Youji resented the sound of heavy pounding that intruded into the comfortable warmth of his dreams. After sinking into his heartsick depression over the past few weeks following Asuka's permanent loss, this was the first time he had finally emerged feeling as good as he did now. He didn't want the sensation to end, but reality was making itself known in the form of a monstrous hangover. Coupled with the sound of a fist hammering on his apartment door...

"Youji!" The lanky man groaned as he recognised his teammate's voice filtering through the thick door of his apartment. "Come on! It's *way* past noon! I gotta get to practise and Omi won't be back from cram school for hours! Aya's gonna be pissed with you if you're not down there to help him when those schoolgirls get out of classes!"

"All right! All right! I'm up. Be down in a minute!" He pulled his pillow over his head to try and drown out the noise.

"You're awake! Not up!"

Taking the hint, Youji dragged himself out of bed and opened the door. The tall man delivered what he hoped was a fair imitation of Aya's 'death scowl' at his soccer mad colleague. The moment Ken set eyes on him, his expression changed from smug, to embarrass, before settling on disappointment.

"What?"

"Oh, Youji." Ken shook his head and sighed. "Did you go out again after Aya went to the trouble of dragging your sorry ass home last night?"

"Huh?" Something in Ken's expression made him look down to notice he didn't have any clothes on. And there were flakes of blood on his-- "I--"

Through the fog of the hangover and the fuzziness of having just woken up, Youji remembered his brief earlier awakening and the quickie he had had with his lover that morning. He turned back to stare at the bed, confirming his assessment that he woke up alone.

"She probably left ages ago." Ken told him impatiently. "I don't believe you-- Youji-- look, we really need to talk-- This isn't the best time to do it. But we gotta talk okay? We're all worried about you."

"Er..."

"Just get dressed. And Youji, you should pay Aya soon."

"Pay?" Youji pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to get his mind working. He was getting tired of the stilted one-word responses he was giving to Ken.

"The bar called us when you passed out over the counter last night. Aya collected you and paid your tab. This isn't the first time, Youji. You *owe* him."

"Oh-- right. Let me take a shower first, Ken?"

"Yeah, but we have to talk, Youji."

"Sure-- sure--"

He was feeling a whole lot better after a shower and a coffee. Youji thought about it, and he had to admit that he felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As he approached his bed before leaving the apartment, a memory came to him of comfort and contentment... even fulfilment with the lover he had taken that night. What a strange yet wonderful feeling. It brought a smile to his face as he stroked the covers of one of the pillows.

A dark line against the white satin caught his eye, prompting Youji to pick up a strand of red hair. He frowned to himself, trying hard to remember a name, or even a face to his lover. But if Ken was right, he had been seriously soused last night, so it was no wonder he couldn't recall very much of the events. He couldn't even remember having Aya drag him home from the bar.

"Well, there can't be that many redheads in this city." Youji clutched the strand of red hair between his fingers and grinned brightly. He foresaw quite a bit of fun ahead, hitting the bars and looking for this elusive lover.

"It's about time!" Ken growled at the older man as he sauntered into the shop. His kids were already crowding around the outside of the Koneko no Sumu Ie waiting for Ken to leave.

"Sorry KenKen, I needed that shower."

"I'll bet." Ken rolled his eyes as he stripped off his apron and dashed for the door. "See you all later!"

The shop's only other occupant glanced up briefly from the arrangement he was making, to see the door swing shut after their young friend. Youji took a deep breath before he approached the redhead, fleetingly wondering why Aya was standing at the counter rather than sitting on the high stool as he usually did. He held out a roll of yen as he stepped up to him.

"Aya? Sorry about last night."

If Youji had been paying better attention, he would have noticed that Aya's right hand had suddenly clenched around the torn covered stem of a withered white rose, which he had been about to discard. But he wasn't. Youji was instead watching with some fascination as Aya's lavender eyes hardening into pools of amethyst as they stared at the money he was holding out.

/He's mad with me, and no wonder./ Youji winced inwardly. He knew how careful Aya was with money. /Guess since he hasn't had to pay any hospital bills for Aya-chan for the last couple of months, he has a lot of spare cash now, but still... We'll find her, Aya. I promise you, we will find her./ "Aya--"

The younger man was not staring at the money anymore. Instead, he appeared to be focussing on the arrangement of white roses, butterfly bush, red valerian, geranium leaves and lemon mint that sat on the table before him. From his body language, Youji could tell that he was upset and tensed.

