Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Need ❯ Need ( Chapter 1 )

Need

[Because, again, I couldn't think of a title... *sigh*]

PAIRING: Schu & Yotan, Schu PoV.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, I know. Won't ever be mine. Please don't sue, I mean no harm.

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I don't know how this started, and I definitely don't know how it will end. All I know is that I need him, need him more than anything else in the world. I need him, I need to look in his eyes that mirror my own, I need to feel him beside me as I lie down to sleep... I need to feel his skin against mine, to feel his body move together with mine...

Fuck.

He has truly become my obsession, my mirror image and adversary. He's everything I'm not, and I'm everything he isn't. And yet we're so alike, so truly bound to each other...

I wonder if he knows what he's doing, how he's affecting me. And I wonder if he cares. If he care enough to kill me with a word, a glance of rejection, or if it will be as if I've never existed.

He's dancing over there with some woman, moving around her in lazy circles as he's smiling at her. I've been staring at them for the past ten minutes, trying to work up my nerve to grab him and drag him out of here. This is routine for us now; meet in the dark and fumble our way out, finding some secluded spot or a hotel to spend a few hours in a creaky bed with dirty sheets. It's not enough for me anymore - I need him with me all the time, I need to feel him beside me as I move through the city during the days and nights... I need to wake up to him every morning, and I need to fall asleep by his side at night.

It wasn't supposed to go this far, I swear. It wasn't supposed to be this way, that I can't stand not being with him, not having him around... It was supposed to be a one time thing, just an experiment. I never wanted it to turn into this churning in my heart every time I see him, not this jealousy as I watch him dance with someone else... Touch someone else...

He was the first man I slept with. I was the first man he ever took to his bed, and I swear to the gods themselves that I'm going to be the last. Neither of us knew what we were doing that first night, but somehow we survived it, all the clumsy caresses and awkward moments. He trusted me enough to try this with me, as I trusted him enough to learn it with him.

Is it love? I don't believe it to be. I don't know what it is, but it's a burning inside, an ache where my heart should have been whenever I think of him. All I know is that I can't let him go, not now, not ever again. Not back to the life as another nameless assassin, as the smiling guy in the flower shop... Not to flirt with all the girls, to tease his teammates... To pretend to be enemies, to pretend that I don't exist except during those short hours we spend together...

I need him to notice me, to find me in the dark, to know where I am... I need him to know that I won't ever let him go again, back to whatever life he had before. I won't let him, because if he did, then I would be in pieces with only a tiny part of myself left.

He's left the woman now and is heading for the bar. This is my cue, this is when I'm supposed to step in... But something's stopping me, perhaps the realization that I so rarely can watch him like this, at ease... Or perhaps I'm just going to chicken out again, as I've done before. This scares me, you know. All these emotions, all this heart wrenching whenever he leaves in the mornings. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I wasn't supposed to fall this far...

It was supposed to be an experiment, to get him out of my blood and my life. Not to let him squirm his way in deeper, to pierce my heart and make it bleed again. That wasn't for him to do, and still he did. And I have only myself to blame for that.

I suddenly realize that I have lost him in the throng of people, but I don't have time for more than a quick scan before I feel someone behind me. Arms are wrapped around me, a head resting on my shoulder and I close my eyes as I brush my mind against his.

Desire, need, anger, hatred, disgust, need, desire, need, need, need...

I turn around to look at him and as he move to release me I grab his wrists to keep his arms in place. He doesn't move now, merely stare at me with his green eyes, as green as my own. They remind me of Ireland, of the short time Schwarz spent there some years ago.

Suddenly it's too much, too long since I've felt him against me, too many nights without his skin brushing against mine... Too long since I last watched him curl up against me, holding onto me with his slender arms.

I yank him forward, landing him in my lap and capturing his wrists more firmly with my hands as he looks like he's going to protest. We don't speak, we very rarely speak on these nights. There is no need for words, there is only a need to feel.

He's watching me silently, his eyes give away nothing at this new twist to our encounters. I don't expect him to either, but all the same there's something gnawing inside me as he continue to stare at me.

I release his wrists with one of my hands, raising it to brush against his cheek. He jerks back slightly, but still doesn't say anything, doesn't move except the small tremble running through him. Could it be... Could he want this as much as I do? Could I... Dare I take that chance?

His eyes are closed, he's leaning against me a little, almost, but not quite, nuzzling the palm of my hand. Nothing exists but him, nothing except the way he shifts against me, how warm he is through my clothes, how his skin is slick from sweat and how his breath is coming in pants even now...

Nothing except him.

In the darkness, in the stroboscopic lights, he turns to me, fixing me in place with his eyes. I can see myself in them, I can see how I'm almost blushing a little... I can see my hunger, my longing.

And I can see his.

He smiles, a small smile full of secrets before leaning towards me, his eyes spearing so deeply into mine that I fear that we will never be able to part again. But perhaps that wouldn't be so bad, after all. Perhaps I could live with that, to have a part of him in me forever. Correction, I could and somehow I will. This scares me in a way, that it's all so new to me, but it's as equally new to him.

His lips finally brush against mine, so hot and inviting. He sighs into my mouth, his tongue teasing mine as I respond. My hand is buried in his hair; I can't remember moving it, all I can remember is the need to feel the silky strands against my skin again.

He taste like liquor, perhaps a little like whiskey. Perhaps that was what he had back in the bar, I don't know. I don't care. All I know is that I love that flavour of him, that I love the spices in his taste.

This kiss is gentle, so unlike the way we usually move in a fight for dominance with every fibre of our beings. It's so soft, so gentle... So seducing, so... So much like the way I want it to be; no pain, no humiliation. No need to show off strength... Just a slow, gentle dance...

There is no conscious thought in him anymore, nothing at all except the same fire that is racing through my veins, nothing but need, need, need...

He breaks off the kiss, and it almost hurt physically to lose that contact with him before he leans his head against my neck, his breath drawing a shiver from me, a moan I can't stop as he press his face against me. My arms tighten around him, I can't let him go, not now, not ever... Not ever.

I don't know how long this will last, or how it will end. I'm not sure I care.

I need him.

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The End...? Or something from Yohji's PoV?

This came about after listening too many times at "If I didn't have you" by Amanda Marshall and giving the muse free reins... It's all his fault!