Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ No Need To Promise ❯ Night's Desire ( Chapter 3 )

"I... I love you.
I'm gazing at you with my heart.
I... I believe in you.
Even on the coldest night."

"NO NEED TO PROMISE"

VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE

"Oh, gods," I groaned, pushing the empty plate away from me. "I swear - I can't eat another bite!"

As if to prove my point, I leaned back in my chair with a rich groan, loosening my belt and patting my stomach.

"I haven't eaten that well in…well…since I left home," I winked at Mare, who blushed at my compliment.

"That's what? Nine years?" Konik, my "kid" brother, whistled in mock-astonishment. "Nine years wi'out Mare's cookin'…that `as all the makin's o' `ell."

"You're tellin' me," I laughed, allowing my words to slur into the comfortable, almost forgotten brogue of my childhood. "But you get used to it, after a fashion, I guess."

"Still," Konik shook his head, trying to fathom living that long without our sister's fabulous cooking.

"I hope you both know there's still desert," Mare warned us with a smile.

Her proclamation elicited a protesting groan from both Konik and me.

"Oh, no, Mare," Konik sighed, sinking back into his chair. "We've both `ad two large `elpin's! We can't possibly eat anythin'!"

"I second that," I rolled my eyes in agreement, patting my swollen stomach. "No more!"

"Humph!" Mare tossed her beautiful, dark head. "Well, somebody's going to eat that lemon pie and it's not going to be the mice!"

"Lemon pie?" I cocked an eyebrow. "You never said anything about a lemon pie."

"Well…," Mare shrugged innocently. "Desert is desert."

"Yeah, but a lemon pie changes everythin'," Konik proclaimed stoutly, sitting up and propping his elbows expectantly on the table.

"You two are incorrigible!" Mare laughed, looking from Konik to me. "One minute you're complaining that you can't eat another bite and then you say you can. Make up your minds!"

"Aaah, come on, Mare," I wheedled in my best salesman's voice. "You know lemon pie's our favorite."

"Which is why I made it," she sniffed, but a smile danced in her dark eyes. "Are you sure you can eat any?"

"Absolutely!" Konik and I cried in unison.

"All right, then!" Mare threw her hands up in surrender. "I'll go get it, just keep your shirts on!"

She grabbed our empty plates, stacked them swiftly on top of each other, and flounced out of the room in a playful huff. I watched her leave with an idiotic grin plastered on my face; it almost felt like old times, when we were younger and had less cares in the world. With a wistful sigh, I leaned back, crossed my arms across my chest, and gazed over at Konik, who was looking at me intently.

"You two have done well for yourselves," I commented calmly, eying my surroundings.

The house was the same as it always had been, but the pewter dishes I remembered had been replaced by a relatively inexpensive, but eye-pleasing china. The little dining room now sported a carpet underneath the table and I recalled seeing a landscape portrait hanging over the fireplace mantle in the main room. Furthermore, I had noticed while eating, that for the first time, the Connemara household had been able to afford lamb, as opposed to the usual fish and beef. It was clear that Konik and Mare had moved up in the world; they weren't hurting for much and could even afford the occasional luxury in honor of their prodigal brother.

"Yeah, I reckon we `ave," Konik nodded solemnly. "Shortly after you left, Mare was appointed as Princess Eires' maid an' I've been workin' me way up in the stables since then."

"How long have you been Stable Master?" I wondered.

"Oh…for `bout a month," Konik's voice deepened with sorrow. "I was given the position after Da died."

"I'm sure that came as no surprise," I squirmed, a bit uncomfortable with the mention of our father.

"It surprised me," Konik shrugged.

"Well, you always were a modest one," I snorted, unable to keep a grin from spreading across my face. "But who else would they appoint in…in Da's place? You're a natural with horses; the King would be crazy to trust his fine blooded horses to any one else!"

"Aye…I guess you're right," Konik's ears turned pick as a result of my praise. "But I'm `onored an' `umbled to `ave been chosen as the King's chief `orseman."

"Now, now! None of that right now, boys," Mare clucked her tongue as she reappeared, carrying a plate in each of her hands.

She set the plates down in front of us, each loaded with a generous slice of lemon pie.

