Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Are You Steady Now? ❯ Neither Up nor Down ( Chapter 6 )

“Are You Steady Now?”

Part 6: Neither Up nor Down

By: Omni-sama

________

Ratings, disclaimers, etc. found in first chapter

 

Oh! This chapter also contains some Schu + Yohji. Yeah.

 

Ultra super special thanks to my betas: Zetsuai2005, RedQueen, and Mitsu (who isn't even into WK fandom, but offered to help me, anyway!). Without their help, this chapter would be a lot more sucky. So, they rock and deserve love.

_____________

 

Yohji awoke to an empty bed and the feel of phantom fingers caressing his sweat-soaked skin, the sensation nothing more than leftover residue from the swiftly fading dream. Another dream about Ran, this time knowing for certain it was intended to be Ran from the start instead of some mystery man with Ran's face. The dream was made more vivid by the events that had happened in the restaurant, recent memory building onto something that was most likely constructed from older, fragmented memory. Having fallen asleep in Ran's bed surrounded by his scent had probably helped make the dream even more real. As much as Yohji had enjoyed the dream, he currently had a very big problem. Well, he wouldn't say very big. It was a good size, and he was proud of it, but it wasn't insanely huge or any—um. Back to the problem at hand; or, back to taking the problem in hand. He couldn't jack off in Ran's bed, though. It just wasn't right.

 

Slowly rising from the bed, he softly padded over to the door, making sure that the floorboards didn't creak beneath his feet. He grabbed the knob and carefully turned it, his motions slow and calculating in an effort to make no noise at all. When every last millimeter of the metal wedge was safely inside the door, he eased the door open while holding the knob in place so the wedge wouldn't snap loudly back. Once it was clear of the frame, he slowly returned the knob to its resting position. The door had only been opened a crack when a sound from the main part of the house caused him to pause and hold his breath. Down in the living room, there was the unmistakable sound of someone moving around on the leather couch. He knew that was where Ran was sleeping, and he prayed that the movement didn't indicate that he had somehow woken the man up.

 

But then other sounds made their way to his ears…

 

There were muted sounds of heavy breathing, quiet wet noises, and a rhythmic crinkling of leather upholstery. Peeking out of the crack, Yohji saw that he had a clear view of the couch from his position. More specifically, he had a clear view of Ran sprawled out on the couch with his drawstring pants down around his ankles, his A-shirt gathered up high on his chest, his right hand steadily working over his cock while his left hand was reaching for someplace lower and out of Yohji's sight. The lights were off, but the couch was practically spotlighted by the artificial light pouring in through a window. Ran was cast in sharp relief that highlighted his muscles, the shadows of his abs and chest growing more prominent each time he rolled his hips.

 

This certainly wasn't helping with his problem, and now there was no way he'd be able to get out to the bathroom. Biting his lip, Yohji rubbed himself through his thin cotton pajama pants, his eyes never straying from the show in front of him. God, how he wanted to just go down there and join him instead of get himself off up here all alone. But he shouldn't. He should try to control his desire and get away from Ran soon so that he wouldn't be this distracted all the time. His hand went from rubbing on the outside to slipping under the waistband so he could take hold of his erection and give it what it was demanding. It wasn't as if he could leave at the moment, he reasoned with himself so as not to feel guilty about ignoring his decision to try to control his desire.

 

The panting became louder and the rhythm grew desperate, Ran's hips starting to lift higher and higher off the couch. He swore he heard “Yohji” gasped out of those wet, gaping lips before he saw Ran tense and splatter his own stomach with cum. Yohji's hand stopped its stroking and gripped the base firmly in order to ward off his own release. It wouldn't be a good idea to soil his pants in such a telling way. Taking slow, calming breaths that he did his best to keep silent, he watched as Ran's breathing also started to settle down. On Ran's pale naked stomach, Yohji could see the splatters of cum catching the dim light as they ran slowly down into the shallow furrows between defined muscles.

 

He felt like he had woken up from his erotic dream just to walk into a bad—albeit incredibly hot—porn flick. Ran seemed to have the starring role in both. Then again, Yohji figured that if Ran ever did decide to be in porn, he'd be the actor most in demand. He couldn't imagine there being someone in existence that wouldn't pay to see Ran naked and turned on.

 

Once his breathing was under control, Ran reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a pack of advertisement tissues(1) that were sitting next to a small bottle of something Yohji couldn't clearly identify. After his stomach had been wiped off rather thoroughly, Ran pulled his pants back up and stood. Just as he was turning to head for the only door downstairs that remained a mystery to Yohji, Ran paused and looked up at the door of the master bedroom—as if staring straight at Yohji. Holding his breath, Yohji remained as still as possible and hoped to all that was sacred that Ran couldn't tell that the door was opened just a tiny crack. He continued to hold his breath even after Ran looked away and continued to the door. It wasn't until Ran was behind that door—which turned out to lead to a bathroom, from what Yohji could tell—that he finally allowed himself to breathe again. Ever so slowly, Yohji eased the door closed again and carefully turned the knob back into its default position to click softly into its place.

 

Well, that was certainly an enjoyable interlude, but it did nothing to help his current problem. No matter how wrong he felt it was, he would have to get off in Ran's room—on Ran's bed. Pity Ran wasn't going to be on the bed with him, part of his mind whispered with a distinct pout to its tone. Shaking his head, he attempted to dispel that thought and get that little part of his mind to stop distracting him. But distract him from what, presently? He was about to jack off on another man's bed, while most likely fantasizing about that man. Why should he tell the part of him that wanted to fuck Ran to shut up? Hell, he should be getting it to suggest fantasy material for him while he took care of business. As if mocking him, the little whispery part informed him that it was not the only part of him that wanted Ran. That wasn't something he wanted to think about at the moment, nor did he want to think about whether or not this whispery part was the same whispery part that he had decided was linked to his past memories. Right now all he wanted to concern himself with was getting off.

