Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Hope ❯ Shattered Hope Part 12 ( Chapter 12 )

Title: Shattered Hope [Part 12]

Author: Farfarello

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: yaoi, angst, lemon

Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz does not belong to me…

Notes: Another chapter is up… and it's Yotan's side of the story! So does he love Schu… or does he not? And what's this??? Aya's in the picture! What happens now??? Hehehe… -^__^- You just have to read the next few chapters to know… [cause I haven't thought of them yet!] Anyway, please enjoy Shattered Hope part 12 !!!

"Youji! Youji! Wake up!" A soft, high-pitched voice intruded into my sleep-fogged brain. God… who was it? The voice was oddly familiar but I couldn't place my finger on who it was. "Youji!" It came again, someone was pulling the blanket off me… ugh! Of all mornings, why this one??! I needed sleep, and my body hurt like hell… "Idonwannagetupyet" I mumbled as I rolled over, pulling the blanket tighter around myself. I didn't bother to open my eyes, I was too tired.

"Youji! You get out of that bed or else!" The voice was louder this time, and a rough tug on the blanket completely unraveled it from my body, sending me rolling off the bed! I fell on the floor with a dull thud. "OUCH!!! What the hell did you do that fo--- what the fuck??!" My eyes went wide… God… no… it can't be… I rubbed my eyes to make sure that my mind wasn't toying with me. "A-Asuka??!"

My jaw dropped in a wordless shout of disbelief… hell… I must be dreaming! I pinched myself hard on the cheek, tugging it, and waiting for me to wake up. But I didn't… Asuka was still there, looking at me with her hands on her hips. "Youji…"

"No! No! Get away from me you ghost!!!" I crawled away, not even bothering to pick myself up from the floor. She gave a soft tinkling laugh, it made me stop… it was just as I remembered it to be. "Youji, stop that now. We haven't got much time before I… never mind… just get up and sit here beside me." Asuka pat the bed right next to where she had already seated herself. I nodded silently, somehow, I knew I needed this talk with her.

I sat down beside her and asked, "No time before you what?" Asuka smiled, "Before I go back." I was about to ask another question, but she placed her fingers on my lips and shook her head, "No more questions, now let's talk."

"Talk about what?" I asked, a little astonished really… here I was, sitting on my bed with Asuka. Asuka… my dead girlfriend remember??! Dead…

"Stop thinking like that!" Asuka swatted my arm playfully before placing a more serious look on her face as she continued. "So I see that you've got a new lover now." Her voice held no anger, actually, it seemed kind of sweet. My head shot up at the remark, eyes widening, "Wh-what??! Where did you get something like that??!" God! What was Asuka saying? That me and… you know were an item??! That is really out of the question!

"Youji, Youji, Youji… you can't lie to me… I've watched you from up there." She pointed upward… heaven huh? "I know you've had these secret nightly encounters with the red head German… Schul---something…" Asuka gestured helplessly as she tried to remember his name. "It's Schuldich." I finished for her, the name rolling out of my tongue before I could think about it.

"Oh yes… that's right. Schuldich it is… or was it… mas---ter?" Asuka drawled into my ear in a teasing manner. I felt my face go on fire…OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod!!! How did she know about that??! …Okaaaay Youji…. Calm down… just deny it. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!" I avoided her eyes… Damn! I was being way too obvious! Asuka wrapped her arms around me in an affectionate manner, "Really? You don't? Let me refresh you're memory a little bit." She brought her lips close to my ear again and whispered, "Master… master please! Please make me come…" I stiffened at once and threw her an accusing glare. "You were watching??!" Again, Asuka laughed at me. "You admitted it Youji!!! You DO know what I'm talking about!!!" …Shoot, I was feeling really queasy now.

"Oh Youji, it's alright. I love you truly, and that's why I'm here." Asuka gave me a motherly kiss on the side of the head. "Now, care to tell me about him?" I pondered my thoughts for a moment… not sure where to start… or what to say even.

"It all started this one night in a bar, I met him there and… something happened and it freaked me out." I gave a wave of my hand to tell her that it wasn't such a big deal anymore. But she insisted, "Why were you freaked out?" I swallowed on the lump on my throat, I've never told anyone about my encounters with Schuldich… but I guess Asuka was different… REALLY different. "I thought I was gay… because I found myself drawn to him… HIM for heaven's sake! He's a fucking guy!!!" I threw my hands in the air in an exasperated manner.

"You said WAS, you said you thought you were gay… so you're not?" Asuka peered at my face, which was probably the last thing I wanted to see as of this moment. I felt my eyebrows knot… God! I'm gonna get wrinkles because of this. "Well… at first that's what I thought. But then I noticed that I didn't look at men THAT way… just him… just Schuldich…" I felt my ears begin to burn at the revelation as I stared at my hands that were gripping my knees. "OOOooooh!!! So you DO love him! Just as I guessed!!!" Asuka gave another girlish giggle, which was so unlike her. I looked at her embarrassedly, pink staining my cheeks most probably, "NO! I did NOT say that and you know it Asuka!"

