Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction ❯ Tsubasa: Revolutions ❯ Black and White, Hot and Cold ( Chapter 10 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I can’t shake the sound out of my head.

What I heard; the sound of her screams. Her crying, begging to be let free.

I’ve heard those sounds before, in my life…

That poor little girl.

I’m only shaken out of my daze with the jingling of the bulk of keys on Kimi’s belt as she approaches me.

She doesn’t ask anymore, if I want to go in. She just smiles her little half smile, then releases the barrier before unlocking the door to Kurogane’s room.

My mind feels numb.

Horrified.

Kurogane is standing at the window, but with the harsh red light of sunset he is nothing but a large black shadow against the glass. He’s rubbing at his sore, broken hand, and turns to look at me the moment the door is open.

It’s overwhelming, this urge I have; wanting to run to him. To wrap my arms around him.

“I will not allow that to happen to you.” I want to say.

But he won’t even understand what I am saying to him.

He doesn’t know.

So I say nothing.

I do nothing.

Instead, I wipe off my shocked and worried face and replace it with a smile and walk in calmly like I usually do and sit on the foot of the bed.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t…

How can I leave him? If that is what she’s trying and do every time she comes near, what should stop her from continuing, time and time again, until she succeeds?
I only know that she hasn’t tried it when I’m around.

She doesn’t even come near.

If I stay here, she’ll keep away from him.

Maybe she won’t try anything.

But with the barrier locking him inside this room, he cannot leave.

So nor can I.

And if he cannot leave, how will I be able to look for the feather?

Now… there is a way for me to break the barrier on this room. It would actually be quite easy.

It’s a very powerful barrier. The entire corridor is contained by it. It’s power is connected directly to the person who maintains it - a spell in constant force that acts more as an extension of the person’s body than an actual spell.

If you get rid of the source of the power, you can stop the spell.

Like I said… it’s simple.

I suppose my expression gave away the fact that I am troubled. I’m too lost in my own thoughts to try and hide it from him. Even when I do look up and smile.

He’s seen that smile enough to know. Enough to know I’m lying to his face. And I’ve not even said a word.

“Daijoubu?” he says.

I’ve taken that to mean, either “what’s wrong” or “are you alright?” It’s not the first time I’ve heard it.

“Fine,” I smile.

I think he just growled at me.

He reaches for my face with his good hand, just long enough to brush the hair from my good eye. He says something else and then walks away.

I’d say that I’m surprised that he’s propped a chair against the door, but I doubt this is his first time doing so during his stay.

When he returns, he’s holding a shard of broken mirror.

I’m… not really very hungry right now, Kurogane.

I shake my head at him.

But how is he to know that I’m not just being stubborn right now? We’ve argued over this so many times now, I cannot even begin to count, so my refusal of him is obviously what he’s come to expect. He’s not going to leave me alone until I give in.

As cute as I think that is of him, I don’t really want to deal with that right now.

He’s way too tall for me to reach him standing up, so he sits next to me before digging the glass into his skin.

His neck again.

I don’t know if it’s because his wrists are still sore…

Or if he just likes this better.

But I’m really not very hungry.

I’m more in a daze of confusion and dread for the moment, which, along with my appetite, has unfortunately drained the appeal of arguing with him like usual right out of me. Which is sad; I would almost admit that I enjoy arguing with him.

But I’m not going to let him slice himself up and just sit there bleeding.

So I eat for a bit.

I don’t play with him this time. I just shift myself into my knees and politely feed from him.

I appreciate his concern for me though.

I’m sure he just thinks I’m acting a little off because I’m hungry and I haven’t eaten in a day and a half.

Being as that I am not hungry, I am gentle with him now. I drink only until his blood begins to clot, and stops flowing freely, then politely back away and resume my previous position.

He doesn’t move.

He asks me something more.

I don’t know what.

So I shrug. That’s the wordless equivalent of maybe or “I don’t know” I guess, so I figure it’s a safe response.

He asks me again. The same words.

Stupid inquisitive, intuitive Kurogane.

And stupid me for not being able to hide myself from him.

It drives me insane some days.

Most days.

But secretly… maybe not as much as I’m telling myself.

Not like I can tell him anything anyway.

Not like I would if I could.

Its enough for me that he is, for lack of better words… showing that he cares.

