Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I Love You More ❯ A Love That Should Have Lasted Years ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Written for a songfic contest by my Weiß mailing list.

Disclaimer: Weiß an't mine (nor the Beatles, neither ;_; ) 'Nuff said.

Warning: Lots of angst, and then disgustingly sugary sap. I think I just gave myself cavities. Part one is short, but if you're one of those people who just can't bare to read about Asuka, I wrote part two so that it could stand alone, and I (begrudgingly) give you my permission to skip to the Yohji/Aya goodness that is part two.

Song: 'For No One' by the Beatles

Part I: A Love That Should Have Lasted Years



The same question repeats through my head with each sip of my drink.
I think I'm close to breaking fifty or so now.
No closer to an answer yet, though.
Maybe the next swig will bring it.

Just what exactly is the deal with forgetting things?

Someone tell me, please. It's important.

Are forgotten things lost forever? Or just buried? If you knew where to look, could you remember anything? Would it be possible for me to remember, say, what my mom packed in my lunch on the second day of fourth grade? Is that obsolete bit of data just knocking around somewhere, or did it get permanently deleted? In the case of the latter….

Just who the fuck's in charge of that damn delete key, anyway?!

Your day breaks, your mind aches,
You find that all her words of kindness linger on,
When she no longer needs you.

The bottom of my glass gets clearer, but my question only seems more elusive. In fact, it's spreading and branching out into a whole mess of new little evil unanswerable questions. Can I get a refill?

Where was I, anyway?

Oh. Forgetting. The nature that is.

You can forget your memories, but…you can't forget your personality…right?
I mean, you wouldn't need your memories to like the same foods, would you? You'd still want to wear the same clothes. You'd laugh at the same jokes. You'd…you'd fall in love with the same person….Right?

She wakes up, she makes up,
he takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry,
She no longer needs you.

I thought just getting her away from Schrient would be enough. Asuka, that is (Right. As if anyone who knows me couldn't have guessed who.) I wanted her to remember, but ultimately, I thought it didn't matter. I mean, I can't trace my feelings back to any one memory. I thought we could make new ones. I thought she just had to get to know me again, and she'd fall in love with me for all the same reasons she did before….Or maybe she wouldn't. I guess I'm not the same person she knew then. Maybe…even if she did remember, she still wouldn't be able to love the Yohji I've become. Fuck, I hadn't let myself think about that.

And in her eyes you see nothing,
No sign of love behind the tears cried for no one,
A love that should have lasted years.

I couldn't let myself believe that though. I couldn't give up on her. I tried so hard to remind her of the way things had been. It felt so good being with her again. She was distant, I was jaded, but for the first time in years, I felt some fragment of hope. It'd been too long since I had something to care about. I was so sure I could save her. But you already knew that, didn't you?

You want her, you need her,
And yet you don't believe her,
When she says her love is dead,
You think she needs you.

Even when she set us up, when she told me it was all an act….That I made her sick….Even then I couldn't believe she really meant it. I guess I'm just one of those suckers who bought into all that 'one true love forever' crap, and can't de-program myself. How could I believe she meant it? How can a person change that much? I couldn't believe her, because if I did, I'd die. It'd kill me.

And in her eyes you see nothing,
No sign of love behind the tears cried for no one,
A love that should have lasted years.

I was wrong though. She's gone. There's nothing more than an empty shell there now. I still want to believe that's wrong. But that's no longer possible.
Not after I killed her myself.
I killed her.
I killed my Asuka.
Because she was attacking me? No. I would have gladly died for her.
I killed her because she didn't love me.
Because in her dying moments, all she could think of was Masafumi.
Masafumi! That disgusting little prick. Even after he became a fucking monster she loved him more. It wasn't an act. She would never love me again. If she hadn't said his name…I doubt I would have had the strength to finish her off.

You stay home, she goes out,
She says that long ago she knew someone
But now he's gone,
She doesn't need him.

Now I'm trying to learn how to forget too. It's the only way I can survive. I'm going to drink myself into oblivion. I'll do it every damn night for the rest of my life, if I have to. Until I can forget everything. I'm at 'Our café.' I'll know I'm alright once I can't remember where I am.

Your day breaks, your mind aches,
There will be times when all the things she said,
Will fill your head,
You won't forget her.

It's not working. I feel weak, and sick. But I still remember. Why can't I forget?!

And in her eyes you see nothing,
No sign of love behind the tears cried for no one,
A love that should have lasted years.

"Yohji."

My name?

Who would be calling my name? Except for that time when I met Maki…
I haven't been here since…me and Asuka….
Could it be?

I feel a hand come to rest on my shoulder.

Was I dreaming? Is she really okay?
No one else would know to find me here.
I turn around and try to make out my visitor through the alcoholic haze. It's so hard to concentrate.
I didn't just imagine that, did I?
No, God, please let it be real. I need her to be okay.

"Asuka?"

The grip on my shoulder tightens. "No, Yohji." I'm being shaken a little. "Yohji? Look at me. You need to come home."

No, voice to deep to be Asuka's….

"Am home."

Red hair? A-aya. I think it's Aya. What's he doing here?

"No you're not. Come on Yohji, snap out of it."

Aya…Asuka…names with 'A'…..close enough.

"Mmm, you'll do." Did I even say that? I feel slightly detached as I pull the figure next to me down into a kiss.

The next thing I know I'm on the floor. I think my nose is broken.

Oh shit, what the fuck did I just do?!


TBC….