Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Guilty Pleasures ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Guilty Pleasures (4/?)

Author: Phaedra

Email: pkabyssinian@yahoo.com

Rating: So far - R - for language.

Pairings: Schu x Aya. Maybe, eventually, Schu x Aya x Yohji?

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I own shoes, but not Schu…. does that count? If you sue me for misrepresenting the characters I'll give you my shoes. =)

Author's Note: No, really, this is going to be a Schu x Aya fic. However the Hell!Aya muse has reared his ugly head and is intent on sabotaging things. I promise to make him behave better later. Damn Aya, damn outline.

~*~

[Aya, present]

I walk down the hallway as quickly as I can to put as much distance between Schuldich and I as is humanly possible in this building. God damn him! I am not, nor have I ever been, a paid whore. If that is what he thinks, or what he wants, they would have been better off recruiting Kudou for this. I stop and mentally kick myself. Yohji isn't a whore, no matter what he likes others to think. He's just hurting - drinking and flirting is how he escapes.

How the hell did I go from hating Schuldich to defending Yohji? And what was wrong with me back there? I'm the person I'm really angry at which is why I keep trying to transfer it to another. Calm, controlled Aya doesn't give into his feelings unless it will end with violence. Is that the kind of man I have become?

My parents raised me to be a gentleman but Kritiker has turned me into a bully. I'm also feeling pissy because when I heard Schuldich's answer it sounded like my own. I joined Kritiker to help my sister, I would get to work with people who wouldn't question me, I would be able to pick and choose jobs, and I would have a measure of protection from groups who would either want to kill me or use me. His job requires him to be a sadist. Mine required me to become a bastard.

If I'm really honest with myself I know that I could be a member of Schwartz, if they had offered me the best medical care for Aya and to work towards finding a way to wake her. Not all of their members are ESPers; Farfarello simply is immune to pain. That certainly isn't an extra-sensory special ability. I function because everything in my world is either black or white, right or wrong. But if I could be him, and he's the 'bad guy', then what am I?

I take a deep breath and continue down the hallway. What was wrong with me, massaging him, touching him? Ever since I realized that there must be a reason behind Kudou following me with his eyes all the time I have been off-center. Schuldich has intensified that a thousand fold over. I am driven to distraction by my own mind, I am supposed to be better than that.

I enter the room where Birman is waiting for me, her eyes glimmer with suppressed emotion. Shit. I forgot that there were cameras in the room. Well, let her think what she wants, she will no matter what I say and anything that I do say will only further prove whatever she wishes to believe. I lower my body into the chair opposite her and cross my legs.

"So, I take it things are going well. You have certainly made more progress with him than any of us have. You should be proud," she tells me, her mouth trying hard not to smirk. One day I will get to wipe that expression from her face.

"I was also correct in assuming that he would want better quarters. Have you managed to create a set of blueprints yet? I would like the styling of the room to be more Japanese than European. It should allow for more privacy while not compromising our security," I begin without any preamble. Birman gets this faint set of lines between her eyebrows when she is annoyed by something, they appear now.

"We will have to convert the large section of rooms in the southern wing but construction should only last a week or two. We'll have teams working around the clock. Should it be built with one bedroom or two?" she purrs at me. Ah, she likes to play by the points game. Well, she won't score anything on me.

"You tell me. If you feel that more progress will be made by my sharing living quarters with the subject I will," I tell her in monotone. Good, the lines are back and she's tapping one foot. Obviously she has a lot to learn about Fujimiya stubbornness.

"I think that it will be imperative that you and our guest share the rooms. We have to make sure he won't escape, don't we?" Birman continues as if her needling is getting her somewhere.

"Very well. I want the room to be free of any surveillance equipment. You can prod at him all you want during the day to get the data you need. I am not part of the observation. The lock to the door will be encoded so that only Kudou or I can open it. He'll be my safeguard in case Schuldich takes me hostage or kills me," I demand, I'm certain that she'll misinterpret what I am saying but at least it will get her to stop the taunts.

"You are a true ice cube, Abyssinian," she tells me but doesn't contest what I've said. I give her a brief nod in acknowledgment and flick my hand toward the long rolls of paper that cross her lap.

