In its third hour, Weiß were ready to call it quits. Birman seeing their strained and somewhat glazed looks decided to take pity on them.

"Ooww, how many days do we have to go through this?" Ken groaned as he rubbed eyes tiredly.

"One week. Ten days if you're going to be difficult." Birman told them heartlessly as she put away her teaching materials. "But you *are* going to pick this up before I'm done with you."

"Slave driver." Youji groaned teasingly as he rubbed his temples. "Can see why Aya has a headache now if you crammed a whole course into a one evening review for him."

Omi was quiet as he regarded the stairs up to their sleeping quarters. Youji followed his gaze. He wasn't so slow as to miss the unasked question.

"Put it off long enough, haven't I?" He pulled himself to his feet and moved across the room, hesitating slightly before he started up the stairs.

"Is something the matter?" Birman asked them quietly. "Aya-kun wasn't forth coming in telling me why you decided to leave him in charge of the shop by himself. And-- I noticed he didn't have his earring."

"Er-- Youji and Aya..."

"We found his earring. Youji-kun's just returning it."

"Oh?" Birman's expression was one of a woman who knew she was being lied to

Youji stared stupidly at Aya's empty bed for a moment, blinking as he took in the change in the room's colour scheme. As Omi and Ken had explained, they had taken the time to shop and totally revamp the interior of their bedroom. It showed most clearly in the now coloured bed sheets, with abstract patterns of bright blues, yellows and whites. The colour change certainly transformed the room into a more cheerful place, vastly different to the stark white and shadowed room it had been before. Youji certainly thought it was effective enough to avoid reminding Aya of the environment of the previous night. Only Aya wasn't in his bed. The redhead was no where--

/Correction, he's-- / Youji stared at his bed. Aya was under the blankets and curled up in the centre of Youji's bed facing him. It took Youji another minute to realise that his eyes were open and he was studying him.

"How was your first lesson with Birman?"

At Aya's words, Youji shook himself out of his daze. "T-tiring."

"Know what you mean. So-- how do you feel?"

"Aya-- I-- " Youji moved to kneel beside his bed and look straight at him. "I don't remember-- I'm-- I'm sorry."

Aya closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he answered. "I know." He opened his eyes to look at Youji again. "Do you understand what happened now?"

"Yes-- no, well not exactly."

"You were angry."

"I was?"

"Yes."

"What did I say?"

"Nothing. You didn't say a single word to me. But your expression..." Aya swallowed hard at the memory his voice softening to a whisper. "You were so angry, I thought-- I thought it was somehow my fault-- like-- you were hurting me-- because-- you felt that-- that I-- deserved..."

Youji gaped at him in stunned horror. /Your fault? How could you think-- ?/

"Youji?"

He felt too shocked to think properly to reply.

"Youji-- s-- say something to me-- Yo-- "

Youji came to his senses when he realised his silence was making Aya worried. "I-- Aya-- Aya, how can you think that?" He reached out slowly to grip the hand Aya had resting beside him. "I'm the one in the wrong. How can you *think* it was your fault? No one deserves to be raped; to have their trust betrayed like-- Damn it, Aya! How can it be your fault?!"

"Your expression when-- "

Youji looked worriedly at his friend. His voice was so low and subdued... frightened. Looking at him now, Youji's senses screamed at him. This wasn't the Aya he knew or remembered. His guilt twisted deeper within him. He wondered how much courage it had taken for Aya to force himself to lie back and settled into the bed in which he had been raped. Why? Youji could only guess that he was trying to confront his fear head-on rather than run away from it. After all, they would have to leave in the morning. That didn't leave them very much time to deal with the traumatic memories associated with the warehouse.

"Aya-- " Youji reached out with his free hand to brush Aya's bangs out of his eyes.

"You know-- I-- I didn't realise you hated my orange sweater quite that much."

Youji had a brief flash of memory of Schuldich telling him how viciously he had cut the sweater off his helpless friend. "Oi! It's a terrible colour for your complexion and hair." He coughed trying to lighten the mood. "Orange, yuck, the *clash* with your red hair... Blue. I think you'd look good in blue, or even white. You should let me take you shopping to get some decent stuff. "

"I-- I'd like that."