I didn’t think he ever would. It was why I messed with him so much. Because he was safe. I could play with him all I wanted. Have all the fun I wanted. And he would just blow me off like I was nothing.

I guess I wasn’t as good at judging people as I thought.

At least… not him.

I turn to him and smile. To show that I am ok.

But why would that work on him now?

It doesn’t.

He just glares at me.

We are so opposite its almost comical. I smile and laugh, grin and giggle, and probably look as though I am half-way lost and oblivious most of the time. Kurogane yells and glares, growls and commands, but almost never appears less than intensely aware of everything that’s going on.

We are black and white.

Yin and yang.

Hot and cold.

And yet here we sit…

He says something else this time, but now that I am actually looking at him, he points to his neck.

He’s still bleeding a bit.

I shake my head.

“No. I’m not hungry anymore,” I tell him. “Thank you.”

He looks displeased, but apparently he understands me now. He wipes what blood remains on his neck, away with his bandaged hand before standing up again and walking back to the window.

The sun has all but disappeared now, and the sky is growing darker by the moment.

But we leave the lights off.

The moon will be bright enough to light the room, now that he’s opened the curtains.

He stares for a while, straight ahead while I sit here, mulling over my own thoughts, paying him very little attention. Until I hear my name.

“Fai,” he says again. He’s still facing the window, but he looks over his shoulder to me to see if he’s got my attention.

Considering the fact that he never actually calls me by my name, it’s quite an attention grabber I’d say.

He motions for me to join him and I comply, and go to the window at his side.

The moon is rising over the city casting crooked shadows across the courtyard below.

He points.

Across the way, in the mirroring room across the courtyard, the vague silhouette of a person can be seen.

They are looking right at us.

Watching us.

A stab of cold plunges right in between my shoulder blades. It’s almost as though I can feel their presence; feel their cold dark eyes boring into me like a wild, viscous animal stalking their prey before the attack.

My first thought: Werra.

I have nothing to really back that up with. Except that just seems like something she would do.

And I don’t like it. At all.

Kurogane grumbles a few words I can only assume are curses. I watch his eyes narrow.

I am a bit startled however, when he grabs my by the arm and pulls me to face him.

He says something to me.

It’s always “something.” Isn’t it. I don’t know! I don’t know what you want me to do?!

He nods shortly towards to the window, then says something in almost a whisper before…

What the hell are you up to?

He reaches for the ribbon in my hair, and with one tug, it’s gone. My hair falls down in a mess of waves around my shoulders.

I should cut my hair.

I look like a girl.

He laughs at the expression on my face. Well, it’s more of a chuckle really. I don’t think Kurogane really ever laughs. He does raise one eyebrow though, mischievously I must add, before I find myself pinned against the glass.

He’s got a grip on both of my shoulders, as if he’s trying to keep me from moving.

Hah!

As if I would.

I don’t quite understand his… motivation… I guess we’ll call it. How he went from “Hey, there is someone across the courtyard spying on us!” to “We’ve only done this once, so now that I’ve got my energy back we should try this again!” is beyond me.

Like I said.

I don’t understand him sometimes.

But I’m not in any shape to argue with him, verbally. And lets face it, physically he can do whatever he likes.

I don’t care if anyone is watching. But I can’t say I was expecting to ever put the words “Exhibitionist” and “Kurogane” in the same sentence without it being a joke.

It began as him just pinning me against the window with his hands, but a Kurogane with more energy is a much more forceful and… well… energetic Kurogane. I am now at his total mercy, and pressed against the glass by nearly every inch of him.

Both times, now, I have been in such shock that the event is actually occurring, I’ve not been very good at reciprocating just how much I… we’ll go with “approve,” of his actions.

I can’t have him thinking that I might not like it.

I kiss him back, almost fighting him for control. I fully intend on letting him be in control, in the end. I don’t mind. But he’s got to work for it, if he really wants it.

No sooner do my own hands find their way beneath his thin grey t-shirt than I feel my own shirt being pealed off my shoulders.

I have no idea when or how he undid those buttons so fast!

I’m really… impressed.

And shirtless now.

And he isn’t.

How unfair!

But I’m still so confined in my current position, there isn’t much I can do for the moment. Except kiss him.