"Yes, these are your damn blueprints. I swear, nothing gets through to you unless it's mission related… perhaps our friend Schuldich can help you with that?" Birman smirks the last bit and I decide I've had enough. No more word games with barbs. I throw myself out of my chair and before she can react I slam my hands down on her armrests. I have her trapped and my face is dangerously close to hers. Satisfaction curls in my chest to see her flinch away from me.

Almost of its own volition my left hand reaches out and encircles the thin column that is Birman's neck. I sigh into the action; it has been a fantasy of mine for some time, this may be my only opportunity and I want to enjoy it. Her hands reach up to stop me but her feeble attempts to dislodge my hand are ineffectual at best. I smile at her before leaning even closer to her, a movement that places an uncomfortable amount of pressure on her throat.

"I believe it was you who taught me that nothing but the mission matters, that we are but lap dogs to our superiors," I whisper against her mouth. She struggles again and I can hear the low squeaking noises of fear that leak out of her. The bitch deserves to be afraid. I release her without any warning and she glares at me with wounded eyes as I turn to face the wall. Now that the adrenaline rush is subsiding I feel dirty and ashamed of my actions. I don't let any of that show or I will lose the ground I have just gained.

"I still think it is a necessary precaution to have the two of you share quarters. It will help to foster trust between you as well as placing a guard on Schuldich that he cannot manipulate," Birman continues as if nothing had happened. I'm sure she'll find small ways to pay me back for this violation but that hardly matters right now.

"Will you agree to no extra surveillance?" I demand without looking at her.

"As long as Persia agrees I have no problem with it," she demurs. I turn to face her and capture her gaze to better gauge her reaction to my next request.

"Also ask him if I can brief Kudou and bring him on board. He will be my fail-safe and I want him up to speed on everything," I tell her without betraying any of the emotions that are churning inside of me.

Her eyes get a hooded expression and she does a brief sideways glance at the door. I know that by the time our 'conversation' is over I will have my answer. Subterfuge is a wonderful thing… can you hear the sarcasm? Damn, I'm starting to sound like I imagine Schuldich would. I think he's more dangerous than even Birman gives him credit for if his personality is this infectious.

I roll open the blueprints with a practiced snap of my wrist and puzzle over them for a moment. I splay may hand over a cluster of rooms trying to more accurately gauge the size while the fingers of my other hand move over a series of walls. Birman is watching me with her inky eyes and I wonder what she sees, what she is thinking. Almost absently I wonder what it is like having the ability to hear what others would keep hidden, how would that affect the bearer's psyche?

"These walls need to be removed, we'll use screens in their place. This area should be converted so that we can have a tub here, not a Western style one. We'll bathe traditionally while he is here. I would prefer for my sleeping area to be as far from the door as possible, let's make him feel as secure and trusted as possible," I snap out my orders as if I am in the Koneko. With quiet efficiency Birman jots down all that I've said. With all of her needling I tend to forget that she is competent at her job.

"Do you really think that there is a chance of him submitting?" she asks while keeping her face cold and calculating.

"I think that if we are hospitable, he will be more inclined to council the rest of Schwartz to take a contract with Kritiker. It would be safer for them in the long run as well as giving them added protection from Estet," I answer, cutting to her real question. Her eyes widen in surprise, as if I shouldn't be able to skip ahead and divine Kritiker's tactics.

Her eyes do the questionable sideways flick again and I lean back in my chair. The slight movement might have gone unnoticed and I allow her to believe it was. The silence becomes uncomfortable and drawn out, Birman finally leans over and begins re-rolling the blueprints. The faint rustling is the only sound in the room and I am content to wait her out.

"Your request has been approved, you may inform Kudou of your mission and bring him onboard in any position you feel is necessary," she grinds out between clenched teeth. Obviously she thought I would be denied. It must gall her to be so wrong about how much our organization trusts in my abilities.

I stand and walk out without saying anything, mainly to irritate her more but also because I have nothing else to say. I have never been one for idle chatter. I swing back towards the room where Schuldich is still prone on the bed, I guess the headache wasn't a contrivance after all. I wasn't sure.

I pad over towards the high bed and lean my hip against it, I shouldn't as it puts me off balance and makes me an easier target. I lie to myself and say I am simply showing him trust in an effort to foster an equitable relationship. Over the years I've become quite proficient at feeding half-truths to myself.

