Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Hope ❯ Shattered Hope Part 11 ( Chapter 11 )

Title: Shattered Hope [Part 11]

Author: Farfarello

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: yaoi, lemon, angst

Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz does not belong to me…

Notes: First of all, thank you for all those who took time to read and review my story. -^__^- Sorry for taking so long!!! It's summer vacation here and I can't get any alone time!!! @__@ Anyway, this chapter mainly concerns Schuldich's thoughts that may help you understand the purpose of his nightly encounters with Youji. Also, try to guess whose going to step in and blow everything out of proportion? Hehehe… -^__~- not telling…[actually, I don't know yet!] You just have to wait for the next chapters to find out. But for now, please enjoy Shattered Hope Part 11!

I watch him sleep, how his blonde spilled on the pillow as he curled up next to me. I ran my fingertip lightly over the side of his face, careful not to wake him. Youji stirred slightly in his sleep, leaning a little to my touch then whispered almost inaudibly, "…mas…ter…" I took my hand back as if I had burned myself. No, I shouldn't be doing this… Fuck Schu! Get a hold of yourself… Damn you Youji! Damn you Crawford! Damn every fucking one!!!

I got up from the bed and shuffled through my duffel bag which I had left on the floor. I took out a cigarette and placed it between my lips before lighting it. I took a deep drag from my stick, feeling the nicotine calming my over hyped nerves. I walked out to the balcony, leaning over the ledge as the cool breeze washed over my sweat-drenched body. I took a deep breath and sighed. "God Youji… what am I gonna do??? What am I supposed to do?" I mumbled incoherently, staring at my hands that were gripping the ledge a bit too tightly.

I hate being confused, I was always in control… ALWAYS! But now…Shit! Why did I have to… to… "Shut up!" I growled at that little voice in my mind. Youji… I don't want to hurt you… I clutched my head in agony as my mental barrier gave way from all the pressure I was exerting to push out everything. Voices rushed into my head uncontrollably, I couldn't block them out. "AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" It hurts dammit!!! I fall on my knees, head in my hands as I tried to push the foreign voices out of my head. "shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!!!" I shook my head wildly, my body was shivering… God, let me die right now… if it'll make this forsaken voices disappear! "Just fucking kill me already!" I shouted as I fell on the cold stone floor of the balcony.

Voices rang in my head, shouting, cursing, they wouldn't get out! I closed my eyes and tried to put up my mental barriers back up, but I was too weak… too weak… Fuck! I hated being weak… I just lay there, waiting for unconsciousness to claim me. There was a deafening silence, except for the rustling of the curtains, and that's when I heard it…

"Master!!!"

I opened my eyes just in time to see my kitten rush towards me, yeah… in all his naked glory. I chuckled slightly at the sight, but the continuous surge of intrusive voices caused me to close my eyes again in agony. The next thing I knew, he had his arms around me tightly, calling me over and over.

Idiot… you're making this harder than it already is. It'll hurt you… but it'll hurt me more…

I gave all my effort in opening my eyes for the nth time, looking up at Katzchen who was kind of hysterical. Funny thought… but he was crying, Verdammt! I hated seeing him like this, I didn't want to see him crying… because of me.

"Idiot!" I managed to rasp out at him with a smirk. Youji looked at me, surprise and relief mingling in his features. "Get your naked butt back in there before I lug you in myself!" My kitten instantly turned red to the roots of his hair at the realization, "…I need to know if master is alright first before I go back in…" he shyly murmured, avoiding my eyes.

I blinked once, twice… the voices were gone. I looked up at the blonde then at the black night sky… was it him? Did his presence somehow stabilize my mind? Shit… I don't want to think right now. "I'm fine Katzchen, I just decided to take a nap on the balcony." I laughed sheepishly as I sat up and ruffled his hair. He was about to stand up to leave when I suddenly grabbed his wrist, "Wait!" The words were out of my mouth even before I had a chance to think. Youji turned to me, waiting… "Thanks." I whispered in his ear as I stood up. I heard him pad into the room, and I followed shortly after.

Youji started fixing his stuff, put on his assassin clothes and was about to leave, but I stopped him. "Wait Katzchen, you forgot one tiny detail…" I picked up my knife from the floor and sliced the front of this trench coat, his leather pants, and his left sleeve. Then I punched him hard on the stomach, his eyes widened in shock as he fell into my arms.

I could hear his thoughts coming and crashing into each other in a state of panic. I hauled him back up on his feet and smiled reassuringly, "You're supposed to have escaped from me remember?" Youji seemed to think for a moment before returning my smile with his own, giggling a bit. I let go of him, I thought I heard a small whimper at that… or maybe it was just my imagination. The blonde staggered for a moment before standing straight again. "Gomen, are you sore?"