 

Lying down on the bed, he pushed his pants down to just above his knees and let his right hand wrap around his current source of frustration. Well, that wasn't exactly accurate. The source of the frustration was downstairs. Despite his halfhearted protests earlier, it really was a pity that the source couldn't be present to help with relieving said frustration. God, there was so much he'd love to do to that man if he were actually there in bed with him and he didn't have a shitload of complications in his life. First he'd want to feel that mouth on him again. Yeah, that'd be nice. Feel Ran swallow him down deep, oh so fucking deep. And then flick at his cock's sensitive spots with his tongue like he did before. That was good. That was so deliciously good. His hand moved steadily up and down his cock, both wishing and imagining that it was Ran's mouth.

 

But he didn't want to come inside Ran's mouth this time. No, this time he wanted to be buried deep inside another part of the man. Yohji was pretty sure that Ran had been fingering himself on the couch, and the thought of pressing himself into that freshly prepared entrance had his cock twitching eagerly in his hand. He couldn't remember what it felt like to fuck a man, only gleaning vague impressions from his dreams. What would it feel like compared to Asuka? Would it be tighter? Would it feel different in other ways, too? Would it be better? Worse? Were there certain positions that felt better, like with women? He wanted to know. He wanted so very much to know. He wanted to fuck Ran hard and soft, in a variety of different positions, experiencing every possible way to have sex with another man. Despite the betrayal, he still couldn't help but picture Ran as the one he was fucking. Maybe it was just habit, or maybe it was because he seriously didn't think he'd seen anyone else as desirable, at least that he could recall.

 

Being the one doing the fucking was all well and good—very well and good, agreed his cock as he continued to stroke it—but he also wondered what it would feel like to be on the receiving end. Just the feel of the tip of Ran's finger pressing at his entrance had felt so good, that he couldn't help but want to feel more. After all, if you're going to have sex with another man, you can't say you've truly experienced all forms of intercourse with him until he's fucked you just as many different ways as you've fucked him. His stroking sped up as he imagined it—Ran above him, thrusting deep inside of him, dark red hair made darker from sweat as it clung to his pale skin, those muscles rippling with every thrust, those dark eyes staring at him with such passion and desire. Passion and desire all for him. All for Yohji.

 

Gritting his teeth, he swallowed down his cry as he came, his cock pulsing hard in his grip as he wet his chest and stomach with splatters of warm cum. As soon as the last drop was expelled, his tense body relaxed as if a string had been cut. He sank further into the pillows, taking deep, calming breaths. His cock grew soft in his hand, and he released it with a sigh. That had probably been the most powerful orgasm he'd had while masturbating.

 

Eventually his bones stopped being liquid, and he reached absently over to the nightstand to grab a box of tissues he'd spied earlier. After wiping himself off as best he could, he threw them away in the small trash can that was beside the nightstand—although he made sure the tissues were buried under already existing trash, just in case Ran spotted them and figured out what he'd done. Pulling his pants back into place, Yohji slipped under the covers and turned onto his side to go to sleep. When he caught Ran's scent on one spot of the pillow, he cuddled at it a little and inhaled deeply before drifting off into exhausted sleep.

 

---

 

A knock at the door woke him up, and he squinted into the sunlit room, momentarily disoriented. When he heard Ran's voice on the other side of the door, he remembered where he was and everything that had happened the night before. Everything. He glanced at the trashcan, an irrational sense of paranoia making him verify that none of his used tissues were visible. Satisfied that his secret was safe, he pulled himself out of bed and pulled on a shirt he had brought in from the den last night. He yawned as he opened the door, but offered Ran a sleepy smile nonetheless.

 

“Breakfast is almost ready. Would you like to shower before or after you eat?”

 

“Before, if I have time. It'll make it so I'm awake enough to appreciate the meal.” Ran seemed a little amused by his response, and Yohji's own smile grew a little.

 

Just as he was about to turn and leave for downstairs, the redhead paused and took a step closer to Yohji. He took a deep breath as if he was inhaling something, and a slow smirk spread over his lips. Too stunned and confused to move, Yohji barely flinched when he felt a cool hand slide under his shirt and along his stomach. There was a light rasping sound like running fingers over dry skin, and then the hand was removed. Ran examined his fingertips with barely concealed amusement and something else, the unidentifiable emotion inexplicably causing Yohji's breathing to increase marginally and his heartbeat to speed up in kind. “You missed some,” Ran said in a deep, quiet voice that caused Yohji's blood flow to his brain to change its course so that it would be heading south. As if sensing the effect it had, Ran's smirk quirked up just slightly as he rubbed the pads of his thumb and forefinger together to brush off a few whitish flakes.

 

It took a second for everything to sink in, and embarrassment slammed into Yohji as soon as his mind focused on the words instead of the voice. Anger tried to form in order to replace the shame, a best defense being a good offense and all that. After all, why should he be embarrassed when he'd seen Ran doing the same exact thing! But the anger failed in taking over, as something else beat it to the punch. It wasn't really an emotion, though. Yohji wasn't entirely sure what it was, actually, just that it seized control of his body as if he had been possessed. He felt himself leer a little as a smirk similar to Ran's tugged up a corner of his lips before they parted in a seductive smile. “It'll wash off in the shower.” He felt his hand lift up to play with a few strands of Ran's damp hair, allowing his thumb to caress the man's cheek slightly as he did so. “Too bad you've already had yours.”

 

Ran, his eyes flashing surprise for a moment, shook his head and let out a small laugh that only held a hint of uncertainty. “It's too early for jokes. Go take your shower then come down to eat.”

 

Before Yohji could open his mouth to explain that he wasn't joking, Ran had turned away and was already heading down the stairs. It wasn't until after he had gotten a change of clothes from the den and stood in the bathroom as the water warmed that he realized what had just happened. Or, more specifically, realized that he had no idea what had just happened. That wasn't him. That wasn't what he would say or how he would react in that situation. Granted, what he did end up doing was probably better than what he would have done, but still!

 

Pulling back the curtain to get into the shower, Yohji paused when he caught his reflection in the mirror over the sink. He examined himself in an attempt to find the Yohji from the photo on the desk, but all he saw was Ryou staring back at him in worry and confusion. No, not Ryou anymore. He had decided to be called Yohji again, even if he wasn't the same as the man he used to be. Shaking his head against allowing himself to be dragged down by all his problems this early in the morning, he stepped into the shower and under the spray.