"Schuldich? I have to leave, if you need painkillers they will be brought to you. Please don't attempt to escape while I'm gone," I admonish as my hand sinks into his soft flame tresses. My fingers tenderly caress his scalp and I find that I want to smile at him. His head twists under my hand and I pull my fingers through his hair.

This is too dangerous. I walk out without any warning, mostly to escape whatever seems to control me when I get too close to Schuldich. I flee to the Koneko, absently hoping that I will find comfort in familiar surrounding. Perhaps answers to the questions I am too afraid to even ponder.

I enter the small shop where my teammates are working diligently, even Kudou. The tiny smile that graces my lips disappear before any of them can see it. I've perfected hiding it. With sharp motions that I know he can't mistake I silently order Yohji down to the briefing room. With an alacrity that surprises me he drops the rare flowers he is working into a bouquet and bounds for the steps.

Yohji is practically shaking with the need to hear what I have to say. Half way through the briefing his face becomes shuttered and his eyes darken. I begin mentally bracing myself for a fight. I am too well versed in all of Kudou's mannerisms to not be able to read the signs.

"You can't do this," he growls. Usually he is more verbal.

"It's already done, I accepted the mission, I am asking for your help. If you are unable to assist me complete this tell me now and I will either go it alone or have my back up switched to Ken," I tell him with tired patience. Yohji's mouth hardens into a tight line and he nearly throws his shades across the table. I assume this means he is still vexed with me.

"He fucking stole Aya from under your nose! Are you out of your fucking mind?" he yells, Yohji probably thinks that he will get through to me with sheer volume if nothing else.

"I, of all people, am least likely to forget his transgressions. That doesn't change the fact that he is my current mission and I will do my job to the best of my abilities. I was hoping you would be there to help guard me," I almost taunt. Yohji slumps in his chair like his strings have been cut. I shouldn't be able to manipulate him this easily.

With a slowness that defies my discomfiture I tell him the strange affect Schuldich has on me. I tell Yohji how I touched our enemy, how I comforted him, and the delirious fact that I enjoyed it. By the time I have finished Yohji looks like I have kicked the breath out of him. His face looks both hurt and stunned.

"Aya… I don't know why you're telling me this," he rasps as his hands twitch open in a helpless gesture. Yohji stands and stumbles over until he is in front of me. I am terrified that he is going to reveal the reason behind his actions and I draw back into my chair as far as I can.

"Because I need your help," my voice is low and intimate; it makes him shiver. Schuldich had the same reaction. Perhaps it is the similarities in both men that make me feel at ease with Schuldich.

"You know I'll do it. I'll do whatever I have to," he submits. His bright head is bowed and I stand, crowding into his personal space.

As soon as I do it I know it's a mistake. One of Kudou's long arms slides around me and crushes me to him. It is a moment of weakness that makes me slide bonelessly against him, my right hand twists into his shirt as the left tangles in his hair. With his usual careless grace Yohji swoops down and his mouth covers mine in a completely unexpected move.

As roughly as I can I push him away, terrified that it will somehow show just how much I enjoyed, how much I needed, that kiss. Yohji isn't buying my act and pulls me back to him to finish what I interrupted. He bruises my lips with his while supporting most of my weight on his arms. I tell myself that I am too shocked by his actions to struggle. That does not, however, explain why my tongue is now dueling with his.

This time the kiss ends naturally and I am left breathless. Yohji leans his forehead against mine; he is practically humming with pleasure. With an unusual amount of trepidation he opens his eyes and meets my steady gaze. I try to keep my face as blank as is customary for me; I must be failing because his expression hasn't folded in on itself yet. I can't help wondering how this is going to affect the team. I am still trying to decide the best option for dealing with this when Yohji leans in to kiss me for a third time.

This kiss is soft and gently, it lingers, teasing at my senses. I try to distance myself from it, from Yohji. It isn't working. I give up and moan into Yohji's mouth where he swallows the sound. Every hair on my body is standing on end as a shiver runs through me that heads straight toward my groin. My erection pulses softly against my pants and I shift my hips backward.

