[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

This was my first Weiß kreuz story which I released to the Mailing Lists way back in May 2000.
Spoilers for: Anime: Mission 2 - Fort Laufen; Mission 21 - Trane; Mission 23 - Schraube; Mention of the anime series ending; Manga: Weiß2: An Assassin and White Shaman; Drama CD: Dramatic Collection II ~ Endless Rain. DISCLAIMER: Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiß hold the copyright over all names, likeness and rights of Weiß kreuz. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

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Fic Setting: Post-anime ending, but pre-OAV. I'm assuming that Weiß has already settled into the new nature of their mobile operations.
Notes:
In the design of the mobile Koneko no Sumu Ie from the OAVs, I noted a lack of sanitary facilities and sleeping quarters, so in this fic I decided to house the boys in a converted warehouse. One that they can drive their trailer van into and is an open concept, studio-loft design.

There are two entrances to the building. The garage doors, which the vehicles (the trailer van and Youji's roadster) drive through and a side door, which the members use if walking. The ground floor holds the bathroom, kitchenette and dining / living room. The parking area of the vehicles and the stairs to the bedroom loft flanks the living room. The kitchen, bathroom and laundry area with wardrobe is situated under the loft to the back of the building.

The warehouse has no windows, except for one skylight over the bedroom area. The loft has four beds laid in a row with side tables and lamps separating them. Aya has the bed furthest away from the stairs which is also against the wall; Youji, the bed beside him; then comes Ken's bed; and Omi has the bed nearest the stairs. They have one small chest of drawers against the wall, and at the foot of Aya's bed, which holds their intimates and less bulky clothing.

If I write another post-anime WK fic, I'll probably continue to use this set up. If you want to use this design too, please give credit for the inspiration. ^_~

Predawn... it was still a couple of hours before the sun would rise, yet Youji Kudou found himself awake and alone, nursing a no longer cold can of beer in the tiny living room of the mobile Koneko no Sumu Ie. His cigarette drooping from his lips with a long trail of ash.

Normally this early hour would find him snugly entwined in his bed sheets, dead to the world and dreaming of his many conquests; or having a nightmare of that one woman who had meant the most to him. Sometimes he even dreamed she still lived, and he was lying in bed expecting her arrival with the rising sun to drag his ass to work.

He hated those dreams. Hated them because of the hope they brought to his heart. Hated them because they would leave him feeling crushed and lonely when he awoke to the reality that was without her. And he did know so well that she was lost to him forever now. Now that he had personally strangled her with his wires while she lay across his back, gasping words of love to the monster Masafumi with her last breath.

No... to be fair, Youji had to admit he never was able to confirm without a shred of doubt that the Schreient woman, Neu, was really a brainwashed Asuka. As much as his heart told him that they *were* one and the same, the two women were as different as day and night. Asuka, he had loved with all his heart, but Neu... she was a woman filled with treachery and cruelty. And even if the physical women were so similar, if he thought of it hard enough, he could rationalise that Asuka and Neu just *looked* alike. Just like Tomoe Sakura looked like Aya-chan.

/Aya./ The name slammed Youji's wandering mind back to the present.

Predawn and he wasn't in his bed in that little loft of the converted warehouse, which was the current abode of Weiß. Instead, he was seated in the living room of the trailer van that Weiß now operated in, which was parked inside the warehouse and below the shared bedroom, trying to come to terms with what had happened hours earlier. Outside and up the stairs that lead to their somewhat cramped sleeping quarters, Ken and Omi were handling the immediate fallout. 'Fallout.' Youji snorted at his dispassionate description of the situation. Aya didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve...

Youji laid his forehead on the coffee table. He couldn't remember-- couldn't even *begin* to imagine how they had ended up in that position. He lit another cigarette, taking in a shuddering lung full of smoke as he tried to calm himself again. Pushing himself to fall back on his old profession as a private investigator and trace the steps that lead to... last night.