 

---

 

Breakfast was an awkward affair, barely a handful of words exchanged between the two of them. Afterwards, Yohji headed up to the den to get some clothes together since he didn't have any change of clothes with him, nor did he have any intention of returning to Itou's apartment anytime soon. He had just finished piling the clothes he wanted to take on top of the desk when there was a knock at the door. Turning, he saw Ran standing in the open doorway. “I thought you might need a bag to carry your things,” he explained as he held up a black duffle bag.

 

“Yes, thank you.” Without meeting the other man's eyes, Yohji walked over to Ran and held out his hand to take the bag.

 

“It's not a problem.” Ran shrugged as he handed the bag over. “It's yours, too.” That caused Yohji to pause, and he blinked at the bag before giving Ran a questioning look. “There's some more of your things in boxes in the garage. That's where the duffle was.”

 

Both of Yohji's brows rose towards his hairline. “Just how much of my old stuff do you have?”

 

“All of it.”

 

The bag slipped free of Yohji's lax fingers and he forced himself to step backwards and away from Ran, when all he really wanted to do was move closer. When his foot hit the desk behind him, he stopped and leaned against it in a partial sitting position. Concerned, Ran followed him further into the room. “Yohji? You ok?”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the framed photo of himself staring up at him. His eyes must have flicked towards it for an instant, because suddenly Ran was reaching for it, removing it from the desk and holding it in both hands as he looked at it with an expression Yohji was unable to read. Part of him twisted inside when Ran looked at the photo. “I'm not him,” Yohji heard himself say in something like a strained whisper.

 

Ran's eyes looked up from the photo in order to lock onto his. “You don't act the same, no. There are a lot of things that are very different about you. Doesn't mean I love you any less.”

 

If he held out his arm, he'd be able to reach Ran easily and pull him close. They could hold each other, kiss, and forget all the bad shit. It would be so fucking easy. All he'd have to do was reach out his arm. That's all. He pushed off the desk and stepped forward, doing his best not to look at the hope in Ran's eyes, especially as the hope died when he brushed past the man in order to pick up the duffle bag. “I need to go,” he said softly. “I need to think, and I can't do that around you.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Ran offered, keeping his sad eyes focused on the desk instead of watching as Yohji put his clothes in the bag.

 

“Don't be. Part of me is really fucking happy to hear you say those words. I've wanted to be with you since practically the moment I first saw you. Well, as far as this life goes, at least. It's just…things are different, now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if that's enough to make what you did ok. I just… I just don't fucking know, Ran.” Stuffing the final pair of socks in, he zipped the bag up and slipped the strap over his shoulder.

 

Neither one of them made any motion to leave the room, but Ran finally turned his head to look at him. “Do you want to take the Seven?”

 

It was tempting. Almost as tempting as pressing Ran against the wall and kissing him. “Do you think I'll still know how to drive?”

 

“You should. Amnesia doesn't usually affect things like that. Different part of the brain.”

 

“What about a license?”

 

Ran gave him a look that jokingly questioned Yohji's sanity. “I told you, I have everything of yours.”

 

Despite everything, Yohji felt his mouth tighten in a smile. “Yeah.” He stubbornly ignored the whisper in the back of his mind as it tried to agree that Ran indeed had everything of his.

 

“I assume that since you're packing clothes here that you'll be heading to a hotel and not back to your apartment?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You shouldn't use any credit cards, though. Do you have enough cash?”

 

After making a quick mental count of what he should have in his wallet, Yohji shook his head. “Probably not. Why shouldn't I use a credit card?”

 

“Takatori could use it to track you down,” explained Ran as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket and started counting out bills. “Here. This should be more than enough for a room and food for a couple days.”

 

Yohji stared at the bills in Ran's outstretched hand and shook his head. “I can't take your money…”

 

“Consider it a loan,” he offered, forcing the money into Yohji's hand. “You can pay me back later; I know you're good for it.” A small smirk played at the corner of Ran's lips. “If you don't believe me, you should take a look at the checkbook buried at the bottom of your sock box.”

 

Confused, Yohji turned away, dropping the duffle from his shoulder while shoving the cash into his pocket, and bent down to retrieve one of the boxes he had gotten clothes from earlier. He knelt on the floor beside it and opened it, rummaging through to the bottom. His fingers came across something that was too hard and flat to be a sock, and he pulled it out to discover it was indeed a checkbook. Opening it, his eyes widened at the figures inside. “Shit.”

 

“That's the account that Takatori didn't know about. He transferred the money from your other account to a joint one for you and Itou when it was decided you were moving in with her.” As Ran explained things, he walked over to the desk in order to replace the framed picture.

 

“How did you get this before Takatori could, then?” Yohji still couldn't believe the numbers that were staring back at him from the little book.

 

When no immediate answer came, Yohji looked up at Ran, only to find him staring blankly at the framed image. A small smile came and went across Ran's lips, and Yohji again felt the irrational jealousy shoot through him. “You told me about it, just as I had told you about my secret account. That way in case one of us was to die before the other, then the one who survived would be able to access the money in case it was ever needed.”

 

“So we were each other's beneficiaries? And yet we supposedly weren't in a real relationship?” Yohji's voice was heavy with doubt, though he knew part of it also probably stemmed from the foolish anger he felt towards the man in the picture.

 

From where Yohji was crouched on the floor by the box, he could only see part of Ran's eyes from the side. Even with such a limited view, the sadness filling those eyes was undeniably clear. “That's right. We were friends that trusted each other, at the very least.”

 

“Trust? Even though I slept around? Even though I fought against you because I wanted to lose my memory?” He was growing more and more skeptical that Ran had told him everything.

 

Ran just sighed and turned to fully face Yohji, his eyes looking tired now. “Yes.” Any further questions or objections from Yohji died on his tongue as he studied Ran's face and found nothing sinister or deceptive hiding just beneath the surface. After staring at each other for a few moments, Ran silently walked around the desk to open one of the drawers. Eventually finding what he was looking for at the very back of the drawer, he turned back to Yohji and held out an ID and a black hanko(2). “You'll need these.”

 

Eyes glued to the items, Yohji stood and stepped closer to Ran, letting the man place them into his hand. He stared at the driver's license with the photo of the old him, then shifted the hanko, gripping it with his fingers so that he could see the carving on the end. A backwards “Kudou” in kanji was there, surrounded by a circle and stained in red and black inks. Before he could thank Ran, there was a jingling sound and a set of two keys on a keychain with a silver cross was dangling before his eyes. “You'll need these, too.”

