Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Escaflowne Goes Hiking ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Vision of Escaflowne, which is an incredible, extraordinary, excellent, terrific, fabulous, tremendous, incredible, astonishing, mind-blowing, and remarkable anime series. Though I still pray every night for the sole ownership of this series. (sigh)

 

Dedication: To Charlotte, my new sister-in-law!!! Happy Birthday, sis!!!

 

 

 

Escaflowne Goes Hiking: Part Deux

 

 

 

Author's Note: If you watch “Married With Children,” You'll get the joke in the first couple of sentences.

 

 

 

Sponsors: “Now that everyone's attentions are back to the hike, I'll go to the second rule. Rule #2, `No shortcuts using your guymelefs.'”

Allen and Van (coming out of Scherazade and Escflowne, respectively): “Man!”

Allen runs over to Hitomi, swooping her in his arms and running off with her. Van runs over to Squall's Scar, swooping her up in his arms and running off with her. 

Allen and Van: “Since we can't use our guymelefs to impress our women, we'll use our bodies!”

The sponsors look around. Allen and Hitomi begin a heavy make-out session somewhere nearby.

 

Sponsors: (eye Allen and Hitomi) “CENSORS!”

 

At the starting point of the hike:

 

Behind a curtain: “Oh Al!”

 

Sponsors: (give peace sign) “Censors!”

Dilandau is in front of the Mole Man. The Mole Man is behind everyone, last in line. Prince Chid runs by, screaming and flailing his arms.

Prince Chid: “How many times must I tell you, Plaktu? I didn't steal your razor! I didn't put MiracleGro in your shaving cream either!”

A long-haired Plaktu with shaving cream streaming down his hair is seen chasing after Prince Chid.

Everyone else: (cheers) “Come on, Plaktu! You can outrun that little Chid!” (pun intended)

Dilandau notices that the Mole Man is crawling on the ground looking for something.

Dilandau: (with a sad childish look, whines) “Where's my flamethrower?”

 

Mole Man: (pulls out a flamethrower) “Here it is!”

 

Dilandau: “How did you get my flamethrower?”

 

Mole Man: “I have all kinds of things that the hikers ahead of us have been dropping. Look at this!” (opens his coat to reveal gold jewelry, silver utensils, and diamonds)

Dilandau looks behind the Mole Man and sees a trail of pots, pans, shirts, pants, shoes, and gloves that the other hikers have dropped. Dilandau falls to the floor. Suddenly, a noise comes from the bushes. The hikers stop. Dornkirk walks out from between the trees with the Dragon Slayers and Nariya and Eriya.

Dornkirk: “Capture the dragon!”

 

Dilandau: “Slayers, look! I found my flamethrower!” (holds up his flamethrower in a sign of victory)

Slayers: (in shock) “Lord Dilandau!”

 

Dilandau: (scratching his head) “Wait a minute…why aren't any of you on this hiking trip with me?”

Miguel Lavariel of the Dragon Slayers: (in a trance) “Emperor Dornkirk wants us to destroy Escaflowne as he is too weak and puny to do it himself.”

Dornkirk (clearly upset): “No one makes a fool out of me and lives! Folken!”

 

Chesta: (drooling) “Catfight!”

 

Everyone turns in the direction of Nariya and Eriya.

 

Nariya: (hissing) “Folken is mine!”

 

Eriya: (sharpening claws) “No, Folken loves me!”

 

Folken comes out, with a girl with dark brown hair and navy blue eyes. They are holding each other and laughing. They stare lovingly into each other's eyes.

Folken (finally acknowledges Dornkirk): “Yes, Emperor Dornkirk? By the way, girls, I love this girl here.”

 

Girl on Folken's arms: “Oh Folkie!”

 

Dornkirk: “Never mind her, kill Miguel!”

 

Folken (with sunglasses): “Emperor Dornkirk, I say this with all the respect I owe you: please find a wife. The world is full of war. Make love.”

From behind the curtain: “Right on, Folken!”

Van reappears, carrying Squall's Scar.

 

Sponsors: “WHERE have you been?! You're the star and you don't want to start the hike?”

 

Van (adorably blushing): “Well…you see…there was… this…and…well…I….”

 

Squall's Scar (squealing with joy): “He wanted a good luck hug from his mother!”

 

Varie (waving a handkerchief): “Good luck, my precious angelic prince!”

 

Gau (hugging Varie): “Go get her, Tiger!”

 

Van (blushes looking at his wife): “Yes, Mother and Father!”

 

Squall's Scar (confused): “Now what could his father be talking about?”

 

Van: “Oh Honey, I've got something to show you after the hike!”

 

Squall's Scar: “Really? I want to see! I want to see!”

 

Van: “After the hike, Darling. But, only if you try your hardest to help us win the hike and prize money.”

 

Squall's Scar (excited): “Okay! I'll try my best to help us win!”

 

Dornkirk (seething with anger): “How dare you ignore me? Folken!”

 

Folken (tightens his hold on the dark-haired, navy-blue-eyed girl): “I don't have time for this! I'm a married man, now. Everyone, meet my bride, Charlotte!”

Folken picks Charlotte up and twirls her around. Amano comes out of the bushes, in a priest's robe.

 

Hitomi (shocked): “Amano?! It's been so long!”

 

Amano: “What? I was just in the last chapter!”

 

She runs over to him with open arms, but trips and falls over a nail file. Picking it up, she looks around.

Hitomi (angry): “Okay, who did this?”

 

Merle: (snickers)

 

Dilandau runs by screaming and flailing his arms.

 

Dilandau: “AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Mother and Father are after me!!!”

