Vampire Hunter D Fan Fiction ❯ Bordellos on the wind ❯ He's Super! ( Chapter 6 )

[He's Super!]

Kale had woken several times during the trip, but always returned to sleep soon after he'd given her the pills, or passed out from the pain she'd cry about.

[Se is having stomach pain enough to pass out from? D, you idiot! She's not pregnant, she's got appendicitis. When I had it, the doctors actually confused them, thinking I meant my pelvis when I said stomach. Both D and the doctors who gave me all those meaningless tests are idiots.]

Edo was finally in sight, thankfully, the bottle of medicine long empty, at least she would soon have the care she so desperately needed.

[In a hospital? Not really. It took almost twelve hours for anyone to start the surgery on my appendicitis. She is not profusely bleeding, having a heart attack, or having contractions. No one is actually going to start anythign on her immediately... oh, wait, this is Mary Sue, where everyone breaks the laws of time, space, and reality to cater to her pathetic needs. Sorry, I forgot.]

He stopped at the town's new limits,

[New limits? What happened to the old ones? How come these are new, were they repaved or something?]

a sign near a new stable catching his attention. "No horses in the city?" he said aloud. "Kale can't walk that."

"Nor can you carry her all that way," said the sym. "You're strong but not invincible."

[Since when can he not carry her? Does Kale look like T-Rex, the porn star from Orgazmo? Is that why she's constantly wearing a room? D RAN across the wasteland and forest carrying Doris and he wasn't even tired.]

D rode up to the stable, just as a blond man was immerging. "The price to board a horse is outrageous! Where's my taxi."

[Where's my question mark.]

"Adrian?!" The blond man turned and smiled broadly.

[As well as basing her fic off anothers, just to stomp the living daylights out of a fic that is actually better than hers, the author has crossed over Castlevania:Symphony of the Night and Vampire Hunter D. This means she has screwed over both series. If Dracula is some sort of agape-love-everyone-loves-him-hippy, then why is Alucard here? In the game, it clearly states Alucard/Adrian = Good, Dracula = Bad. What we have here is they are both good and out of character. This is like having Saint Darth Vader and the Archangel Luke Skywalker. It doesn't work!

As well as being out of character, the timeline is fucked up. Adrian was in hibernation until Dracula showed up, then Adrian killed him and wound up with some chick following him around. When the HELL is this?]

"D! My brother! It's good to see you! Oh, and who is this lovely creature?"

[D: This is my horse, Nightmare. I got her at a pet adoption]

"Help me with her." Adrian's smile quickly faded as the girl was passed to him.

[Adrian: Eww! I don't want it!]

"She needs a doctor."

[Adrian: She needs a funeral!]

And he explained what she was experiencing.

[How would D know? Has he ever been pregnant? Has he ever had his appendix out?]

D stabled the two horses in the same stall as Adrian's horse.

[That's one big stall]

All being cyborg horses, they wouldn't fight, and the cost could be shared between them,

[between the horses? How are they going to pay for anything?]

despite the grumbling from the barn's keeper. "We've ridden straight from Ransylva. She's steadily gotten worse."

[And yet she's not dead. How much worse can she get before that?]

A horn sounded outside. "The taxi is here," said Adrian, as D took Kale from him. "Come on. You'll ride with me. I've been waiting more than an hour."

"Thank you."

The cab driver was well known to Adrian, who called him Alucard.

[Which really, doesn't matter, does it? You can't just write the cabbie calling Adrain Alucard like this: "Hi, Alucard"?]

He seemed to understand about the urgency of the situation and sped back to the city,

[He was speeding? Why didn't the cops stop him?]

heading straight to the nearest clinic to their hotel.

[Which one was it? The clinic or the hotel?]

"D, I'd like you to meet Castle; (pronounced Cessel); he's a very unusual mutant. His body over produces blood, and aside from donating it to the clinics every week, he allows Vampires, or Dhampires like us, to feed from him."

[Wow, a mutant whos pwer is pathetic contrivance.]

"You always did embrace that side of you, didn't you?" said D,

[No, said the D impersonator who is doing a really bad job. Since when does D talk like that? Hell, since when does D talk?]

the thought of biting a human or, mutant no matter what their gift was, turned his stomach.

