Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Please, Give Me Another Chance ❯ Playing For The Other Team ( Chapter 8 )

Please Give Me Another Chance

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own diddly-dick that's all I'm gonna say 'bout it

Paring : Aya/Ken

Warnings : OCC, angst, harsh language.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts or the strange little voice Ken hears in his head namely Fate.

I don't like this chapter one bit! And please note that I have no idea of what goes through a person's head when he or she tries to come to term with being gay or bi-sexual. Anything that Ken thinks, does or whatever, that seems completely wrong and stuff is due to the fact that I'm not only a female but a straight one at that. Sure I have friends who are gay but this isn't usually something I talk to them about since I don't really think it's polite to ask about it…

Chapter 8. Playing For The Other Team

It was a subdued Ken that entered the kitchen three days after his fight with Aya. The room was empty and he was thankful for that. His team-mates were probably busy in the shop and the brunette was not looking forward to having to face them again. He had a week and a half before the mission but what was he going to do? Ken sighed deeply and made himself a sandwich. So he had feelings for their stoic leader, he had admitted to it and had no idea of what to do about it. Sure he would probably get another chance if Aya died but that was not something he wanted in any way. It was far better that the redhead hated him than having him dying all over again. Ken pouted and sat down. A simple 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to cut it this time. Hell if he had been Aya he would never ever have forgiven Ken for what he had said. He raised an eyebrow. But if he did get another chance the redhead wouldn't even know how cruely he had been treated. Guilt pained the brunette as he ate his sandwich. He didn't deserve Aya's love but then he had always known that he didn't deserve love, hadn't he? I'm such a bastard, the brunette sighed inside. Fate had been right, he was punishing the redhead for loving him. Besides, the thought of two men in love was still wrong in his head. Ken frowned and growled. Why did the redhead love him anyway? It wasn't like he was some wonderful good-looking person. He was plain, boring and he was had blood all over his hands. Sure he smiled a lot and he tried to help and be there for his friends. Yeah right. He had in no way forgotten how he had reacted when he found out about Yoji and Omi. Some friend he was. Not to even meantion how he had treated Aya the first time the silent man had confessed his feelings. Why did Fate insist on giving him new chances? He didn't deserve them at all and he was never going to get it right. Lost in his problems and guilt Ken failed to notice that his team-mates had entered the kitchen.
"I'll be in my room." When the brunette heard that he snapped his head up in time to see Aya's back disappear. He sighed deeply. So the redhead couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore? Not that that he blamed him.
"I think I lost my appetite too," Yoji snorted and headed outside, most likely to smoke. Brown eyes filled with shame carefully glanced at Omi. The little blonde was ignoring him as he fixed himself something to eat.
"Why Ken?" The sudden question made the brunette jump. It didn't escape him how Omi dropped the -kun nor how angry his voice sounded. Hard blue eyes turned to him. "How could you say those things to him?!" Ken lowered his eyes in shame and swallowed. How was he suppose to explain why he had lashed out like that?
"I… He… It's…" the brunette studdered and licked his lips nervously. This was not going very well.
"Well?!" Omi asked harshly and tapped his foot. "Can't you even explain yourself? What is wrong with you?!" Ken rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm confused, okay? I don't know how to handle this! I don't fucking know what to do about any of this!" he blurted out with frustration and looked up.
"Handle what? What is it that you don't know what to do about?" Omi was glaring at him with his brows knitted together. The brunette's control was slipping again and he didn't even try to regain it.
"I'm gay and I don't know how the hell I ended up like this! I'm gay Omi… and I'm in love with fucking Aya!" Ken yelled and stormed out of the kitchen into the shop. Omi stared after him with confusion and shock written all over his face.
"K… Ken is in love with Aya?" No one was around to hear the hushed question.

Ken ran through the shop and out the door with his heart pounding like a drum. There he had told someone, he had admitted to it all out loud. Didn't do him much good though, did it? The brunette skidded to a stop and blinked slowly. He hadn't just admitted that he had feelings for Aya he had said that he was gay? Where the hell had that come from? He wasn't gay, he couldn't be. He liked girl, women, females!! But then again when had he ever really been interested in girls? Yuriko. Ken nodded to himself. Actually he hadn't been all that interested in her either. She was nice and all but that was about it, wasn't it?
"Someone please kill me now." the brunette moaned and wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm gay? I'm a homo, a queer, a faggot, a fudge packer, a fucking fairy." Those words hurt, a lot. Ken choked back a sob and started running again. How could this have happened to him? Why was he like that? Couldn't he just be normal like everybody else? Well not everybody else but… No it couldn't be, it just couldn't. He didn't like men even if he might have feelings for Aya. They had kissed and he hadn't liked it one bit! A nagging little voice in his head disagreed with him. When the redhead had kissed him during the last mission he had liked it. That simple kiss had sent shivered through his whole body. Ken groaned and ran faster. He might as well give up because there was no real point in denying it anymore, was there? Hidaka Ken was like 'that', he was playing for the other team.