"Aya, Ken told me that you've been picking up my bar tabs." Youji put the roll of cash on the counter beside the scissors. "I just wanted to say thanks for helping me home all those times and really-- I'm sorry I never thought to pay you back."

"Oh-- You're welcome."

Youji blinked as he noted the sudden release in tension in his friend and wondered what it was all about. But he didn't dwell on it for very long. The sound of girlish chatter and giggling was becoming distinctive and he knew it herald the arrival of the usual afternoon hoard. Youji did wonder though, why Aya decided to place the flower arrangement he had been working on in the display window. Unlike other window exhibits the redhead made, this latest arrangement didn't look particularly cheerful.

After two nights of bar hopping and cruising the nightspots, Youji still hadn't found his elusive redhead lover yet. He lay back on his bed and stared at the strand of red hair he had twined around his finger; The lone memento he had been left with of that one night of contentment. Even thinking about it made him feel good. Asuka-- Neu-- they were a dim memory now. He knew that the Asuka he once loved would have encouraged him to let go. Why push himself into a depression over regrets for the dead? There was someone out there who could fill the void for him, and Youji was determined to find her.

In private, Ken had teased him mercilessly about the strand of hair he obsessively clung to. And the blood... Now *that* especially made him feel bad. He had had a virgin in his bed, and he couldn't remember who she was or even what she looked like... Youji promised himself that he would make it up to her. Just as he was now trying to make it up to his friends for the worry and irritation he had caused them over the past several weeks.

Youji smiled at the memory of the talk he had had with Ken after the younger man came back from practise with the kids. He had been touched at how worried his friends were about him. Even Aya, preoccupied as he was over his own troubled concerns after his sister's abduction, had cared enough to keep an eye out for him and take him home after his nightly alcohol bingeing. Youji knew that he couldn't have asked for better friends. Well, he had a new outlook of life right now and he wasn't going to burden his friends anymore.

/Red hair.../ Youji frowned and tried to think hard of the women he knew or met. In all honesty, the only redhead he could think of was Manx. But she had always brushed him off. Besides, her hair was far longer than the strand he held between his fingers. So, how many shorthaired, redheaded women did he know?

He drifted into dreams of his faceless lover, with soft lips, and smooth, pale skin. His knees held on to firm muscled thighs as he pressed against--

Youji sat up in bed, suddenly throwing himself out of his dream. He panted slightly from his panic; little bits of memory and details came snaking back into his mind.

"K'so!"

Ken and Omi were wondering what had come over Youji that afternoon. For whatever reason, the man appeared to be in top form flirting outrageously with their customers. Unknown to them, Youji was watching Aya from the corner of his eye, and it was infuriating him that the redhead was as usual indifferent to him and the chattering girls. From his body language, Youji could tell that the younger man wasn't a least bit discomforted by his antics.

Youji arranged for a hot date that night. He needed it to clear his head.

He was distracted. She was disappointed. But it most bothered Youji that his date had told him that he was too preoccupied thinking of someone else to be with her. She left him at the dance club, quickly hooking up with another man while he mulled over her words.

"K'so."

It took Youji a whole morning to build up the courage to confront Aya. Having seen the man walking towards the storeroom with a clipboard in his hands, Youji pushed himself away from the cash register to discretely follow.

"Aya?"

As the redhead turned towards the older man with a questioning look, Youji's hands stabbed out to grab him by the arms and pull him into a lip-lock. The memories of that night flooded back into Youji's brain.

//He had been dead drunk when he woke up to feel someone taking off his boots for him. Then he had seen a redheaded blur leaning above him to pull the blankets over him. His hands had snaked out then, reaching around the slim waist to pull the figure off balanced. He rolled over to have-- to have Aya pinned on the bed under him.

