[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

---

DISCLAIMER: Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiß hold the copyright over all names, likeness and rights of Weiß kreuz. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

---

It wasn't over for Youji. It was fully apparent that Aya had forgiven him and forgotten about the whole 'incident,' but Youji couldn't forget. Not especially the feelings he had had when he held his kitten. It had felt good when Aya had let him enfold him in a hug after all the pain he had caused his silent friend. And that night-- despite-- despite Aya's suffering, Youji had felt good about holding him in his arms. But after what he had done, he knew that Aya wouldn't want him to approach ever again.

Youji couldn't stay away. He had the option of putting it all behind him and forgetting, just like Aya had. But he couldn't. He didn't want to go back to the empty relationships he had had with women. He realised that he wanted Aya. But the redhead firmly believed that he could only 'treat a woman right'. It was true that Youji had only ever been with women. He had never had a tryst with a man before Aya, and he had hurt him. Unintentionally, but he had hurt Aya and lost his trust. Youji didn't know what to do.

Outwardly, there seemed to be little change in the relationship between them. However, Aya didn't notice that now Youji would often watch him when he wasn't looking. On his part, Youji was learning things about his friend he hadn't noticed before, like the very precise and practised ease with which he made flower arrangements. Or the interest he had in making Tussie-Mussies for their more mature cliental. Youji started to realise that some of the customers who came to their shop, were there specifically to speak to Aya about significant flower arrangements for weddings, funerals, celebrations... He observed that Aya didn't make many 'regular' flower arrangements like the others. Their redhead friend had particular requirements in the orders he made when replenishing their flower supplies.

While he watched Aya speaking to a customer as they stood before a display of flowers, a memory of a conversation he had had with Omi came to him. //"Che, Youji-kun. You never knew?" Omi had teased him one afternoon out of Aya's earshot. "Some of our customers come to Aya-kun because he's familiar with the Victorian vocabulary of flowers. The flowers he chooses for each arrangement has significant meanings behind them. They like that."//

He had missed noticing that. Just as he had missed noticing one rather regular customer who only _now_ set Youji's hackles rising. A rather brash, blonde man, with laughing blue eyes, who seemed to delight in teasing their redhead friend, and who Youji *now* realised flirted rather subtly using the flower language Aya was so well versed in. Youji was finding himself to be very attentive about eavesdropping on the conversations between the two men.

Three afternoons after the 'talk' Youji and Aya had had in the storeroom, 'Blondie' requested that Aya make him a Tussie-Mussie of snapdragons, strawberry, heather and grass. Then he changed his mind and asked Aya if he would switch the snapdragon for an orchid. That had brought an instant blush to Aya's face, which faded quickly as he got his composure back. Whatever it meant, Youji had a very strong suspicion that Aya was going to be out on a date that night.

---

Youji was waiting near the stairs when Aya came down from his apartment. As the redhead approached, Youji had to reflect on how little he actually knew about the man. Their friend was wearing enough black, skin-tight leather to look right about at home in a leather fetish club.

"Hot date?"

Aya startled slightly at his appearance near the stairs. "*You're* not out yet?"

"Maybe later." Youji quirked a smile at the frowning redhead. "I seem to miss noticing stuff when I leave too early." He gave Aya a very suggestive look up and down, lingering pointedly at the figure hugging leather pants.

The younger man blushed. "This is just for the club I'm going to."

"Mind if I ask which club this is?"

Aya was rather cautious in answering him. "One you're not likely to walk into."

"I'm okay about it, Aya. Really." Youji petted him on the back reassuringly. "Don't do anything I wouldn't."

He watched Aya walk away and hurried back to his apartment to raid his closet for his leather apparel. As he dressed, Youji wondered how mad Aya would be with him if he found out that the older man had planted a bug and a homing device under the collar of his jacket.

---

Youji stared at the entrance to the club with some trepidation. He had never walked into a club for gays before. He was scared shitless. Suddenly afraid that he'd stand out... Afraid that Aya would spot him immediately... He was wearing a brunette wig to hide his hair, but he couldn't be sure if Aya would recognise him by his clothes.

"You want him, Kudou. You want to understand what it's like from his point of view..." Youji steeled himself to walk up to the club and through the doors.

