Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Malarkeys and Mayhem ❯ Okey Dokey Pokey Okey ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

"So…let me get this straight. I work in a flower shop. And you're buying me those flowers as a present. Which means that, for this present, I have to climb up that very tall ladder, take those flowers down carefully, arrange them, wrap them up, ring them up for you, hand them off to you so you can then give them back to me?" Nagi asked flatly.

Ouka nodded, looking a little uneasy. She wasn't sure if she liked this personality shift in Omi. Maybe he hadn't slept well last night or something.

"Why don't you just give me your money?"

"Omi!" Aya snapped.

"What? It makes things easier for me? Besides, what am I going to do with flowers anyway? And anyway, that ladder looks rickety. I could break my neck getting down flowers that are just gonna go back on display anyway!" Nagi pointed out.

Ouka looked a little hurt. "You just resell the flowers I give you?"

"You hadn't noticed?" Yohji asked, popping a bow on the last Ouka display. "You bought this basket for him three times last week."

"I don't really notice what I buy. I kinda just grab what I want if it looks pretty."

"So that explains the garish red bow." Nagi muttered.

"Is garish a good thing?" Ouka asked.

"Yeah…roll with that." Nagi answered. Ouka smiled at him, looking very disturbing in the process.

"Hey Omi! I'm going to the movies tonight, you're coming as my date, okay?"

"Not okay!" Nagi snapped at her. Yohji sent him a look over Ouka's head. His eyes widened. Omi couldn't say yes to that sort of order, could he?

"What do you mean not okay?" Ouka practically yelled, turning very scary and getting in his face. "Am I not good enough for you?!"

'Yes.' Nagi thought, now terrified. Her face had gone all red and angry, and that dumb curl thing in her hair was really freaking him out.

"I have…a hysterectomy tonight. I-I can't come." Nagi lied, very badly. Ouka seemed to buy it though.

An 'Oh!' of sympathy went up from the girls crowded into the shop.

"That sounds serious." Ouka noted with distaste. She didn't seem all that concerned for Omi-Nagi's well being, just annoyed that it messed with her movie plans.

"Yeah. It is." Nagi responded.

"Well then you'll just have to come now. I really want to see this movie, and it might not still be playing when you've recovered from your surgery." Ouka snapped.

"Yeah. It takes awhile to recover from having your womb removed." Yohji whispered as he passed by Nagi, who shot him pleading eyes.

"I'd really love to, but, hey, isn't that your wallet flying out of the shop?!" Nagi shouted, flinging the thing with his powers. "Into heavy traffic? You'd better go run and catch it?"

"Oh who cares? Daddy can just get me another one." Ouka shrugged it off. "I guess I can't buy you the flowers then. So the movie will have to be your treat."

"Well…I don't think I can leave the guys alone in the shop. It looks pretty busy." Nagi said nervously. Unfortunately, Yohji was still hovering around within earshot.

"We can handle it. Have a blast. Need a loan?" Yohji asked, opening his wallet.

Nagi's smile was now very forced indeed. "Thanks!" He chirped, then under his breath. "Weiss piece of shit."

"Have fun." Yohji waved them out of the shop.

'Rot in hell.' Nagi thought fiercely at him, while the purple haired creature that was Ouka clung to his arm and yanked him towards the theatre.

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"That was the most miserable…well…no. It wasn't. But it was in the top ten at least of miserable things I've had to do!" Nagi snapped at Yohji, returning some five hours later, when he'd finally convinced Ouka that he might die if he didn't go have that hysterectomy. After the movie she'd dragged him all over town, and then back to her apartment, shudder shudder. He was going to have nightmares. That big red bow, advancing on him.

"Taking a socialite out to a movie? Doesn't sound that bad to me." Yohji lied, but he couldn't really keep a straight face while he said it.

"I don't know how I convinced her I was just joking when I tried to climb out that window!" Nagi snapped. "What kind of a penthouse doesn't have a fire escape? And how does Omi deal with her every day?"

"He's really very nice."

"He'd have to be. I almost killed her. Six times. Oh Christ, things started breaking in her house and she thought she had a poltergeist. She made me stay for a séance. We sat around on pillows for a half hour until my butt was numb and I was choking from the incense and she kept grabbing onto me saying she was scared."