"Moos!" Kale called out.

[We get the picture, Mary Kale Sue, you dated a cow]

"Easy Kale. Easy. It won't be long."

[Yes, she is easy, and there's only one chapter before you two start having pointless monkey sex!]

"Where did you find her, brother?" Adrian asked.

[D: In a bunch of Jell-O

Adrian: D, I'm serious

D: So am I

Adrian: Can I have the adress of the club you met her at, then?

D: I didn't meet her at a club, she was just in Jell-O!

Adrain: Does she roll around in Jell-O alone, or does she have a girlfriend she does it with?]

"Not now," D pressed his cheek to her forehead. "She's burning up. Can't this crate move any faster!"

[Shouldn't that be a question!]

"Not when we're slowing to enter the clinic parking lot," said Castle. "Don't worry about the fare. Alucard takes care of that."

"Thank you."

"See to it that my usual room has an extra bed put in. I'll be having my brother stay with me."

[Are these incest implications intentional, or did the author just not know any better way to re-word that?]

"You got it."

The doctor looked Kale over carefully. Noting the tenderness in her lower abdomen.

[Doctor: Yeah, I'd say she's almost done. Might want to baist her next time.]

After being assured his first diagnosis was in error,

[The doctor made an error? I'm not surprised, considering it took three tries on a sonogram of me to make them realize I had appendicitis]

he ordered blood work and x-rays.

[Which had nothing to do with what was wrong with Kale, but he's a doctor and he can do any damn test he wants. It took two months and three not-ver-minute times of drawing blood to get the docotrs to say I was underweight.]

"Has she had pains like this before?" asked the doctor.

"Not as long as I've known her," said D,

[And that totals to, what? A week?]

wiping her brow once more. Adrian was near by, although he was eyeing one of the nurses, a shapely red head with dark eyes.

[Who wouldn't be gawking? She's nothing but a head!]

He could swear she had legs up to her neck.

[So, she's a head attached to a neck, attached to legs? What's with her anatomy?]

"Brother, I'm going to..."

"Do what ever it is you do Adrian. I'm busy."

[Do what? Can the author not write the word sex, despite the fact that she makes it so ubiquitous? Is Adrian going to drain the nurses blood? Exchange clothing? Is it meant to be up to the imagination? He seems about as straight as a donut, so I'm assuming he isn't going to have sex with her.]

"So glad you understand." He said, sarcastically, and quickly followed the nurse, a broad smile on his face.

[If the smile were anywhere else, I'd be scared.]

"Doctor Talbutt.

[Please tell me all these names are MEANT to be jokes]

I think you better see these right away." The nurse, who had been assisting him,

[I thought she left with Adrian]

ran back into Kale's exam room, thrusting the newly developed x-rays into his hands.

"Is the blood work done yet?" he asked, pulling out one of the films.

"Another 20 minutes."

"Holly Shit!" the doctor exclaimed, and pinned the pictures onto a light board.

[D: You might want to turn that on

Doctor: Oh, right. Hey, these look a lot better]

"What the hell is that?" D looked over his shoulder to the light board.

[D: Her head was always empty

Doctor: So this vacant hole in her skull isn't new?

D: Nope]

The x-ray showed the typical human bones, accept for her pelvis to protect her ovaries from exposure to x-rays,

[No, her pelvis dosen't protect her ovaries, the lead lined apron does, if they bothered to put it on her, not that they should.]

but in the middle of her abdomen was a solid mass, roundish shaped,

[This could be many things: her liver, her spleen, her stomach...]

and wires leading form it to her body.

[This must be one FLAT whatever it is, otherise it would be pushing her organs out of the way and the bulge in her chest caused by it would be damn noticiable.

Sounds like a fax machine to me]

"I have no idea," replied D, which was true.

"Well what ever it is, and what ever she is, that thing has to come out! Tara, get Doctor Leaches

[Doctor Leaches? He had better as hell not be a vampire]

from down the street, and tell him to bring his gasman. Ours went home already. And ready the OR."

"Yes sir."

"You'll need to be there too." He said to D.