Without another word, Konik and I did the pie justice, our respective slices vanishing quickly. By the time Mare came in with her own slice, we were halfway finished.

"You two never cease to amaze me," she grumbled good-naturedly.

"My dear," I proclaimed expansively after finishing off my last forkful of pie. "We will go to great lengths for just a bite of your lemon pie."

"When a lemon pie hangs in the balance, we'll do anything for it," Konik added sagely.

"Anything?" Mare suddenly placed her fork down and scrutinized us with a strange look in her eyes.

"Anythin'," Konik confirmed, blissfully unaware of the trap I could see forming in Mare's mind.

"Would that include redoing the shingles?" she jerked her thumb toward the roof.

Konik's face lost his cheerful smile; apparently, this had been something that Mare had been haranguing him about.

"Mare…well…I mean…" my younger brother sputtered, at a loss for words.

"Ho-ho!" I chortled. "Resorting to blackmail, are we?"

"Anything to get this house re-shingled," Mare stuck gallantly to her post. "You would too, Gaddes, if you had to live here when it rains! This place leaks more than a sieve!"

"Yes, still…it's a low tactic, Mare," I replied with a flair. "This has to be well below the belt! Blackmailing a man with a lemon pie - where's the honor in that?"

"I don't recall you ever being too concerned about honor and gallantry," Mare fixed me with a stern glare, but a smile lurked around the corners of her mouth.

"I can be quite gallant - when I feel like it," I protested.

"Do you have any witnesses?" Konik's eyebrows rose. "There sure ain't none in this `ouse!"

"I have a witness," I grumbled sulkily.

"Oh? Like who?" Mare tried to stifle a laugh - to no avail.

I was about to blurt out, "Eires", but I knew that would never do. I hesitated for a minute, trying to think of someone else - someone I could talk about without blowing the lid off of my past. Mare and Konik mistook that for victory and smirked at my seeming quandary.

"There's no one to vouch for ya', Gaddes Connemara!" Konik laughed. "Ya've never been a gentleman in your whole life!"

"Allen!" I suddenly slapped my palm on the table, causing them both to jump.

"What about Sir Allen?" Mare frowned.

"He knows I'm an honorable man," I grinned in triumph. "He's a witness."

"To the impossible," Konik sighed dramatically. "Really, Gaddes, I didn't know ya' had it in ya'!"

"It's because he's spent all these years with Sir Allen," Mare proclaimed with a victorious smile as she stood up and collected our plates for the second time that night. "At least someone got through to you."

"Are you saying that I became an honorable man after being around Allen?"

"I am indeed," she retorted breezily and swept out of the room before I could think of a suitable comeback.

Askance, I turned to Konik for help. But he merely grinned at me and began to fill his pipe - I suddenly realized that I had never seen him smoke before and I expressed my surprise.

"Oh, aye," he took a satisfied puff. "I've been smokin' for `bout three years now."

"Despite my pleas for him to stop," Mare popped back into the room and frowned at our younger brother.

"I like it, though," Konik gazed at her placatingly. "A man has to be allowed some form of comfortable vice in his life, is he not?"

"I suppose so," Mare pursed her lips.

I had never seen her look so angry; I wondered what had caused her to be so adamantly opposed to smoking. Puzzled, I glanced from her to Konik, searching mutely for an answer.

With a sigh, Konik saw my puzzlement and answered my unspoken question.

"Da died `cause his lungs were weakened from smokin'," he shrugged apologetically. "That's what the doctor said, anyway. This used to be `is old pipe, y'know."

"I know," I nodded, suddenly overcome with a deep sense of guilt and grief. "I recognized it."

I saw Mare open her mouth, as if to add her thoughts to the conversation; Konik's face darkened, having caught sight of it, too. Sensing that if my opinionated sister were allowed to speak her peace, there'd be war before too long, I decided to intervene. I didn't want to get embroiled in a sibling spat my first night home in nine long years.

"Tell me about Da," I cut in abruptly.

My request apparently vanished any thoughts of the pipe from Mare and Konik's minds. They turned toward me, their faces drawn and saddened.

"What's to tell?" Mare's voice cracked as she faced me; it was evident that she still wasn't over Da's death.

I knew why, too. Mare had been the apple of Da's eye - as his only daughter, she had always held a special place in his heart. She was as staunchly a "daddy's girl" as Eires had been.

