Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Purgatory ❯ Chapter 10 ( Chapter 10 )

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Rem. Took a minute for the name to register. Rem. Recovering, Wolfwood took her hand in both of his and said, “So very nice to make your acquaintance, Rem.”

“I’ve been hoping to meet you for some time,” she said, “just not so soon.” Wolfwood found himself unsurprised at this statement. He had no secrets from this woman. In her face he saw an understanding that was undeniable and complete.

“So…you,” Wolfwood looked at Rem, “and you…” he turned to Alex.

“Yes,” Alex said. “We are.” The word didn’t need to be spoken.

Sensing his discomfort, Rem said, “Actually we are a little different. We’re visitors, in a sense. I came to see you.”

“Don’t be cryptic,” Wolfwood said as calmly as he could. He felt he might actually be able to learn something from this woman. “Tell me everything.”

“Who I am is not as important as what I have to say, Mr. Wolfwood,” said Rem. “But I understand you might want to know something about me so this all makes a bit more sense.”

Wolfwood nodded, looking intently at her.

“The past couple days have been hard for all of us,” Alex said with a hitch in his voice. “We had intended on seeing you sooner, but last night…”

Rem interrupted. “Last night is over. We have to think of the future.”

Wolfwood thought he saw the glimmer of a tear in her eye. This exchange had increased his confusion. What had happened last night?

“But I’ll start by telling you a bit about my past. I was part of Project Seeds, the program that brought people to your planet. We left Earth seeking a better life and new beginning for the human race. The plants were our partners and allies in this endeavor.”

“Are you telling me you’re the reason for Vash and Knives?”

“Yes--in a very real sense, Project Seeds created Vash and Knives,” Alex answered.

“So you know them? You made them?” Wolfwood asked with disbelief.

“She raised them!” Alex replied, looking over at Rem, who shook her head gently before replying.

“I tried to teach them about humanity, to show them what we stood for. What makes us special. Vash and Knives were to be crucial to the project’s success. I did the best I could, but I made mistakes.”

Wolfwood snorted. “Yeah, I guess you could call Knives a mistake. Sort of like calling the desert a sandbox…or a bullet in the head a minor irritation.”

Rem didn’t smile. “As humans we make many mistakes. But we learn to face them without judgment and make them right again.”

“Vash bears the weight of your mistake; he has made it his burden to rectify it.” Wolfwood’s voice held a note of reproach.

“I know,” Rem said sadly, “but this is not a mistake. Vash is the only one who can save Knives.”

Alex looked at Rem. “This isn’t about her,” he said pointedly to Wolfwood, “it’s about you.”

“Yes,” Rem agreed. “As humans we all make mistakes.”

“I’ve made my share,” Wolfwood replied. “That’s why I’m here, no doubt.”

Alex opened his mouth to respond just as the waitress arrived with their orders. They were silent until she had refilled their mugs and moved on to another booth.

“Anyway,” Wolfwood said, trying to lighten up the mood, “what happened with you, Vash and Knives was a long time ago. Sorry if I seemed judgmental.”

Alex looked angry. “Rem worshipped those boys! She treated them like family and sacrificed for their welfare. She died saving their kind and gave her life so people like you could have a chance!”

“Stop, Alex,” Rem laid a hand on his arm. “Mr. Wolfwood was trying to be kind.” Turning to the priest, she said, “I learned from my mistakes. And so can you. This brings us back to why we are here.”

“Great,” answered Wolfwood. “Fill me in…so far the advice I’ve gotten has been pretty lousy…start over. Start over! When it’s all already ended.”

“Your teacher was right,” said Rem. “You need to start over. You can. Think! You are no longer the same person you were in life.”

At the mention of his former mentor, Wolfwood remembered the other bit of advice Chapel had given him. He looked up at the two people sitting across from him and felt ashamed of his cynicism. “Help me. Please,” he asked, immediately feeling relief after allowing himself this small supplication.

Rem smiled at him. “Point yourself in the right direction and don’t look back. Leave behind your past but remember the lessons from the mistakes you have made. As human beings we have the ability to right our wrongs. Make better choices this time. Take time to think it through, search for the answers. They are here.”

Wolfwood was silent.

“I promise,” Rem finished, “what happens now is up to you. Your future is your own responsibility.”

Wolfwood was waiting for more. When it didn’t come, he couldn’t think of anything to say. He knew they were trying to help, but somehow these platitudes weren’t what he was looking for. He had sat down with a million questions, and what they told him only multiplied the number.

“Ask…” prodded Alex, reading his thoughts.

“Ask…” repeated Wolfwood, struggling to stay composed although his mind was screaming with questions just like when he had been talking with Chapel. “Why? Why are you here? Why have you told me these things? Why are you trying to help? What will happen if I fail? Is there a time limit? Who is keeping track? Does Vash know about all this? Can I see my friends again?” His voice caught in his throat. “Can I see…her again?” And what happened last night? his brain silently asked but his mouth somehow couldn’t.

“Actually, some of these questions are connected,” Alex answered. “We came because you can see your friends again, at least sometimes. Rem has watched over Vash, but it is difficult to interfere or interact with that world from here. It is easier from other planes…later on.” Wolfwood realized he was probably referring to Paradise… their Eden.

“In our case,” Alex continued, “Rem of course “met” you while observing Vash. She wanted to help if she could. Because we know how much you mean to him.”