[Why? My parents WEREN'T ALLOWED anywhere near my operation, which was just standard procedure.]

"No. I can't..."

"You have to. You saw how she reacted to the drawing of blood samples.

[She was unconscious and still is unconscious. What the hell did she do? Kick in her sleep?]

You have to be there. There's no telling how she'll react to surgery."

[She's going to be gassed. What the hell is going to happen?]

"No!"

"D," He turned to see Adrian standing in the doorway, a rather disheveled red haired nurse returning to her station. "Doctor. Not to worry. My brother will be there."

[D: No, I won't

Adrian: I'll tell Daddy

D: He already knows about the baseball through the window

Adrian: Does he know about Maggie, Joanne, Jane and their little `accidents?'

D:...

Adrian: Does he know his car wasn't really stolen, you just totaled it?

D:...

Adrain: Does he know about the magazines?

D: Yes

Adrian: Which ones?

D...

Adrian: Docotr, I'm very sure my brother will be there.]

"Good. I'll go get ready."

The doctor gone and the nurses out of earshot, Adrian turned to D. "When was the last time you drew blood from a living host?"

[D: A week ago

Adrian: No, I mean with you teeth, not your sword]

D turned back to Kale, as she moaned. He wiped her brow once more.

[He's only touching her when she's unconscious...necrophiliac!]

"Not since the Western world."

"Months ago. D! You've got to take better care of that part of you, or it will forever threaten to undo you."

[So, by this logic, I should eat more chocolate ice cream and play computer games, or the techno geek and glutton in me will forever threaten to undo me. Hey, I'll go along with that.]

The younger Dhampire laughed softly and shook his head. "Would you listen to me.

[Would you use a question mark.]

A 400-year-old giving an 11,000-year-old advice. What is the world coming to?"

[Yeah, Mary Sues running around the place, women treated like nothng, the laws of physics and biology crumbling down around our ears]

He gestured for the red haired nurse to come in and she did, sliding a slender hand beneath his vest. "This is Donna. She understands our plight."

[As well as foreplay, apparently]

"I won't..."

[Won't what? Are these characters incapable of finishing hteir own sentences?]

"Oh, do relax, will you.

[Oh, do use a question mark, will you.]

Donna be a dear and fetch a pint of O negative blood for my brother, will you?"

[Isn't that the hospital's blod, and not a buffet? Isn't O negative really rare?

Donna: No, I understand, but I don't care. Is oyur brother straight. You could have told me you were gay.

Adrian: You never asked

D: I'm outta here]

She smiled and kissed the man,

[Which one?]

then left. "How can you do that?"

"Oh relax. She keeps a private stock for me for when I'm in town."

"You come here often?"

[To a clinic?

Adrian: I wanna have babies

D: You can't have babies

Adrian: Why not? It should be a man's right to have babies!

D: You don't have the anatomy!

Adrian What's anatomy got to do with anything? Are you saying that my gender determines what I can and cannot do?]

"Every 10 years or so...Castle is O neg. and his blood is usually what stocks my fridge, unless needed.

[Do the doctors know that you have your own fridge in their clinic?]

And when I am in town I like to cut loose. You know, have a little fun."

[Being D, he wouldn't know.]

"Does the doctor know?"

"Good God no! And I'd watch him too, he's not too fond of arkers either." D raised an eyebrow. How did he know? Was it tattooed on her somewhere?

[Probably. `I'm an idiot' sure is]

A few minutes past and Donna returned to Adrian seemingly empty handed.

[Because she had no hands to begin with! She's just legs and a head!]

But taped to her chest under her dress in a larger than normal bag, was the O neg. blood.

[How'd she tape it with no hands? Or do I not want to know?]

Adrian delighted himself in removing it and handed it to D. "Good age," he said, noting the label. "Taken early this morning. Lovingly warmed against Donna's lovely body."

[You sure it wasn't passively, or indifferently warmed against her chest? Wait, she has a chest? Since when? Why didn't you say so?]

D said nothing as he retreated to the lav and shut the door.

[D needs to go to the bathroom the drink blood?

Parasite: Good night everybody!