He wasn't sure what to expect, so he sauntered in like at any club. There didn't seem to be very much difference as compared to any normal jazz club. To his surprise, there appeared to be women in the club as well. It took Youji a while longer to realise that a good number of these women were men, and those that weren't, were out with another woman.

A grizzled bartender approached him as soon as he settled at the bar. "New here, aren't you?"

"I-- No-- Actually--"

"Simmer down, kid. I'm not going to bust you or anything." The bartender waved a hand at him to placate his agitation. "Look, have a beer on the house. You look like one of those confused kids looking for answers."

"Sort of--" Youji blushed as he stared at the foaming tankard that appeared in front of him.

"I'm a nosy old man, kid. The name's Yamagen. You want to talk?"

"I-- well-- usually I-- that is-- just lately--" Youji stammered feeling like a kid who was sent to the disciplinarian's office for being messed up.

A slight commotion drew all attention near the centre of the room. Youji started to rise to his feet when he saw Aya in the middle of it. A taller man with a 5 o'clock shadow stood behind Aya and held his right arm twisted behind his back. From where he was standing, Youji could see why his friend wasn't struggling. The brunette had immobilised Aya by holding his earring between his teeth as he nuzzled at his ear. 'Blondie' was in front of Aya and holding his left wrist captive while his other hand was releasing the zips and buckles of the redhead's vest.

Youji was about to stride over to assist his friend when Yamagen grabbed his arm and pulled him back down again. "Don't mind Red there."

"But--"

"The kid's a hellcat in a fight. *No one* can make Red do what he's not willing to do. Sides if anyone tried, the rest of the bar'll help him kick their tail. Not that he needs any help. Red looks hot and delicate, but he's not just some pretty boy." Yamagen chuckled as they watched 'Blondie' grab Aya by his hair and pull him into a deep kiss while the other man started to nibble and suck on his pale neck. "Some sorry critters tried once. Moved so fast, he had them down and out afore the rest of the bar realised it was getting ugly with them."

"But--"

"Red's not to be trifled with, kid. You have to be 'Man' enough before he'll give you a second glance. Shadow and Blue-eyes over there are his regulars and they're jealous bastards about their privilege. Scenes like this play out every time they get together." Youji turned to see Yamagen's eyes sparkle to watch the trio in the centre of the floor. "Hmm, Red looks a bit impatient tonight. They usually let us have more of a dominant/submissive performance before he gives in. See? Red's letting Blue-eyes get at his throat now, they'll be hustling him out of here in a second."

True enough, Youji watched in numbed silence as the two men escorted Aya out of the bar and disappeared into the night.

"So-- you followed Red here, didn't you?"

Youji swung his head towards at the bartender in surprise. The old man chuckled at him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I-- I want him, but I don't-- I don't want to hurt him." Youji admitted softly. "I don't know how-- how--"

"You only know women, heh kid?" The old bartender nodded to him knowingly.

"Yeah..."

"Have someone else teach yer? You can trust me to steer you straight if you want--"

"But-- I don't want anyone else..."

"That bad, heh?" Yamagen petted his hand consolingly. "Listen to the wisdom of one who knows, Kid. You can't approach this like a hetero relationship. What a guy does to get into a permanent relationship with a gal, is to get to know them first, build a relationship then sleep with them and marry them. Or marry them and sleep with them, if that's the preference. Folks like us... we get to the sex first then we see if we can still stand each other in the morning. We see if we can build a relationship from there. Did you get to the first step yet?"

"I-- messed up, Yamagen. He-- I--" Youji looked into his drink in misery. "He-- he let me. I-- I hurt him. He's-- I-- lost it..."

"Shit, what a mess." The bartender let out a low whistle. "But-- you want him bad?"

"Yes."

"Then you're just gonna have to take it *real* slow and win his trust again, kid."

---

The tracer Youji had on Aya lead him to a tall apartment block in a rather posh looking neighbourhood. He had stayed a while longer talking to Yamagen before leaving him a big tip and taking off after Aya, and now-- Youji was wondering how far he should go in following Aya and his 'dates' for the night.

A faint blush suffused his face at the thought. Truth to be told, Youji never knew that his redhead friend had a healthy sex life, much less imagined that Aya would take on two lovers at one go. For all his sexual energy and playboy lifestyle, Youji hardly ever indulged with two lovers. And from what Yamagen told him, the two men who took Aya with them earlier were his regulars.