Alex spoke plainly, not weighing his words as Rem seemed to do. Yet this last sentence fell heavier than all the rest, and impacted Wolfwood as the others had failed to do. That stupid Needle Noggin was his best friend. Had been. Past tense. The pressure, fear, sorrow, and realization of everything he had lost came crashing down on Wolfwood in a crushing feeling. It was so obvious, yet hearing this stranger state something so simple did what nothing else had been able to do in the last few days…Wolfwood began to cry.

Only slightly embarrassed, he covered his eyes with his hands, his shoulders shaking.

Rem slid out of the booth and came over to him, sitting next to him and wrapping her arms around him. She patted his back and murmured softly. With a sudden revelation, Wolfwood knew without a doubt that this gentle woman was the reason Vash had not wound up like Knives.

He leaned heavily into her arms and let himself surrender to his emotions. When he had cried out his frustration, anger, and sadness, he squeezed her gently and broke the embrace.

He grabbed his napkin off the table, wiped his eyes, and said, “Tell me how to see them.”

He didn’t honestly expect an answer, but he got one. Rem said, “It isn’t difficult. It’s kind of like meditation, or daydreaming. I close my eyes and visualize him, where he is, what he might be doing.” Wolfwood realized “him” had to be Vash. “You will feel a slight sensation of falling, losing your balance, and then you will see them as they are. Sometimes it only lasts a second, sometimes hours.” She hesitated a moment before continuing. “But do not do it too often. Especially with humans, it can hold them back. It will disturb them, and keep them clinging to you as more than a memory. Sometimes you will help, but more frequently you will hinder.”

“How can that be?” Wolfwood believed Rem, but he didn’t want to think that returning to Milly in this way would harm her. He wanted to see her, and felt selfish, but at the moment he didn’t care.

Rem looked over at Alex, who considered the priest’s question, then spoke. “I didn’t realize for a long time how I was hurting Rem. By sticking around, she couldn’t move on. She couldn’t love again, couldn’t do what was necessary to get over my death. At last I realized what I was doing, and I attempted to change my influence into something positive.”

Anticipating Wolfwood’s next thought, Rem joined in, “Alex loved me so much, but he was unable to let me go. I wasn’t free of our past together for a long time. When I finally let go, I was able to go on living. It was difficult, and I never forgot him. I channeled my love into helping others.”

“That’s when you decided to join Project Seeds.” Wolfwood said.

“Exactly,” Rem smiled.

“I want to try.”

“Right now?” asked Rem.

“Why not? And can you come with me? So you can show me if I am doing it wrong?” Wolfwood asked. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was a little scared of this idea--that he was now a ghost and could visit other worlds.

“Me?” Rem sounded unsure.

“Yes. Please.”

“I don’t think it will work together, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” Wolfwood felt relieved. Rem took his hands in hers.

“I’ll try to come with you. But it may be your feelings are not strong enough to take us both.”

Misunderstanding her, feeling as if his love for Milly was being questioned, Wolfwood protested, “They are, I’m certain. I love her.”

“I know,” Rem said softly, “but I hardly know her. I might not be able to help. It is the strongest emotions that will take you there.”

“Thank you for trying,” Wolfwood said.

They faced each other in the small booth and closed their eyes. Wolfwood saw Milly as clear as day, he pictured her walking along with Meryl, in the streets of Tonim Town. He imagined her state of mind, the hurt she was feeling, saw tears streaming down her face as she smiled, saying something, and tried with all his strength to enter the picture in his head.

Suddenly, he felt the loss of equilibrium Rem had mentioned, but instead of landing in Tonim Town, or in front of the girl he loved, he found himself in a dingy small room, and someone was crying. Wailing, actually. It was a horrible, unearthly sound, and the spectre he was could not block it out. He attempted to cover his ears, only to realize he had no physical form. It was as if he was part of the air instead of something separate.

The cries continued, and Wolfwood felt close to panic. He moved across the room, wondering how to return to the diner, desperate to stop these sounds of pain. Then he saw the source of the sorrowful assault, face down in a dingy bed, alone in a dark corner, crying as if the world was ending.

It was Vash.

Wolfwood felt a wrenching guilt at the intrusion and observed, powerless. He didn’t see any sign of Rem, but he could feel her presence. “Help me,” he thought wildly. “I want to help him!”

There was no answer, but Vash’s crying abated somewhat. His screams had become whimpers, and he turned his head to the side, resting on the pillow. Wolfwood noticed in horror that his friend looked worse than he had ever seen him. His aquamarine eyes were dull and glazed, swollen and red, as if he had been crying for days. Instead of the vibrant and fun-loving Humanoid Typhoon, he looked weak and wasted.

Vash’s eyes closed for a minute, and he whispered “Rem…”

Wolfwood couldn’t hear a response, but thought Vash did, as the shadow of a smile appeared on the tear-streaked face. It was gone as quickly as it had come however, and another tear rolled down onto the drenched pillow.

“I’m sorry Rem,” Vash said in a choked voice. “I’m so so sorry.”

There was silence, and Wolfwood tried with all his might to communicate something to Vash. To tell him it was OK, to tell him to take care of Milly, to get any message at all across.

He was losing focus…he felt the room get dimmer and in desperation he tried to yell “I‘m here!” Just as he slipped away, he called again “Needle Noggin!” Vash turned, and for a split second looked directly at him, before he was jolted roughly back into his reality.