Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Lush ❯ Chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )

***

`Aya!!'

The voice was loud and insistent. Aya buried his face deeper into his hands.

`Go away,' he whispered the words under his breath in a futile hope that it would reach the blonde assassin outside his room.

`Aya!!!' he was pounding on the door now, the jarring sound accompanying his shouts. ` I know you're in there….Aya!'

`Leave me alone!' he said a little louder, his voice stern, but his body was still shaking.

`Omi told me what happened.' Yohji's words made Aya's head jerk up. `I called the school, I know what happened to Aya-chan. I know she just had a bad riding accident and is in hospital for a while, but she's ok. I also know you know that. What I don't know is why you haven't left your room in two days, why you wont speak to any of us.'

Yohji sighed heavily and rested his head against the door.

`Why you wont speak to me, Aya…'

Aya balled his fists and pressed them to his ears trying to block the sound of Yohji's voice, but it was to late. The words bounced around in his head like a demented billiard ball.

He knew his sister was going to be ok, but that wasn't the point. When the person on the other end of the line had told him that his sister had been in an accident, it made all the bad memories from when she was first hurt come rushing back to him. The pain he had felt then, the pain he had felt now, like someone had ripped his heart out made him tremble at the force of his own emotion. He wanted some time alone so he could regain his composure, to get back the ice mask that he had worn for years. And he would have if it hadn't been for FUCKING Yohji banging on his door.

`Let me in Aya, don't shut me out,' Yohji was beside himself with worry and was seriously thinking about breaking the door down.

`Let me in Aya,' he echoed finally. The way he said it told Aya that he wanted more than the red head to just let him into his room.

As the words sunk in, a feeling overcame Aya. Something he hadn't felt in months. Rage, pure unadulterated rage. It burned white hot behind his eyelids and made him clench his hands so hard it made his knuckles hurt. He got up from where he had been sitting on his bed like a man possessed and threw open the door causing Yohji to stumble into his room.

At first a wave of relief swept over Yohji that Aya had opened the door, but the look those indigo eyes made him take a step back

`What gives you the right?' he said quietly, dangerously.

`What gives you the fucking right to interfere in my life Yohji! Just because we fuck doesn't mean you have the right to intervene!'

`Is that all this means to you what we have?' Yohji said incredulously, `that this is a convenient outlet whenever either of us gets an itch we cant scratch?'

`Well you don't actually have the world best track record when it comes to relationships do you Yohji? Love them and leave them… sound familiar?' Aya said sarcastically causing Yohji to blush and look away. When he did finally turn back to face Aya, his forest green eyes reflected his own anger.

`You do this EVERY time someone

tries to get close to you Aya. You shut yourself off in a vain hope that you won't get hurt,' Yohji grabbed Aya's arm as he tried to leave, `don't you FUCKING dare walk away from me…Aya! Don't push me away!'

`Leave me alone Yohji! Don't pretend like you understand what I'm going through. Don't pretend you care.'

`I DO care Aya,' Yohji spat out finally losing his cool, `and if you don't see that you're more fucking wrapped up in yourself than I thought.'

The words stung and made Aya even angrier.

`Get out Yohji,' Aya gave the blond a firm push out the door, `Get…out!' He slammed the door with so much force that the shingles on the roof shook. Once alone, Aya felt his knees give way and slumped against the door finally coming to rest at the bottom. He felt lightheaded; the angry words that he had exchanged with his lover leaving a sour taste in his mouth. He didn't know where those cruel words had come from, Yohji had come to him offering comfort and he had practically told him to go to hell. He didn't mean any of it, but once spoken, he knew it was close to impossible to take those words back.

He wiped a sudden tear from the corner of his eye and was surprised to hear sounds coming from the opposite side of the door. He pressed his ear to the wood and deduced that Yohji was also sitting in a position similar to his.

`Why can't he take a fucking hint,' Aya thought to himself, but the anger he had felt earlier had already dissipated leaving him feeling hollow inside.

He then heard the familiar crinkling sound of a cigarette packet being opened accompanied by the metallic click of a Zippo lighter. Soon he saw curlicues of smoke making their way underneath the door. Taking a deep breath he felt corners of his mouth lift unbidden in a small smile. Yohji didn't have a particular preference when it came to cigarettes, however of all the brands he smoked, this was Aya's favorite. It was an Asian brand introduced to Yohji years ago by a girl he was dating at the time. Instead of the usual smell of tar, the smoke of this cigarette smelt like cloves and cinnamon and never failed to invoke a warm feeling in Aya's chest.

Aya heard the paper crackle as Yohji took a deep drag of his cigarette and when he exhaled, Aya realized the blond assassin was actually singing softly under his breath.

I am hanging on every word you say and,

Even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright,

Alright with me…

Cause I want nothing more than,

To sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,

Is where I want to be…

`Yohji..' Aya whispered understanding dawning on him as he listened to Yohji's honey over gravel voice utter those words. He stroked the wood as if he were actually stroking his lover.

`Aya?' Aya heard Yohji whisper his name back to him. Getting to his feet Aya jiggled the doorknob as a kind of warning to Yohji that he was opening the door. As it swung open, Aya found himself almost face to face with the blond, his hand on his hips, a smoking fag between his fingers and an expectant look on his face.

Without thinking Aya just fell into his arms, his head coming to rest at Yohji's shoulder, his hands bunching Yohji's shirt. Yohji didn't hesitate to circle his long limbs around Aya's waist and pull him even closer.

