Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Vulnerability ❯ Why Should I Care? ( Chapter 7 )

A/N: Another chapter? Yep! Thought I’d add in some comic relief from the normal tone of the story, perhaps I should change my genre. It’s getting dark in here.

I think I’ll up the genre to angst…

I I I

Vulnerability

Chapter 7: Why Should I Care?

By: Hinoto Nobukaze

I I I

At lunch Juri sat at a solitary white table, preoccupied on the recent events that befell her the day before.

‘It seems there’s a deeper side to Saionji then I had wanted to know about. I can’t say that I don’t feel wrong for reading this but…’ the orange haired duelist pulled the book out of her brown satchel. ‘I am intrigued by him. Hope he doesn’t miss it too much.’

The woman flipped the book open and began to read through Saionji’s most internal feelings. ‘I have to know the truth, even if it hurts him. He already thinks I know everything that’s written in here, so this wouldn’t hurt. Besides, I’m going to talk to him about it and see what his deal is…Though I don’t know why I should care.’

As she was reading she wore a look of apprehension on her face.

‘This stuff is pretty serious. I don’t even see how he can hold himself so high in public with problems like these. Didn’t he have any happy childhood memories?

Kind of makes me think that I was lucky when I had Shiori back then…No matter how much it hurts now…’

Juri continued to read on, flipping the pages as time exceeded way past lunch. The curly haired duelist read through until his most recent entry, then shut the book.

‘That was pretty dark…So, maybe the arrogance is all just a façade? He seemed miserable, then his status rose to proud and happy, then it shot back down in a downward spiral leaving him the wrecked heap that’s here before me.’

She looked at the shut book in her hand, and then checked a nearby clock. ‘I should be on my way to his dorm. Besides, I haven’t seen him in school today, must be because of his depression.’

The orange haired girl picked up the book and put it back into her satchel.

After a while, she came upon Saionji’s dorm. She gave the door a charming knock.

“Come in.” Juri heard in a dejected voice. She couldn’t help but make a concerned face at the crestfallen voice being produced through the door, especially with all she’s read. The door opened slowly to see Saionji sitting on the ground, disheartened in his Seitokai uniform with his shirt flying open, he had one knee bent up, an elbow resting on his knee propping his head up.

Saionji’s hand lay against his forehead. The green haired man had the same look on his face as he did the day before.

Juri shut the door behind her and walked over to sit by the table. She sat her satchel on the table top. “You could have at least dressed yourself properly.”

“…” Was her reply.

Juri sat right next to him. “Saionji.”

He didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Saionji.”

She received no answer.

“Sai-on-ji…Hey, I’m talking to you.” Juri pressed.

An amethyst eye looked at her. “Now you notice.”

The eye looked back at the floor.

“What’s wrong with you!” She grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and made him look at her. “Look I already told you. I didn’t tell anyone about your damn book, nor did I look at it. I didn’t humiliate you. Listen to me!”

The orange haired duelist drew her hand back to attempt to smack him out of it when an orange rose was held to her face, stopping her dead in her tracks and making her eyes widen.

“There are no such things as miracles.” The woman could hear emitted from Saionji’s mouth barely above a whisper. “Miracles could never know your true feelings, the only one who can,” he ran a hand through her hair, “are those who can feel your pain and have experienced the same things you have.”

Juri wanted to pull away and tell him where to shove that rose, and tell him not to get familiar, but she couldn’t find the audacity to tell him, not after what she read in his diary. The orange haired woman took the rose from him and looked at it.

‘Does he really…understand me?’ She wondered. The woman gave a sympathetic and understanding look.

Juri released the collar of his white jacket with her other hand.

“What are you trying to say?” She asked.

Saionji mustered up all he could to give her a sad smile. “I understand you. Your loneliness, your weakness, your betrayal…your pain.” He took her hand and tenderly held it in his own. She flinched at the contact and closed her eyes.

‘What’s he trying to say, is he trying to be my…friend? But I don’t need any friends……Why should I care what happens to him?...And yet…I can’t help but to show him that deep inside…I guess I do…and always have…’

The curly haired woman smiled at him and opened her eyes.

‘Is she…smiling and holding my hand?’ Vague confusion shown through his emotional eyes.

‘Why can’t I pull away?’ The orange rose thought to herself.

Amethyst eyes looked into azure ones.

‘I feel…strange…’ Saionji thought to himself. ‘This feeling is odd. Perhaps it’s the feeling that someone cares about me, I mean, that someone is truly showing concern. Perhaps this is the understanding that I have been looking for…Maybe this is the something eternal I wanted…the eternal friendship…

Wait…

Did I just call Arisugawa my…friend?

I…’

Juri looked at their hands. She could feel the warmth from Saionji’s hand atop hers, and she could feel the supple petals of the rose against her hand.

‘Though I hold this rose, I don’t feel the thorns. I feel so strange like this…With him. But…He’s a man, how could I get these types of feelings from men…But I was never serious. I used to joke around with Miki, just to see that look on his face. But that was only a joke…Right?

I can’t possibly feel anything for Kyouichi Saionji…Could I?

But…I…

I hate him…Don’t I?

But…I only hate him because he’s all that I disdain…But I only disdain him because he’s everything I don’t want to become…It’s not like he wants to be…’

The orange rose made a face of concern and mystification at the green rose.

‘ But…I don’t think I hate him anymore…I actually kind of understand him, and I can’t help but want to find more out about him.’

“Juri?” Saionji looked at her with the same mystified/ heartbreaking face.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing.” Saionji turned his face to look at their hands.

‘I’m so utterly confused. What the hell is she trying to say to me? There’s no such thing as something eternal…There can’t be…I’ve already given up on that idea…

It can’t be real…

Can it?

Can my something eternal truly exist without possessing the Rose Bride? Without going to the castle? Without the Revolution of the World?’

His eyes were still transfixed on their hands.

‘What’s he thinking? Why am I not letting go? What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like this…? For him?

Perhaps I don’t hate him at all…But I don’t want to believe myself…

Is he…blushing?’

It was true; sitting there, with a very slight pink flush to his cheeks, hiding his eyes behind the two locks of green hair was Kyouichi Saionji, blushing.

Juri looked confused.

‘He’s been the engaged to the Rose Bride for how long, and he’s blushing because a woman touched him…’

‘As long as she doesn’t take my clothes off and call me the Rose Bride, I think I’ll be all right…

Oh shit!

I can’t tell her about that dream…

She’s going to think that I’m fucked up in the head or something…Or maybe she’s going to smack me again…Or she’ll just look at me like I’m diseased or something…

I don’t even know why I had that ridiculous dream! What the hell was I thinking?

Wait…I don’t even know what the hell I’m thinking now…

Is this all some kind of dream?

Why should I be caring about her?

It’s not like she means anything to me…

Does she?’

Preview for chapter 8:

Out of all of the places that Juri would rather be, she wouldn’t be there, but would rather be in Saionji’s room. But can Saionji prove that he’s not worth hating?

A/N: I’m mean, but it’s not what you think. I’ve been trying to keep IC throughout this whole thing, and I hope I’m doing a good job, please R&R and tell me,ok?

R&R!