Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Smile in Regret ❯ Never Really Known ( Chapter 3 )

Smile in Regret

Chapter 3: “Never Really Known”

Fan fic by: Omni-sama

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Ratings, disclaimers, etc, found in prologue.

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He never liked her anyway….

 

The shadows made her pink-toned eyes appear almost purple, and those eyes stared at him in shock. They were wide. So impossibly wide. And somehow they seemed to slowly grow wider. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. Small, inarticulate sounds escaped, though, but they didn't form words. At least, he didn't think they formed words… There were loud clacking sounds and he felt something hit his left foot, the force absorbed by his boot. The gun. He knew that's what it was, even without looking down to check. He kept his eyes locked on hers. On those wide, purple-pink eyes.

 

Absently, he thought he heard someone calling his name. Or one of his names. But he didn't pay any attention. She had stopped trying to talk by now. Her eyes remained wide, but they could no longer see him. Thin wires slipped through his fingers and he watched her fall like a broken marionette. Suddenly someone else was there, leaning over her, tugging off black gloves so that naked fingers could check for a pulse.

 

After a while he realized that he knew the newcomer, and that he was being spoken to. Deep purple eyes looked up at him, filled with fury, hurt, and confusion. He blinked dumbly at them, and then slowly turned his gaze back to the fallen puppet. She wasn't Neu, he had to tell himself. She wasn't Neu…. The two only had one thing in common... Deep down, he knew he should have been more disturbed by this. He had sworn to protect women. He wouldn't end up like him…no…he wouldn't be him. But, he had become something worse… He knew this. And yet, he felt numb.

 

He never liked her anyway….

 

“Yohji!” the man hunched over the puppet cried out. Somewhere in the back of his mind he noted that it was wrong to be called that at this time. It confused him a little, because he didn't expect the red-haired man in front of him to break mission protocol like that by failing to use his codename. “You killed her! Why?” He made himself look back up at the man's eyes. There he saw the confusion and hurt outweighing the fury for a moment.

 

“Orders,” he replied flatly. The eyes he was staring at became darker, angrier.

 

“You didn't have to kill her! We could have tried to help her! She's not evil. She's not the enemy!”

 

Despite it all, he felt the corners of his mouth pull up into a strange, humorless smile. He didn't know why he was smiling, and judging by the rather startled expression in those purple eyes, the man didn't know, either. “But she was,” was his simple reply.

 

He never liked her anyway…

 

*****

 

“It's a pity, you know…”

 

Yohji slowly woke up hearing words spoken almost softly in German, and feeling fingers play with his freshly shortened hair. He kept his eye closed, however, and his body still.

 

“Why did you have to scar up his face? It really was a nice face… And his hair…”

 

“My brother needed to look like me.”

 

“Why? I'm sure there are plenty of siblings out there that look nothing alike…”

 

The fingers continued to play with his hair. Sometimes they trailed down to trace along random bandages on his face. That stung, but he remained still, trying to keep his breathing even.

 

“Will we be killing Brother soon?” the Irishman asked, ignoring Schuldig's pouting.

 

“Hm…” The tips of fingers traced ever so softly along his chapped, cut lips. “Don't know. That's up to Brad.”

 

“May I be the one to kill Brother?”

 

The fingertips ran along the border of the bandage that covered his eye. “Again, up to Brad…”

 

He heard the soft whisper of fabric brushing against fabric, and then he felt warm breath against his ear.

 

“I know you're awake, Kudou…”

 

Cracking his eye open just a little, he took in the sight of Schuldig bending over him, the man's face far too close to his own. With a small smirk he responded, “Sorry… Just thought that if I played dead, you guys would give me a break and let me rest instead of beat the shit out of me some more.”

 

“Not a chance.” Schuldig moved back a little, allowing Yohji a clear view of his grin.

 

“Yeah… Didn't think it would work. But, hey…never hurts to try, ya know?”

 

Strong hands wrapped around his arms and pulled him up into a sitting position. His strength was still far from adequate, however, and he sagged a bit. The hands lifted him some more and drug him along the cold floor towards the wall, propping him up against the concrete.

