Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ October ❯ Fallen ( Chapter 2 )

Fallen

 

By Yanagi-sen

WK songfic

 

Usual disclaimers, they don't belong to me, yadda yadda yadda. Song `Fallen' is sung by Sarah McLachlan. Sequel to October.

 

Warnings: mild angst, mild language… that's about it

 

 

Heaven bend to take my hand

And lead me through the fire

Schuldich stood, and then offered a hand to Youji. “Come home…” The blond just sat there for a moment, looking at the hand offered to him. The redhead repeated his plea. “We can learn together.” With a sigh, Youji accepted and allowed the telepath to pull him to his feet. He was so tired. He let Schu pull him down the stairs and out the back door.

 

Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Fortunately, he had driven; it didn't look like Youji had. He rarely drank when he went out like this; at least, he didn't anymore. He had too many responsibilities waiting for him. He couldn't afford to either have an accident or get arrested. He unlocked the passenger door before walking around to his side. He climbed in and waited. For a moment, he was afraid the blond wasn't going to get in. What would he do if Youji refused now?

 

The door creaked a bit as it opened and shut. “You should probably get that looked at.”

 

“I know.”

 

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

The two men were nearly silent for the ride back to the German's apartment. In fact they were nearly there before Youji even ventured to speak. “Is Nagi with you?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The blond frowned. “Will he be upset?”

 

“I doubt he'll even notice till tomorrow.”

 

“Oh.” Watching the streetlights flicker across Schu's face, Youji was reminded of the first time he'd ridden in this car. The redhead had picked him up at a club that night too. Only that time they had gone to a fairly decent hotel, one that was clean, yet quiet and didn't ask questions. There had been an edge to that encounter. One of danger and the forbidden, it had been intoxicating because of that.

 

One time led to another… and another. Until finally they ended up sharing an apartment. It just became too much after a while. Too many lies and half-truths told to his friends. Not to mention a visit from an anal-retentive American with a gun. The cost had simply become more than Youji could handle.

Though I've tried, I've fallen...

 

“Youji!”

 

“Huh?”

 

He took his eyes off the road for an instant, noting the faraway look in the blonde's eye. “I said if you don't want to do this, I'll just let you out.”

 

“No… no, I can't go any farther down.”

 

His personal vow to not read Youji without permission was getting to him. What was going on in the man's head? “Care to elaborate on that statement?”

 

“Do you ever feel like you're falling?” His fingers twitched… as if they really wanted another cigarette that wasn't there.

 

“Check the glove compartment.” He sighed. “Every day of my life.”

I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know

He put the window down and pulled in a lungful of nicotine-laden smoke. Flicking off the ash, he sighed. “Quitting again is going to be a bitch.”

 

“It always is.”

 

“Hmm.” What was he doing, going back to Schu? The others had know last time, of course, and made their displeasure known. Omi and Ken had been worried for him; Ran distrustful of the redhead's motives. He rubbed his temple with his free hand. What the hell was he getting into again?

 

So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

He pulled into his parking space and shut off the car. It wasn't the apartment he had shared with Youji before. That one had held too many ghosts, as had the one he had lived in with the rest of Schwarz. After Crawford had taken off, he had found a place for the three of them. Gone where the penthouses and high-class apartment mansions, their new place was in a quieter neighborhood, away from the chaos of the inner reaches of the city. He shut off the car and got out, watching for the blonde's reaction.

 

“Hmmm… different.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young

Had it really only been a few years that they had known each other? It seemed like so much longer. In some ways, Youji felt like he had known Schu all his life. Every time he looked in a mirror. Oh they looked nothing alike, but their eyes… that weariness they carried. They had been cut from the same cloth.

 

He hadn't had to pretend with Schuldich. The man could see him for who and what he was, and didn't give a damn about it. He had actually relaxed, before the censure of his team and Crawford had tarnished what they had.

 

In the end there had only been great sex… and that hadn't been enough.

 

We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone

He welcomed Youji inside, ushering him straight up the stairs. He pointed to the door at the end of the narrow hallway. “Nagi.” Then pulled the blond into the room at the head of the steps. “There is a small bathroom on this floor too if you need it?” Youji shook his head. Schu sighed, he was getting a headache. The more he tried to change… the more things seemed the same.

 

“Look… what's behind us stays behind us, okay? I want to start with a clean slate.”

 

One eye brow rose in response. “But what about Schwarz?”

 

“Did you not hear me before? Crawford's gone… that means there is no more Schwarz!”

 

But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals

No Schwarz? But he was still Weiss…wasn't he?

 

“There is still Weiss…”

 

The redhead made a disgusted sound, tugging off his shirt and tossing it in the general direction of an overflowing hamper in the corner. “There is ALWAYS Weiss… tell me… is your Omiitchi disillusioned with the mantle of Persia yet?”