 

“Thanks.” That's all he could say as he took the keys. Another long silence fell over them as they once again stood motionless, staring at each other. Just like when Ran had handed him the jeans yesterday, Yohji was struck by how much Ran had done for him. True, he lied and kept Yohji in the dark about who he was, but even while doing so Ran had kept all of Yohji's things and had taken care of them in anticipation for the day that he'd reclaim them. Without thinking, Yohji found himself closing the distance between them. He stopped when he was close enough to feel Ran's body heat radiating from him, but not close enough to come into any contact with him. Leaning in just a little, their lips almost touched and he could taste Ran when he inhaled through his slightly parted lips. If he just leaned in a few millimeters more, they'd be kissing. Just a few millimeters…

 

Ran started to shift forward that scant distance, but as if they were magnets of the same polarity, Yohji simultaneously pulled back. “I should go,” he breathed, still dangerously close to touching lips with the other man.

 

“If you feel that you have to,” Ran replied back, voice just as airy, as if they both suddenly had to lower their voices to mere whispers or else they'd get caught doing something they weren't supposed to.

 

“I do.” With their faces that close, it was difficult for Yohji to read Ran's expression, so he gave up and closed his eyes, focusing instead on the man's scent. “Like I said earlier, I can't think around you. I just want to act.”

 

“Act? Act how?” He could have sworn he felt the faintest brush of lips against his own as Ran spoke. It made him swallow hard and do his best to muster all the self-control he possessed.

 

“Don't tempt me, Ran. Please.”

 

“Why do you assume I'm the only one who's doing the tempting?”

 

Yohji's eyes flew open and he stepped back. “Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I… Fuck. Jesus, Ran, I'm sorry. I know this isn't easy for you, either. And for me to keep pulling you close, then push you away, then pull you close again…” Holding the keys, ID, and the hanko in one hand, he rubbed at his face with other. “Shit.”

 

“Yohji, it's ok—”

 

“No.” He dropped his hand and shook his head, turning to bend back down and retrieve the duffle and the checkbook. “This is another reason I should leave. It's not fair to you. Until I get things sorted out in my head, I'll just continue to jerk you around like this. I'm sorry, Ran.” Stuffing the hanko and checkbook into one of the duffle bag's outer pockets, and the ID into his back pocket with his wallet, he straightened and faced Ran once more. “I have to go.”

 

Ran offered a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and nodded once. “Alright.”

 

----

 

A little over an hour later, and Yohji found himself settling into a small hotel room in Shinjuku. He figured that would be a safe district, since it was on the opposite side of Tokyo from where he lived as Ryou, and south-west of where Ran's place was. Though really, he had decided to go to Shinjuku by pulling a map out, closing his eyes, and letting his finger land in a random spot. So, here he was.

 

Now what?

 

Think. Yes, that's what he should do—think. Ran wasn't there to be all sexy and distracting, so now hopefully his mind would be clear enough to think. Only problem was, it seemed to be a little too clear. He couldn't think of a goddamn thing. Well, other than Ran. Wait, that was good, right? Now he could think objectively about Ran and any potential relationship he'd have with him. But where to start?

 

A knock at the door drew his attention away from his pitiful attempt at thoughts. Standing up from where he had taken a seat on the bed, Yohji walked to the door, confusion written all over his face. “Who is it?”

 

“Housekeeping,” a sweet female voice cooed. “I'm here to make sure you have fresh towels.”

 

He fully approached the door and looked through the spy hole to find a young woman wearing a simple maid's uniform, with straight black hair cut just above her shoulders and large innocent eyes as she stood patiently on the other side. Pulling away from the hole, he shrugged and unlocked the door. When he opened it, however, there was no pretty young woman waiting on the other side. Instead it was a tall, smirking man with long, fiery hair. A very familiar tall, smirking man with long, fiery hair. “Schuldig?!”

 

“You remembered! How sweet!”

 

Yohji stared at him in disbelief. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

 

“Deus ex machina.” Schuldig grinned and gave Yohji a little wink.

 

“What?” Still utterly confused, all Yohji could do in response was blink.

 

With a roll of his eyes and a sigh, Schuldig waved it aside. “Nothing, never mind.”

 

“Where'd the maid go?” Yohji looked up and down the hall, but couldn't see the woman anywhere. There was no way she could have run away that quickly…

 

“I don't know what you're talking about. Maids? You're not going insane, are you?” When Yohji turned his attention back to Schuldig, his eyes wide with worry and confusion, the foreigner merely smiled sweetly back at him. “Aren't you going to invite me in? It's awfully rude to just leave a guest standing in the doorway like this.”

 

Without thinking, Yohji stepped back and to the side in order to clear the way for Schuldig to enter. It was only once the German was standing next to him in the narrow entryway and the door was closed that he realized what he was doing. “What are you doing here?” he asked again, hoping to get a real response this time.

 

Schuldig turned towards him with a mischievous smirk and started to explain himself. “Seems your wife—”

 

“She's not my wife,” Yohji cut in.

 

After giving Yohji a long, considering look, Schuldig smiled. It wasn't exactly a pleasant smile, but it wasn't malicious, either. It was as if he considered Yohji to be in on the private joke that had amused Schuldig so much back when they first met.

 

“My apologies. Fräulein Itou,” he corrected, starting again, “was worried when you never returned home. You also haven't been answering any of her calls. So, she informed the führer—oh, do excuse me—Herr Takatori. You didn't answer any of his calls, either. None of your friends knew where you were. When he tried contacting Fujimiya, his phone appeared to be turned off as well. Eventually he was able to reach Fujimiya just a short while ago, but the kitty said he had no idea where you were now. I'm here because I was sent to find you and make sure you're alright.”

 

He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised by all of that, considering everything he'd learned about Takatori and the woman sent to replace the real Asuka. “Fair enough,” he sighed, walking past Schuldig and on into the main area of the room so that he could take a seat on the bed. “But how did you find me? I used cash here…”

 

“Is this plastic?”

 

“Huh?” Turning his head to look back at the entryway, Yohji watched in confusion as Schuldig knocked on his bathroom door.