"Really now? What is it with you two then? And contrary to your belief, I haven't been watching whatever you do inside that room." Asuka asked, genuine curiosity painted on her features. I swallowed hard again… I took a deep sigh before starting to speak, "Schuldich just… teaches me stuff. You know… stuff like that." I gestured with my hands what I meant, up till now, I was still embarrassed to talk about it openly. Asuka simply nodded.

"Does he hurt you?"

"No… not that he really means it."

"What do you mean he doesn't really mean it??! He's hurting you isn't he??!" Asuka stood up angrily.

"No Asuka! It's not what you think!!! It's just that… it's just that… it's part of the lesson…" I gave a sheepish smirk as she threw me a suspicious look. "Yotan, Yotan, Yotan… I never knew you were soooooo into that." She took her seat beside me again. "And…???"

"And what?" I looked at her again. She looked into my eyes intently, "Tell me Youji, tell me… Do you love him?"

I closed my eyes… God! I'm so confused. I don't know… did I have those… those feelings for him? Did I really? I pictured his face, his orange hair, his emerald eyes… yes, those eyes. How he looked at me every time he brought me to completion. How could I forget his voice, silken and coarse at the same time. Talking to me in his crass manner, voicing out my desires, hissing in my ear as he said my name. But there was something else… something that didn't concern my hyper-active libido… something… something…

I forced myself to pinpoint what I was truly feeling… but failed miserably… I didn't know. I knew it really, but I couldn't comprehend it just now… not now…

"Not now…" I heard Asuka whisper softly in my ear, voicing out my thoughts. I shook my head helplessly, "I can't tell you now… because I don't know the answer." Shit Youji! Pathetic as ever aren't you? Yes you are! Answered the voice inside my head before I pushed it out.

Asuka got up and smoothed the wrinkles on her skirt. "I have to go now Youji… but I'll always be watching over you, remember that." She started to fade right in front of my eyes, like an apparition. "And Youji… if you find your answer, go with it… don't fight against it. Promise me that won't you?" I looked at her fading form but Asuka had gone before I could respond.

I fell back on the bed, closed my eyes and began to think things over. Asuka… Schuldich… Schuldich…

A sudden shock passed through me, like someone had hit me square on the temple. I groaned as I wearily opened my eyes. "What the---not again!!!" I looked around me. I was lying in a desolate place, there was no sound anywhere… it felt as if I was the only one there. I felt… lonely… empty… like I needed someone. I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face there. Damn! Please someone wake me up! I don't want to stay here anymore… God help me… anyone… It was getting colder… and it felt emptier… I felt empty inside. Empty, scared, and lost.

I began to cry. Hot tears ran down my cheeks… I couldn't stop them… I didn't know how…

"Stop crying, it's alright now… I'm here with you, and I'm not leaving you behind."

I raised my head weakly at that voice… that voice… so distinct in my thoughts. I knew that voice… but who was it exactly? I raised my head and saw…

"AYA??!"

I stared wide-eyed at Aya above me, his eye brows furrowed as he looked down at me. Wait a minute… wait a goddamn minute! Where was I? And why was Aya here? I looked around… seeing my bedroom just the way I had left it when I had fallen asleep last night. Then Asuka… Asuka and… who was that? The owner of that voice… who was that?

"You were dreaming." Aya's monotone voice broke my train of thought. I realized that he was gone and I found myself staring at my now closed bedroom door. I closed my eyes again… Fuck! I was having the headache of the century…

I got up reluctantly and shed my assassin clothes, utterly disgusted at the idea that I slept in them. God! Everyone knows that I hate wearing anything when I sleep, it's restricting really. I kicked them aside and entered the bathroom to take a shower, then I went down and joined the others at the breakfast table.

"Oi! Look everyone, Youji came down in time for breakfast! Miracles DO happen!!!" Ken shouted with a loud hooting sound after. I threw a banana at him, "twerp!" Omi came in just in time before Ken threw the banana back and scolded Ken for it. "Haha! Tough luck KenKen!"

"Morning Chibi!" I ruffled his hair as he sat down, then turned my gaze to Aya. Aya, who always had nothing to say. He just continued reading the paper and drinking his coffee, paying no heed to us.

After breakfast, I put on my apron and went to the front of the shop. And need I say, all the girls swooned at my entrance. Of course… I am Kudou Youji, man of women… and a certain German telepath the little voice popped in again, but this time I smiled at the thought. Yes, I am Kudou Youji, man of women AND a certain German telepath.

~tbc

[comments and suggestions please] -Farfarello