It was in the middle of the night but he was still awake, unable to sleep. His mind was a mess and he didn't know what was up and what was down anymore. Half the time he accepted that he probably was gay and half the time he desperatly tried to reason his way out of it. He had been brought up better than that, his parents had taught him better than that! So there simply had to be some other explanation for it. But what might that be in that case? He did have feelings for Aya, he did love him. It might not have happened just yet but he was indeed falling in love with the redhead. For a long time Aya had been the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last when he went to sleep. He hadn't exactly pictured him naked or anything like that but he thought about him constantly, worried about what Aya might think of him. Hell he had always tried to make the taller man proud of him and it had always hurt so much when he got scolded by the redhead for being clumsy or doing something wrong. Inside he was fighting with himself and it was a war he had no way of knowing if or when he lost or won. Tired and confused Ken sank down on his bed. What was the first thing he wanted to do when he something was wrong or when he felt bad? He swallowed. Go to Aya, he answered in his head. Aya was the person he prefered to be teamed up with both on missions and in the shop. Aya was the person he wanted with him when his life turned difficult. Aya was the person he wanted to turn to when he had problems even though the redhead usually didn't seem to care. Aya was the person he always tried to cheer up, take care of and help. Ken grunted and rubbed his aching head. Did loving one man make him gay? Did it really even matter whether or not he was gay? Does it really matter if it's right or wrong? Fate had told him that it didn't and somewhere deep down inside Ken knew that Fate was right.
"Why is this so confusing?!" he asked harshly and pounded his fists into the bed. "Why can't I accept this?" Omi had accepted it, Aya had done the same, hell even Yoji had accepted that he loved another man so why couldn't he do the same? The brunette let out a low chuckle. Wasn't that something? Four gay man in the same house? What's the odds of that? Well Yoji was probably not gay since he had spent so much time chasing women. Did it change anything that his friends sexual preferences weren't what he had thought they were? Ken frowned for a moment. If Aya had just told him that he prefered men over women would he have had a problem with it? Yes? No? The brunette wasn't sure but he knew he wouldn't have reacted as badly as he had when that confession had been joined by Aya having feelings for him. Exhausted and with a chaos of thoughts darting back and forth inside his head Ken fell asleep.

The day of the mission came without any answers to the endless amount of questions Ken had. Since his confession in the kitchen Omi had been giving him strange looks but the little blonde hadn't talked to him. Aya left as soon as Ken came into the same room and Yoji made no attempt of hiding his anger or disgust for the brunette. Ken looked around the shop before he turned off the lights. He wasn't going on the mission. Yoji had flatly told him that they didn't want him with them and the brunette hadn't objected even though he wanted to. Maybe Aya would survive if he just wasn't there? It was worth a try at least. He sighed and headed for his room where he spent most of his time. Waiting for his team-mates to return was going to be hell and then some but there was nothing he could do about it. Sighing to himself the brunette sat down and twisted his hands. The others would leave in a few hours and then he could do nothing but wait and pray that they would all return unharmed.

He paced back and forth in the living-room while his hands twitched and trembled. Something must have gone wrong, they had been gone for way too long. Ken chewed on his lip and continued pacing. Had Aya died again? The redhead should be okay! He hadn't been there to upset him so Aya should be focused on the mission, shouldn't he? This was driving him insane! When he was about to pull his hair out in frustration he finally heard the sound of a car. Nervous and scared Ken waited for his team-mates to come inside. He approached the front-door and twisted his fingers. It opened and Yoji walked in. The brunette only needed to take one look at his oldest team-mate. Yoji's clothes were drenched in blood and his eyes were angry and sad. Ken shook his head and closed his eyes. Something hard knocked him to the floor and a fist landed in his face.
"You fucking bastard!" Shocked the brunette stared at Yoji. "It's your fault you fuck! He died because of you!!" Ken didn't answer, did even try to escape the punches. In the corner of his eyes he saw Omi but the little blonde made no attempt to stop the fight even though his eyes didn't look as angry as Yoji's. "You should have been there to cover his back!" Another fist connected to Ken's face but he didn't even flinch. "It's your fault!"
"I know," the brunette mumbled and tasted blood in his mouth. "I know it's my fault." Yoji got up and glared at him with contempt.
"You're not fucking worth it Hidaka! Go to hell!!" The lanky blonde stomped off and Ken stumbled to his feet. Wary he turned to Omi.
"They shot him in the back, he never even had a chance to react," the petit blonde almost whispered. "I don't even think he cared…" Omi squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he followed Yoji upstairs.
"Please give me another chance! PLEASE!" Ken begged and wiped the blood from his face. The house was quiet, dark. "Fate you have to help me!! Aya can't be dead, he just can't!" No answer, no nothing. The brunette sank down on his knees and sobbed. Once again Aya had been killed because of him. He could barely remember how many times that had happened. Five. Aya had died because of him for the fifth times. Would there be a sixth time? Would Fate even bother with giving him another chance?

~TBC~

Another chance Fate!!! Please give it to him or I'm gonna um eh cry!!!

I still hate this chapter *mutters* I think I'm way in over my head with this fic at this moment. Need to give it some thought. Although I do have the ending all done I have no idea of how to um 'get' to it if you know what I mean? *pouts* Where the heck is my muse when I need her??? She's usually a very kind and generous muse but I think she's on vacation or something? *whines* Um anyone want to lend me a muse for a few days??? Anyone? Ja/Atsureki