Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Please, Give Me Another Chance ❯ Confusion Can Lead To Understanding ( Chapter 7 )

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken

Warnings : OCC, angst, major confusion and strangeness!, oh and massive swearing, Ken has a potty-mouth *sighs*.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts, lyrics or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate.

Chapter 7. Confusion Can Lead To Understanding

Wake up Ken! The voice was forceful so the brunette obeyed it. His eyes opened and for a moment he didn't know where he was. I am getting tired of saving you! Ken scowled and sat up.
"Then why are you doing it? I'm mean we both know that I'm gonna keep on fucking this up no matter how many chances you give me," he answered sourly and plucked at his shirt. You amuse me, Fate chuckled quietly inside his head. Besides, I need you to see what was always there. Ken raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
"What's that suppose to mean?" You will figure it out soon enough Ken. Now could you please stop getting yourself killed? It is bad enough that Aya keeps on dying just because you are too stupid or too slow to understand.
"If you told me what it is I'm suppose to understand I wouldn't have to go through this so many times!" the brunette spat out and glared around his room. You know I can not do that. The lessons of life is something all humans will have to learn by themselves. Unfortunately you seem to be a very slow learner.
"Oh shut up!" I do not think so. Before you died you seemed to at least have grasped some of it, Fate muttered. Ken frowned. Exactly what was it that he had grasped? He didn't remember exactly what had happened or maybe he just didn't want to? Let me ask you a question. Why do you think that love between two men is so wrong?
"I… it's… of course it's wrong!" Ken exclaimed. Why?
"The bible says that…" Ken, Fate sighed deeply, how old do you think I am? How long do you think I have been watching over human lives?
"I um don't know…" I am not going to say anything about God or Jesus but please believe me I'm older than anyone or anything in the world. I was here long before there even was a planet called earth. Now listen… Love is never wrong, love is the backbone of humanity and as such it does not care about genders, age or things like that. Sure there are situations were love can be… "unsuitable" but it is never wrong. There was a time when marriage between siblings was allowed, when it was okay to marry a child. That did not really have anything to do with love and therefor it was usually wrong. But if you would fall in love with a 12 year old it would still not be wrong even if it would not be tolerated. Love comes in diffrent shapes and sometimes it can be handled wrongly. But if love is true it can not be wrong, it may have to wait until the situation is better though. I give every single human several lives and in one of them the love will be less "unsuitable". Ken stared at the wall not exactly understanding what Fate was getting at.
"You're telling me that if I fell in love with my own sister and took her to my bed it wouldn't be wrong?" Fate laughed. You are confusing love with sex. Love is something pure that can not be compared to the urges of the flesh. Sure if you love someone 'that way' you probably want to be intimate with that someone but you are all given morals, rules of what is right and wrong to do with that love. What I am trying to tell you is that you and Aya have already had so many chances on love and it has never been "suitable". There was one time when Aya was your father, one time when you were sisters, another when you were a male slave and he was a konkubin. I have seen the two of you being ripped apart too many times to give up now.
"But I don't love him!" Ken almost yelled. Then why is it so important for you to save him? Why do you constantly worry about him? Why do your eyes seek him out all the time? Why do you dream about him at night?
"He's my friend! I can't let him die because of me damnit! I would do that same for Yoji or Omi." Yes and no… This is diffrent Ken, Fate sighed. You don't see the diffrences like I do and you are not suppose to either. You hide behind the bible but the real reason why you can not accept his feelings for you are not only because of the way you were brought up. I can not help you more than I already have so please consider what I have told you, be honest with yourself Ken or Aya will not make it… and neither will you.
"I… He's important to me," the brunette admitted and frowned. "But I can't love him, I just can't!" You are being stubborn Ken and in the end that will be your doom as well as Aya's. One day you will wake up and realize what I am trying to show you and then you really will be sorry. Do not let it go that far. Please open up your heart and mind Ken… I can only do so much for you and if you can not get this right I am not sure what to do with you. I am not saying that this can not be fix unless you commit yourself to Aya but do not take the hard way out just because you are afraid of loving someone. Remember that I know everything so there is no real point in lying to me! Give him a chance, give yourself one too. Ken, you and Aya are both suffering and it is your fault. The feeling of having someone inside his head disappeared and Ken sank back against his pillows. He was so confused and well scared. Whatever it was Fate had been telling him Ken didn't exactly understand. Did he love Aya? Could he love Aya? 'I don't want him to die, I love him.' That was the last thing he had said before he died, wasn't it?
"I'm sorry Aya but I can't… I just can't love you that way, I'm sorry…" Ken whimpered and buried his face in his pillow.