 

“It is! And the frame, too. Is the whole thing—”

 

“Schuldig?”

 

Seeming to ignore Yohji, Schuldig opened the door and peered inside. “Holy shit, your entire bathroom is made out of plastic!”

 

“Schuldig…”

 

“The walls, the floor, the sink, the toilet, the tub… Jesus, the only thing in here that isn't plastic is the faucet! And it's a weird one, too… Have you seen this?”

 

“Schuldig, I don't care about the fucking bathroom. Answer me. How did you find me?”

 

Closing the door with a disappointed sigh, Schuldig sauntered over to the bed and flopped down beside Yohji. A little too close for Yohji's comfort, actually, but when he tried to scoot away he was met with the headboard. “Sorry, sorry. It's a rather small bed.” Schuldig offered an apologetic grin that showed no sliver of true remorse.

 

“There's over half a bed left on the other side of you,” Yohji deadpanned back, scowling slightly.

 

With a glance of feigned surprise, Schuldig gave a theatrical gasp. “Why, so there is!” He did not, however, make any motion towards using the ample extra space.

 

“Fine. Whatever. Just answer the question already.” He was starting to wonder what he had found attractive about this man before. Sure, he was physically appealing, but his personality seemed migraine-inducing.

 

“Well, you remember what Fujimiya told you last night about how Takatori has a telepath working for him?”

 

Yohji's eyes widened. “How did you know he told me that? Did he tell—”

 

“I'm the telepath.”

 

It took Yohji a few moments to realize that he heard those words crystal clear and in Schuldig's voice, and yet the man's mouth hadn't moved even a twitch. Either the man was the most gifted ventriloquist in the world, or he really was…a…

 

“Telepath, yes.” Schuldig “said” while yawning.

 

“But how? But? But still… Even if that were true, how could you find me in a city as large as Tokyo?” Part of Yohji's mind, which remained surprisingly rational while the rest of his brain sputtered and tripped on itself, wondered just how much more surreal his life was going to get.

 

“I tracked you down at Fujimiya's first,” Schuldig explained, vocally this time instead of mentally. “Kept an `eye' on you there for a bit, then followed you here.” Yohji's face must have clearly displayed his horror and alarm, because one look at it and Schuldig was waving a hand as if to dispel Yohji's fears. “I was just tuning into your mental signature, not monitoring your thoughts or anything. And no, I haven't told Takatori yet about where you were or where you are.”

 

Yohji relaxed a little at that, but most of him was still tense. “Then how did you know that Ran told me about you last night…?”

 

“`She's not my wife'.”

 

Yohji blinked. “Huh?”

 

“When you said that, I did a little scan of your mind to see your recent memories. Think of it like downloading some files onto a hard drive. So, now I have all your memories from last night and this morning.” Smirking, Schuldig tapped at his own temple and winked.

 

“Then it doesn't matter that you weren't monitoring my thoughts or anything! You know them all now!”

 

“Oh boy, do I! You've got quite a little soap opera going on, don't you? Although I don't think soap operas are allowed to have such steamy sex scenes…”

 

“We didn't!”

 

“Well, no, I suppose you haven't yet… You want to, though.”

 

Yohji felt his cheeks heat and he wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger. “Why don't you get to the point of why you're here, huh?”

 

“I thought I told you why already.” Schuldig blinked at him with big eyes that looked almost innocent. Of course, Yohji was not so easily fooled.

 

“Fine, then what do you want? I'm not going back to Itou.”

 

Shrugging, Schuldig placed his hands behind himself on the bed so he could lean back while being braced by his arms. “It doesn't matter to me if you go back to her or not. I'm sure it matters to Takatori, though. Unfortunately for him, I don't give a fuck that it matters to him. Someone else gave me orders that, in my mind, will always outrank him.”

 

That intrigued Yohji, and he found himself relaxing slightly and even leaning a little closer out of curiosity. “Who? Who gave you orders? And what orders?”

 

Blue eyes regarded him with an unreadable expression from behind droopy lids and wild orange hair. “The one who gave the orders is the one who made sure you kept the sword. The orders themselves… Well, those are confidential.”

 

Yohji narrowed his eyes and pulled away again. “Fine. Then just carry out your orders.”

 

“I'm trying to, but you're making things very difficult.”

 

“Well maybe if I knew what your orders related to, I could be more helpful,” he shot back, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

 

“Hmmm…” Instead of getting upset at Yohji's attitude, Schuldig smiled. “I like you like this.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Like this. You're much more fun than you were before.”

 

“Before…? Wait, you knew me before my amnesia?” His heart leapt, and he was eager for the opportunity to learn more about his past, especially from a source other than Ran. A third party was likely to be less biased about certain things, he reasoned.

 

Schuldig nodded, still smiling and still staring at him with those mysterious eyes. “I did. We were enemies back then. For the most part, at least. You and I were often paired off to fight against each other. There were times that you were fun, but most of the time your mind tasted like seven-day-old coffee spiked with motor oil.”

 

Yohji wrinkled his nose at the description, and wondered if he should feel offended by it. “And what does it taste like now?”

 

There was a moment of silence as Schuldig seemed to consider the most accurate comparison, a thoughtful expression on his handsome face. “Neapolitan ice cream. Your flavor keeps changing, but it's always delicious.” This time Yohji knew that the heat on his cheeks was from blushing. “You know,” Schuldig added, when it was clear that Yohji wasn't going to say anything in response, “if I were you, I'd be more worried that he loved me more as I am now, than he did as I was then.”

 

It took Yohji a moment for his mind to change gears and keep up with the abrupt change in topic. “What? Why?”

 

“Because, what if you regain all of your memory and become more like you were? What if you stop being the man you are now? I know I'd be sad that my Neapolitan ice cream was suddenly turned into rancid coffee, so I imagine he'd be a bit disappointed to have his sweet, loving Ryou turn fully back into the self-concerned, womanizing Yohji.”

 

He…hadn't really thought of it that way. Or perhaps he had. With a shake of his head, Yohji attempted to rid himself of such thoughts. What did it matter if Ran still loved him when he got his memories back or not? After all, he wasn't even entirely sure he wanted to still be with Ran!