He had been moody and depressed for over a week and the others had at first given him his privacy over it. The nightmares had also begun then. Though he managed to control himself and refrain from waking up screaming and disturbing the others, he hadn't managed to evade Aya's notice. The previous night, Youji had awakened sweating and breathing heavily with the scream again killed in his throat before it found voice; He had felt Aya's lavender eyes on him. Ken and Omi were fast asleep in their beds on the other side of him, but in the bed that was against the wall, Aya was looking at him expectantly. He had been afraid then that Aya would say something, but the redhead didn't. The promise in his gaze though, said that they would be speaking later when the others weren't around.

They found their chance last night when Manx came by to offer them a mission. Ken and Omi had been surprised when Aya chose not to take the mission since he normally took all offered missions. But they didn't make too much of a fuss. They understood as well as Youji did that the redhead wanted a few quiet hours to speak with him.

He did not resent it. Youji swore that he did feel some relief for the concern Aya was showing him. To tell the truth, he expected it really. Aya's friendship had always been quiet and undemonstrative. As observant as Youji was, he still couldn't pinpoint when he first noticed its appearance. It had always seemed to be there as a comforting presence. Even Ken and Omi were aware of this almost special connection between them. Not that it wasn't strained occasionally. Especially during the days when he had ignored Aya's anxiety for his missing sister and taken in Neu at face value as his restored Asuka.

Youji flushed at the memory. Aya had every right to say 'I told you so' and rip into him for believing Neu's lies after they were all lead into a trap and nearly killed. But he didn't. Neither did he turn accusing eyes at him for interfering in taking down Schreient and retrieving his sister from them. Instead, he had stayed silent while Youji grieved over his shattered illusions. That quiet friendship and comfort still there and held out to him when he felt ready to take it again. But now... Youji feared that it was lost to him forever.

/How?!/ He wanted to howl his confusion. Reviewing his memories again and again gave him no answers. Youji couldn't remember what happened between the time Ken and Omi left them for their mission and his waking up hours later with...

Youji knew that he was only alive because Ken had taken off his gloves before climbing the stairs of the loft; having removed his assassin gear to get ready to retire after the mission. Otherwise, the younger man's bugnucks would have been ripping him apart, for sure. Youji was aware of how things must have looked to the other two members of Weiß. To return from their mission to find him spooned behind and embedded within their bound and gagged friend, whose tears and blood liberally soaked the sheets they were entangled in.

At later reflection, Youji knew he was fortunate that Ken had only dragged him off and thrown him to the floor. He would not have blamed Ken if he had instead decided to throw him over the balcony of the loft to the living cum dining room below first, before straddling his recumbent body and proceeding to beat the shit out of him. Coming from deep slumber, he couldn't adjust to what was happening when hard fists rained down on him while he lay pinned to the floor and against the balcony of the loft. He had been totally off balanced until he heard Aya's hoarse call for Ken to stop.

It was only when Ken turned towards the voice that the full horror hit him... when he saw Omi kneeling beside his bed rubbing Aya's pale arms, trying to help him restore the circulation to numbed limbs that had moments earlier been bound with wire. Aya... bruised, bloodied... what was left of his clothes hanging in shreds on his trembling frame. He had turned his tear-streaked face toward them then, his chest heaving with the effort to stop crying as he choked out the name of the instigator.

"Schuldich... Youji wasn't-- aware of what-- of what he was doing. It-- was-- Schuldich-- Youji-- wasn't-- I-- It's-- not-- his fault-- "

After that, Youji was looking through a fog at the events that followed. In the face of Aya's determined conviction that they not blame him, Ken had buried his anger to pull him to his feet and lead him down the stairs and through the living room. He remembered that Ken had kept his voice kind as he placed a towel in his hands and suggested he clean himself up.

"Youji? Youji, I have to go help Omi. Aya needs us right now. Can I leave you here alone?"

He had looked blankly at Ken then, still in shock.

"Youji? Listen to me." Ken looked straight into his eyes. "Aya said it wasn't your fault. We know Schuldich is a telepath. We even saw him take control of Sakura-chan once and make her shoot Aya in the arm." Youji could see Ken trying to keep the blame out of his expression, though there was a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "He must have somehow learned how to take control of you. We'll puzzle this out later, okay? I'm going to leave you alone for a while. Will you promise me that you won't do anything stupid?"

