Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ An Alternate Ending ❯ Part Eleven: Long Night ( Chapter 11 )

An Alternate Ending

By Bekka Mouri-Hibiki

Part 11: Long Night

(Trigun doesn't belong to me and I'm not making any money from this so please don't sue. Vash and Meryl are in the house alone…)

It wasn't right. Her best friend was lying in a bed in a house on the other side of the village and there was nothing she could do for her. Meryl wished she could do something but the midwife only told her to be there for Milly once she had recovered from the miscarriage physically. There was no way to tell how long it would take the young woman to recover from the mental suffering. Deb said that it wasn't Milly's fault or anyone else for that matter and to keep reminding Milly of that.

The thing that was wrong was the fact that Meryl couldn't keep her mind from going to the man in the bed a few feet from hers. She tried to think about Milly and how she would help her cope with the loss of a baby she didn't even know she was carrying but her mind kept returning to Vash's words.

(Flashback)

" There's nothing we can do now, Meryl. We just have to be strong for Wolfwood and her, " He sobbed into her hair as they stood in the street.

" But she had to work so hard because I couldn't, Vash! " Meryl cried.

" But you were taking care of me… " Vash reminded her.

" But I could have done more. She was working her butt off and then caring for Wolfwood as well. I could have done more because she was able to do all of that, " Meryl looked up at Vash.

" You did what you could do, " He whispered and kissed her forehead. " You both did. "

" I should have done more! " Meryl shouted. " Their baby is dead because of me! "

" It's not your fault! " Vash said through clenched teeth.

Meryl balled up her tiny hands into fists, " Yes it is! " She screamed.

Vash clamped a hand over Meryl's mouth, " Shhhh. People are trying to sleep. Please, just calm down. Let's go home and get some sleep. "

Meryl nodded and Vash let his hand fall from her mouth once she had calmed down a bit. " Are you still hungry? " She whispered.

Vash blinked and smirked slightly, " A little. "

(End Flashback)

They had eaten in silence and retired to bed in the same fashion. There were really no words to be said because they had said it all in the street. The only sound in the room now was their breathing and it was driving her insane. She fought to keep her breathing at its own rhythm but found it falling into sync with his no matter how hard she tried.

**

It wasn't right. His best friend and the closest thing he had to a brother in almost one hundred years was laying in a bed in a house on the other side of the village. Vash wished he could do something but the midwife only told Meryl the only thing he and Meryl could do was to be there for Milly once she had recovered from the miscarriage physically. There was no way to tell how long it would take the young woman to recover from the mental suffering.

Vash was certain Wolfwood blamed himself for what had happened. Although he hadn't vocalized the fear to Vash, he could tell it was there. He could sense it as they shared what had to be the worst pot of coffee either of them could remember…

(Flashback)

Vash slammed his coffee mug down, " Ick! "

Wolfwood furrowed his brow, " What's wrong, needle noggin? "

" This coffee, " Vash pointed at the mug as Wolfwood started to drink the coffee he had just poured from himself. Before Vash could finish his statement, Wolfwood spat his coffee back into his mug.

" Damn! This shit is too strong! " Wolfwood blinked down at the mug.

" Um, yeah. That's what I was going to tell you, " Vash nodded. " Meryl has been making it weak because she says we were sick too long. "

Wolfwood grabbed a bottle of water and put a little in the coffee. He took a tentative sip and grimaced again. After several tries, the coffee was drinkable. He put the cap back on the bottle and tossed it at Vash, " Catch. "

Vash caught it and opened the bottle. He poured a good amount of water into the mug and took a sip. " That's better, " He sighed and sat the mug back down on the table.

Wolfwood sat down across from Vash, " So… where were we when we came in here? "

Vash looked down at the table, " We were talking about nuclear fission. "

Wolfwood took a drink of his coffee and narrowed his eyes. He sat the mug back down and smirked, " Funny. That was a rhetorical question. "

" Then why did you ask? " Vash arched an eyebrow as he picked up his mug again. He wasn't too hot on the idea of Wolfwood giving him advice on love and relationships. From what he could see, Wolfwood was the one who needed advice the most.