A short awkward silence fell over them before Aya spoke again. "Does it-- bother you that much, Youji?"

"It? Er-- " Youji stared blankly at Aya for a moment before understanding dawned on him. "Oh! You mean to be attracted to another man? Honestly? No. I've been with men before, not as often as women of course. But-- you-- I-- "

"That wasn't it?" Aya frowned at him, suddenly unsure of himself again. "I thought you resented me because-- You were-- very angry, Youji-- It-- it felt like you were deliberately-- trying to hurt me..."

Youji closed his eyes and looked down in shame as Schuldich's words echoed in his mind. //" He gave out quite a lovely little shriek when you took him so forcefully. You didn't even deign to prepare him for that rude intrusion."//

"Aya, I-- I'm sorry." Youji looked up at him again. "That wasn't it-- really. Hey, I have no problems, but I'm not-- I mean-- you-- well-- It's not that you're not-- er-- "

A faint smile drew on Aya's lips, and Youji could see an expression of relief in his eyes. "I don't love you either, Youji. At-- at least not like that."

Youji let his breath out in release, a small part of the tension easing in his chest. "You had me worried for a moment there." His expression changed to annoyance when he thought about Aya's words. "Aya-- Damn it, stop trying to find excuses for me! Not liking being attracted to someone is a piss poor excuse for rape.

"And even if I was attracted to you, that gives me *no right* to force myself on you and try and claim that it's 'okay' because I 'love' you. That's bullshit! There's *no* justification for rape! Ever! What I did to you was unforgivable!"

"Y--you'd never have-- done it if not for Schuldich-- " Aya swallowed at the memory. " Why, I don't exactly know, maybe it's because I was the first person who ever successful resisted him. But Schuldich has always been trying to provoke me, he's a familiar enough presence in my nightmares. I didn't mentioned it before because I could handle him. I never-- expected him to use any of you to get to me.

"You were-- angry about something, Youji. Enough that Schuldich could twist that feeling. Birman told you what happened in my last encounter with mind control, didn't she? Schuldich made me feel so worthless it-- I nearly killed myself... It *isn't* 'natural,' Youji. Even in my darkest moments... on my own, I never considered suicide to be an option.

"He latched on to a seed of an emotion. What was it then?"

"I-- I honestly don't know... I was angry? I don't know why..." Youji closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and engage the analytical ability that made him a successful PI in the past. /A seed of desire? And what is rape? An instrument in a twisted game of power and control; used to humiliate, demoralise... break the spirit of the victim and make the attacker feel-- superior?/ His hand tightened over Aya's cold fingers. /Is it true then? Some small part of me-- resents Aya for-- for what? For being my friend? Or.../ Youji could feel Aya's fingers curl around his thumb and give it a gentle squeeze as he waited patiently.

//"You want to know the source of your nightmares? What drew me to you like a moth to a flame? Guilt."//

/Guilt?/ Youji frowned thoughtfully at the memory of Schuldich's words. "Lately, I-- lately, I've bothered by nightmares of-- of-- Asuka.

"Funny how that started... I-- After all that excitement with the SS and Schwarz-- After we linked up with Persia again and he gave us the trailer van to make Weiß a more mobile unit-- I didn't-- I didn't think about her for a long time. Held her in my heart and thoughts for over two years...

"Oh God... I killed her, Aya. No-- that's not exactly right... I strangled the woman who was a physical image of-- Asuka-- as she lay across my back-- saying she loved someone else with her dying breath. It tore me apart-- I-- thought everything within me had died that night-- Yet-- yet, these few months-- I forgot about her. Until recently... Saw this woman walk by with a hat exactly like hers and it all came back." Youji closed his eyes as he tried to organise his thoughts. "The nightmares started then. Nightmares of Asuka screaming at me for not caring 'cause I forgot her; of seeing her killed; of killing Neu..."