"For the longest time, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with him," she continued, wiping away the stray tear or two. "Then about a year ago, he began to have horrible coughing spasms."

"We didn't think anythin' `bout it at first," Konik picked up the story. "'E kept tellin' us that `e `ad developed a severe allergy o' some sort - nothin' more serious than that."

"But then one day I caught him while he was coughing," Mare's voice was now barely above a whisper. "I gave him my handkerchief; when he took it away from his mouth, it was covered in…in…"

She couldn't continue and started to cry in earnest. My heart broke, seeing her affected so deeply by her grief.

"Da was coughin' up blood," Konik continued gravely. "We got the Royal doctor, but by then, it was too late. `Is lungs were too far damaged; there was nothin' that anyone could do.

"The doctor gave `im some herbs an' other stuff to `elp ease `is pain, but after a while, that stopped workin'. Then, `bout a month ago, `e couldn't `ang on any longer."

A profound silence hovered in the room, broken only by Mare's sobs. Konik rubbed his sleeve roughly across his eyes and I could feel tears beginning to prick the corners of my own.

"All he wanted was to see you again," Mare suddenly lifted her head, her voice no higher than a whisper. "He wanted to tell you he was sorry for disowning you; all he wanted was your forgiveness. Your name was the last thing he ever uttered…"

I hung my head, plagued by the guilt I had carried all these years. I had never been proud of the way my father and I had parted ways; I'd always wanted to seek Da's forgiveness, but I had never had the courage to face the gruff old man again. And then, when I had finally found the courage to seek his reconciliation, it was too late.

I'm sorry Da, I thought, my heart filled with anguish. I'm sorry for everything.

But deep in my heart, I knew that I wasn't truly sorry for everything. I would never be sorry for loving Eires; I could never stop.

"Why did you and Da argue, anyway?" Konik's soft voice broke my reverie.

Startled, I looked up at him, wide-eyed.

"Pardon?" I shook my head, thinking I misunderstood him.

"Why did you and Da argue?" my brother repeated, gazing at me with a curious look in his eyes.

"Uh…" I was at a loss for words.

I can't tell them the truth! I struggled with myself.

I couldn't tell them about Eires. Da had been the only one who had ever known, who had ever suspected about the love between the princess and I. In a futile attempt to make me see the error of my ways, he had taken me aside and told me, under no uncertain terms, that I should get a grip on myself and stop my foolishness before something tragic happened. Furious with Da, we had had a terrible row in the horse barn; he knew what I had done and he said I should take either leave town, or he'd tell the King.

Enraged, I had stormed out of the barn. Unable to see Eires, I had sulked in the palace gardens all day, avoiding both my brother and my sister. That night, I had packed my bags and snuck out of the house while my family slept. When they woke up in the morning, all they found was a note on my pillow proclaiming my decision to "go to sea."

But I couldn't possibly tell Mare and Konik why Da and I had come to blows, or what had prompted me to leave home and seek my fortune on the open waves.

"Gaddes?" Mare gazed at me, worry etched across her pretty face. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah…I'm fine," I ran shaking fingers through my hair.

"Ya' don't have to answer my question if ya' don't want to," Konik said softly, his face saddened. "I realize that Da's death is no easier for ya' to take than it is for us."

"No…no it's not," now it was my turn to falter. "I never wanted to hurt him…I always wanted to ask his forgiveness, but I could never bring myself to do it. All because of my stupid pride…"

Overcome with emotion, I suddenly leapt to my feet, knocking my chair over.

"If you two will excuse me," I managed to keep my voice steady long enough to say that.

Ignoring the looks of surprise my siblings give me, I made a hasty beeline for the front door. I couldn't bring myself to sit in there, underneath their gaze, guilt eating away at me. At one level, I wanted to tell them the truth. I wanted to tell them about Eires. But I couldn't - for her safety, I couldn't. Only Da had known our secret and he had taken that safely with him to the grave.

I hadn't bothered to mind where I was going; all I knew was that I wanted to get out of the house and away from unpleasant memories. But my feet, as if they were mocking me, beat a well-worn path into the luscious, well-kept gardens that surrounded the palace. Unbidden, not heeding where exactly I was heading, I suddenly found myself in a place all too familiar.