Wolfwood growled, " There you go pissing me off again. You seem to have a gift for it. "

Vash shook his head, " You obviously know what I am and about how old I am, Wolfwood. Why do you think you need to give me advice? Perhaps I know more about women than you. "

Vash wasn't about to admit it but he had fooled around with his share of women and could easily claim the title of 'Make-Out King' if he so desired to. He had never actually slept with a woman but he was pretty familiar with what they liked and what they didn't. He knew they didn't like his scars and almost all of the ones that had seen them had either ran away or thrown up at the sight. He could recall only one woman that hadn't run away but he was trying his hardest not to hurt her… not after everything she had done for him.

" Yeah right. You already admitted that you've never had sex with one so that excuse isn't going to fly, " Wolfwood waved his hand. " I, on the other hand… "

" Are a man of the cloth and shouldn't be talking about it? " Vash said, a slight hint of condescension lining his voice.

Wolfwood glared at Vash, " Look… "

" I'm looking, " Vash shrugged. He really wanted to get Wolfwood off of him. He would deal with Meryl in his own time and if she lost interest and found someone else, it wouldn't bother him at all… no, it would bother him but just a little bit.

Wolfwood tapped the handle on his mug and stared at Vash. " You know, it would be one sorry ass fight if we got into it right now, " He said slowly. " I really don't want to put the girls through any more than we already have. "

" Then let's drop it, okay? " Vash took another sip of his coffee.

" I'm not dropping it! " Wolfwood gripped onto the table. " Do you think Meryl and Milly would have done any of this if they didn't care? "

" Meryl disobeyed me. I told her to stay back there in Tonim Town with Milly so they could care for you. She probably felt guilty after… " Vash looked out the small window over the sink as his mind slipped backward to the moment he shot Legato. " If they hadn't been there… "

" You would have still killed that bastard, " Wolfwood stated. " Then, when the villagers came around, it would have looked really bad for you. "

" How do you know that? ' Vash looked back at Wolfwood, tears starting to form in his eyes. " There had to be another way… someway where no one had to die. "

" If he had lived, he would still be screwing with your head, " Wolfwood pointed out.

" If the girls hadn't came after I told them not to, they wouldn't have been in danger and you wouldn't have gotten hurt worse, " Vash countered, a tear slipping down his cheek.

" I told them to come after you, Vash. Lest ye forget, I had something to do with those bastards and I had an idea of what would happen if you didn't make it to Knives. I may not like living here on the desolate dust ball but I don't want everyone to die, " Wolfwood's knuckles were turning white from the amount of pressure he was using to hold onto his coffee mug and not fling it at Vash's head.

" I would have made it to him, " Vash shut his eyes. " I wanted them out of this, Wolfwood. I didn't want… "

" Her to get hurt? " Wolfwood asked quietly.

Vash put a hand over his eyes, " I didn't want anyone to get hurt. "

" Why is it so hard for you to admit it to yourself? I know you can't be as dense as you pretend to be. I thought Milly was pretty dense but she's actually very sharp, " Wolfwood looked down into his coffee.

" Our only saving grace is the fact she isn't aware of how smart she is, " Vash muttered.

Wolfwood took a sip of his coffee and contemplated Vash's words. Milly was a smart girl but she didn't show it very often and that was probably one of the reasons she appeared to be a ditz. She was far from being an airhead but she was still rather naïve. His tongue went to where she had split his lip almost two weeks earlier and his heart sank a bit.

Vash noticed Wolfwood was being rather quiet and let his hand fall away from his eyes. " Something wrong? "

Wolfwood stopped running his tongue over the old injury, " No. Everything is fine. I was just thinking… "

" Are you sure you want to give me advice? I mean, look at what happened… " Vash motioned towards the door.