Youji's brow creased as he tried to remember what else happened in those dreams. "She-- she'd accuse me of forgetting her in favour of you guys... I-- I guess-- it was partially true. With this whole new situation-- travelling together in the trailer van, sharing a bedroom again like in a dormitory, the daily bathroom battles..."

Aya quirked a smile at the reminder. "We had to adapt to living together closer than we ever thought possible. After those first couple of days, we didn't do too badly."

"You got that right." Youji rolled his eyes at the memory of their almost nightmarish time of adjustment, when they kept getting into each other's way in cramped conditions. "Imagine how things would have turned out if we were pushed together like this at the start."

"We'd probably have quit or killed each other inside of a day." Aya chuckled.

"Probably." Youji coughed slightly before he brought his mind back to his earlier train of thought. "For all the initial difficulties, we got closer. We joked around a lot more. I think we got to know each other better in these few months than in the last two years. And I liked that.

"Only... I guess-- with Asuka-- I felt like I betrayed her memory-- felt guilty for-- for-- "

"For moving on?"

Youji looked up at Aya and blinked at his statement. "Guilty about forgetting and moving on... That's probably-- and I resented you guys for making me forget, for helping me to let go..." Youji swallowed at the clarity which suddenly hit him. "And I blamed you the most because-- of what we had."

They fell silent again as Youji looked down at his hand where it rested over Aya's.

"It doesn't have to be in the past tense, Youji."

"Aya--" Youji jerked his head up to stare at him. "Aya, how can you forgive me?"

"You weren't in control, Youji." Aya's eyes locked him firmly into his gaze. "I know that. I know what mind manipulation can do. I nearly committed suicide under someone else's control. I-- still trust you, Youji. Schuldich-- "

"Is a dead man the next time I see him." Youji's hand tightened over Aya's protectively. He growled to himself remembering the promise Schuldich had given to return and take Aya away. Then recalling the skirmish with Schuldich, the older man reached into a pocket and held out an earring to his friend. "I recovered this for you."

A faint smile pulled at Aya's lips as he accepted the earring. "Thank you."

"Do you want to put it back on?"

"No. It's probably time for me to move on too." Aya sighed as he studied the earring. "I first wore this to remind me of my vengeance, and of my sister. But now, Takatori's dead and Aya-chan's awake. I used to live just for revenge and for her. It's time I lived for myself."

"So... you want us to call you by your real name now?"

The redhead looked up at Youji with a challenging smirk. "Think you'll be able to get used to calling me 'Ran' instead?"

"It'll be confusing for a spell, but we can certainly try-- Ran." Youji reached out to take both of Ran's hands in his. "I'm-- I'm sorry, Ran."

"I know, Youji." Ran said softly as his hands squeezed back. "But the past can't be undone and I want to move on from this too."

They fell into a companionable silence for a moment before Youji spoke again. "So, what do we do now?"

"Get some rest?" Ran shrugged. "Manx will be calling us in the morning to tell us where we'll have to move."

"Okay. So... Are you just warming my bed for me here?"

Youji winced as Ran flinched at his words. He didn't draw his hands out of his grip, but Youji could see his breathing becoming a bit more rapid.

"I'm sorry. It's okay Ran. I can take your bed-- " The older man tried to come to his feet and leave the side of the bed.

"Youji." Ran kept a firm grip of his hands, refusing to let the man draw away from him. "I don't-- I don't want to be afraid of you."

"Ran, don't force it. We're moving too fast."

"Here. It has to be here, Youji. Please, I need to beat it here."

'Painfully practical' the descriptive words he had once used to describe Ay-- Ran to Ken and Omi fleeted across his mind. Youji frowned at his friend in concern. However much he felt it to be wrong to force the issue now, Ran wanted to deal with it. Youji sighed inwardly. He had little doubt that Ran had earlier determined what he need to do for the welfare of the team when he deliberately took Youji's bed to make sure they talked. With himself, probably more so than with others, Ran was determined to be utterly ruthless with his feelings, but Youji could not turn away from that need. Even compared to the debacle over Neu, the quiet strength that was their friendship had never been so fragile before. And he knew that if they couldn't work this through now, it would never be the same between them again. The unity of the team may have been saved, but Schwarz would have succeeded in destroying the friendship that was so precious to them.