The blonde shook his head, "It'll take more than a punch to do me in!" I let out a snort, "It's not the punch I was talking about." Youji once again turned beet red with embarrassment as he realized what I was talking about. He shook his head, "I'll be fine." Then the blonde left the room… for the first time, I was left behind… me and my thoughts…

I went to the bathroom, washed my face and went back to the bedroom. I threw on my trenchcoat, slung my duffel bag on my shoulder and left the room. I had more trouble brewing for me back home…

~*@*~

I pulled over the sidewalk fronting the Schwarz house… my house. I got out from the car and trudged wearily to the front door, digging into my bag for my house key. Not that I needed to anyway, the door was opened by none other than the great Bradley Crawford.

"I'm home!" I greeted sarcastically, rolling my eyes as he closed the door behind us. "We need to talk." Yes… I expected that Brad. We walked in silence to his office, Brad sat behind his desk as I slumped on one of the soft seats. "What now?"

"You've certainly taken your time in completing this task Schuldich, and it seems to me that I've been betting on the wrong horse." Brad started, his tone serious, his eyes boring into mine dangerously. I returned his gaze with my own, I hated being insulted… especially when it comes to these things. "Well la dee dah for you Brad! I just can't go in and get it over with just like that, now can I?" I nearly shouted as I snapped my fingers to emphasize my point.

"No, but your behavior towards it shows that you're hesitating to continue."

"It HIM, Youji's not a thing you know. And what makes you think you can judge the way I work? You have no fucking idea how to go about it!"

"I know my place Schuldich, it's about time you learned yours and do it right!"

"Just fuck off Brad! This was not my idea in the first place!

"But you consented to do it did you not?! And I expect that you fulfill your duty!"

Shit… that got me. I fell silent for a moment, slumping back down on my chair since I had stood up amidst our debate. Yes… I did accept the job didn't I? But I had no idea it was going to be this complicated.

*****START OF FLASH BACK*****

"The idea is to weaken one of Weiss' members so there will be an unstable link to them."

"So like, I just fuck with one of them, drop him, and we get a free pass to winning over them once and for all?"

"Well… basically, that is the plan. Are you up to it Schuldich? It's a double-edged sword, it can get to you. This job has emotions lined up with it, and it's not easy to get past that."

"Just chill Brad! I can take any of them on. I've been on tons of empty fucks… I don't give a damn if he's Weiss or whatever!"

*****END OF FLASH BACK*****

"Empty fucks…" I repeated to myself…

"Well?" Brad broke through my thoughts. I looked up at him and replied, "I said I'll do it and I will… in my own way." I stood up and looked out the window of his office, watching the cars come and go ever so often.

"What if you fall in love?"

Verdammt! I wasn't expecting that. I closed my eyes for a moment then opened them again.

"Don't count on it."

I buried my hands in my pockets, grabbed my bag, and left his office. Don't count on it? Yeah right.

~*@*~

=Youji=

I stood in front of the Koneko door, staring at it blankly. What was I gonna say? I got captured by Schuldich, we had a fight, and I managed to escape. That's as good as it can get… unless I tell them that Schuldich took me to a hotel room and we had a nice romp before I decided to come home. I laughed to myself at the thought before knocking at the door.

There was the sound of rushing footsteps, and then chibi came rushing toward the door. As always, his face was the epitome of anxiety as he opened the door. "Youji-kun!!! I'm glad that you're alive!!!" Next came Ken who was just as worried. He came to me and punched me on the arm, "Don't do that again Youji, or I'll beat you up myself."

I apologized to them and explained that I wasn't really hurt, how I managed to escape from "the evil German", and how I got back.. But… where was Aya? I haven't seen him yet. "Where's Aya?" I asked Omi. Chibi seemed to think for a moment before replying, "He came back after the mission saying you got captured, then he… he went back out to find you!"

Find me?! Aya went out to find me? I fumbled for my walkie talkie that was inside the pocket of my trench coat.

"Aya? Aya? Answer me!"

"…"

"Aya??!"

"Youji??! Youji is that you?"

"Yeah… it's me Aya… I got back home."

"…I'm on my way…"

"…okay… and Aya?"

"What?"

"Thanks…"

Aya didn't reply… not that I expected him to. I had to assure Omi that I was fine a hundred times before he let me go up to my room. That chibi… I couldn't help but smile at his bouts of anxiety. I trudged up to my room and fell flat on my bed, I was sooooooo… sleepy… maybe I'll take a bath when I wake up… maybe I'll even have a nice dream…

~tbc

[comments and suggestions please] -Farfarello