Wolfwood shook his head, " I made a mistake. I wasn't thinking straight when that happened. I… I … I wasn't sure if I could kill you and I didn't know how the kids would make it if I got killed for not killing you. My emotions were a mess when she came in with that smile, her kind heart… those warm arms… God, she smelled so good. "

" Was it the first time, Wolfwood? " Vash asked quietly.

Wolfwood chewed his lip thoughtfully. If he was going to get Vash to listen to him about Meryl then he had might as well disclose the full catastrophe that had started with one simple kiss outside of New Oregon. It was strange for him to be the one confessing again but he told Vash as much as he wanted to hear. " That night in Tonim Town… when we actually slept together, " Wolfwood ran a hand through his hair.

Vash put his hand up, " Stop. "

" I had never felt more complete in my whole life. When I walked away from Chapel didn't even feel as good as it did when she was under me… " Wolfwood continued.

" I said stop! " Vash said a little more forcefully.

Wolfwood chuckled, " I'm surprised that Meryl and you didn't hear her when she was screaming… that girl can scream. "

" I SAID STOP! " Vash shouted. " I get the picture, okay? "

Wolfwood ruffled his hair and sighed, " I'm sorry. I got carried away. "

" You miss her, " Vash said simply. It wasn't a question… it was a statement.

Wolfwood nodded, " I was a fool, Vash. I don't want you to screw up like I did. I don't want you to break Meryl's heart like I broke Milly's. "

Vash noticed a worried look in Wolfwood's eyes as he glanced around the room. He could tell something was bothering the black haired priest but he wasn't going to ask. Something in the back of his mind felt like it was trying to speak to him but he couldn't make it out but the sensation seemed to match the way Wolfwood looked like he was feeling.

" Go ahead and tell me what I need to know, " Vash sighed. " You probably could give me some pointers after all. "

Wolfwood smiled, " I knew you would cave eventually. I guess I should start with the most important lesson first. "

" And what would that be? " Vash asked, taking a sip of coffee.

" The worst thing you can do is trying to bury your pain inside of some beautiful woman. It never works and it leaves you feeling empty inside afterwards, " Wolfwood looked at the window. " That feeling is even worse than the pain. "

" Is that how it was with Milly? " Vash asked quietly.

Wolfwood looked at Vash. Anger went through is eyes for a moment then he softened. " Actually, it was the exact opposite with her. When I finished with her, I didn't fee like my heart was being torn out but more like I had found a part of me that had been missing for a long time. "

Vash shut his eyes, " Just be vague with the details, okay? I don't want to think about her like that. "

Wolfwood was quiet for a long moment, " Well, I did… many times. You wouldn't believe some of the things I thought about. This one time, I dreamt that… "

" NICK! " Vash shouted.

" Shut up. You know you've thought about Meryl the same way and don't deny it either, " Wolfwood leveled his gaze at Vash.

Vash sputtered in indignation for a few seconds then hung his head, " Yeah… maybe once or twice. "

" Vash… you may not be human but you are a male. You've probably thought about it more than that. "

Vash whined and put his head down on the table, " Okay… I have thought about her like that quite a few times. "

Wolfwood chuckled, " That's better. Not like you would know what to do or anything… "

Vash lifted his head, " You'd be surprised. I have had my share of women… just not like that. I never went that far because I never got that far. Once they saw my scars… "

Wolfwood nodded, " I guess that would turn some girls off. They'd be scared you fall to pieces on them if you exerted yourself too much. "

" Do you want this conversation to be over? " Vash said evenly.

Wolfwood put up a hand, " So what you are saying is that every girl that's seen you half naked has ran away in disgust? "

Vash sighed, " Well, not all of them. One didn't. "

" Do I even have to ask who? " Wolfwood asked quietly.

Vash shook his head, " No. It's pretty obvious. "

(End Flashback)

Vash buried his head further into the pillow as his mind slipped back to Meryl. He had tried not to think about her but it wasn't working. Everything he thought about connected back to her no matter how many degrees separated his thoughts and the petite woman not too far away from him. He was trying not to concentrate on her breathing because he found he was trying to match her pace.

