Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ October ❯ October ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

October

By Yanagi-sen
WK songfic

Usual disclaimers, etc etc etc… Song's by Evanescence and entitled,
"October".

Warnings: angst, POV switching. language



~I can't run anymore,~


There was just something about watching the German dance. He moved as if
he didn't care that dozens of people were watching, as if the eyes on him,
devouring him, didn't disturb him at all. He danced as if he was the only
one in the room.
Youji couldn't quite understand that kind of thinking. He was always aware
of who was watching, how they were watching, and he moved accordingly. But
Schuldich…
The redhead turned suddenly, and their eyes met.
The blond tried to read something in the other's eyes… but they were
carefully blank. Not even angry. He jerked his head toward the stairway…
the one that ended up on the club's flat room. The German nodded. Without
looking back, Youji left the dance floor.


~I fall before you.
Here I am.
I have nothing left.~


He inhaled, feeling the burn. Two years smoke free and now he was back at
it again. Oh well, health was overrated anyways.
"You look like shit."
Youji snorted and half-turned, looking over his shoulder. "Up close, you
don't look so hot yourself."
"Well now that the niceties have been exchanged, give me a cigarette." The
redhead stalked over, and stole the blonde's pack, shaking loose one of
the white cylinders.
"I thought you quit a long time ago."
"I started again." He borrowed Youji's lighter too, then set both on the
low wall, leaning over the edge. They were silent for a few minutes, just
smoking and watching the lights and street below. "So why the hell did you
come looking for me?"


~Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am.~


"I… I think… we made a mistake."
The redhead swore sharply in his native tongue. He flicked the butt of the
cigarette to the floor, grinding it out with his heel. "You're the one who
decided to leave. Not me." He was really pissed at Youji. The blond had
just up and gone without explanation nearly a month ago and now he was
crawling back.
A small voice inside, one that he generally tried to ignore, reminded Schu
that this is why he was so fucked in the first place.


~Take me home,
I'm through fighting it.
Broken, Lifeless,
I give up.~


"Schu… I… I know I left without really giving you a reason…"
"Well no shit. I come home from work and find what? An empty fucking
apartment. Your stuff was all gone, but did you bother to even leave me a
fucking note?"
"Schuldich…"
"What?! You're gonna tell me your sorry? That's not gonna cut it, Youji."
The blond sighed. He turned around and sat, leaning back against the wall.
His fingers twitched toward the pack of cigarettes again… but he resisted
the urge to light up another one. "I know I was wrong, alright? I fucked
up. I know it. I just… I can't do this shit anymore…"
"What shit?" The German stayed standing, leaning on his elbows on the
wall. He could watch Youji out of the corner of his eye, but didn't REALLY
have to look at him.
"Everything. The jobs, the killing, the… everything."


~You're my only strength.
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore, Ever again~


"You think I like the crap I have to do now? I was a member of Schwarz. We
were the best. We were on the top… we could have had the world… Then we
just HAD to grow a conscience. Now the only jobs I seem to get are working
for foreigners or yakuza."
"But you told me Brad had a plan for afterward."
"Brad…" He practically spit out the name. "Brad dumped me like yesterday's
trash." He turned and dropped down to sit next to Youji. "Mr. Bradley
Crawford took off a couple months ago."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. That sorry sonavabitch hadn't given me the time of day for over
a year. He's busy rebuilding a new incarnation of Esset."
"You're kidding…"
"No. Don't worry; he lost his chance to rule the world. They aren't going
to be causing that level of trouble again for at least a half a dozen
generations. It's going to take that long to replace all the psis that
were killed."
"But if he left… you're alone now…"
"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock."


~My only hope (All the times I've tried)~


"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"
"I know. Sorry, I snapped. It's a sore subject, you know." A note of
contrition entered his voice.
The blond sighed. "Sometimes I wish we could just go back and do so many
things over…"
"Yeah… I know what you mean."
"We had to stop you. We couldn't let you guys go on hurting people the way
you were."
"Oh please… you make it sound like some of them didn't deserve it."


~My only peace (To walk away from you)~


"Besides… you did your best to stop us… we did our best to kill you… It's
in the past. Leave it there." This was why he hadn't wanted to get into
this with Youji. The guy was fucking depressing when he got into these
'moods'. Wasn't it enough that Brad had ripped his heart out… now he had
to let Youji try for it too?


