Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ KenKen ❯ Meeting KenKen ( Chapter 1 )

KenKen

By: Anna Hibiki

Rating: NC-17.

Disclaimers : Weiss aren't mine! The book Lolita isn't mine also.

Warnings : AU, Shounen-ai/Yaoi, lemon, OCC, angst, shota. If you don't like that, then you can go to read my other WK fics "...Lies Bleeding in my arms" or "Don't Cry" ( ^.^; ).

Notes : Things in Italic are thoughts.

Before you start reading I wanted to tell you that the fic is based on the book Lolita, and that lots of parts (specially the prologue) look a lot like the book. But there are other things that are mine.

Before I forget, I have to give a big arigato to all the people from mediaminer.org and ff.net who let a review for the prologue: I received the reviews on my mail so I can thank ya all, i hope i didn't miss anyone. Eriol-sama (you wanted me to write more, xD here ya have five pages [i usually write longer chapters but I'm very slow with the english, so this way they have to be shorter]), neko-chan, random person, S.Wing, Mimi, Lulu.

Thanks you all!

Chapter 1: Meeting KenKen

When I was younger, I hadn't a big need for women (not men either). I used some whores, but just to get some relief.

It was when I was in Oxford. I wanted to study psichiatry, but since I discovered it wasn't good for me I decided to study English literature.

Then I started to write articles and started an english manual for Japanese students. And it would be finished now if I hadn't been arrested.

Some times I went to orphanagues with some of my psicologue friends. And there I could see all those little boys. They were full of innocence, full of life.

Of course they weren't like my KenKen, nor like my little Omi.

Something you should know is that, between the age of nine and fourteen years old, I think that the kids are half-human, half-demon, but they are full of beauty, so we'll call them 'Kirei', okay? [1].

For example, when we met, Omi and me were 'Kireis' (thought I have to confess he was more of a Kirei than I am). And he was the fatal Kirei for me.

I'm a very strong man, so I survived to the pain of his death, but it still hurts a lot. And I'm sure it will continue hurting when I die.

But it wasn't the only thing that hurt me. Can you imagine how hard it was for me to grow in a society that sees that relationships between two men are wrong? A society that would kill you if you get near of the person you love just because is underaged, and what for their eyes is the worst, underaged? Is my fault to be considered a shota? Is my fault to fall in love? Don't they say that love's blind and it has no frontiers?

Then why can't I love who I want to?

So you can guess that I had a double life. I slept with women or gay men sometimes, but in my heart, I was dying for being near of one of my kireis, but I couldn't even get near. Who knows what police would do to me!

For a long time, I didn't know what was happening to me. I couldn't understand my body's needs, or what for me was more important, my soul's needs.

You can't imagine how bad it felt. In some way, I knew it was wrong, and felt the guilt and the shame for what I was thinking or doing. In those moments I wanted to be dead, to hid miself, just dissapear. But strangely, suddenly I could feel perfectly. I never understood that.

I even started to go to psicologist and even psychiatrists who told me things I didn't understand.

I only could think I was totally insane. I had to be sick! The only thing I desired were those persons that were so much like my Omi, but not so much.

I know it's confusing, but I tried to find Omi in each one of the kids I saw, and he wasn't in all of them, that's obvious, but when some of them had a 'something' that remember me a little of him, then that child started to be a kirei for me.

I could say lots of things, but I'm gonna be sincere and tell you the truth, and only the truth, and don't think I'm trying to make things sound beautiful, or clean, or right, or.. or just changed to make them sound better. Just the truth.

I, Brad Crawford, tried to be good. And I was.

I respected all the boys, and would have never done ANYTHING to any of them. I would never destroy their purity. But I have to confess that my heart quickened and I felt something deep inside my heart... But they never knew it. So, that way they didn't suffer, even if I did, and a lot.

The moments I suffered the most (and enjoy the most too) were the simplest and stupidest moments of life. Just little things my kireis did, like playing in a park near around me... God, don't let them grow please! Don't take their innocence!

.::.::.::.::.

I continued thinking that I had to change, that i needed some stability in my life. So I decided to either get married of find a serious love.