/Aya-- Ran is trying so hard. Do I value this friendship any less? What do I do?/ The solution came to him quickly as he saw the plea starting on Ran's lips.

"Shh, I'll stay. You don't have to ask anymore, Ran. We can beat this together. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with me."

The redhead swallowed and nodded in thanks. They stayed in that position for a while longer before Youji broke the silence again. "F-- feel up to having me slide in beside you? If you start feeling bad, you can kick me out of bed, okay? You know, I'm probably lucky we weren't given bunk beds, a fall from an upper bunk would have hurt."

Ran released a snort of laughter at the thought. "You're that confident I would have let you take the top bunk?"

"Well, by yaoi convention I get to be top since I'm taller." Youji waggled his eyebrows at him.

This time, Youji was relieved to see that the teasing drew out a laugh from his jittery friend. But he still felt a slight tightening of the grip on his hands. "Only if you're comfortable, Ran." Youji softened his tone as he gave the still cold hands a gentle squeeze. "Please, don't be afraid of me."

Ran chewed on his lower lip, visibly trying to get himself to relax as he gave Youji a nod of acquiesces. Youji released Ran's hands and moved quietly to the chest of drawers to pull out a set of pyjamas. He regarded them wearily. Normally he was of the school that luxuriated in the feel of bed sheets against bare skin, but after Weiß started rooming together, he had to push aside that indulgence for the sake of modesty. It had taken some getting used to for him to sleep with clothes again, and occasionally when he thought the others wouldn't notice, he'd sleep in the nude just for the hack of it; Not tonight though. He shucked off his jacket and quickly changed out of his day clothes. Ran had already scooted over to one side of the bed to give him some room when he returned.

Carefully, and without any sudden movements, the older man settled under the blankets beside his trembling friend and gently pulled him closer. "It's okay, Ay-- Ran. I'm not going to hurt you." Youji soothed as he drew Ran's head to rest against his shoulder.

They tried to settle down, but Youji could still feel Ran trembling against him. "Are you all right?" Youji murmured worriedly into his hair.

"I don't-- I don't-- Youji--" Ran choked as he tried to control his breathing.

"Ay-- Ran, everything's going to be all right." Youji could feel the wetness of tears against his chest. "I'm here, okay? Not Schuldich. It's Youji." He crooned gently. "If you want me out of this bed, I'll get out, okay? I won't go far. I'll be near by. You can still kick me out of bed if you feel like it."

"No-- stay." Ran's words came out in a shuddering breath and Youji had felt his hands tighten on the fabric of his pyjamas as if he was just as afraid that he would leave.

"Ken and Omi are downstairs. You're not alone. We're all here, Ran." The trembling started to subside. Youji was no dummy, he could make the connection that Ran was only able to relax because he was talking to him. Something he hadn't done when he was in Schuldich's control. "Birman's going to be putting us through hell over the next week with those lessons of hers so that we'll be able to shield our minds from Schuldich from now on. Okay? Gods, that woman's a slave driver."

"Th-- the lessons aren't that bad." Ran coughed, taking deep breaths as he tried to control his racing heart. "You're lucky she's willing to stretch it out so long."

"Stretch it? She's only giving us a week to master all those mental exercises."

Ran chuckled. "Exactly. And that's only 'cause she's giving you the lessons in the evenings. Believe me, Youji. The full day classes are worse."

"I'm glad we have a day job." Youji winced at the thought. "Damn, I don't remember hearing the door. Birman might still be down stairs."

"I trust her to be discrete."

"Yeah, but if she sees us like this now, how are we sure she won't get the wrong idea?" Youji could feel the younger man yawn and start to relax against him now.

"What? You think Birman's a closet yaoi enthusiast?"