Youji stared at the wire that lay on the passenger seat. He wanted to turn it on to listen. But-- he knew he shouldn't. It was a blatant invasion of privacy. But he wanted to-- to listen-- to hear Aya moaning in pleasure-- Hear and-- maybe learn what a man would do to pleasure another man... Youji closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing.

With a frustrated growl, his hand stabbed out to snag the earphone and turn on the receiver. Voices started to come through immediately, making him breath a small sigh of relief that the trio were still talking and not yet into the sex. By the sound of it, Aya's dates were still taking their time to strip him.

["Patience, kitten." The smug tone in the man's voice made Youji want to reach through the wires of the receiver and choke him.

["Yuu--shi--?" The frustration in Aya's gasp came through the earpiece very well. "P--please--"

["What do you think, Masato? Has he been punished enough?"

["For depriving us for a whole week?" Youji was guessing that this was the man Yamagen had called 'Shadow'.

["Pleas--" Aya's entreaty was abruptly cut off, making Youji imagine that perhaps it was accomplished by a kiss from one of his lovers.

["He deprived himself too. But it's all healed now, and extra sensitive tonight, isn't it?" Youji could hear Aya's muffled moan of need. It was suddenly registering to Youji that they must have been referring to the injury that he caused to Aya that night.

["What do you think, Yuushi?" The heated purr in the man's voice made Youji feel hot under the collar. "Shall we totally ravish this little kitten tonight?"

["You'll need to earn it first, Ran."] /Who-- Ran?/ Youji blinked at the revelation. Weiß knew all along that 'Aya' wasn't his real name, but this was the first time that Youji ever heard this other name. ["Are you rea-- <gasp> Kami-sama--"

["Guess it's you first." The amused chuckle in 'Masato's' voice made Youji blush as it dawned on him as to what Ran was doing to 'Yuushi'

["R--ra--nn--"

["I'm beginning to feel left out."

["Ran-- K'so! I was almost--"

["Yuushi--"

["Not where you want it most, heh?"

["Yuushi, I think you need more than that."

["Right. It is more sensitive tonight, heh Kitten?" Youji heard a gasp and a long whine. "Easy, kitten."

["Shimmatta! Yuushi-- Hurry up!"

["No."

["How about some attention, beauti--? Ahhh--"

["Has a talented tongue, hasn't he?"

["Get-- get going, Yuushi. 'cause if-- you're not done and-- I'm ready--"

["Impatient-- ass--" Youji could hear a muffled moan in the background.

["Wrong call-- Look at who-- you're fucking."]

Youji's imagination was going crazy. It was wrong. It was so wrong for him to be listening to this private exchange. Youji knew that he'd go ballistic if he found out that someone was listening to his sexual trysts, yet here he was listening to--. This was wrong! But he couldn't turn it off. A part of him refused to let him; A part of him wanted to listen and fantasize and-- His pants were feeling much too tight for him tonight. Youji groaned as he stumbled out of his car and ducked into an alley.

---

They were done. Finally. Between them, Aya's two lovers managed to wear him out until he was too tired to hold onto his control. Youji felt like an absolute heel as he listened to them comforting Aya as he cried.

["Shhh, it'll be okay, Kitten. We're following every lead Kritiker can give us to track her down. We'll find her, Kitten. It'll be okay." Youji could hear Yuushi telling him soothingly. He guessed that Yuushi was probably cradling Aya against his chest right now.

["We'll pull this through together, Ran. Your sister will be safe, okay? Shhh."]

Youji stared at the semen-splattered ground before him. He felt dirty for what he had just done... Wanking himself off as he listened to his friend having sex with two lovers. "Kami-sama..."

["Out like a light, Masato," Youji heard Yuushi yawn as he spoke softly to his friend. "Eh? Where are you going?"

["Feel like a smoke. I'll join you in a while."

["Whatever--"]

Youji sucked in a deep breath and tucked himself back into his pants before he pushed his body away from the wall. He was about to reach for the earphone to turn it off when he heard a low growl in the earpiece.

