Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Vulnerability ❯ Pit Of Despair ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: Here is the next chapter. In this chapter, Juri will find out some things about Saionji from reading his actual diary, not the exchange diary that him and Anthy share.

Juri finds out some of Saionji’s deepest darkest secrets.

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Vulnerability

Chapter 3: Pit of Despair

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After school a few days after she had initially promised, Juri showed up at Saionji’s dorm. She knocked on the door flippantly and waited for a few minuets there was nothing but calm.

“Hmm…” Juri stood there, and then knocked on the door again, with a more rapid paced and goaded rasping on the door.

‘Just my luck. I show up at his room dorm door, right after school and he’s not even here. Well, guess I’d better go in and wait for him when he comes back, though I don’t know WHY I’m doing this….He must be out practicing his kendo.’ The orange haired woman thought to herself.

She twisted the door knob to see if the door opened, and well enough, it did. The woman looked a bit perplexed by the fact that Saionji would leave his door ajar.

“He shouldn’t just leave his room door unlocked; he could get everything stolen in here.” She told herself as she walked into his room, the monochromatic shades of green surrounding her. There were green satin bed sheets, green roses on the table, green curtains…

The tall woman walked in and sat at the table. On the table, besides the green roses, were two books. Azure eyes looked to the two books.

She picked up one of the books and read through the pages. ‘If he’s going to keep me locked up in here, might as well get some blackmail Besides, it’s not my fault he didn’t keep his end of the deal. He shouldn’t have left his room unlocked.’

Juri glanced at the exchange diary, temptation slowly luring her into its grasp. She picked up the book up and flipped through the pages.

Stopping on a random entry, she read:

‘My dearest Anthy,

Through we are outlying apart, my love for you grows by the day. I will win you back from that punk tomboy, Tenjou Utena. I will be the one who shows you something perpetual…’

The book was shut and sat it back on the table. “What a bunch of sentimental rubbish. It’s pathetic.”

Her eyes scanned over to the other book. A shady green book with a black rose signet in the middle.

“What’s this?” She questioned.

The woman picked up the book and opened it. A dehydrated green rose in-between the cover and the first page, which had Saionji’s name extolled on it in green kanji symbols.

She placed a finger in-between some pages and opened the book in what seemed like the middle of an entry.

‘I must train more. There is no cause for weakness. Who am I trying to kid?... I am a loser. That’s why I threw that trophy in the lake, because I never deserved it. I tried to convince myself that I had earned it…My efforts will forever be disregarded.

I am nothing, and I know this…

That is why I never attended Seitokai meetings, unless it was in my best interest. Why would I want them to see me at my weakest? I had cared so much when I was little…But that innocence had been stripped. Those kind mannerisms are gone.

To be cold is the only option. I must shun them, and, in turn be shunned back.’

‘What the - -?’ Juri’s eyes widened a bit.

The woman flipped through the pages until she reached the beginning of the entries, and began to read through them from the beginning.

‘I suppose I bought this to write in. To express my true feelings and I don’t mean the ones I share with Anthy, though I will cover that subject as well. No one will have to know about this, as long as I keep this hidden, no one will have to know, or call me weak on the matter. If they ever knew how pathetic I truly was, they’d just laugh at me…Well, more then they already do.

I suppose my problems stem from childhood. I’ve always been pushed to excel to unbelievable limits. Limits that the other duelists couldn’t even excel themselves. My father was my master and my mother was dead. She had passed away after giving birth to me. I never knew her that well and had often times wondered how things would be if she were still alive. I wonder if she would have liked me, or if she would have treated me like father did. But that is far from reality…

Things were hard back then, the memories make my stomach churn. I was never good enough for him…They got praise so easily, and yet if I worked to the point of fainting from exhaustion, I would only get a slap in the face for my efforts.

All I ever wanted…Was for him to be proud of me…’

Juri frowned. “So, that’s one of the reasons behind your kendo hall training. Still trying to please your father?”

‘I had even won the kendo Championship, but I was told that I had won it by fluke. I cannot count how many days I’ve sat and cried, clutching that “False Hope”. It was painful and degrading to hold something that I had not won fairly. It felt like everyone was laughing at me for holding it…I’m sure the other kendoists had a hell of a time laughing.’

Suddenly, Juri felt the slight twisting of the door knob. She quickly shut the book and sat it back on the table.

The green haired author walked in, carrying his practice sword over his right shoulder. Juri acted as informal as ever.

“So, you’re here.” Saionji stated.

“Surprised?” Juri replied.

“Yes, I didn’t think you’d show.” He sat across the table from her still dressed in his kendo attire. “How long have you been waiting?”

“A while.” Was the simple reply.

Saionji sat at the other side of the table, placing his hands atop the surface. One of his hands had a colorless cloth around it, tainted with a crimson liquid. The woman stared at his hand.

“What happened to you?”

“Why is it of your concern?”

“It’s not. I never knew you wrote in two exchange diaries.” She pointed to the two books on the table.

“Only one is an exchange diary.” He cast his usual defiant stare.

“Are you glaring at me or maybe your face got stuck like that from being angry so much?”

“…….”

“What? You act like I said something wrong.”

“It’s none of your concern.” He picked up the green book from the table, walked over slowly and dropped it into the garbage.

Juri walked over to the can and picked the book up. “Do you have to over react to everything?” She sat the book back on the table.

“If it’s so unimportant to you, then…” The cynical woman opened the book and began to read, but before she could, the book was slammed shut by two masculine hands on both sides.

“Someone has a guilty conscience.”

‘He’s more pathetic then I thought. He’ll do anything to try and hide his pain.’

“As I have said before: None of your concern.” Saionji stressed.

He took the book away…

…Or, at least he tried to because Juri’s appendage was still attached to it.

“What are you hiding?” She asked casually, smiling.

“Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.” The green haired man’s hand shook with the book.

“There must be something in here that you don’t want me to see.” She replied. “And I’m going to find out.”

TBC

Preview for chapter 4:

This book of Saionji’s leaves Juri with many questions, but not so many answers.

A/N: Man that took a while to write. Sorry about that. Anyway, I took some things from The Darker Shades of Green, which is Red Rose Touga’s fanfic. She gave me permission and part of the credit goes to her for this one.

P.S. Please feel well soon Oneesan no Miroku Houshi!