 

Allen (laughs): Dilandau doesn't have a mother or father!…Wait a minute! Celena!!”

 

He runs off after Dilandau. Hitomi starts screaming and runs off flailing her arms, after Allen.

 

Hitomi: “Help Allen, my grandmother is haunting me!”

 

Dornkirk runs after Hitomi.

 

Dornkirk (out of breath): “Hitomi, (gasp) stop your grandmother! (wheeze) I'm her husband!”

 

Hitomi stops dead in her tracks.

 

Hitomi: "What?"

 

Dornkirk (freezes in terror): "Errr...that is...I mean...”

 

Allen (with arms stretched out to Dornkirk): “Grandfather! I need your permission to marry Hitomi! Come back here!”

Hitomi (trembling with fear): “Allen, he is not my grandfather. I refuse to believe it! He tried to kill me!”

Dornkirk (on the verge of tears): “I'm so sorry! I only wanted money, power, and respect! I needed something to face your grandmother's father with. I couldn't show up as nothing! Showing up at his door as the Emperor of the world was the only answer!”

Hitomi (stupidly realizing his sincerity): “Grandfather!!”

 

Charlotte and Folken hug as Father Amano walks up to them.

 

Folken: “Thanks for marrying us Father Amano. Emperor Dornkirk wouldn't let me have a free minute to myself. Now, I have the rest of my life to spend with the girl I love, Charlotte!”

 

Charlotte (blushes): “Oh, Folkie! You are just a hopeless romantic!”

 

Folkie: “I told you not to call me that…oh forget it! I love you, Char!”

 

Van (nervous): “I hope my wife doesn't find out about the wedding present.”

 

Squall's Scar: “What wedding present?”

 

Van: “Well…now that Fanelia is re-built, you are the queen of the country…and well…”

 

Squall's Scar (carefully): “Go on, I think.”

 

Van (swallows): “…we have to finish this charity hike and…go back to Fanelia.”

 

Squall's Scar (slowly): “That sounds nice.”

 

Van (in relief): “Thank goodness! I thought the idea of not having a honeymoon would make you furious, but you're taking it better than I thought. I'm lucky to have you as my…”

 

Squall's Scar (obviously upset): “WHAT!!! NO HONEYMOON!!!????”

 

Van shrinks. Jajuka runs by.

 

Jajuka: “HELP!! Dilandau is out of control!!!”

 

Dilandau runs by carrying a flamethrower.

 

Dilandau (evil laugh): “Mother! Father! MOERO, MOERO!!”

 

Duke Freid: “Follow me, everyone! Especially you, Marlene! I'll take you to safety!”

 

Princess Marlene (hack, cough, wheeze): “This hike is such hard work! When is our lunch break? I can't keep up!”

 

Sponsors (riding in their fire-proof canopies carried by strong men and dancing girls throwing petals in their paths): “There is no break! La, la, la, la, la!”

 

Princess Marlene faints from exhaustion, but not before Duke Fried grabs her and carries her off to safety. In fact, all the guys grab their girls and carry them off to safety.

 

At the safety checkpoint:

 

Amano: “Let us pray!”

 

Yukari (wearing an outfit just like Feena): “Please protect us!”

 

Dilandau uses his flamethrower on everyone, but to no effect.

 

Cast: “Yukari, you saved us from death by the hands of that dastardly Dilandau!”

 

Yukari (blushing): “Whoops! My bra strap just snapped!”

 

Guys of Escaflowne, except Van and Folken: “Let us help! We can sew!”

 

At a table, far off:

 

Van (sipping tea): “Ugh…how can a man drool over women like that?”

 

Folken (stirring sugar into his tea): “Tell me about it. It's gross and disgusting. It even brings down our sex a couple of notches.”

 

Suddenly the sun blares its heat down on the cast. Charlotte and Squall's Scar start stripping down to their bikinis from the hot weather.

 

Van and Folken (drooling): “Let us help! We can help!”

 

Hitomi: “Since no one is paying attention to me, I'll just go and bribe the judges to let me win.”

 

She skips her way merrily over to the changing room, and comes out in a bathrobe. Then she heads over to the judges.

 

Meanwhile:

 

Folken: “Charlotte, let me introduce you to my brother Van and…I'm sorry I don't believe we have met. But with your long nose and hair, why, you'd fit right in with our Escaflowne cast!”

 

Van (beaming): “This is my bride, my love. This is my brother, Folken, and his new wife, Charlotte.”

 

Squall's Scar and Charlotte: “Pleasure to meet you.”

 

Squall's Scar: “It looks like we'll be sisters in law from now on, Charlotte.”

 

Charlotte: “It sure looks that way. The only bad thing about being married is that my husband is a prince, and he can't give me a honeymoon.”

 

Squall's Scar (shows off something): “Really? I know. My husband Van won't give me a honeymoon either. I can't believe I have to let this go to waste.”

 

Charlotte (disappointed and shows off same thing): “Same here. I've got the same thing you do. What will we do with it?”

 

Squall's Scar (grins wickedly at Charlotte): “Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

 

Charlotte (dreamy sigh): “Yes, Folkie does look great with blue hair.”

 

Squall's Scar (distracted): “I know. Van looks gorgeous with those beige pants.”

 

Charlotte: “Oh, you have got to see Folkie in black! He is so dreamy…”

 

Squall's Scar (laughs): “Well, when Van…”

 

Amano (cuts in): “I don't want to interrupt you ladies about your marriage bliss, but the hike is over.”

 

Everyone: “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!”

At the winner's circle:

Sponsors: “And the winner of this hike is….(opens envelope)…going to be announced in the next chapter!”