D's in control of his bloodlust. He gets it, but he's in control, he doesn't have fits of weakness and start chomping people to death! He got it when Doris threw herself on him and he just shoved her away and left. Since when did D lose his control?]

"You have to handle this one D. I don't do plastic," said the sym.

[I have my beleifs and I wil only eat organic foods!]

"You would say that wouldn't you."

[You wouldn't use a question mark, wouldn't you.

What's that supposed to mean, anyway?]

"What are you waiting for?!"

[Who said that?!]

"I can't..."

[...finish my sentences]

"What's more important right now? Being stubborn and refusing that blood, or helping Kale?

[Knowing D, being stubborn and refusing blood]

...She needs you, and you know it."

[No, she doesn't need him and he doesn't know it.]

D squeezed the bag, so that the blood pooled at one end.

[Did he ever open it?]

Then letting his blood lust rise,

[Bloodlust is one word. It says so on the cover of the DVD]

he drove his fangs into the waiting nectar.

[Nectar comes from plants. Blood comes from animals. What the hell is he drinking?

Nectar comes from flowers. He's drining stuff from a flower... this is a pretty bad inuendo]

Adrian was right Castle's blood was good, although it tasted distinctly like a woman's blood, than a man's.

[The difference in chenicals and hormones in a man's blood stream and a womans is too trace to determine unless you run a DNA test]

"D? The doctor is here," called Adrian. "They want you to go with them now."

D tossed the empty bag

[I have yet to read the sentence which states that D drinks this stuff. How did the bag get empty?]

into a nearby burner unit, used for such purposes.

[Hospital bathrooms don't have burner units in them, let alone for burning stolen plastic blood IV's]

"I'm coming," he said, and splashed warm water over his face to clean the tiny dribbles that escaped him. "She better not die in there." He muttered to his reflection.

[Suddenly he DOES have a refelection? Where was it in the broteh mirror? Are borthel mirrors not good enough to see half-vampires in?]

"What was it you said months ago? Oh yes," the sym. cleared its throat, small though it was. " 'She's got too much fight in her.' She'll pull through, you'll see."

[Well, now she's got too much fax machine in her]



The surgery was tricky.

[When is it not, when you pull a machine full of wires out of someone?]

The device, whatever it was, had been implanted in her uterus,

[Then how the hell did they see it on the X-Ray? The uterus is below the ovaries, which were protected by her lead lined pelvis.]

and held in place by a network of wires through out her lower body. Apparently it was drawing power from her body's own electrical impulses.

[If it did, her heart wouldn't have enough electricity to pump blood. Damn machine! Work!]

Each time they cut or removed one of the wires, Kale's heart rate jumped erratically, as a shock was sent through her body. Finally able to insulate the device from her body, they cut and removed it and all its wires.

[Darn, I was hoping the looked at the X-ray wrong and it was an alien that would jump out and eat people]

The doctors were furious however, when they realized they were operating on an arker.

[Do all arkers have fax machines in them?]

But through rather pointed, and sharp, persuasion,

[Does this mean D bit someone? I can't tell. Is this written this way on purpose?]

the doctors both agreed to keep her origins a secret. The anesthesiologist though, didn't really care what she was, he just handled the gas.

[To doctors, a person is a person. These idiots would be fired in no time]

D did, however, agree to take Kale from the clinic after the operation. Her system pumped with massive doses of antibiotics, and more in pill form, along with pain killer pills, in D's pocket.

[Is Kale in D's pockets, or just eh antibiotics?

For a minor, routine surgery, such as when I had my appendix out, you are required to have two weeks worht of IV antibiotics, plus another week of pills. And you are on a catheter. Look it up. If your Mary Sue gets into trouble and needs one, I reccomend rewriting what happens to your Mary Sue.]

They and Adrian, climbed into the cab and headed for their hotel.

She woke nearly half way into the next afternoon, and looked around. D was in the lav brushing his teeth, a strange blond man playing cards at the table, the sun shinning brightly through the window across a second bed from her. "D?" she called hoarsely. "D? Where are we?"

[A hotel, unless the author decides to spontaneously change the setting again]

The blond man got to her first, touching his hand to her brow. "Good to see you awake at last, little star," he said sweetly.

[Little star? Is he blind or hitting on her?]