 

“Now, Kudou…” Schuldig started, stepping away from the beaten man and looking down at him with an almost bored air. “Are you going to actually cooperate this time, or have you not learned your lesson yet?”

 

“I've always been a slow learner,” Yohji smirked.

 

There was a strange silence from Schuldig for a moment, and an equally strange look in the German's eyes. The redhead leaned down so that he was almost face-to-face with Yohji again, two blue piercing into a single green.

 

“You're a really shitty liar,” the German murmured.

 

For a second, Yohji was off balance. He blinked wide-eyed at the other man. With a dry gulp down an even dryer throat, he attempted another little smirk. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

Schuldig seemed confused, and strangely enough, a bit sad. He continued to stare into Yohji's eye for a moment, before standing straight again and walking a few steps away. Yohji followed his movements with his eye, curious about the expression.

 

A mask was slipped back on, an evil smirk spreading over the German's lips. The expression from earlier had fully disappeared, leaving the somewhat sadistic bastard that Yohji had come to know over time. That was far more familiar. Even so, his tension did not lessen much. The familiar blue eyes regarded him coolly, the real emotions behind them shuttered once again.

 

“Alright then,” Schuldig began, crossing his arms, “Are you going to tell us where the others are now, Kudou?”

 

He let out a sigh and hung his head, looking at the other man's shoes and missing the fall of long hair to hide his face. He really hated his new hairstyle. “I can't tell you something I don't know. I left Weiß. I wouldn't know where they are.”

 

“Why did you leave?” Yohji knew he was being given a way out with that. If he could explain…if he could convince them that what he was saying was true…then he could be spared more pain. But, he couldn't tell them. It would be too personal. It would put Aya at risk…

 

“I can't tell you that,” he whispered.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I just can't.”

 

He watched the German's shoes move, walking away from him. A different pair of shoes entered his vision as he heard the heavy door close and bolt shut. Slowly he looked up, following the length of the body attached to those shoes until he was staring up at a face that his had been carved to mirror. A wry smirk came to his cut lips.

 

*****

 

There was a pattern to it all, he noted, as he parted his lips to allow the levitating bowl to feed him. He would receive a visit from Schuldig and Farfarello, pass out from the abuse, and then wake up bandaged and fed by Nagi. Then, after falling asleep, he would wake up to experience it all again. It was like Hell. He almost choked on the broth as he chuckled at that. Coughing, he turned his head to the side to avoid taking in any more from the bowl. Noticing the slight choking, Nagi eased the bowl back, keeping it floating and ready for when Yohji felt he could continue.

 

The repetitiveness had a good point, too, he noticed. It helped him keep track of time. So, it would have only been three days since his incarceration, it seemed. Only three days, and he was already in such horrible shape. Sparing a glance at his broken body before resuming his slurping, Yohji didn't think he'd be able to last too many more days of this. Maybe he would be lucky, and they would kill him soon. Then the cycle would end. But, at the same time, he hoped he made it out alive. He didn't want these people to be his executioners. No, that right was reserved for another…

 

Once the bowl was empty, Nagi summoned it back to him. He did not leave right away, however, but remained standing there in the doorway, watching Yohji. The captive hadn't asked for another favor in the form of his company, but he lingered just the same. Eventually, growing tired of standing there in silence, he moved over to where he sat before, setting the bowl beside his folded legs as he looked across the shadowed room at Yohji. Just like the last time, he had left the lights off and relied solely on the hall lights to illuminate the room. Nagi saw the faint flickering of Yohji's eye as it rolled to focus on him. The boy stared back, unblinking. He seemed to be waiting for something.

 

“You know…” Yohji husked after a while. He paused to cough, his throat feeling like sandpaper despite the warm broth he had just a moment ago. “You and I have more in common than you may think…” He waited for a response from Nagi, but the only one given was the silent stare and a couple of blinks. “Yeah,” he continued, “See, I'm not what everyone thinks I am. It was intentional, though… I didn't want them to know.”