 

“Oh? Well, that's good to hear.”

 

His attention snapped back to Schuldig, and his eyes widened at the almost predatory leer in those enigmatic blue eyes. “Stop reading my mind.” His chastising fell flat when it was obvious that Schuldig was far too preoccupied by something in his mind to listen to his physical voice.

 

“You know, maybe it's not that you're in love with him… Maybe you miss the feel of a man embracing you.”

 

This conversation, he sensed, had just gotten dangerous. He had to escape. There was a headboard to his right, Schuldig to his left, and a bed to his back, but there wasn't a whole hell of a lot of space in front of him to maneuver, either. It was, after all, a very small hotel room. Before he could even start to move, Schuldig's hand was on his cheek, caressing it in an almost comforting manner.

 

“Calm down, I'm not going to rape you. It's just an offer.” Much to Yohji's surprise, he found the hand brushing against his cheek and into his hair very soothing. Almost instantly, his body released all of its tension and he leaned into the caress. “So many people wondered why he clung to you… I must admit, there were times when I would even agree with them. You were a dick back then. You really were. Why the hell would he want to stay with you so badly? Why would he keep all of your things in optimistic hope that you'd regain your memory someday and return to him? It all seemed so foolish. You know how attractive he is—he can have just about anyone he wants. So why would he want you?”

 

The hand kept moving, which kept Yohji calm for the most part, but the words did something that caused a strange hurt to spike up deep inside of him. Unable to think of anything to say in response, he merely continued to sit there silently and allow Schuldig to pet him. He didn't even protest when the German shifted closer and started caressing his face and neck with his other hand.

 

“I'd peek into his mind sometimes, you know. I'd see why. So, I understand. I understand why he wanted you, why he never wanted to let you go.” Yohji opened eyes he didn't even know he had closed and watched a gentle smirk pull up on one side of Schuldig's mouth. “I've known for quite some time about him coming in contact with you again. I didn't tell Takatori, because I didn't think he really needed to know. Besides, I enjoyed watching the new you through his eyes.”

 

Slowly Yohji looked up from the smirk, focusing on blue eyes and wondering if he'd ever be able to fully read them. They were moving steadily closer, but he didn't pull away. The first hand that had been petting him slid back to run long fingers through his hair, while the other hand danced fingertips down his neck, shoulder, and arm. Just before Schuldig's lips touched his own, Yohji turned his face away. Schuldig stopped progressing and pulled back just enough to clearly study Yohji's expression.

 

“Arai wasn't the only one, you know.”

 

The pain that had started deep inside flared up with those words and his breathing came a little heavier. What did it matter, he asked himself again. So what if Ran took other lovers? They hadn't been together anymore. Hell, he was off somewhere fucking a woman and living in a mock marriage. What right did he have to get hurt or angry over hearing that Ran had fucked others? At least, that's what he told himself… It didn't make the hurt fade, though, not even the slightest bit.

 

“Are you in a relationship with him now?” Schuldig asked, his warm breath ghosting across Yohji's cheek as he spoke.

 

“No.”

 

“Then why would it matter if you slept with another man?”

 

“It…”

 

“It's not cheating. You can't cheat on someone if you aren't in a relationship with that person.”

 

“But… I…”

 

“What does love have to do with it? I'm not asking for your heart or any sort of commitment, nor am I offering mine in return. I'm offering pleasure. If anything, you can think of it as a way to prepare yourself for being in an intimate relationship with him—if you decide to be in one, that is. After all, you don't remember what it's like to be with a man.” Yohji turned back to face Schuldig again, considering his words, but not meeting his eyes. “I could teach you,” the German offered, fingers still combing gently through Yohji's hair.

 

When Schuldig moved closer again, Yohji didn't turn away. He felt lips brushing softly against his own as Schuldig spoke again, the sensation instantly reminding him of the scene in the den earlier that day with Ran. “Don't you want to make sure you measure up to the old you as far as skill in the bedroom?”

 

“I don't even know you.”

 

“So? Like I said, this has nothing to do with emotion and everything to do with physical pleasure.”

 

The next thing he knew, Schuldig was kissing him. One of the German's hands was still buried in his hair, now cradling his head while his other hand gently pressed him back to lie on the bed. The single pillow that was on the bed ended up directly beneath his back, causing him to arch up a little and subsequently press against the descending Schuldig. Once he was lying down completely, the hand that had been pushing at him slipped up under his shirt and began exploring his stomach, side, and hip. All in all, the experience wasn't entirely unpleasant. It just felt…wrong. Pleasurable, yes. But wrong.

 

As Schuldig's lips traveled down from Yohji's lips to his chin and then his neck, the pleasure slowly started to outweigh the feeling of wrongness. He heard himself moan, and felt his legs spread to give Schuldig room to lie between them. “That's it,” he heard in his mind as the other man's lips were occupied with kissing and nipping down his neck, “just let yourself go and enjoy…”

 

One of Schuldig's hands slid down his stomach and over the growing bulge between his thighs. Yohji's hands came up to grip at the man's shoulders as Schuldig began to gently rub along his clothed erection. When he felt fingers unbutton and then unzip his fly, Yohji's hands gripped tighter so he could push Schuldig off of him. “I can't,” he protested, arms holding the other man away from his body.

 

Schuldig merely peered impassively down at him, the barest hint of the usual smirk in place. “I could make you want it, you know.”

 

Fear twisted around Yohji's spine and slithered into his gut. “You…”

 

“I won't, though. It's a blow to the ego, you see. Someone as sexy as I am shouldn't have to make his partners want to have sex with him.” The smirk became a little more prominent, and Schuldig pulled away, even sliding down to sit further away on the bed.

 

Yohji remained on his back for a few seconds, staring blankly at the ceiling as he wondered at how that was far easier than he thought it was going to be. Eventually he sat up and refastened his pants, casting confused glances Schuldig's way.

 

“Congratulations, Kudou! You've managed to figure out what it is you want! It only took you a few years and amnesia, but hell… Whatever works.”

 

He blinked at Schuldig in disbelief. “You mean that was a test or something? To get me to realize that I wanted Ran?”

 

Schuldig just shrugged and grinned. “Yeah, sure. Let's call it that. Makes it sound much better and nobler than `Schuldig's failed attempt at getting laid'.”