"She and Manx both." Youji snorted. "I'd bet anything they have a library of doujinshi stashed somewhere. You have to watch out for the quiet ones, you know. Just think of the mess we'll have if we leave them to choose our next safe house. Any idea where Kritiker might move us?"

"Birman didn't know. Manx will call to tell us in the morning." Ran laughed softly, his body slowly loosing the tension as they talked.

"Ride with me as usual?"

"Wouldn't miss a chance in your roadster." Ran yawned. "'specially since Persia didn't let me keep my Porsche."

"Told you my baby was far superior." Youji looked down at Ran teasingly, starting what he knew was an age-old argument between them.

"Hey, no fair. I'd didn't object cause I thought you were more attached to that anachronistic jalopy than I was to my car." Ran murmured sleepily against his shirt.

"Anachronistic jalopy?! My little *classic* roadster an anachronistic jalopy? Humph!"

Ran chuckled softly at Youji's insulted tone.

"Hope they find a new place for us quick." Youji yawned as he stared at the ceiling. "I like my comfort. Bed rolls in the trailer aren't exactly comfortable."

"Humph, you're getting old, Youji."

"And who are you calling old? You're not *that* much younger than me, you know? And don't tell me you're going to look forward to walking out to a public toilet if you need to take a leak in the middle of the night."

Waiting for, but not hearing a response, Youji looked down to see that Ran had finally drifted off and was now completely relaxed against him, his breathing soft and even in sleep. Feeling eyes on him, Youji looked up to catch a glimpse of three heads peering over the edge of the stairs at them. When he heard an unfamiliar giggle, which he was sure came from Birman, he scowled at the thought it invoked. Not that he cared very much if Birman was going to think he and Ay-- Ran were a couple. But it *would* be awkward if she passed the message on to Manx and the woman arranged to give him and Ran a separate room with a single bed.

Omi realising that they had been noticed pushed himself up a bit higher to gesture silently at him that they'd clear up matters with Birman. Youji breathed a sigh of relief, he could trust Omi and Ken to know the truth. Now he had to hope that they could convince Birman, which from the sound of the heated whispers, was apparently a difficult task. /Damn, the woman *is* a yaoi freak./

Then all of the heads disappeared as the trio went below. The slight scrape of the door opening and closing followed announcing Birman's departure. Omi and Ken didn't return to the loft though. Youji guessed that they were going to give them some privacy, stay below and stretch out on the couch for the night.

Youji sighed contentedly as he drifted off to sleep; his heart, this night, feeling lighter for the reconciliation with his best friend and the talk he had needed so badly. Tomorrow would be another day, Weiß would move again, find another place to set up shop, assured at least that the place they were in now would not hold nightmares for one of their numbers.

Asuka appeared in Youji's dreams again that night, but it was of her smiling at him and encouraging him to move on. He awakened from that dream to find himself still cradling Ran in a protective embrace, the younger man sleeping peacefully against him, untroubled by nightmares. Youji had to marvel at the courage it took for Ran to accept him so quickly. However, he had to be honest. Despite the success of this night, the healing was far from over. Ran would still need their support for days and months to come. Schuldich was another matter. Ran needed to face him again, if only to banish the memory of his helplessness in his presence. Youji swore that he would be there by Ran's side when they faced him again. It would be difficult, but Youji promised himself that he would not coddle Ran in dealing with the German.

Unfortunately, these were statements easily made, but difficult to act on. Youji realised belated that his arms had tightened unconsciously around his sleeping friend, when Ran shifted in his sleep. He eased up on his grip, hoping that his movement had not awakened the redhead, or worse, triggered a nightmare. But Ran only murmured something unintelligible and snuggled closer.

As he studied his friend through sleepy eyes, Youji had to remind himself of how lucky he was for Ran's quiet determination to not let Schuldich's cruel game destroy the friendship they shared. He knew that the gift of forgiveness was far too much to ask for, yet Ran had given that to him without question. "Your friendship is important to me too, Ran." Youji rumbled softly into the red hair under his chin as he closed his eyes. "Arigato o gozaimasu."