D appeared on her other side, a cup of water in hand and one of her pills.

[And one of her pills what? Where's the rest of the sentence?]

"D, who is this guy?"

"Easy Kale. He's family.

[So? That never stopped the greeks, the romans, anyone in a Shakespearean tragedy, or Darth Vader.]

Here take these." He placed the pills in her mouth and held the cup to her lips to drink. "There. How do you feel?"

[Kale: Insulted that you think I can't put a pill in my own mouth]

"The pain stopped. But now there's a different pain. What happened?"

[D: You gave birth to a fax machine]

"You had an operation," he said. "Rest for now. I'll explain the rest later."

[You'll explain her nap to her later? Huh?]

She looked to the blond man. He did look a bit like D.

[Alucard? Look like D? How? Just because they both wear all black and are half-vampire doesn't mean they look similar.]

His eyes were green, he had similar facial features,

[Such as eyes, nose, cheeks, and mouth]

but his hair was blond, almost white, and it was much longer than D's hair. D's came down to his waist, this man's hair was nearly to his knees, if not past. "So what relation are you?" she asked sleepily.

[Adrian: No relation

Kale: Huh?

Adiran: Sorry, I'm a tiny toons fan]

The man smiled a he settled the blanket over her shoulders. "D is my older brother," he said, and she drifted off to sleep.

[She drifted off to sleep? He put a blanket over her and she falls asleep. She's a parakeet! You put a blanket over a parakeet or the cage and they fall asleep. My parakeets didn't need anything over their heads to think it was night.]

"A Vampire? Here?" D asked,

[No, a vampire there. If there was a vampire here, you'd have killed it already.]

as Kale took her medicine. She'd been recovering for about a week now and was getting stronger.

[My friends mother had a ceaserian and it took her a month to recover.]

Her cycle had almost completed, so her body had naturally expelled the infected tissues, along with the rest.

[After surgery, you're body is too week and you do not menstruate.]

"That's what Castle tells me. He's gotten several fairs from the sex bar across town,

[several fairs? Do you mean he WENT TO several fairs? You can't get a fair]

all male, and all with bites on their necks. Sometimes more than two punctures."

[More than two punctures? You mean sometimes three? Just take the dartboard away after their third beer]

"Kale."

[What's she got to do with this? Is hse D's mommy and he has to ask permission to go hunt vampires

Kale: Clean your room first. Make sure you walk the dog, and be home in time to cook supper. Is your homework done?]

"Go, get the bitch." She said.

[She tells D to go hunt the vampire, just because they are a vampire. She is an Arker and doesn't like people being mean just because she's an Arker. The morals seem to be a bit mixed up]

She wasn't really in the mood for company anyway.

[So? It's not like they're going to invite the vampire over here nad have tea]


Below The Belt, that was the name of the bar. It was clothing optional once inside,

[What the hell is this? The bouncer in any bar or nightclub would throw your ass out of there in three seconds if you took your clothes off. What's to keep ugly people out?]

and D suddenly found himself extremely uncomfortable.

Adrian, though, loved it. Ah, the bliss of being young.

[Is that a joke? Is it supposed to be a joke? It's not funny, so I guess it's not a joke.]

"You look over there, I'll look over here," he told Adrian.

[Why? Is one end sexier than the other?]

"And I'm sure I'll get laid before you. Hello angel..."

[Angel? Is he hitting on her? He seems queer to me... maybe he's hitting on a guy]

"Why didn't I attach myself to him?" said the sym.

[Because you're straight and he's not. It would get on both your nerves very fast]

"I think we would have gotten on great. I'd at least get some action."

[Albeit with guys, not girls, considering Adrian]

"Do shut up. We're here for the vampire. Remember."

[Use a question mark.]

"Yes, yes, I know. Kill it & go. But D look around you...women who want..."

[Your hand to stop talking]

"Shut up!"

[D never says `shut up' to anyone]

"Hello..." a dark haired woman, nude, pressed herself against him,

[Me: Hey! I'm dark haired! Why can't I break the fourth wall now?

D: Nya nya!]

sliding her hands over his buttocks. "Mmmmm firm. I like that in a man.