["There's a 24 hour café a block from this building. Meet me there or I'm going to tell Ran about this little transmitter you planted on him."]

"K'so!"

---

Youji looked up nervously as the door to the café swung open to admit it's latest patron. Seeing how there were mostly couples at the other tables, the new entrant made no mistake in heading straight for his table.

"Tanuma-san, this is a bit later than usual, isn't it?" One of the waitresses called when she noticed him.

"Was feeling a bit peckish tonight, Kiko. If you have any fresh donuts, I'd appreciate it if you'd send me a half dozen to share with my friend over there?" He nodded towards Youji's table. "And a coffee would be great too."

Youji waited silently as the donuts and the coffee was served and the waitress walked away. He felt too ashamed to want to look the man in the eye.

"So-- you're Kudou Youji, is that right?"

"er-- hai."

"Tanuma Masato desu. Dozo yoroshiku. I'm with Crashers, we've heard a lot about Weiß."

"Dozo yoroshiku. I--"

"Care to explain this?" Youji saw the transmitter placed before him.

The older man munched on a donut and sipped his coffee patiently. Youji didn't know how to explain himself. At the time he did it, it seemed to make perfect sense to him. But now-- all his reasons seemed pathetically lame. Heaving a big sigh, Youji concluded that his only resort was to be honest. Maybe 'Masato' wouldn't tell Aya and his redhead friend wouldn't kill him.

"I-- was jealous." The older man raised an eyebrow at him but indicated that he should continue. "I-- How-- how much-- did Aya tell you about what happened between us?"

"That you were drunk and didn't use lubricant."

Youji flushed, only now realising what Masato must have passed to Yuushi before he started fucking Aya. The older man's lips were drawing into a thin line as he appeared to catch the significance of the blush, warning Youji that he had better not stall any longer.

"I-want-him.He-doesn't-trust-me-anymore.I-was-jealous-when-I-noticed-he-had -a-date.I-followed-because-I-wanted-
to-see-what-he's-like-when-he's-da ting ~mmmffff~" Youji almost choked as he inhaled a mouth full of dusted sugar from the donut that was suddenly stuffed in his mouth.

"Whoa! Slow down, kid. That's a mouthful to absorb. Chew on that and let me think for a moment."

Youji obediently munched on the donut and waited for the other man to speak again.

"I remember you now. You had a brunette wig on then." Masato pointed his coffee cup at him. "You might as well have had a neon sign over your head saying 'heterosexual' when you walked into that bar. What changed your mind?"

"That night--" Youji took a deep breath before he continued. "Holding him in my arms-- I've never ever experienced a greater feeling of contentment and fulfilment as what I felt that night. I-- I know it wasn't the same for him. It-- it *kills* me to know that it was so bad for him-- I don't want to hurt Aya. I-- want him, and I don't want to hurt him again."

"And you can hardly walk into a book store and buy a book that says 'Idiot's Guide to Gay Relationships'." Masato rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "So-- you followed him tonight because you wanted to see how his date would treat him? You thought maybe you'd be able to learn something? Well? Did you learn anything?"

"No."

"Heads up, kid. Your problem isn't learning the mechanics of sex with another man." The older man leaned over the table until he was almost nose-to-nose with Youji. "Your problem is regaining Aya's trust so that *he'd* teach you how to make love to him."

Youji jaw dropped. He hadn't thought of it in that way before. Yamagen's words were coming back to him again. //"... we get to the sex first then we see if we can still stand each other in the morning. We see if we can build a relationship from there."// He had hurt Aya physically, then wounded him again by spending the next two days looking for a fictitious *female* lover. Worse, he had handed Aya's a wad of cash the next morning... the younger man must have thought Youji was trying to *pay* him for the sex before they cleared it up that it was money for the bar tabs.

And Aya's words to him... //" I-- let you. But-- You're straight, Youji. I understand..."// They were as much to put Youji off as well as to comfort himself with the inference that Youji wouldn't want him since he wasn't a woman. So Aya *had* wanted Youji when he let him have sex with him. Yamagen's words came to him again, //" Red's not to be trifled with, kid. You have to be 'Man' enough before he'll give you a second glance."//

Masato may not have been a mind reader, but he knew that he had set Youji thinking hard. "By all means, you can try, Kudou. It's about time R-Aya found someone more permanent anyway."

