. He apologized for hitting him, saying he was sorry and, when Vash tried to tell him how they could have saved the kid, Wolfwood drew his weapon.

He should have realized it then… when Wolfwood asked about Knives but he was still not sure what was going on when he answered. " He stole someone I loved from me. "

" So this is for revenge? " Wolfwood said, the weapon never wavering.

" I don't know, " The only answer Vash could come up with. " I don't know. "

Wolfwood's expression did not change, " I see. So that is how you live. That is how you choose to live. "

(End Flashback)

~Why didn't I realize it then? When he said Knives name, I should have realized something was up. How could he have been working for them all along? How could you, Wolfwood? ~ Vash thought as he stared across the desert.

~Wolfwood… why did you drag yourself back into this? Why did you follow me in the shape you were in and bring them with you? I wanted you all to be safe… I had planned for you to be safe, ~ Vash thought. ~I'm nothing but a killer… I'm no better than Knives now. What am I going to say to him when I see him? ~

He hung his head, ~I nearly got the girls killed and Wolfwood nearly died because he followed my example. He could have died back there in LR too… Rem, I'm so sorry. I'm a murderer now… I made a mistake… ~ The tears started to seep from his eyes as his shoulders started to shake, feeling like the world was collapsing around him again.

" Vash! What are you doing up here? Your wounds are still open and you shouldn't be moving around yet! " Meryl said as she walked up behind him.

Vash got to his feet and turned, taking a few steps before falling to his knees. She knelt next to him, " You shouldn't strain yourself. "

" I have to go, " Vash said.

" Go? Where? Not in the condition you're in, " Meryl blinked in confusion. " Let's get you back in bed… "

" I have to go see Rem… " Vash said.

Meryl recalled Rem as the woman Vash had said raised him and his brother from babies but she had been dead for over a hundred and thirty years. How would he go see her unless he was fixing to die? " Vash! Snap out of it! You need to rest. "

Milly stepped forward, her voice trying to form words but she couldn't. She watched Meryl try to grab Vash around the shoulders but he shoved her away. " Let me go! I have to see her! " He said.

" Vash! " Meryl said sharply.

" I can't go back… I took someone's life… I killed someone… The ocean of blood I created is pulling me under! " Vash shut his eyes.

" But there was no other way, Vash! " Meryl insisted.

Vash opened his eyes and glared at Meryl, " Don't give me that! I didn't have to kill him! There had to be a way because Rem said there is a way to save everyone! "

Vash turned his face to the sky, " Rem? Did I? " He said, getting to his feet. He remained vertical for only two seconds before he fell face first onto the ground.

Meryl went to him, " Vash? "

He didn't answer.

**

Wolfwood lifted his head from the floor when he heard the sound of a door opening and someone walking into the house. The door shut and he heard light footsteps mixed with heavier ones. Another door opened and footsteps got fainter. " He just over exerted himself, Meryl. I'm sure he'll be okay once he sleeps, " Milly's muffled voice came to his ears.

He heard muffled sobbing and knew it had to be Meryl. " But what did he mean? Why did he say he had to go see Rem? The only way he could do that is if he… "

" He won't! We've taken too good of care of him to do that and I'm sure he doesn't want to die, " Milly actually sounded like she was almost shouting at Meryl. " Stop thinking that! " Milly finished the order with a sob of her own.

There was a long silence before Wolfwood heard the heavier footsteps again, " I'm going to go check on Mr. Wolfwood, " Milly said.

Wolfwood sighed. She still called him that in spite of how physically intimate they had been in Warm Springs and Tonim Town. She called him Nicholas when they had made love on that dusty bed and loved the way his name sounded when she said it... when she cried it out to the heavens. Meryl was bound to know that Milly and him had been together but he assumed Milly was just being polite.