He had nodded then and Ken left him standing before the bathroom that was situated under the stairs. He had numbly run a shower to wash his body clean of blood, semen and sweat before rooting through the clothes hamper for something to wear, dressing and quickly retreating into the trailer. Youji couldn't see himself sitting in the living room of the warehouse where he would be able to hear Ken and Omi ministering to Aya's injuries above him. Neither did he want to be in the position to see them hurrying from the taps on the ground floor to the loft, carrying basins of warm water and clean towels.

Omi had run down once to check on him when he was looking through the kitchen cabinets for a lighter or a box of matches. It wasn't that they didn't trust him, he could understand that they were worried that he might reach for the handy knives available in the small kitchen. He was thankful that they could still feel concern for him after...

/How did it happen?!/ He didn't know. Couldn't remember anything...

The first rays of dawn streamed through the skylight of the warehouse and fell on the window of the trailer, making Youji look up. //"He must have somehow learned how to take control of you."// Ken's words flashed in his mind again. "K'so. I-- I'm a danger to them. I can't-- I can't stay here."

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Ken was glad to see Aya finally falling asleep with the help of the sleeping pills. How they had found their two older friends... It was a shock to them and neither had any idea of what to say to comfort the violated man. The only thing they could think of doing was to clean him up and make him comfortable. So in that regard, Omi had cradled Aya in his arms, lending his support to their trembling friend while Ken gently used a damp towel to clean the blood, sweat and semen from his body.

It worried them that Aya hadn't spoken again after calling Ken off Youji and exonerating him of all blame. It did not seem like a possibility, but their silent friend appeared to them to have become quieter and more reclusive. They truly had no idea what they could do to try and draw him out. They didn't know if they should even try and get him to talk just yet. At least he trusted them to take care of him, and it seemed enough for now for him to let them soothe the physical wounds, dress him in clean pyjamas and help him into his own bed. However, an unspoken question still lay between them of whether Aya would let them take him to see a doctor for a proper check up later.

Ken closed his eyes at the memory of the amount of blood he had cleaned from Aya's lower body and thighs. Now that he had cooled down somewhat, Ken realised that he rejected the idea that Youji-- *their* Youji could have been that cruel and thoughtless. The Youji they knew would never have-- done what he did to Aya.

Besides, though the two older Weiß members were close, he and Omi were well aware that their relationship had never been sexual. Youji occasionally tried to flirt with Aya and make Ken and Omi blush, but that was all it was, the harmless teasing of close friends. Now, Ken had to wonder how that friendship could possibly survive this-- betrayal.

A soft whimper drew Ken's attention back to the sleeping redhead, his expression tensed and distraught as he lay caught in the depths of a nightmare. "Aya, it's okay. You're safe now." Ken slid his hand over Aya's trembling fist as he spoke gently to the sleeping man. "It's over, Aya. It's just a nightmare. Schuldich isn't here. Shhh, we won't let anyone hurt you."

It took a moment longer, but Aya's breathing eventually smoothened again as the nightmare lost hold of him. Ken crooned softly to him, deeply worried at how vulnerable Aya had seemed to become in the space of one night. It was not an aspect of the man that Ken could ever recall seeing and it shook him.

With Aya lost as he was in a drugged sleep, Ken found himself unable to resist threading his fingers through the momiage that lay across his friend's cheek. 'Vulnerable'... the word surfaced in his mind again as he regarded his pale friend. It was not a word that Ken would normally use to describe his contemporary. But to be honest, there were many words he had used previously to describe the man, before he got to know him well, that did not fit the true self.

'Painfully practical.' Those were the words Youji had once used to describe their redheaded compatriot. They could not find a better description for the way he dealt with life. He was painfully practical and analytical to a fault with how he dealt with Kritiker missions, the very qualities that made him their de facto leader in field operations. Aya was definitely not one to allow emotional involvement interfere in their missions, a point which brought him to clash with them occasionally until they came to a better understanding of him. He wasn't cold and emotionless as they initially thought he was. He was in control.