//Youji had the height, weight and strength advantage over the stunned redhead. The younger man didn't even have the leverage or the surprise to be able to free himself. But-- despite the initial struggle, Aya hadn't been unwilling. Soft lips had opened readily to the invasion of his tongue-- Aya had leaned his head back, exposing his throat to allow Youji to kiss along his chin and down his neck--//

The crash of something hitting the floor brought Youji back to the present. He broke the devouring kiss to look at where a ruined vase lay beside his feet. Youji recognised the vase as having come from the shelf they were leaning against... And there was a pale hand on the shelf now, feeling about as if to try and find another weapon. It suddenly registered to Youji that there was a hand on his chest too, struggling to push him away.

"Youji-- Get. Off. Me."

Youji turned his face to look at a flushed and pissed off Aya who was glaring at him angrily. He could also read something else in the hard amethyst gaze. Perhaps-- a touch of fear? It slowly dawned on Youji that he was holding Aya trapped and pressed up against the shelves with his body. He released the livid redhead and took a step back moments before the door to the storeroom was flung open and Ken came barging in to check on them.

"Are you okay? We heard a crash--"

"Everything's fine." Aya looked at the pile of ruined crockery. "A vase fell off the shelf."

"Oh. I'll bring in a broom--"

"I'll take care of it, Ken."

Ken's eyebrow lifted slightly at Aya's expression. He was reading a lot more into the terse words. But after throwing a glance at Youji, decided Aya was telling him that it was none of his business.

Aya and Youji didn't speak again until after Ken closed the door and the sound of his footsteps faded away. Youji was the first to break the silence.

"It was-- it was you I slept with that night."

Aya shrugged, not bothering to deny the accusation. "So?"

"Why didn't-- why didn't you say anything?"

"The point of which to--?" Aya raised an eyebrow at him. Youji had the grace to wince at the memory of how he had raved about the 'perfect woman' he slept with for the last few days.

Aya sighed and started to straighten his apron before he spoke again. "Look, Youji-- You were drunk, frustrated, and in need of a fuck. I was-- feeling lonely-- So I let you."

"You-- let--?"

"You were pretty determined..." Aya wouldn't look at him. "I couldn't have gotten loose unless I was willing to break a few bones. Didn't think it was worth it."

"Worth--"

Aya took in a deep breath and huffed it out again. "Youji, things don't have to change between us. It was a one-night fling... Just like any of your regular dates. You don't have to play nice with me. It doesn't have to affect our working relationshi--"

"What if I don't want just one night?" The words left Youji's lips before he could stop them.

"What?" Hardening amethyst orbs stared at him in shock.

Seeing how he already mentioned it, Youji figured he might as well take the plunge and finish voicing his wishes. "What if-- I want to do it again?"

"And what if *I* *don't*?" Aya folded his arms in front of him, his expression tight. "Youji, you're straight! You fucked me like I was a woman. I _won't_ be used like that."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It-- hurt. You didn't-- Men don't self-lubricate, Youji." Aya started to turn away from him. "You had me pinned so I couldn't crawl out from under you... You did it again the next morning when I tried to get away... I let you do it a second time-- figured since I was lubed already-- But I-- I still didn't get anything out of it."

Youji remembered the blood. "I-- Kami-sama. I didn't-- I used-- I hurt you--"

"Don't worry about it... I-- know it wasn't intentional. You didn't know."

"Aya--I ra--" The heated glare stopped him before he could say any more.

"It. Was. Not. Rape. Only *I* have any right to state that. I-- let you. But-- You're straight, Youji. I understand..." Aya's voice had become very soft as he turned fully away from him now. "It was a mistake-- A one-night fling. It doesn't have to change things between us."

Youji took a few steps forward, making sure he created enough noise for Aya to hear his approach, and enfolded the younger man in a comforting hug from behind.

"Aya-- I'm sorry."

Aya took a deep breath and let it out again slowly. "I understand." He let the taller man hold him for a moment longer before his fingers pulled at the arms around him. "I have work to do, Youji."

Aya's window display the 'morning-after'
White roses - silence, Keep my secret, unity, I am worthy of you, love, respect, beauty
Butterfly bush - rashness, wantonness
Red valerian - drunk and blowsy, accommodating disposition
Geranium leaves - You are childish!, comfort, conjugal affection, melancholy, deceit, stupidity, childhood, health
Lemon mint - homeyness, virtue, cheerfulness