And finally, I found him. He was the son of a German doctor that treatened me usually.

I remember how he hid behind the sofas when I was there talking with his father and looked at me with that grin of his.

Well, I'm not a very narcisistic person, but this has to be said. I am a very desirable men. I'm tall, and my body's covered in enough muscle. My dark hair and amber-brown eyes, even if covered by my glasses, can make anyone to fall for me. And my soft flesh and beautiful face together with my misterious expression only makes me more desirable for women and men.

So you'll probably be asking yourself why did I chose Schuldig. There are lots and lots of more beautiful and interesting people out there (AN: DISAGREE!! How he dares to say something like that 'bout my SchuSchu-sama!). But I chose him.

I tried to tell myself that I had chosen just for the hurry of making something with my life. But the truth, is that I was atracted to him.

No, not to him.

I was atracted to the fact that he acted like a child. Al his grins, his movements and everything, even if it was an adult the one doing them, there was something childish and playful in all he did. And I sucumbed to him.

The truth is that I never knew his age or how he lost his virginity (when he was drunk he told different versions).

I wasn't very kind to him either.

But at first I was. Oh, that I was. I filled him with what he called love (and I called 'scape').

We lasted like that for a few years. It was when one of my Japanese uncles died and let me some money with the condition I had to go to live to Japan.

It was a relief to know that.

Also, in some way, I noticed that Schuldig was changing.. Something wasn't right with him.

He looked really scared when I told him we had to go to Japan.

One morning, when we left an office with all our documents ready to go to Japan, I noticed that Schuldig started to move his head from one side to de other. He didn't say a thing.

I remained still for a moment and asked him what was wrong.

He just said "I... Brad... there's other man I love."

Is the truth. As a lover, his words made me angry. I would have killed him right there and in that moment.

But I controled myself. Do you know how much autocontrol you can learn living the life I lived? (You know, controling mysekf not to get too near of my kireis, to put an example).

I called a cab that had been around us all the time, and inside there, I ordered him to tell me everything.

I asked for the name of the other man, but he just babled something about he wasn't happy with me anymore and we had to break up.

I was so angry! I even hit him "But who the hell is him!!" I asked again, losing my patience.

He, not blinking even, looked into my eyes with those esmerald ones of him and pointed to the driver of the cab, who stopped the cab near a café and presented himself.

I don't remember his name, but I remember he was Irish. He had an odd accent and an even more odd face, covered in scars. His skin was pale as his hair, wich was white. His eyes were a bright amber, and were totally unreadable.

Then, once we were sitting and drinking something, Schuldig started to tell me his opinion about the situation, and later, his lover started to talk about his projects. Isn't it absurd? He even asked about what Schuldig liked to eat or what books or films did I think he should see!! Man, this Farfello was stupid or what?!

I would have killed Schuldig, but we were never left alone, his lover was always near, taking care of him and helping him to get his pertenences out of my house.

After they finally left, I went to the bathroom to see if my no-so-cheap colognes were in their place.

And they were, but I notied that this Farfello jerk had peed and didn't use the chain. That sea of orine and a cigarette were what hurt me the more than anything they had done, can you believe it?

But some time later I got my revenge. Someone told me that Schuldig had died. The doctor that told me that, said that they were part of an experiment of Antropology, that hasn't been published yet, but I don't know if that magazine will ever arrive to prison.

Anyway, I hope it comes with photographies of them.

There aren't a lot of books to read here.

.::.::.::.::

My trip was retarded (courtesy of Schuldig and his Jei Farfello man), so, after an horrible winter I finally arrived to Tokyo.

Once I got there, I found a job and started to work in a university too.

I know that you know a lot of me now, after reading so much, so you can imagine how hard I tried to see my kireis. But I'm not going to talk about it now. I had to spend a year in a sanatorium bacause. I was exausted. I came back to work, and had to go to the sanatorium again.

A doctor recomended me a trip to see nature. I did it and my health got better.

You won't be very happy to know that, not a lot of time after I came back to normal life, I fell insane again (we'll call it that way at least). And do you know how I got better? Laughting at the doctors. I knew everything they wanted from me, so I played with them for some time.