`Yohji… what I said…. I didn't mean..' Aya started but stopped when Yohji put one reassuring hand on the back of his head.

`I know Aya,' Yohji knew how hard it was for Aya to apologize to anyone; especially if it was a man who technically was his subordinate, personal feelings aside. `We all say things when we are angry that we don't mean.'

`I was scared I would lose her again Yohji, all over again,' Aya chanted the last words like a mantra. `I thought all my sins had finally come to catch up with me. You know the saying? What goes around, comes around.'

`Is that why you shut yourself off Aya? Because you think you deserve it?' Yohji said in disbelief.

Aya disentangled himself from Yohji's arms, his eyes showing a spark of violet fire.

`Look me straight in the eye and tell me I don't,' he said bitterly. Yohji bit his lip, but then Aya saw his jaw set in a grim line.

`I tell you what, when it comes the time for us to be judged, I'll stand there right beside you,' Yohji said, `I'll tell whoever that is judging us that we'll share our sins… fifty-fifty. That way…perhaps we will have a chance.'

`Yohji..' Aya said the blonde's name, unsure at what the correct response would be to such a statement. However thinking back, of all the options available to him, he definitely wouldn't have chosen the one he did. He laughed.

Not a big laugh, more like a chuckle but it made Yohji's eyebrows twitch upwards.

`If we did that, we'd surely end up in hell,' Aya said his voice betraying his attempt at levity. Yohji smiled, happy at getting a reaction out of Aya that wasn't a scowl or a cutting remark.

`At least we'll be together, ne?' Yohji cupped Aya's chin and tilted his face upwards so that they were staring into each other's eyes. Aya blinked a little at the raw emotion that he saw in those emerald green eyes.

`Aya….Ran….. I ….'

But before the words could come out, Aya bridged the gap between them and planted a desperate kiss on those full lips. Yohji startled a bit at the sudden contact, but his body soon took over and began kissing Aya back.

`Please Yohji, understand. Things change when you admit your feelings, it makes them real and hard to take back. I can't deal with it…not now,' Aya thought those words and tried as hard as he could to convey them through his kiss.

It seemed Yohji understood as Aya felt his tongue trace just the inside of his lip.

`Very well Aya, but you can't run away from it forever. I hope you realize that,' was what that gesture seemed to be saying. Aya broke of the kiss and lead Yohji to his bed. The springs creaked a little under their combined weight as Aya started to unbutton his shirt. He was halfway done when his hands were stopped by Yohji's slender fingers. Aya looked up in surprise and saw Yohji shaking his head. Although he wanted nothing more than to make love to the red head until they were both spent, this was not what Aya needed. Wanted yes but not needed, Yohji knew the difference,

Instead he just gently tilted their bodies back until they were both lying supine on the bed. He pulled Aya on his side and inched closer for another kiss. The kiss he gave was so different from all the other kisses they had previously shared. This kiss was more like a warm embrace, lacking in passion but not in comfort.

They kissed until they both fell asleep. For the first time since it all started, Aya slept the night in Yohji's arms.

***

`Aya…'

`…….'

`Aya…'

`…….'

`God dammit Aya you cant not speak to me all weekend!'

`Yes I fucking can..' the silence that the red head was giving him seemed to say.

`Fine then,' Yohji sighed mildly infuriated, `so be it..'

After making sure that there were no other cars on the road, Yohji took his hands off the wheel and folded them across his chest. Aya's eyes almost popped out of his head as he grabbed the wheel of his Porsche in order to keep it from weaving all over the road.

`Are you fucking nuts?!?' Aya hissed, `this isn't even your car!'

`At least you're talking to me now,' Yohji said triumphantly as he took back control of the wheel and shifted gears making the car lurch forward.

`You know some people would think this romantic,' Yohji drawled.

`There's nothing romantic about kidnapping Yohji,' Aya retorted.

`Think of it as being.. "whisked away",' Yohji improvised giving Aya a lazy grin.

`Now you sound like someone on the travel channel,' Aya said dryly. When he saw Yohji's grin getting bigger, he slumped back in his bucket seat and sighed.

`I just don't want to be away from the shop at this time Yohji, in case

the school calls.…..and if there's a mission…'

`I gave the school the number of the place we are staying. They will call if anything. And even if there is a mission, we covered Omi and Ken's butts the last time they went away so they owe us. Any other questions?' Yohji shot Aya a look over the tops of his sunglasses.

`I suppose not,' Aya replied, but he didn't sound too irked. Taking a quick glance at his temperamental lover, Yohji tried to gauge what emotion was actually running through that wine red head at the moment. But as always when looking at Aya, Yohji got the impression he was staring at a house with violet shutters firmly in place.

Not being able to stand the silence, he flipped on the stereo filling the car with the sound of Mikuni Shimokawa's Alone.

kawaita kaze ga fuku (A dry breeze is blowing)

machi wa kogoete-iru (The city is getting cold)

ikutsu no kisetsu ga sotto oto mo naku (I wonder how many seasons have passed)

sugisatta no darou (without even a sound?)

Staring out the window, it dawned on Aya what a lovely day it actually was. The bursts of sunlight caused ever-changing patterns in the landscape and the mild wind made the grass rustle. He then surmised that there were worse places he could be than in a car with a handsome blond, traveling to who knows where, under a vanilla sky.