"Sounds horrible. Sitting in the dark with a bunch of pillows and a girl all over you." Yohji said.

"She's creepy! You must be really gay if you can't recognize that that is NOT an attractive woman!" Nagi yelled. "Jeezus, Tot's more alluring than that!"

"Gay? I'm not gay!" Yohji said defensively.

"Right. You're a very straight cowboy."

"That's something you should work on. Omi's not very sarcastic." Yohji snapped back, adjusting his cowboy hat defensively.

"Whatever. I'm going to bed." Nagi made his way over to the stairs.

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"That's it. We need to kill him! Finish where Nagi left off." Schuldig all but growled.

"What do you mean? He's a little chipper, maybe. I've gotten used to it." Crawford answered.

"Okay, for starters, he has no mental shielding! He broadcasts those super happy thoughts of his and sometimes he even hums happy songs in his head! There's no stopping it and it's driving me insane! I can't even purge it out by blasting speed metal, because then I just kill my hearing and all I'm left with is the thoughts! Bumblebees and ponies and kitties, it's a fucking nightmare! And the rainbows Crawford, the rainbows!"

Crawford shuddered at that, thinking back on his fever dreams.

"That's still no reason to kill him. He cooks." Farfarello argued.

"Nagi cooked." Schuldig pointed out.

"This one cooks edible food." Farfarello argued back. It was a pretty strong argument that Farf was asking not to kill someone in the first place, so Schuldig turned back to Crawford.

"When I torture him, he doesn't get upset! It's so boring! He just starts to cry a little, or he apologizes to me! He hugged me and said he was sorry he'd offended me. He's got a strong grip and I couldn't pry him off!" Schuldig yelled.

"Schu-Schu-kun!" Omi bounced happily into the room.

"And then there's that." Schuldig growled, glaring at Omi with the utmost dislike.

"I noticed your room was a little messy so I cleaned it up for you!" Omi said sweetly. "You had a lot of laundry."

"You cleaned Schuldig's room?" Crawford asked.

"Why aren't you dead?" Farfarello asked.

"What do you mean?" Omi blinked at them in a confused manner.

"What about the monsters?" Crawford asked.

"Monsters? Oh! The puppies! They were all dirty so I gave them baths and cleaned them up. Some of them had really matted fur." Omi answered sweetly.

"Puppies?" Schuldig asked.

"Mmmhmm. They were very grumpy puppies." Omi answered.

Schuldig walked over to his room, a look of complete disbelief on his face. He opened the door and screamed.

"Since when did I have a carpet?!"

"Since we moved in here." Crawford answered, coming in behind him. "Wow. That carpet was white. I never knew."

"I had to use a lot of bleach to get the stains out. Schu-Schu-kun, do you spill red kool-aid on the floor a lot?"

"Yeah. Red kool-aid. That's what it was." Schuldig snapped. He was glaring at the clean and sparkling room. "Where's all my stuff?"

"I put it away. See, you have two dressers. And a closet. I put your clothes in the closet, and there's your comic books and DVDs, and your CDs are by the CD player. And I put your fondue pot in the kitchen, I hope you don't mind."

"You have a fondue pot?" Crawford asked.

"I didn't know about it." Schuldig answered.

"One of your puppies was sitting in it." Omi chirped. "Um…the German Shepherd!"

"Where are my puppies? Holy shit! Frederick! Lampy! Hairy! What has he done to you?! Stinky! I didn't even know you had eyes!" Schuldig gaped at his formerly fierce looking homegrown pets. They'd all been bathed and the ones with hair had gotten hair cuts. Hairy had blue bows tied all over him. "Kill it."

"So…do you know how to use the fondue pot?" Farfarello asked.

"Yup! I found the instructions. They were a little slimy but I could still make them out. Do you want fondue tonight?" Omi asked. "I can make cheese fondue, but I also know a really yummy desert recipe for chocolate fondue!"

"Can we keep him?" Farfarello asked.

"No we cannot keep him! And no we can't kill him either!" Crawford snapped, cutting Schuldig off mid sentence.