The door to Wolfwood's room opened and she looked down at him, her eyes wide. " Hi honey… " Wolfwood said quietly. " I sort of had an accident. "

" I see that, " Milly sighed. " What happened? "

" I heard someone moving around and I wanted to see who it was, " Wolfwood forced a little smirk. " So I tried to get up but I did it too quick. "

Milly shut her eyes, " It was Mr. Vash. He got out and went to the cliff that overlooks the town. "

" Ah. I would have stopped him…if I could have got to him anyway, " Wolfwood sighed. " The room was spinning so badly, I doubt I couldn't have found the door. "

Milly stepped into the room a little more and shut the door behind her, " I know you would have went after him, darling. "

" Could you help me back into the bed? " Wolfwood asked. It was obvious which one of the girls had to carry Vash back from the cliff but he was getting a little sore from being on the floor. It was a little too hard for his tastes and he was starting to hurt.

Milly sighed and nodded, " It will have to be teamwork because I'm a little worn out. "

" I know… you worked all day and needle noggin isn't the lightest person in the world. I'll make this all up to you once I'm better. I swear, " Wolfwood felt bad for asking Milly to get him back in the bed and wished he could do it for himself. " I just don't trust myself to do this alone. "

Milly got over him and looked down. She bent forward and put her arms under his, " So, how are you otherwise? You didn't hurt anything did you? "

" No, honey. I'm fine. I did a lot of thinking while I was down there though, " Wolfwood replied and Milly stopped mid-lift.

" What did you think about? " Milly asked. She couldn't describe the expression on his face except that it said he had something serious to say to her.

" I've been thinking about what happened between us, " Wolfwood sighed. " I've been thinking about it since last night. "

Milly blushed, " None of that until you're better. You're not strong enough for that. "

Wolfwood shook his head, " No. That isn't what I mean. "

" What do you mean then? " Milly looked puzzled.

" I think… I think I made a mistake and shouldn't have done any of that, " Wolfwood sighed. " Could you put me in the bed? Your arms are starting to shake. "

Milly summoned up her strength and put him back on the bed as he helped by pushing with his legs as much as he could. He managed to get himself settled as Milly straightened out the blanket before he wrapped his arms around her and looked at her with troubled eyes. She looked down into his eyes, visibly confused. " What are you saying, Nicholas? " She whispered.

Wolfwood looked into her eyes, " What happened between us… shouldn't have. I should have never touched you on the ridge, I should have never done what I did to you at the resort and I shouldn't have let you stay with me the night before I got shot. "

" What? " Milly said, her eyes starting to moisten like she was fighting the urge to cry. She looked so confused as she pulled away from Wolfwood. " I thought… "

" I know and I'm sorry that I misled you. Those things that happened… " He reached for her but she moved back a little more so he couldn't touch her. " Honey? "

" I thought they meant you loved me… " Milly said, trying to keep her voice even. " Is that what it means when a man and woman do that? You said you loved me… "

" Men say lots of stupid things during sex, honey… " He was surprised when Milly slapped him hard across the face, the sound of her hand striking him echoing like a gunfire report. He realized that he had made a tactical error by using the word 'stupid' and wished he could take it back… he could have used a better word but it was too late now.

" You jerk! How could you? " She shouted, her tears starting to run down her cheeks. " You said you loved me now you say you don't! "

He lifted his hand up to touch where she had hit him and knew it was going to leave a mark. He could taste blood because she had split his lip and he could feel it swelling. " I don't know if l love you, " He whispered. " I didn't mean to hurt you… I just don't know what I'm feeling... I'm sorry. "

Milly back-handed him across the other cheek, " Then feel this! " She said as her hand made contact with his skin. He felt his lip split on that side too and it started to bleed. She was pissed and he was completely to blame.

" Honey… " He whispered but she turned her back to him. What had he done to her? Where was the young innocent girl from the bus? He knew what had happened to that girl and he had played a major role in the destruction of her… what stood in front of him now was a woman that was robbed of her innocence in dreadful selfish crime… a crime he committed.