~My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace)~


Youji shook his head. "Nobody wins." Giving into the temptation… he pulls
another cigarette out of the pack. "You want another?"
"Why the hell not? It's not like I give a damn tonight."
"Tonight? I haven't been able to give a damn for a long time." He wasn't
lying… not that he really COULD lie to Schuldich. He was so sick of
everything. He was totally burnt out. The only thing he had left that
might be worth saving was sitting next to him.


~My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love.~


"Ditto here. Did you ever notice… nobody ever really wins?" Not in this
life anyways. Well… that wasn't entirely true. Brad seemed to have managed
to win, the bastard.


~I can't run anymore.~


There was another moment of awkward silence. The redhead tilted his head
back, looking up into the faintly glowing sky. Damn cities… could never
see the stars. "you know… I'm really sick of running away from you, just
because you want me to."
He drew in another breath of choking, nicotine-laden smoke. Nagi was going
to take one whiff and kick his ass. Ah well… at least he'd get some
reaction out of the kid. If he had taken Crawfish's abandonment badly, the
Japanese boy had been devastated. Nags was finally starting to come
around, now if only he could get the kid to come out of his room for
something other than an occasional meal…


~I give myself to you,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.~


"I never asked you to do that…" Youji sounded perplexed.
"Maybe not out loud… but that's what you were thinking…"
"You know, Schu… There is a reason we don't say everything we think. Some
of us don't try to control our every thought, afraid that some rogue
telepath is going to take everything right out of our mind."
"I didn't have to… your subconscious was practically screaming…"
"Subconscious… did you listen you what you just said, dumbass. That's not
something I have a lot of control over."


~In all my bitterness,
I ignored all that's real and true.~


Schuldich snorted. "I should have really listened to myself instead of
you."
"Gee thanks… that's really nice. And what were YOU telling yourself."
The redhead didn't answer, staring up at the hazy sky above.


~All I need is you.
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes.~


Finally the blond just shook his head. "We're so fucked up… I'm tired of
being like this."


~I'm too alive,
And you're too strong.~


"Aren't we all?"


~I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.~


"So what do we do?" The blond shook the last cigarette from the pack, and
offered it to Schuldich, who waved it off. Youji shrugged and lit it. This
was the last one… he had sworn he wasn't going to buy another pack. At
least, not tonight. He was pissed with himself for starting up smoking
again anyways. It had been hell to quit the first time. And now he was
going to have to go through all that again.
He felt like he was falling and falling… down into some deep, dark hole,
which he'd never be able to climb out of again.


~My only hope (All the times I've tried)
My only peace (To walk away from you)
My only joy, My only strength,(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love.~


The redhead watched as Youji smoked the last of his cigarettes. The
blonde's body was lanky, displayed by his snug clothing. But there was
something off… Youji was a shade too thin… a touch too angular… reminded
Schu of how Nagi looked. Obviously the man wasn't eating enough. His hands
were trembling slightly as he raised the cigarette to his lips, which
could mean any number of things. Lines of exhaustion etched Youji's face.
He watched as those deceptively strong fingers finally flicked the butt
away to skitter across the roof.
This was a man who had lived fast and hard and was now close to being no
more than an empty husk. He could let that happen… just walk away and let
Youji go down in his blaze of glory. Killed on some mission or by his own
excesses early some morning. He could step away, wash his hands and let
fate do as she would.
But he didn't want to… and that simple fact more than anything had made
him follow the blond to the roof when the day before all he had wanted to
do was throttle Youji on sight. So now that he knew what HE wanted… would
the other assassin follow his lead?
He turned to look at Youji fully, finally answering his question. "What do
you want? I know what I want…"


~Constantly ignoring the pain consuming me.
But this time it's cut too deep.
I'll never stray again.~


Green eyes met for a long moment. "I'm too fucked up to even know
anymore…"
Another long look and then Schuldich crossed the space that separated
them, carefully draping an arm over Youji's shoulders. At first the blond
tensed… then relaxed, laying his head on the telepath's arm. "Come home…"
The redhead murmured.


~My only hope (All the times I've tried)
My only peace (To walk away from you)
My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love.~


Schuldich stood, and then offered a hand to Youji. "Come home…" He
repeated his plea. "We can learn together."


~My only hope (All the times I've tried)
My only peace (To walk away from you)
My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love.~

-owari-

AN: Okay… maybe it doesn't really end… but it's a new beginning… yeah…
that's it. This is for Cat, cause she said there wasn't anything to read,
and she flatters me by saying mine are the best songfics. ^____^