"You should have let me do this earlier," Yohji murmurs against my lips. I suddenly feel numb; he has wanted to do this? With me? Everything becomes surreal for a moment. It was explained to me numerous times, in no uncertain terms, that a man like me didn't deserve love. Not only that, but no one would ever find a man so steeped in blood and sin desirable. Yet, Yohji just said that he found me so.

"No," I manage to choke out. Somehow this has to be a trick, a lie. But, what reason would he have to so? Nothing is making any sense.

"What, are you believing the mask you generally treat us to? Everyone needs something, Aya," Yohji chastens. His words have that crisp ring that tells me he is being truthful. Whenever Yohji lies his voice becomes smoky in an effort to cover his falsehoods. I am surprised that I am able to be so lucid and logical.

"Schuldich…" I say, my mind may be operating buy it's obvious that my mouth has yet to catch up.

"Can piss off for all I care. Don't tell me that you feel anything but contempt for him," Yohji drawls hotly. Anger has made him ball his fists in my shirt and he leans dangerously over me. I'm not intimidated.

"What I feel for him isn't your concern," I tell him icily. Kudou's hands drop down and he paces away from me, a wild animal trapped by my indifference.

"I thought that it would be…" he begins but trails off as my expression refuses to change. I know I am hurting him by doing this but I feel that it's for the best. I cannot compromise the team with my own lusts. Even if Yohji is a willing accomplice.

"Why? Because I didn't run from your advances? I'm not a blushing virgin to fall at your feet, nor am I repulsed by men to go running for the hills. We have to do what is best for Weiss or Kritiker will do it for us," I tell him patiently. Self preservation is high on the list for Yohji, we aren't exactly able to be reintegrated into society when we out live out usefulness.

"I think you're a liar," he hisses, his eyes hooded as he strides back towards me. I allow myself to look puzzled; my logic is flawless in this. If one ignores the latent desire that is still swimming within me.

"You're too afraid of admitting that you might not be so perfectly in control. Hell, I'll bet you're getting ready to take a swing at me for my presumption. Neh, Aya? Pissed off that you want me and I know it? Or does it bite your ass worse that you're panting for Schu as well? He's a hot piece of ass, isn't he?" Yohji taunts me. I see red, but I won't hit him, not when he's trying to goad me into it.

"I think you're just being a bitch because you think I might fuck him before I'd fuck you," I growl at him, my voice sounding dangerous. He'll probably throw a punch now, but he's too angry. I'll be able to dodge it easily.

Yohji has a penchant for proving me wrong and he does it now. He grips my arms hard enough to bruise and glares down at me. I can't help but compare his jade eyes to Schuldich's and I permit the smug smile I feel to slip out, further goading Kudou. He gives a soft growl before claiming my lips again. This time isn't wild or gentle; it is Yohji the seducer who is attacking me. He teases and taunts my mouth, making me want more while still managing to keep me distracted. He grinds his hardness against my belly, leaving me extremely aware of how much he wants me.

I suck at his tongue while he shows me that he is right. I want him. As soon as my body relaxes he shoves me away from him. I am completely unbalanced, both physically and mentally, and I stumble backwards until I hit the table. My breath is rasping in and out and I stare at him in disbelief and with thinly veiled passion.

"I think you're wound so tight you'd fuck anything that wanted you, Aya-kun. I don't do handouts," Yohji tells me, his voice totally devoid of emotion. He picks up his sunglasses and returns them to their customary perch on top of his head. I want to scream at him, to abuse him the way he's done to me. I knew I didn't deserve anything other than contempt. I'm glad I didn't allow Yohji's mistake to allow me to hope.

"If all I needed was release I could get that anywhere," I growl to myself, my words are too low for anyone else to hear. At least I think they are.

"You need a hell of a lot more than release. When you're through pretending that you're an ice god, come and see me. We'll talk. For now, I'll concentrate on the mission. Just don't make me wait too long," Yohji says to me before cupping his hand around my cheek. My breath hisses out as my mind tries to ignore his words. I do not want him to want me.

"I'll head out to the facility and check over the security for the room. You'd better figure out what the hell you're gonna do," Yohji yells down the stairs as he walks slowly up towards the shop. I grind my teeth in frustration and aborted lust.. At least my day can't get any worse.