[If you want hard, you're groping the wrong end]

And the clothes just scream..."

[Wedgie]

"Excuse me," He pushed her away, his senses detecting the Vampire.

[He's already had a combat belt, why not have a spidey-sense?]

There. The blond one, with her lips around... 'Oh my.'

[`Oh my' What's an `Oh my?' It's called a blowjob. It's spelled B-L-O-W-J-O-B! It's not that difficult!

`Oh my?' what could be THAT shocking in a sex bar?]

These sex bars allowed anything in the open, as long as it was consensual.

[Person #1: Chess anyone?

Person #2: Noooooooo!

Bouncer: I'm going to have to ask you to leave]

D stood back, spying his brother across the room; he nodded to the blond woman's direction.

[How can you nod to a direction?]

The man she was playing with got up, his lust obviously quenched,

[If it wasn't, that's one bad blowjob].

pulled his black pants up and kissed her.

[Guy: mmm, salty]

"D, have you noticed how many men are dressed in that same black outfit?"

[Why would the hand care about other people wearing the same black outfit as D?]

"No," at least he was honest.

"Look around. There's at least a dozen of them. Two is coincidence, three uncanny."

[A dozen is a bunch of cosplayers]

"Twelve is trouble." D grabbed the blond woman as she passed him, and took her to one of the back corners, his brother right beside him. "That man, who was he?" D demanded.

[This doesn't seem consesual.]

"D, just kill the Vamp. bitch, and let's go."

[Exactly what D always does, kills, bitches, and leaves.]

"Please, No!" she begged. "The one who made me dumped me here.

[In the trash can at her prom]

Those I bite have given me their permission. Please. Don't kill me."

"Answer me then. That man, and the others like him, who are they?"

[Bad guys, obviously

Men in Black...I can't remember anythign after that

Clowns]

"Some kind of commandos. They're looking for some girl named Kale.

[Woman: Which is really, wierd, considering Kale is a vegetable

D: Not this again!

Adrian: Look who's talking!

D: Hey, at least dad didn't just spell his own name backwards on MY birth certificate!

Adrian: I can't help it if dad was drunk!

D: When, birth or conception?]

They tracked her here and then lost her. They know she'd go to a clinic,

[And they fucked with the tenses in the meanwhile]

but first she'd need money. Some men pay for their sex here,

[Why? It seemes to be one big free orgy. Why pay?]

that's why they're here. They're looking for her.

[They expect her to go to a bordello and offer herself? Man, Mary Kale Sue is either whorier than I thought, or the bad guys are stupider than normal]

Look, you have to do something to me, or I'm supposed to walk away.

[Why hasn't she already?]

It's the rules." Before she could move Adrian reached between her legs.

[Shouldn't he take his gloves off first?]

Shocked desire etched across her face. D looked away, but drew his cloak across her to give her some dignity, as his brother played with her.

[Dignity and brothels don't mix. By trying to hide this, while everyone else is doing it out in the open just makes a scene]

"How'd they track her?"

"I don't know," she gasped, her fangs extending.

"You don't want to do that," said D, his eyes glowing blue.

[His eyes only glow when he gets bloodlust. Maybe he's using his vampire powers to simulate a disco for some reason]

"Dhampire trash!" Adrian did something that silenced her.

"Where are they staying?" D demanded.

"They aren't. They come into town, they leave." She cried out again, Adrian's ministrations definitely having the appropriate effect. "They have cycles.

[I thought these were men]

Motorized ones. Antiques. You can't miss them."

"Good. Adrian, lets go."

The blond Dhampire straightened. "I hope I can see you later."

"Scum!" She tried to slap him, but he grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers.

[Does he know wher that hand has been?

I think that's why he kissed it]

"Feisty! Mmmmm. I like that." He quickly kissed the blond vampire and followed his brother out of the bar.

[Alucard seems to be hitting more on his brother than on girls. Hey! It's Big Gay Alucard!

Alucard: I'm super! Thanks for asking!

D: Nooo!

Alucard: Don't you think I look cute in this hat?

D: You're not earing a hat, I am!

Alucard:I'm super, thanks for asking!

D: Break the fourth wall! Let me outta here!]