"Huh? But you--"

"We're his fuck-buddies. It's understood. Before his sister was abducted, we'd see him maybe once every two weeks or so. After-- it's been like twice a week." Masato rolled his eyes as he fanned himself with his hand. "Oh, the sex is great, but whew!"

Youji's eyes grew large. Masato noticed.

"No. No. It's not like *that* all the time." He waved his hands in front of him in denial. "Kami-sama, tonight was *your* fault. He was too sore for any action for over a week. This was a release from the build up. Heh, if it was like this *every time* Yuushi and I'd never have any energy to take our missions."

Youji wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or disappointed.

Masato yawned mightily and got to his feet, leaving a few bills on the table. "It's late, Kudou. I'm exhausted, and there's a nice warm bed with companions that I'd very much like to snuggle up to waiting for me back there." Before Youji could move, he felt himself suddenly grabbed by the lapel of his jacket and a set of hard knuckles smashed into his face, dumping him on the floor of the café.

"That was for tonight, Kudou." The older man told him softly, pitching his voice so that only Youji could hear his words as he massaged his knuckles. "Ra--Aya made Yuushi and me promise we wouldn't touch you for tearing him u-- for that little-- mistake of the lubricant. But if you *ever* try that stunt with the bug again, I'm going to let Aya know. And then Yuushi and I are going to be at the Koneko no Sumu Ie to stuff your wire down your throat."

"Tanuma-san!"

"It's okay, Kiko. Just resolving some misunderstanding. We're leaving." Masato waved the waitress off as Youji pulled himself to his feet.

They parted at the door to the café. Youji watched the older man saunter off wistfully, knowing that he was returning to a warm apartment to cuddle with his lovers. Once he lost sight of Masato, he turned towards where he had parked his car, to drive home and return to his cold and lonely bed.

---

"What happened to you?" The shock and surprise behind Ken's words as he laid eyes on Youji the next morning was not unexpected. Aya and Omi showed their varying degrees of surprise and concern as well when they saw the honey-blonde man's rather spectacular shiner.

"Jealous boyfriend." Youji muttered as he tried to hide his black eye behind his shades.

For a moment, Ken wondered if he was mistaken to think that Youji was surreptitiously looking in Aya's direction when he said those words.

---

Flower vocabulary used in this part -
Knight's requested Tussie-Mussie
Snapdragons - No!, You are dazzling, but dangerous!, presumption
Strawberry - You are delicious, future promise, perfect goodness, foresight
Heather - protection from danger, wishes come true, admiration
Grass - submission, the fleeting quality of life

The replacement flower, instead of the Snapdragon
Orchid - lust, I await your favours, luxury, love, refinement, nobility, scholarship, beauty

---

It was pointed out to me that the bartender's words in the above part could be misconstrued -
<<You can't approach this like a hetero relationship...Folks like us...we get to the sex first then we see if we can still stand each other in the morning. We see if we can build a relationship from there. >>

This is *not* an explanation of Gay culture in a nut shell.

To the bartender, Youji is 'a confused kid' who is at his bar because he followed one of his *customers*. So this is the bartender's advice to Youji *based* on *his cliental* as compared to a 'normal' hetero relationship.

Mercy's sake, even the little scene I have of Ran and his two lovers playing around with a dom-sub 'performance' for the bar's entertainment... this is an invented scene. They don't play around like this because they're gay. The scene was just to show that they're secure in their sexuality and roles, and having a bit of fun doing this with an audience.

As an extension to this idea, it's also why Rook let Youji listen to their sexual tryst. Rook wasn't happy about the invasion of privacy, but he's comfortable and confident about himself that he allowed it. He was *aware of the transmitter*, so it's just a different kind of audience to him.

When you read my stories, you're looking at *Point of Views* of the characters. If I'm giving actual 'important' messages, information, and 'reality check' statements, you'll see it at the end of my fics or in my authors notes. (e.g. in Staking Claim, I gave a website link to highlight the dangers of the date rape drug - Rohypnol.)

With this story you get the Victorian vocabulary of flower meanings pertaining to the flowers that I've used as plot points. Nothing more serious here.

I am not writing a thesis of gay culture and sexuality in this story. Okay folks?