 

“You don't make a lot of sense. Do you realize this?”

 

“Yes, and thank you. Now, if you ever change your mind about not wanting to give it a go—”

 

“I won't.”

 

“Yes, but if you do… Please don't hesitate to give me a call.” The leer returned, as did Schuldig's hand, which slid up Yohji's thigh this time. “Sex with a telepath can be the ultimate in pleasure, you see. I can amplify the sensations, feed you my own sensations, read what you enjoy the most and do it… The list goes on.”

 

Batting the hand away, Yohji glared at Schuldig and mentally dared him to try something else. “Feel what you feel? So, what? I'd feel like I'm fucking myself?”

 

For a moment it looked like the redhead was tempted to accept that mental dare, but he remained where he was and merely grinned back. “If you put it that way, it sounds even kinkier!”

 

“You're impossible.”

 

“No, I'm quite easy, actually.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“What, you think that's a bad thing? You used to be pretty damn easy, yourself.”

 

Yohji frowned. “Everyone keeps telling me that, yeah. I'm not quite so easy anymore.”

 

“You let your friend go down on you in a restaurant while you had a pseudo wife waiting for you at home. How is that less easy?”

 

Mouth opening and closing as indignation washed over him, Yohji did his best to find the words he needed to defend himself and his honor. “That's different! It was with a good friend that I really cared about!”

 

“Uh-huh. And just a moment ago you were letting me lay on top of you and stroke your cock through your pants.” Schuldig raised one well-defined eyebrow and flashed a devilish grin. “Or are you saying I'm a really good friend, too? Why, Yohji, I never knew you cared so much!”

 

“Oh shut up. You know as well as I that you were just taking advantage of me while I'm in a delicate state.” It wasn't until he saw the suppressed laughter inflate Schuldig's cheeks like a balloon that he realized his somewhat poor choice of words.

 

“I'm sorry, Kudou. I didn't know you were so…delicate.” Despite his best—yeah right—efforts, Schuldig was unable to hold back all of his mirth and a few snickers escaped when he spoke. “Next time I'll know to bring flowers and chocolates and I'll woo you right proper. Wouldn't want to damage your delicate sensibilities.”

 

With a groan, Yohji grabbed the pillow and smacked Schuldig in the face with it, which only caused the German to laugh even harder as he fell back onto bed, gripping the pillow to his chest. “Why don't you just do whatever the fuck it is you came to do so you can leave? I'm sure your orders weren't to seduce me.”

 

Eyes still laughing even while he had managed to get his voice steady again, Schuldig countered with an “Are you so sure?”

 

Yohji was not amused. “Get out.”

 

“Um Gottes willen! It was a joke. Do you really think I'd be sent here to fuck you?” When Yohji just glared at Schuldig in response, the redhead let out a heavy sigh and tossed the pillow at the blond. “You're starting to be coffee flavored ice cream now, you know…”

 

“At least it's not motor oil flavored ice cream,” Yohji quipped back, catching the pillow and setting it on the bed between them.

 

That brought a little smile back to Schuldig's lips. “True true. Coffee flavored ice cream isn't too bad. Better than some of the weird shit you people have over here. Mountain potato flavored? Poppy seed flavored? Hell, sakura flavored? That's a flower. You don't eat flowers.”

 

“You're getting off topic again, Schuldig.”

 

“Ah right. Forgive me. What was the topic, again?... Seducing you?”

 

“Get out.”

 

“I'm kidding! Jesus… Such a grouch. I blame it on sexual frustration. But, that's just what you get for being a cock tease to poor Fujimiya. And myself.”

 

“I'm serious, Schuldig, if you don't have an actual purpose for being here other than to annoy the shit out of me, you can leave.” He had a lot of thinking to do, and it seemed that he had traded one redheaded distraction for another.

 

“Honestly, Kudou, I thought you were a brighter man than that.”

 

“Huh?” He gave Schuldig a confused look—something he realized he'd been doing a lot since the man's arrival.

 

“Think about it for a second, would you? I'm a veritable wealth of knowledge concerning your past. And, unlike Fujimiya, I don't really have any potential ulterior motives to muck up my perception of things. You should be using this opportunity to find out if he's been honest with you about things, or if he's left anything out, shit like that.”

 

Yohji blinked. “Your orders were to come over here so I could learn more about my past?”

 

“In part. Why don't you stop focusing so much on the orders, hm? Focus instead on the problems at hand. You have a lot of things to think about, but you weren't doing such a bang up job of it before I got here. Consider me a catalyst. I can help your pondering process get up and running.”

 

That was a very tempting offer. But… “What's the catch?”

 

“Catch?” Pulling himself up into a sitting position again, Schuldig did his best to look as though he had been offended. Well, perhaps it wasn't his best… If it was truly his best, then he was a horrible actor. “Why do you assume there's a catch?”

 

“Something tells me that you're like the devil in that there's always a catch.”

 

“Awww… You know Brad's nickname for me…” Schuldig gave a feigned swoon to the side which resulted with his head in Yohji's lap and the pillow once again in his arms. “It makes me so nostalgic for the good ol' days, back when I was still a villain and you were still one of Charlie's Angels.”

 

“Charlie's what? Who the fuck is Charlie?”

 

After a few moments of Schuldig staring blankly up at Yohji and blinking in disbelief, he let out a little hum and a shrug that was somewhat awkward in his current position. “Amnesia. Right. And from a country that's on the opposite side of the world…”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. Anyway, you already have a pretty good idea about what you did in the past.” Enjoying his new location, Schuldig nuzzled a little at Yohji's hip.

 

“I… Yeah… Something to do with weapons and death…” Yohji barely registered the nuzzling, his mind focusing instead on the troubling conclusion he'd come to that night while looking at Ran's sword.

 

“Killing, you mean. Yes. The wire in your dreams is yours.” Nuzzle, nuzzle.

 

Absently pushing Schuldig's head away from his hip, Yohji stared down at him with sad, distant eyes. “So I was a murderer.”

 

“Yes and no. You were an assassin. But don't worry; you were one of the `good guys'.”

 

“How could I be good if I was killing people?”

 

“You killed the bad guys. You know…the people that murdered, raped, or mutilated repeatedly but the law somehow could never touch. Those people.”