Though even that I’m not permitted to do for long, as he fists his hands into my hair and…

Dear God.

Much more of this and…

I don’t know if he’s really going to be ready for the reaction he’s about to cause.

Seriously. Does he really mean to be doing this to me? With me?

His apparent eager aggressiveness at the moment is a stark contradiction to an assumption I had come to long ago about him.

That he’d only do something like this with…

Well…

Girls.

I don’t mean to gasp. But I do.

His mouth is hot against my skin. My neck. My collar bone. My shoulders. Add that to the cool glass against my back; I’m practically shivering. With what, I’m not really sure.

Chills.

Excitement.

Lust.

All of the above and then some cookies.

The later is the most likely, I think.

But I should also mention fear.

I am absolutely terrified.

Of him.

I am so afraid that I will wake up any moment now. That he will not be there. That this is all some crazy fantasy of mine, or if it isn’t, that he is about to wake up himself. That he is going to suddenly open his eyes and think “What the hell am I doing!?” and then toss me aside.

In my mind, that is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me right now.

I would rather die.

It was all fun and games before. We could have just written it off as a joke. I was fine with that.

This though, will change everything.

I am fine with that as well.

But only under the condition that he wants it at least half as much as I do.

But maybe I am too self-doubting. Would he… really be doing this at all if he didn’t want to?

It’s not as though I’m making him! He’s the one who started it.

Both times!

Well, I’ll take some of the blame for the first time. I was defiantly stealing second base without permission…

His long fingers twist in my hair again and this time, instead of pushing me into the glass, he pulls me into him.

I have to almost stand on my toes to reach him.

My arms are now free to do as they please, which, I fully intend on letting them do.

My first mission is to get rid of that aggravating piece of fabric between us. I’m careful not to bump against any bruises, and trace along the lines of each of his scars with the tips of my fingers as we stand there, locked together bathed in moonlight.

It’s probably very cheesy of me to notice how oddly beautiful our skin looks against one another. He is tanned, solid, scarred, but not calloused or rough like you might imagine, yet I am pale, lean, and unmarked.

I hear the noise before I know what he is doing. The sound of the hastened yank of the curtains makes me jump as he shields us now from watchful eyes. The room is dim now. But my eyes are closed most of the time anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

He moves. Slowly. Walking backwards. His arm wrapped around my waist pulls me along with him and my heart is beating so quickly it’s hurting my ears. I swear, it’s like a marching drumline in my head.

He only stops when the back of his legs bump against the mattress.

My face is insanely hot right now.

Actually… all of me is.

He pulls away, but only for a moment and I hear his gruff voice in my ear. I don’t know what he says.

I wish I did.

Both his hands find their way to my face and in the dim light of the room, I can see his crimson eyes staring straight into me. He face is unmistakably serious, but soft as well.

“Daijoubu?” he asks me once again.

I can only nod. “Yes... Daijoubu.”

I wish I knew what he just told me. Of all the times for us not to be able to talk…

Maybe that’s why he’s telling me all of whatever he’s been saying. Because I can’t understand. Because I have no idea what he is saying, and that makes him feel safe.

I hadn’t thought about that until now.

I smile up at him before kissing him.

We seem to stand here forever, exchanging long, powerful open-mouthed kisses. Shivers run up my spine now every time he buries his hand into my hair, tilting my head back further with a single tug.

He still tastes like chocolate pudding.

Speaking of tasting…

I do recall the noises he previously made when I had so daringly decided to suck on his neck like I had permission to do so. And he is actually even more welcoming of it this time. I smirk against his neck now as he tilts his head, stretching his tight, tanned skin for me to play with how I please.

But that only lasts for so long.

He moves his head and blocks my attack with… his face, which leaves me with no other option than to kiss him once more. It can’t be more than a moment until his hands find both of my hips and he pushes me down.

We always seem to end up over here. But never like this.

Side by side we lay for just a moment, but I can’t even stand it anymore.

Like I said, I don’t mind letting him have control. Eventually. But he’s going to have to fight me for it. I’ll make it worth the effort…

He looks a little surprised when I pin him against the mattress; my knees locked against either side of him as I sit on his stomach and attack his neck once again.

He definitely likes that. So I’m not going to stop until he makes a noise. A gasp. A growl. A moan. Whatever.