He held his breath and waited for her to inhale so he could exhale but she didn't. She was as quiet as he was trying to be and he panicked. She must have been listening to him breathe because she sat up at the same time he did, calling his name as he called hers. They asked if the other was okay and realized they had echoed each other.

" I didn't hear you breathing, " Vash explained.

" Same here, " Meryl replied, her voice a little shaky. " So… you were still awake too? "

" Yeah. I don't know if I can sleep at all. It's so strange… " Vash shook his head.

Meryl crawled out of her bed and went to Vash's, sitting down on the corner. She looked down at the floor for a moment then at Vash. " Deb said that Milly wasn't even far enough along to know. "

" But I can't help but think that it could have been prevented, " Vash looked at Meryl for a moment. The moonlight that came through the window over the sink made her look so pretty. She wore a pastel violet pajama set that seemed to glow and it shimmered as she breathed.

" I have been thinking that too. I feel so bad… I made her work for so long before I pitched in. That couldn't have been good for her, " Meryl let her head fall to the side a little. Vash noticed a trickle of moisture slip down her cheek and reached for her.

Meryl gasped as he put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. " But you were taking care of us, " He whispered into her hair. " I know it had to be touch and go for at least the first few days. "

" It was, " Meryl nodded as she relaxed against Vash a little bit. He was holding her but it wasn't too tight and she could tell he wasn't sure how she was going to react to him touching her. It actually felt nice so she didn't mind. She could feel the grate over his heart through the cloth of his pajamas and hers too, the metal reminding her of just how far Vash would go to keep others from getting hurt.

They were quiet for a long time, holding each other in the silvery darkness as they thought about how they were going to help their friends get over the loss of a life they didn't even know existed until it was gone. Meryl thought about what Deb had told her but she felt the woman was just trying to placate her and make her not feel so responsible. Deb had said that the miscarriage could have been caused by anything but Meryl knew it was because Milly had worked too hard. Meryl silently berated herself for not considering the likelihood when she had found Milly naked in Wolfwood's bed in Tonim Town.

" Let's try to get some sleep, okay? " Vash whispered. " I want to go over there and see Milly and Nick in the morning once we take care of Knives. I want them to know that I care. "

" Tell Milly I came by but she was asleep. I would hate for her to think I don't care, " Meryl waited for Vash to pull away before she crawled out of the bed.

Vash looked her in the eyes as he let his arms fall from her, " She knows you care, Meryl. You're her best friend."

Meryl felt stunned by his gaze. Even though it was dark, she could feel the intensity of his heartfelt statement as it flowed through his eyes into her heart. She leaned into him, shutting her eyes as she prepared to kiss him. When her lips touched his, she could tell he was slightly surprised but he started to return the kiss slowly.

She heard the covers rustle a little and felt his hands cup her shoulders as he got closer and intensified the kiss. She put a knee back on the bed to support herself because her legs were starting to shake a little and her hands went to Vash's shoulders. He pulled away for air and she opened her eyes, " I shouldn't have done that… this isn't the right time. "

Vash hooked one of his fingers under her chin, " It's okay. We're just confused and scared about all of this. Nick and Milly are going through something big. We don't know how to help so it's driving us nuts… at least that's how I've reasoned it out in my mind. "

Meryl blinked, " You've been thinking about it a lot too then? "

" It's been the only thing on my mind since you told me what happened, " Vash shut his eyes. " It's awful to think about what they're both going through right now because it's probably ten times worse than we could imagine. "

" Yeah, " Meryl nodded.

" Meryl? " Vash opened his eyes and looked into Meryl's.

" Yes Vash? "

" Could you please sleep in my bed tonight? " Vash's voice sounded a little tight as he asked.

Meryl felt her cheeks redden because she had been thinking of asking him to sleep in her bed, " Vash? "

" I feel so… so empty. I need something to hold onto, " Vash ran a hand through his hair.

Meryl lifted the covers and crawled under them slowly, " I do too, Vash. "