When I left the sanatorium I started to search for a place out of the city to live. Someone suggested me to spend some months with some of his relatives. He said they had two sons. So I accepted.

But to my surprise, when I came there, there was nobody waiting for me, but at last, this relative came to the hotel I was in (the only one in that place) and told me that his family had left the place, but I could satay with one of his wife's friends, Hidaka-san, she had offered a room for me.

I was angry with it and was going to refuse (what was I going to do there, if the only reason I had gone was to meet a little kirei and now I wasn't going to?), but at last, I ended up going to that street, Koneko no sumu ie was the street's name.

Into the funerary's car I was into (don't you dare to ask about it, it was enough having to be transported in one of these things), I swore to myself I was going to leave that place instantly. Brad Crawfor wasn't going to stay there!

And I was thinking about that when the car stopped in front of a HORRIBLE, and I mean HORRIBLE, UGLY, call it in whatever way you want to, but it was a really ugly house. I wanted to run out of there, but since the driver was looking at me, not leaving the place, what was I supposed to do?

So, as you're guessing, I knocked at the door.

A servant opened the door and ran towards the kitchen. So I entered the house, taking a look when I did it.

A moment later I heard Hidaka-san's voice. "Are you Crawford-san?" she asked, going down the stairs.

She was older than me. Her eyes an hair were a dark brown. Very simple, but with some atractive.

I noticed that her eyes never looked into mine, and she never really smiled. At the first look I saw she was a very false woman. She acted only doing what other people would think that was right, never what she really wanted. She was a really empty person.

But I wasn't going to have to stand her for a lot of time. I WASN'T going to stay there! Believe me when I tell you that I almost ran out there in panick when I saw my bedroom, or what she called a 'semistudy'.

But, being the educate man I am, I let her show me the house, so we continued to the right part of the house. "Ken and I have our own bedrooms" she said pointing to the doors of the bedrooms (I suposed Ken was the servant).

When she showed me the bathroom, I was startig to feel really bad.

"I see you don't like the house" she said slowly "It's not very clean and all... but I assure you" the bitch repeated it "I assure you you'll be well in here. Oh! Let me show you the garden" she finished the phrase with a happy voice.

I followed her and when we passed the kitchen, the servant said she was going to leave."Hai, Sakura-chan. I'll call you this friday". We still were in the hall when out of there, was the garden.

And then, I felt like a hand was grabbing my heart and tightening the grip.

And I saw him. The sun caressing his skin, sitting on the grass.

It was there. That bronzed skin, those chocolate eyes, soft brown hair falling before his eyes, a playful smile on his lips while he was there, only a pair of dark blue shorts covering his body.

You have no idea of how hard is to me to express what I felt that first time I saw him.

How my eyes tried to take all his beauty for me, an as I always (I think that unconciously) did, to compare him with Omi.

But later on, of course, he, Ken, MY KenKen, eclipsed completely the one who was before in my heart.

He was the continuation of Omi.

As you'll be imagining by now, when Hidaka-san and me went down the srairs of the garden, my body trembled, my mouth dried, and my eyes moistened a little. It was a overhelming feeling in my heart.. "Oh, this is my little Ken" Hidaka-san said pointing to her son "and there are my flowers, they're beautiful, ne?"

"H-Hai!" I said "They're really beautiful, really beautiful.."

tsu zu ku...

[1] In the book, what I'm calling "Kirei" it's called in a word I can't translate. So I decided that Brad-chan was going to call the kids Kirei, that, if I'm not wrong, means beauty/beautiful.

First chapter done! ^^ How was it? this chapter wasn't very good, but it was important because is the presentation of most of the characters, and we met KenKen!

I've been thinking about the ages, so I'll make them different from the book's ones to fit more with the characters. Anyway, there's no gonna be a big change.

Like it or hate it? Comments, suggestions or just "I've read it"? Leave a review please! I'm not confident with my english, and it's being even harder to write in 1st person, so I need support!

Hasta el próximo capitulo!