"Ken-kun!" Ken groaned. He must have fallen asleep after Fate 'left'. "Ken-kun! You're going to be late for your shift." The brunette growled. He had had enough! "KEN-KUN!"
"GO AWAY OMI!" Ken yelled with anger.
"But…"
"Go to hell!" He wasn't being fair to Omi but he didn't really care. Enough was enough! The little blonde didn't say anything else and left him alone. He was suppose to get up but he just ignored everything. Fate could go to hell! Ken huffed with annoyance and buried his face in the pillow again. To hell with it all, he thought sourly. As far as the brunette was concerned he had tried everything to keep Aya alive and nothing had worked so far. He was angry, confused and so very tired of messing up. What did it matter? If Fate knew everything he could damn well fix it himself! Ken would not get up, he would not try again and he did NOT love Aya! Stubbornly the brunette stayed right where he was and moped like a little child. If his team-mates knew what was good for them they'd leave him the fuck alone! Unfortunately for him they obviously didn't know since someone was knocking on his door.
"Piss off!" Ken snarled and glared daggers at the door.
"Hidaka your shift starts in five minutes!" Oh great it's Aya, the brunette muttered inside and put the pillow over his head.
"Get lost Aya," he pouted underneath his pillow even though he knew that the redhead wouldn't be able to hear him. Couldn't he just get one little break? Was it really that much to ask for?
"Hidaka!" Aya was in his room now but Ken still refused to move. Strong hands pulled the pillow away and someone smacked him over the head. "Get up!"
"Fuck you!" the brunette spat out and lifted his head just enough to glare at the taller man.
"Excuse me?" Aya's voice was low and dangerous. Ken chose not to repeat what he had said. "Are you getting up or not?"
"Not," he muttered darkly and pressed his face against the bed.
"What the hell is wrong with you? First you bite Omi's head off and now you're yelling at me?" Ken groaned inside. His nerves had had just about all they could take and he could feel his control slipping. "Hidaka I suggest you get your ass downstairs!" Fuming with rage, confusion and desperation the brunette shot up from his bed.
"Don't push me Aya, just don't," Ken warned and fought to keep himself from doing something he really would regret later on. The redhead just glared at him with his cold amethyst eyes. "Now beat it!" So fast that the brunette didn't even have a chance to react Aya gripped his shirt and hauled him to his feet. They were standing face to face, glaring at each other with anger. Ken drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs with Aya's intoxicating scent and his body shivered. What the hell was that? The brunette surprised both himself and Aya by pulling down the taller man's face to his own. "I told you not to push me!" The redhead blinked as Ken crushed their lips together. It was a stupid thing to do but he was so confused, so angry at himself. Aya pushed him away and let go of his shirt.
"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded to know and wiped his mouth, lips swollen from the brutal kiss.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" Ken asked with a mocking tone and licked his own lips. He knew he was ruining everything all over again but he was at the end of his rope. "Don't you want to kiss me? Fuck me?" Aya's eyes grew larger and a flash of hurt flew across them. The brunette was cruel and unfair but he just kept on pushing it further. "Or did you perhaps want me to fuck you? Hm? A faggot like you would love that I bet!" The redhead's face iced over and before Ken knew what was going on a hard fist sent him flying backwards.
"Don't ever EVER come near me again Hidaka!" Aya grated out, turned around and stalked out of the room. When the door slammed shut the brunette closed his eyes and carefully cupped his throbbing cheek. His lip was busted and he could taste blood in his mouth. For a long time he just sat there before everything came crashing down around him.
"I'm sorry Aya, I'm sorry but I…" It didn't matter he had already destroyed everything all over again. Half his face was numb from pain but he deserved it. "I can't love you, don't you see?" he asked although he was alone. "And you shouldn't love me either…" Finally his brain shut down and all the could do was hug himself as he wept.