 

He didn't even notice when his fingers started to run through Schuldig's hair as if he was petting an animal. “But how am I any better if I also killed repeatedly?”

 

“Smart boy. I knew there was a reason why I liked you. Well, besides your hot body and supposedly incredible sexual prowess.” Schuldig let his eyes droop as he enjoyed the fingers in his hair. “But seriously, you're very right. It's something that you and Fujimiya had already figured out and came to terms with. Takatori and Hidaka, well…those two were a little different.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Takatori was raised to believe what you guys were doing was right. He was raised by the organization, practically. Trained to be the perfect little obedient servant and future heir. It's really quite frightening sometimes. But Hidaka—that's the brunette from those photos you saw—well, he's a special case, that one. Sort of went mad with it all. Tried to believe like Takatori, except he had the extreme misfortune of having lived longer in the real world. Part of him always knew what he was doing was somewhat evil, but he'd always be fighting that side, suppressing it, hoping it would eventually go away. Just doesn't work that way, though. Things like that can't be ignored into extinction.”

 

Yohji was silent for a minute or two as he considered all of this new information. Finally some other questions came to mind, and he decided to take Schuldig's offer and voice them. “So I had accepted what I was? Then why did I want to lose my memory?”

 

“Fujimiya told you already. It was because of that woman.”

 

“I wanted to forget her? But I thought I was supposed to love her?”

 

Schuldig's eyes lost some of the contentment gained while Yohji had been petting his hair. Instead he stared up past Yohji and towards the ceiling, though his vision was directed inward. “Sometimes, Kudou, when you lose someone you love it hurts so much that you almost wish that you had never even met that person. It gets to a point where the pain outweighs all the good memories made. You were letting that pain overtake everything else. It grew and spread and devoured, until that's all you cared about. There was a raven's shadow looming over your soul and Asuka was your Lenore. And it seemed that you would rise above that grief, ah nevermore.” Eyes still cheerless and unfocused, Schuldig's lips twitched in a fleeting smirk.

 

Before he could open his mouth to ask Schuldig what the hell any of stuff towards the end meant, a poem suddenly appeared in his mind. It wasn't the same as if he were reading it for the first time. Instead, it felt as though it had always been there, as well as all the understanding of the meanings behind the metaphors. Shocked by the sudden knowledge, he wondered if it was a real memory that suddenly made itself known, or if Schuldig had “downloaded” the memory into the hard drive of his brain.

 

“The latter,” Schuldig responded aloud to Yohji's mental questions. “It's a crime not to know Poe, even if the teen goth world has overused him and his works… Especially `The Raven'.”

 

“That's incredible.” Yohji's voice was little more than a whisper and was heavy with awe.

 

Wrinkling his nose, Schuldig shook his head in disagreement, his eyes still staring blankly towards the ceiling. “I wouldn't go quite that far. I mean, it's a decent poem and all, but I don't know if I'd say it's incredible.”

 

“I meant your abilities. Could you do that with other things? Like, instead of just explaining all the answers to my questions, couldn't you just show me mentally? Give me some of your memories?”

 

Schuldig blinked, his eyes immediately focusing again as he looked directly up at Yohji's face. “I'm able to. Doesn't mean I should, nor does it mean I will.”

 

Yohji frowned. “Why not? Wouldn't that be easier?”

 

Schuldig didn't offer any form of response, but simply studied Yohji's eyes as if trying to find something. Then again, considering his powers, he probably was finding quite a few things. Eventually, his eyes turned away and back towards the ceiling again before his eyelids fell closed and a smirk unlike any he'd shown before flowed across his lips. It looked almost sad, or perhaps regretful. “Don't tell Brad I told you this, but sometimes the easiest choice isn't the best.”

 

“I don't even know who Brad is, so ok.” Confused yet again, Yohji twirled some of the flame-orange hair around his fingers as he wondered over the strange smirk.

 

After a hum of contentment and a nuzzle against the hand playing with his hair, Schuldig opened his eyes again and smiled. “C'mon,” he commanded with a slap to the pillow for emphasis, “let's get out of this box and go for a drive. There's something I want to show you.”

 

“I'm going to have to get used to your abrupt subject changes, aren't I?” There was humor peeking out through Yohji's eyes and leaving traces of itself on his slightly upturned lips.

 

“I'm afraid so, my dear. So, shall we?” With a wink, Schuldig pulled himself up to stand beside the bed, dropping the pillow back onto the mattress.

 

“Where are we going?” Yohji asked as he stood as well, brushing his hands over his clothes which had gotten slightly rumpled from their sudden and brief make-out session.

 

“We're going to play A Christmas Carol, and I'm going to be the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. I'm multi-talented like that.”

 

“But it's not even winter yet.” Casting Schuldig yet another perplexed look, Yohji grabbed his wallet, car keys, and room key.

 

“Christ… We can work on your severe lack of knowledge concerning popular television, literature, and plays later. There are bigger issues to deal with at present, so get your sexy ass in gear and let's go. I'm driving.” Schuldig gave a spank to said sexy ass then pushed Yohji towards the door.

 

“Then you better have your own car, because I'm not letting you drive my Seven.”

 

“And yet it's ok for Fujimiya to drive it all this time. I'm hurt. But yes, I have my own car, and it's a hell of a lot smoother and quieter than your loud as fuck car-from-a-box(3).” With that, Schuldig closed the hotel room door behind them.

 

Yohji found himself only feeling a very mild trepidation over placing so much trust in his former enemy. His mind and emotions were in complete chaos due to everything that had happened recently, that it was to the point where he was willing to take whatever potential risks there were in following Schuldig, if it promised to help find a clear and satisfying resolution.

 

If only he knew where they were going or at least what sort of things to expect.

 

________________________

To be continued…

 

__________________________

 

(1) Advertisement tissues—If you go to probably any major city in Japan (though I saw them most in Tokyo), you will find people on the sidewalks handing out small packs of facial tissues that have advertisements on the wrapper.

 

(2) Stamp bearing one's family name, used in place of a signature in Japan.

 

(3) Both the Lotus Seven and the Caterham Super Seven are kit cars (build it yourself), though Caterham also sells fully assembled models.