So wrapped up was I in my thoughts of the past, that I had unwittingly walked toward a part of the garden that was full of memories I had tried my best to forget. At first, I didn't know where I was, but after blinking a few times in confusion, and looking around, I knew.

I was in the part of the garden beneath Eires' bedroom. Many a time, I had climbed the rose trellis outside of her balcony, up into her room, where we had spent the night in each other's arms.

How ironic that I would come here when thinking about my father, my lips curled up into a wry smile.

I lifted my head and gazed up toward the balcony above me. The rose trellis was where it had always been, thick with twisting, thorny vines, still bare of roses. I recalled with aching vividness the many scratches I used to get on my hands, climbing up that prickly ladder. I had never noticed those shallow wounds until the next morning, when Mare would curiously point them out to me, demanding to know what I had been doing to get thorn scratches all over my hands and wrists.

Maybe, someday, I'll have the courage to tell Mare and Konik the truth, I thought with a sigh, eyeing the trellis thoughtfully. Someday, perhaps, I'll have the courage to tell the whole world.

Knowing I should just move on, I still stood in place, just within arm's reach. My eyes traveled up toward the balcony and a wild, reckless abandon gripped me.

I could never forget my past; all I had to look forward to was my future. But my future would be bleak without a certain gentle, beautiful, blond-haired woman at my side. And I would never make that woman mine, unless I claimed the present as my own.

* * *

She had her back turned towards me as I stood, framed momentarily in the moonlight pouring through her open bay window. The thin, white silk curtains whipped softly around me, turned a pale blue by the light of the moon.

For a few seconds I stood indecisively; a part of me was telling me to turn back around, climb down the rose trellis, and leave Eires to sleep in peace. A part of me knew that nothing good could come out of what my heart yearned to do - what good would taking Eires into my arms accomplish? It would only get us into trouble like it had done in the past.

My mind was strongly set against my being in her bedroom, but my heart possessed an even stronger will, turning my mind over to the passion throbbing through my body. I had known all day that it would come to this - I knew that I could never hold her without longing to be with her. I knew that she knew, too - she had known quite well when she had asked me to meet her in the cellar, that I wouldn't want to spend the night alone.

I was a little surprised, though, that she had found the courage to sleep alone. Or had she? At one level, I thought she knew that I would do this - it was an exercise in futility trying to stay away from each other.

Pressing a hand against the window frame, I quietly removed my boots, shifting my weight as silently as I could as I pulled off each boot and sock. Finally, barefoot, I moved with all the stealth born of mice, slipping noiselessly across the floor, the cool marble causing me to hasten my steps.

When I reached the side of her bed, though, I stopped, trying to ignore the cold creeping through my body from the feet up. She lay with her back toward me, her soft, silken sheets draped loosely over her body. Suddenly, she moaned gently in her sleep and rolled over, startling me.

I stared down at her in quiet adoration; one arm was slung comfortably across her stomach, the other slipped underneath the pillow. Her face was toward me; her smooth lips opened ever so slightly, her cheeks flushed with sleep. Slowly, so as not to make noise and frighten her, I reached out with my hand and slowly began to smooth back her golden hair, which was spanned out around her head on the pillow.

You look like an angel, Eires, I thought, brushing my knuckles softly across her right cheek.

She stirred in her sleep, groaned again, and uttered a single, soft question - "Gaddes...?"

"It's me, kitten," I whispered, using my old nickname for her. "And it's not a dream."

Her eyes slowly blinked open and she gazed up at me with an air of great serenity.

"Gaddes?" she whispered, a bit disbelievingly.

"I'll leave if you want me to," I replied gently, running my fingers underneath her chin; she tilted her head back slightly to give me greater access to her creamy throat.

"Don't you dare," Eires rebuked me teasingly, a gentle smile tugging softly at the corners of her mouth. "It wouldn't be fair for you to have come all this way for nothing."

"Well...if that's the way you feel," I couldn't stop a sly grin.

Wordlessly, she grabbed me by my sleeve and pulled me down to sit beside her on the edge of the bed.

"Why did you come?" she asked as her fingers traced a burning path up my arm.

"I can't sleep," I replied simply. "I was hoping you could help me."