I get two, before he grabs me by the hips and eases me further down.

And I kiss him just so he can’t see me blush. All I can say is that… at least we’re on the same page now.

As I expected, he is not keen on being beneath me. But it’s just a quick little push and roll for him and all that changes.

Between deep kisses and hastened breath, I also hear the noses of buckles being undone. Belts sliding though the loops and then the crash of them lading somewhere across the room with a thud. Zips. Rustling fabric. Heavy sighs.

My new favourite sounds in the world.

I don’t even know how long it’s been since… but every heaven on every world I’ve seen knows I’ve been in desperate need of it since about half so long; which during that time frame I have only really wanted it from one person.

So here I am, and the thought I can’t seem to get out of my head: This is really going to hurt…

Emotionally? Maybe not so much.

But well… Kurogane is very…

Tall.

I can’t actually stop myself from crying out.

I tried.

But it hurts so badly I want to cry.

I think he knows this and he stops for a moment and touches my cheek to look at me with his rarely seen concerned, red eyes.

“Don’t stop,” I say to him with a smile, craning my neck up to kiss him.

It will never get better if he stops.

He apparently understands. He doesn’t stop.

But he stay’s slow at first. Until the pain lessens. Until I relax again. And soon I can all but cling to him.

His skin is hot. Just as hot as my own. The air is stifling. I can only kiss him. Nibble on his ear lobes. Dig my fingers into his back. Trace every inch of skin I can find with my fingertips. Murmur and moan into his neck to encourage him to continue.

He could continue on forever…

And I would die happily.

When the headboard actually slams into the wall, we both chuckle. I can feel him smiling as he kisses me.

Another slam.

And another.

Instinctively, my back arches into him.

At least we don’t have to worry about Sakura, Syaoran or Mokona overhearing anything. That is not a conversation I look forward to…

Again.

Again.

Again.

I’m too stubborn to give in to him right now but not careful enough to hold in the scream.

It isn’t out of pain.

He chuckles again.

And he calls me a show off?

It may have been minutes. It may have been hours. Likely, it was somewhere in between, but I hardly think that’s important.

It’s hard to keep my eyes open now.

I’m euphoric. Exhausted. Warm.

But I do feel a little silly now, laying here, crying in my own silence. The only other sound I have to listen to is his soft breathing against my neck. His arm remains draped across my chest. Our legs, still tangled; his, mine, his, mine.

Sleep sounds so good right now.

He’s already there.

But I want to lay here just for one…

More…

Moment….

So I can remember it as clearly as possible.

With the only hand I have that isn’t pinned beneath him, I wipe the tears from my eyes.

I only have enough energy in me to kiss his forehead before…

I’m asleep.

My eyes hurt before I can even open them again, and my head feels like I had a little too much to drink the night before. Which is odd, all things considered.

I shiver.

Kurogane must have rolled over. Or is already up.

I blindly reach for a blanket. Shivering again.

I’m not ready go get up yet.

In my short search, my hand hits against something hard. Cold. A dull thunk echoes throughout the room.

My first thought: I’m not in a room that should echo.

And what the hell did I just hit?

Opening my eyes, there is only one word that comes to mind. It’s a word I picked up from Kurogane actually:

Shit.

Unwelcomingly wide awake, I sit up and tuck my knees to my chin to regain at least some sort of modesty. Not that, whoever that is over there in the corner hasn’t seen absolutely everything already, but I’d like to try and not think about that.

“Good morning,” they say to me with a smarmy grin, and not half a second later I am bombarded by a blast of stinging cold water right in my face.

“Wash yourself off.”

The harsh light reflecting off the cold, white tile is almost blinding. The cold water against my skin almost hurts. But all I can think about…

“Where is Kurogane!?” I ask. Well… shout.

“Don’t know,” they shrug. “Not my problem.”

“I need to know where he is.”

“No you don’t. You need to wash up like I told you.”

If I killed him…

No. I’m not going to kill him.

I could.

But I’d rather not waste my energy. He’s probably going to take me somewhere later anyway.

And I am a sticky mess. No two ways about that really….

“How about some warmer water then?” I ask with the most innocent smile I can muster.

“Sorry,” he grins. “We’re out.”

Something tells me this day is going to really, really suck.