Ken didn't leave his room for two days and no one came to see him. He knew that Yoji and Omi had heard what he had said to the redhead so it was no surprise that they stayed away. Gingerly he trotted into the bathroom and glared at himself in the mirror.
"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Even I hate you! You're just a screw up," he muttered to his reflection. Angry and sad brown eyes stared back at him. What the hell was he doing? How he loathed himself. Once again he had signed Aya's death-warrent and this time he had known exactly what he was doing. "Well Fate you come and tell me what I'm suppose to do know, huh?" There was no way out, he simply couldn't get it right. Ken sighed deeply and sank down on the toilet. During the past two days he had had plenty of time to think and something had dawned on him, something he probably had known all along. It was scary and he still didn't accept it completely but somewhere deep down inside he knew that it was true. He was falling in love with Aya. That was something he would just have to ignore, fight, hide from, whatever. If he had fallen in love he would damn well fall out of love too! Ken hung his head and sighed again.
"Please just, just… give me another chance," the brunette suddenly choked out. "I just… please." He didn't even know why he was asking for it, what he was going to do with it. But he couldn't let it end like this. It wasn't fair to Aya and he desperately needed and wanted to take back all the hard words. He wanted… he wanted… Confused Ken blinked. He wanted? Aya. The brunetted nervously licked his lips. "I want Aya?" Shocked and scared he went back to his bed. Soft music came from his stereo and he focused on it in an attempt to get away from his thoughts. Harmonic voices sang to him and even though he wasn't very good at english he understood the lyrics.

I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now - It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight

"No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right," Ken mumbled in broken english. Wasn't that what Fate had tried to tell him in his strange way? Hadn't he said that it didn't matter who you loved, it didn't matter if it was wrong or right as long as it was love? The brunette hugged himself.
"I… I love him…" The words weren't all that difficult to say after all. And since he could say them out loud even when he knew exactly what he was saying it must be true, right? Fate's words, those lyrics had somehow touched something inside of him. Ken blinked slowly and rubbed his aching head. Okay so he was falling, had fallen in love with Aya but what was he suppose to do about it? How was he suppose to deal with it when he wasn't, couldn't… Suddenly Ken wanted the redhead to be there with him. He needed Aya's calm being close.
"What have I done?" the brunette asked himself and the question came out as a low whimper filled with agony. He had hurt Aya so badly, caused his death so many times just because he was too stupid and ignorant to understand himself and what he was feeling. Ken closed his eyes tightly and rocked back and forth. This hadn't started recently but he still hadn't seen it, hadn't understood. He had always tried to reach the redhead, had always worried about him, valued his opinion, been hurt if Aya scolded him for being clumsy or not paying attention. Even if he hadn't fallen in love with his stoic friend until now he had always loved Aya more than he should have loved a friend. That was what Fate had meant when he said; 'Besides, I need you to see what was always there.' Pain shot through the brunette and he gasped for air.
"What have I done?!" he almost screamed and shook his head.

~TBC~

First of all the lyrics used in this chapter are from I Need You Tonight by Backstreet Boys and I do not own it or them…

Oh dear this chapter is so confusing isn't it? Oh and what Fate says about love is not how I feel, I do not want ppl to think that I think it's okay to um well do things to kids or your sister/brother or whatever. What I'm trying to show here is that true love is never wrong, in Fate's eyes. Fate is not talking about romantic love he's just talking about the pure emotion of loving someone else. *nods* I hope everybody understood that *scared look*

Well it seems like Ken freaked out again *mutters* He's not very nice in this chapter but then again he's under a lot of pressure and he has gotten his friend killed several times and he's utterly confused by the way he's feeling. Now what the heck is he going to do about Aya? Can he finally dig up the guts to admit that he does love him or will the other reason Fate was talking about stand in his way? Um will Fate even give him another chance and what the hell is gonna happen during the mission? Is Ken even going on it? I mean let's face it I seriously doubt that Yoji, Omi and Aya want him there ne? I know I wouldn't! So many question *chuckles* Want the answers? Well than you know what to do… Ja/Atsureki