Where they were still occasionally swayed by their emotional disquietude on missions, Aya still managed to maintain his centre. His calm acceptance of losses among the innocent and the willingness to do what ever is needed to be done to complete a mission, occasionally put him at odds with them. But he was not cold and unfeeling. Case to point, they had had to watch him in anything that had direct connection with Takatori, or his sister. Either involvement, they discovered, were a sure catalyst of an emotional outburst. The few times they had seen him actually lose control showed them that his emotions were as passionate and fervent as their own.

However, they were relieved to know that Aya still drew a line in his responses on certain missions. If he had not, then it would have been a certainty that Sakura-chan would have died for coming between him and his target that fateful day. As much as he would deny it, he did care about the girl.

A faint smile pulled on Ken's lips as he further recalled their debriefing with Manx after the SS affair. Aya had blushed as red as his hair, when he was found out to have been sponsoring a sick child who was a patient of the same hospital Aya-chan had been staying at. Manx had uncovered that little gem when she and Birman were helping them wrap up their affairs in Tokyo. The little orphaned girl, Mie Yamada, was a sister of one of the casualties in a human tournament that Weiß had shut down. Apparently, Aya had taken upon himself to see to the girl's welfare, while continuing the charade that her brother still lived, to spare the child any heartache. However, with their departure from Tokyo, it was more than a little awkward for Aya to continue to support her. Fortunately, Persia had agreed to continue the sponsorship and look into ways to have the girl adopted as well.

Aya had stoically endured their teasing and gave them his infamous glare, but they were already long on to him and his uncaring façade now. The new bit of information only reinforced their opinion that Aya was far more soft-hearted than he cared to let on. Then there was his subtle and round about way of showing concern for them when he took his turn with housekeeping duties... When he'd make sure he'd prepare one of their favourite foods on the days when they felt particularly stubborn and unwilling to eat... When he'd softly recount something he had read within their hearing to be taken as advice... And there was that special friendship which had grown between him and Youji.

Ken cursed softly at the reminder. "Damn you Schuldich."

If he had not stripped off his gloves before ascending the stairs to the loft... Ken shuddered to think what he would have done to the older man in his wild fury. In that, they had been fortunate. The situation, he realised, would have been far worse if Ken had killed Youji. For Aya's sanity, they had to talk and resolve matters between them. And if that friendship did not survive... Ken had to wonder if he and Omi were able to fill the void for the two men, or if this would eventually tear Weiß apart.

"Ken-kun?" Omi's soft call drew Ken out of his thoughts. "I can't find it."

Ken turned away from his silent contemplation of their redhead friend to look at where Omi knelt beside Youji's remade bed. They had earlier decided to remove the offending sheets for burning and were in fact determined to get rid of all the white sheets in favour of replacing them with coloured or patterned sheets. Anything to avoid reminding Aya of what had transpired that night. They were sure that Youji and Aya would approve of what they intended to do.

"Did you sear-- "

"I looked through the bed sheets and covers." Omi's expression clearly reflected his distaste for that activity. "The earring wasn't there, Ken-kun."

Ken cursed under his breath. He and Omi had noticed its lack earlier, but since Aya seemed disinclined to speak, had not asked him about it. Their first thought was that it had been accidentally dislodged. "That earring means a lot to Aya. It *must* be here somewhere."

"Un-- unless someone took it." Omi reminded him with a hard voice.

"Schuldich." Ken spat the name out in barely concealed rage. It was a valid notion. They could believe the German to be the kind who would take trophies.

"Ken-kun, we can deal with him later." The younger boy rose to his feet wearily to head towards the stairs. "I'm going to get Youji-kun, we all need to rest. None of us had much of that last night."

Ken looked down at the now peacefully sleeping Aya and brushed the fringe out of his face tenderly. "We'll get it back, Aya. I promise."

'Painfully practical' the description leaped at him again making Ken shudder in discomfort. Something told him that Aya was going to be as ruthlessly practical with himself as he was on missions. "Don't, Aya. For your own sake, you need time to handle your trauma."

A clatter of footsteps alerted Ken to Omi's hurried ascent to their sleeping quarters. "Youji-kun's *gone*."

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