" I'm going to help Meryl fix dinner, " She huffed and walked to the door. She glared over her shoulder before opening the door and slamming it shut behind her.

Wolfwood pulled the blanket over his head as tears started to run from his eyes. He sobbed, " God… what have I done? I've destroyed something beautiful… haven't I? Why is it everything I touch gets ruined? "

He waited for an answer but cried himself to sleep before any reply came…

**

Milly and Meryl sat at the small table in Vash's room as they waited for the fresh pot of soup to finish cooking. Meryl sighed, " We shouldn't have followed him. We shouldn't have listened to Mr. Wolfwood… what if he was delirious when he told us what he did? "

Meryl looked down at the table, " I bet things would have been different and maybe Vash wouldn't have gotten hurt if we stayed behind and just took care of Mr. Wolfwood like he wanted us to. He wouldn't have had to suffer like this if we hadn't interfered… "

Milly stood to her feet, slamming her hands down on the table so hard it caused Meryl to jump. She stared at the smaller insurance agent with an expression that she usually reserved for ass kicking. Her eyes were puffy from crying but that didn't take away from the intensity of the expression, " You're wrong. "

" Milly? " Meryl whispered.

" What if we had stayed behind? Do you think that would have made it all better? I don't think so… I think it would have been worse. I think Mr. Wolfwood would have taken off after Vash and ended up… ended up… " Milly choked back a sob.

Meryl had tried to find out what had caused Milly to cry but she wouldn't tell her and it struck her as strange because Milly was usually so open. She had a feeling it had something to do with Wolfwood though but didn't want to pry. She had heard Milly screaming at him but the walls of the house were rather thick so she wasn't able to make out the words. She shook her head, " No… he wouldn't have been well enough to do it… "

" He would have done it anyway, " Milly said, shutting her eyes. " He's stubborn and would have died trying to get to Vash. I have a feeling you would have followed Mr. Vash no matter what, Meryl. You wouldn't have let him go… you care too much for him and I can tell. "

Meryl blinked in shock as Milly re-opened her eyes, " My big-big sister always told me not to hold back in matters of the heart. That's why you followed him here… your heart wouldn't allow you to stay away and my heart wouldn't allow you to lose him. "

Meryl let Milly's words sink in and realized that they were true. " I guess I should let you make the decisions from now on… "

Milly blinked in confusion, her regular expression slowly coming back to her face, " What? Why me? "

Meryl chuckled nervously, " Never mind. I was just kidding. "

Milly sat back down and looked at the table, " I don't make very good decisions, Meryl. "

There was a long silence before Meryl spoke again. " What are you saying, Milly? I was just kidding. I'll keep making the decisions… " Meryl started but stopped because Milly sobbed. " Milly? "

" I'm okay… " Milly sniffled. " I made a bad decision and now I have to deal with it. "

" Oh. Do you want to talk about it? " Meryl reached across the table and placed her tiny hand on Milly's large one.

Milly sniffled again, " Mr. Wolfwood told me that he doesn't know if he loves me or not. He says we shouldn't have… we shouldn't have… "

" Oh Milly, " Meryl got up and went to Milly's side of the table. She wrapped her slender arms around the younger woman's shoulders and hugged her. " I'm so sorry. "

" He was my first, Meryl. It was supposed to be with someone who loved me… " Milly said as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. " It was supposed to be special… "

" I know, " Meryl hugged the younger woman tighter and wondered if her first time would end in disaster.

" I did it because I thought he loved me… he said it when we were… doing it, " Milly turned to face Meryl. " What do I do now, Meryl? I don't know if I can sleep in the same room with him now. "

" You can sleep in my room tonight, okay? " Meryl wiped fresh tears from Milly's face. " Don't worry about taking care of Mr. Wolfwood in the morning. I'll do that. "

" He said he needed time to figure things out so that's what I'll give him, " Milly sighed. " I think I need some time too. "