"I had a feeling you'd do something crazy like this," she scolded playfully, but I didn't hear any anger in her voice. "I can't sleep very well, either - perhaps we can help each other."

"You don't want me to leave?" I insisted, wanting to be certain that she wanted this as much as I did.

"I'd be the happiest woman in the world if you never had to leave me," Eires insisted fervently.

"I wish I could promise you that, love," I shook my head sadly.

"I don't need any promises, Gaddes," Eires shook her head gently. "Your love is promise enough."

I could sense that the time for words had passed; placing my hands firmly on both sides of her body, I leaned in for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my face down further, closing her eyes and parting her lips in anticipation.

I kissed her softly at first, simply savoring the feel of her lips beneath mine and remembering their sweet taste. But then she began to rake her fingers softly through my hair and I started to kiss her more passionately. With a subtle manipulation of my jaw and mouth, I nudged her mouth open further, slipping my tongue gently over the little ridges of her teeth.

She groaned into my mouth, arching her body with pleasure; she kept one hand in my hair, the other traveled seductively down the base of my neck and underneath my shirt to caress what she could reach of my back. Teasingly, I broke our kiss and grinned down at her; she whimpered and placed both hands on the back of my neck, urging my head down.

But instead of kissing her immediately, I began to tease her, taking her bottom lip between my teeth and nibbling gently. Eires moaned and tried to get me to kiss her; I laughed softly and started planting little, nipping kisses along the line of her jaw, letting my tongue run occasionally against her skin, savoring her taste.

"Gaddes!" she cried urgently; I decided I had better give her what she wanted, but in a way she wasn't quite expecting.

I began to kiss her again, but harder - I could feel her body beginning to quiver beside me. I rubbed my tongue roughly against her, brusquely exploring every curve and cavity of her mouth. She returned my kiss, matching my fierce passion with her own; I was momentarily startled by the unashamed manner in which she thrust her tongue into my mouth.

As we kissed, our hands began to wander; I fumbled lazily with the laces of her faded, lilac nightgown, letting my hand brush suggestively against her breasts.

"Oooohh..." she groaned again as my knuckles brushed against the tip of a hardening nipple.

I could feel its tautness through the thin fabric of her nightdress, slowly swelling with desire. I was overcome with a powerful urge to cover that nipple with my mouth, but I was having difficulty with her laces.

"Damn," I muttered, breaking our kiss and sitting up a little straighter so I could see the nightgown better. "Why do they bother with these damn things?"

"To frustrate aroused men," Eires giggled, smiling at me coyly in the moonlit darkness.

I snorted in derision - finally, without any help from her, I managed to undo the last lace. Placing my hand between her breasts, I moved my hand slowly up across her upper body, toward her shoulder; she shuddered delicately beneath my touch. Taking my time, I slipped the nightdress over her left shoulder, revealing her soft, white skin.

I slowly undressed her as if we both had all the time in the world with which to make love. Having already bared her left shoulder, I began to cover it with nipping, gentle, tiny kisses. I could feel Eires' body tense underneath my hands; her breath came hard and quick as she tried to stifle her soft moans of pleasure.

"Just let it out," I whispered, bringing my mouth lazily up to her ear. "There's only the two of us."

"I...I know..." she gasped as I decided to change my position.

I had been sitting beside her on the bed, but as she spoke, I leaned over her, pressing my hands into the mattress beside her shoulders, moving smoothly to straddle her.

"But..." she managed to speak between the kisses I bestowed. "We can't...make...that much...noise..."

I suddenly remembered that we were in the palace after all; it would never do to bring the entire Royal Guard down on our heads because of an unchecked cry of passion. I growled in frustration - for once I wanted to love her without restraint, without fear of consequences.

"Damn..." I mumbled, burying my face in her neck, gently licking the little dip where her neck met her clavicle.

While my mouth was busy elsewhere, I continued exploring what I could of Eires' body with my hands. As I kissed her neck, I leaned against her, pressing my body into hers. Absently, I took her right nipple between forefinger and thumb and began to carefully tease it until it hardened. All the while, Eires moaned and gasped, her body unconsciously pushing upward against mine.