 

“How did you know?” The look Schu gave him spoke volumes. Mostly along the lines of `how do you think, dumbass?' “oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh.” He flopped back on the bed. “you know, Youji… I'm really tired of everything being black and white. Haven't you realized by now that life is an endless expanse of gray?”

 

The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal

He just HAD to bring up Schwarz and Weiss, didn't he? Couldn't he just let it go, just for one night? It was like the gaping void that split the two of them. Until they found a way to bridge it, they would never move forward.

 

“You said you were tired of it all…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So don't you think it's time you retired?”

 

It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

Retire? Was Schu serious? How could he retire when Weiss was still active? How could he sleep at night knowing that Bombay, Siberian, and Abyssinian were going out to fight the darkness without Balinese? How could he stay back knowing that his friends… no his family might never come home?

 

“Yotan… look at yourself. Really LOOK. Are you serving them? Are you really the Balinese you were a few years ago? Are you still as quick? As strong? As good of aim?”

 

Was he? Or was he a liability now? Was HE to be the reason the others don't make it home? It was a bitter realization to have to swallow.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know

“Come on… at least sit down.” Schu got up and tugged him over towards the bed, getting him to sit down. “Youji… we're all getting older. We slow down, we get tired. We start to make more mistakes, more dangerous mistakes. Do they treat you a little differently now?”

 

He had messed up. He'd made mistakes, nothing that had gotten anyone injured or killed… yet. But it was coming. It was coming and they knew it. He knew it. “yeah…”

 

“Do they leave you outside to keep guard? Do you drive the vehicle? Do surveillance?”

 

That was exactly what he'd been doing lately. Omi told him he trusted the blonde's eyes and judgment. But maybe it wasn't just that. Maybe Omi didn't trust him not to make a deadly mistake if he did go in. “How did you know?”

 

“What do you think I'm doing now?”

 

“You said you worked for the Yakuza.”

 

“Yeah, but not the way I used to. Oh, I still kill sometimes, but usually with my mind or my gun. I don't do that hand-to-hand shit anymore.”

 

Youji sat there, thinking. “I should talk with Omi.” He should find out where he stood. And maybe… maybe it was time to retire from the field.

 

So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

“Well, you're not going to do that tonight. So what do you want?”

 

He shook his head. “I don't know… I just don't know.”

 

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know

The redhead sighed. He stood up and bent over, grabbing the hem of the blonde's shirt. “Arms up…” He tugged off the tight shirt, tossing them onto that pile of clothing threatening to overtake the hamper. “You going to sleep in those pants or take them off?”

 

Youji shrugged, staring at his bare feet. “I'm not wearing underwear.”

 

“What else is new? You can borrow some sweatpants or boxers if you want.”

 

“Okay…”

 

The redhead nodded and rummaged in a drawer, he tossed a pair of sweatpants at Youji. “Change… then we're going to sleep. We'll deal with everything tomorrow.” He grabbed another pair of pants for himself and disappeared out the door.

 

Youji changed then sat back down on the edge of the bed. His fingered laced through his hair, tugging on it. What was he going to do? If he retired what could he do? He didn't want a desk job at Kritiker; he'd go crazy in a couple weeks. He didn't want some kind of pity work that Omi could find for him. Where was he going to go?

 

Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

So many things fell into place. They'd been protecting him lately. Making things easier for the `old man'. The little mistakes were adding up. But none of them wanted to be the one to tell him he had to step down. That he should step down. They were pretending they weren't seeing it. It was time.

 

If he didn't step away… he would end up dead. Or worse yet, killing one of those he so wanted to protect.

 

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know

There was a tap and the redhead poked his head around the door. “Can I come in?”

 

“It's your room.”

 

“Yeah, but you're thinking pretty hard.”

 

“I thought you didn't read me.”

 

“I try not to… but you're practically shouting.”

 

“oh…”

 

“Yeah… So do you want to be alone? I can sleep on the couch.”

 

Youji shook his head. “I don't want to be alone.” The redhead nodded and came back in, shutting the door. He turned off the light and found his way over to the bed in the near blackness.

 

“Either shift over or let me get into the bed. I'm damn tired and I want to sleep.”

 

“We're not going to…?”

 

“Neither one of us is in the mood.”

 

So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

In a way, that was a comfort. Youji had been a little afraid that had been the only reason the telepath had brought him here. He lay down and shifted over to be against the wall. Schuldich climbed into the bed as well, he tugged the sheets and blankets over them both and settled in, back to Youji. The blond stared at the back of the man's head for a little while, debating on whether he could get closer or not.

 

“Go ahead… I don't mind.”

 

Youji spooned up behind the redhead, wrapping an arm around the German's hips. Schu took his hand, holding the blonde's arm against his chest. His breathing evened out quickly as he fell asleep. Youji lay there for a long time, thinking.

 

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

 

 

-owari-

 

Still not finished of course… I can never do these story arcs in only a couple songfics… What does an assassin do when he's getting older? Thanks again to Cat for prodding me to do the first in this series; I hope she likes this one too! -Yanagi