"Is there anything else I can do to be helpful? I feel kinda bad since I'm living here and imposing on all of you for now. I already re-shingled the roof and washed the windows, so there's no real cleaning to be done. I don't think." Omi said sadly. Then he perked up. "Unless you have a basement somewhere!"

"You're not allowed in the basement." Crawford said quickly.

"We have a basement?" Schuldig asked. Farf shrugged.

"No. We don't have a basement. Just cook supper Omi." Crawford said.

"Okey dokey pokey okey!" Omi said with a wide smile, skipping towards the kitchen.

"Can I just give him a push mid-skip? Cuz he might fall over and wake up less annoying, or at least he might be unconscious for a little while. Please?" Schu begged.

"No. Leave him alone. Besides he's cooking." Crawford answered.

"Food is good." Farfarello agreed.

"Oh what? Does fondue hurt God now?" Schu asked sarcastically.

"It might!" Farf snapped back.

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Nagi very quietly snuck downstairs, intent on avoiding Yohji as much as possible for the day. He hadn't forgiven him for his date with Ouka, and as far as he was concerned, the guy could have more vile tricks up his sleeve. He crept into the kitchen, which was thankfully empty, and he made himself a pop-tart.

"Hey Omi! Whatcha eating?" Ken asked happily, entering the room.

Nagi jumped, then panicked as he'd forgotten Ken's name. "Pop-tart?" He answered quietly.

"Cool. I like the chocolate ones." Ken answered, reaching for a bowl of cereal.

"That's nice. This one's got sprinkles." Nagi said nervously. He was horrible at making friendly conversation, especially over a subject as dumb as pop-tarts.

"So…how was your date with Ouka?" Ken asked.

Nagi growled at him, and he looked a little concerned.

"Are you feeling okay Omi? You don't look so good. Oh! It must have been your surgery. I heard some of the girls in the flower shop talking about it. How come you didn't tell us you were getting a hysterectomy?" Ken asked.

"You do know that a hysterectomy involves removing all or part of the womb, right?" Nagi asked. He'd researched it the night before out of curiosity. Now he wondered where he'd heard that word before.

Ken didn't seem to understand the significance of this revelation.

"Boys don't normally have wombs." Nagi tried again.

Ken chewed on his cereal for a few minutes before a light bulb seemed to go off in his head (a rather dim light bulb. We love you Ken-Ken!) "Oh. Omi, why do you have a womb?"

"Well I don't have one anymore." Nagi said dismissively. Ken still looked confused. "I bought it on E-Bay."

"Oh. Well that makes sense. Because you like computers." Ken answered.

"Yeah. Well…I'm just gonna…go…now." Nagi said, heading for the shop. He was expecting to have to do the brunt of the opening work, going back to that pecking order talk Schuldig had given him back when he'd first joined Schwarz. He was still the smallest one and therefore still had to do most of the work. So he was very surprised when he walked in and found that Aya had already done almost everything.

"What's going on?" Nagi asked, very confused. The laws of his universe appeared to be faulty.

"We're opening." Aya grunted, hauling a rather large pot-o-flowers out to the front of the shop. "Like we do everyday. Can you help me with the arrangements? We need those three ready for delivery."

"You're asking?" Nagi seemed stunned.

"If you're still recovering from having your womb removed then you can just work the register." Aya answered flatly, and Nagi couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"Um…are you mad at me for skipping out yesterday?" Nagi asked.

"Did you have a choice in the matter? I was under the impression Kudoh forced you out with the princess." Aya answered.

"Yeah. He sorta did. We did spend a helluva lot of his money. He's not getting that back." Nagi all but growled. Aya didn't seem to notice as he was already working on the arrangements, but Ken was standing in the doorway.

"You're acting different Omi. Are you grumpy?" Ken asked.

"Uh…wait. Why do you care?" Nagi asked.

"Because you're my team mate, my coworker, and more importantly my friend!" Ken answered happily.

And for the first time in about seven years Nagi cried.

TBC

A/N And the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day. And it broke that really expensive gold heart measure-y thing. He's gonna have to pay for that. Rather, Yohji's going to have to pay for that.