Pressing my hand against her breast, I could feel her hardened nipple in the hollow of my palm. Gently, in a circular motion, I massaged her breast, kneading my fingers into her flushed, sensitive skin. Encouraged by her soft cries, indicating to me her deep enjoyment, I scooted down a little further - brushing my body suggestively against hers as I did - and tenderly encompassed her left nipple with my mouth.

"Aaaahh...Gaddes..." she shivered with startled delight, raking her fingers through my hair.

Even with a mouth full of her soft skin, I couldn't keep from grinning; I loved the way she responded to my touch, the way she writhed with desire. Her cries and moans of passion only succeeded in strengthening my longing to make her feel good and heightening my own libido. I stopped what I was doing for a minute and glanced up at Eires, who scowled at me darkly.

"Don't you dare stop now," she warned, but there was a smile lurking in her eyes.

I merely chuckled and sat up. Reaching behind my neck, I grabbed her hands and entwined my fingers with hers. After kissing each soft, unmarred hand, I lowered myself down against her one more time, pressing her hands against her side, deep into the mattress.

"There," I nodded with satisfaction, our fingers still clasped together.

Without further ado, I resumed my gentle teasing, but this time only with my mouth. Taking each nipple in turn, I slowly rolled my tongue over each one until they hardened. Then I sucked, gently rubbing my tongue over the rest of her breasts, just barely nipping her tender skin with my teeth. As I circled the base of her right breast with my mouth and tongue, however, Eires gave a sharp cry of frustration and tried to break her hands free of my grasp. I had meant to cause such frustration, but I was still a bit annoyed, and without warning I took her skin between my teeth and bit down sharply, but not hard - just enough to leave a bruise.

"Gaddes!" Eires cried out, her hands gripping mine in a vice-like hold.

"Sorry," I muttered, kissing the little valley between her breasts.

"Liar," she gasped, her large breasts rising and falling heavily with the force of her breaths. "You did that on purpose."

"Now, now..." I clucked my tongue, finally releasing her hands and placing my own on her hips as my attention began to move southward. "Why would I do that?"

"I'll get you for that," she vowed.

"Uh-huh..." I mumbled absently, enjoying the taste of her skin as I traced a path down toward her stomach with my tongue; to my mild surprise, she tasted, just faintly, of vanilla.

As a child, I had confided to Eires that there was no treat in the world that I enjoyed more than vanilla. I had never given that confession another thought - apparently, Eires had. There was no doubt in my mind that she had chosen to bathe with vanilla scented soap for a purpose.

You are a crafty one, kitten, I thought with a chuckle as I paused to tease her belly button with my tongue.

Eires snorted with laughter and began to squirm in earnest, trying to escape.

"Gaddes…!" she gasped between chortles.

"Hmmm?" I grabbed hold of her hips in order to keep her from wriggling away.

"Stop it! You're…you're…tickling me!" she squealed.

I didn't reply, but for the time being, I decided to stop. My focus was gradually moving down - I began to stroke her legs, nuzzling her lower abdomen with soft, subtle kisses. One final time, I allowed my tongue to linger on the smooth skin of her torso. The rich, sweet taste of vanilla lingered on my tongue; combined with the warmth of her flushed, slightly perspiring skin, it created a delicacy beyond all known to man.

Or, at least all men except this one, I chuckled inwardly.

Suddenly, she grabbed my shoulders and cried out.

"Gaddes!"

"What?"

Startled, I looked up, rapidly scooting into a sitting position, straddled above her, gazing down at her with concern.

What the hell did I do? I wondered - my puzzlement quickly turned to annoyance when I saw the coy look in her eyes. I didn't do a damn thing…

"What was that for?" I pouted, not caring if my annoyance showed.

"It was the only way I could get you to stop," Eires stroked the front of my vest apologetically as she wriggled out from underneath me.

"Stop?" I sputtered in great bewilderment. "I…I thought you…you wanted this…"

Positioning herself on her knees, she cuddled up against me, resting her hands on my chest, nuzzling my neck.

"I just wanted you to stop…for a little bit," she breathed into my ear.

"But why?" I demand mulishly; to say I was frustrated was the understatement of all understatements.

"Because…" her breath whispered against the nape of my neck, causing pleasant little shivers to creep down my back.

She began to play with the buttons of my vest and I suddenly understood.

"It's my turn…!"