 

“Is this what Schuldig was ranting about earlier?” the boy broke his own stillness to ask. Upon seeing blond brows wrinkle in confusion, he went on to clarify, “After he left here earlier, he was ranting to himself under his breath. Kept saying something about how you love to play the idiot. How he can't understand why. He can't understand how no one ever caught on. He called `them' idiots. I assume he meant Weiß.”

 

Yohji was silent for a moment, then he slowly nodded as much as his poor neck and minimal strength would allow. “Yeah…but I don't think he meant them exclusively…” He allowed another span of silence to stretch between them as he sorted out in his foggy mind just what he wanted to say next.

 

“You see… I graduated university when everyone else my age was graduating high school… It was always like that…more so after my father died..” He paused again when he noted the slight tilt of head and subtly raised eyebrow the youth across the room displayed. “Oh yeah.. First I should explain that, maybe… He died when I was eight or nine…maybe even ten… I can't quite recall my exact age… But, I woke up one morning, went into the kitchen to see if there was anything edible to eat—which there wasn't—then went into my father's room to wake him up so he could get food. Thing was, though…he didn't wake up. They never told me why. I wouldn't doubt it was drugs, or hell…even heart failure, with what that man ate and how he lived… So, anyway, after he died, I was moved to an orphanage.”

 

He watched Nagi nod a little, but he didn't continue right away. Once again he had to figure out where his thoughts had originally been heading so he could reorganize them and think of what to say next. Eventually, he licked his chapped lips and continued. “So… I was smart. I am smart.” There was another pause as he let out a small huff of laughter. “Ok, well it may not look like I'm very smart…getting caught like this… But..” His face sobered and his eye became slightly unfocused as he thought back to when he was younger. “Studies came easy to me… I passed everything with ease…started taking more and more advanced classes… Everything moved too fast, I think… I skipped too far ahead…was swept up too fast in all the teachers' excited notions of me gong to university early… And…before I knew it, I was there. University of Tokyo. Even managed to make it in with a scholarship, too…which was good. I'd never be able to afford it otherwise… By then I was on my own, even if I was still rather young…probably younger than you… Working random part-time jobs to get by… Shitty apartment… `Course, once I started university, I stayed in a dorm… That was a relief, at least.”

 

Letting out a sigh, the blond seemed to grow even more distracted, even more preoccupied with memories. One corner of his lips tugged up slightly, but his eye became more distant and sad. “It's funny,” he said more to himself than to Nagi, “He told me before that he wanted to go to UT… Never told him I went… Let him think I never attended university, either… Never told any of them…”

 

Then he blinked, remembering that he had a one-man audience, and once again sorted out what he was saying and what he should be saying next. While he did this, Nagi stared at him curiously, wondering whom Yohji had just been talking about. He didn't have too long to ponder on the subject, however, as Yohji started speaking again. “Ah..anyway… Had professors wanting me to be things like a lawyer or doctor or…well...you get the picture. But, I had other plans… See, I had become fascinated with detective stories and films. And..well…I saw that as a wonderful way to use my quick thinking and photographic memory… I mean, think about it… To be a detective, you have to be able to put the pieces together rather quickly, and accurately… You have to be observative. I could do that. So, I did do that. Started it up with Asuka. She was a classmate of mine, and was still attending school part-time when we started things…

 

“After she died, and I joined Weiß… I was tired. For so fucking long I had been expected to live up to certain expectations because of how `gifted' I was… I didn't want to put up with that anymore. So, I acted like an idiot. Like a lazy, slutty, idiot. Because if you're an unreliable idiot, no one ever expects anything more from you…so no one is ever disappointed by what you do. You can't let them down, if they already think you're shit. It was surprisingly easy to slip into my new role…and no one ever questioned it. Even Manx, who had read my files…who knew what I was, really. I think she understood why I was acting that way, so she let me be. Didn't matter to her… As long as I kept doing well on missions… As long as I kept providing helpful input from time-to-time. Sometimes I'd have to watch myself on that, though… I'd have to say stupid things on purpose every-so-often so they wouldn't start to get the wrong idea. Or..well..the right idea, I suppose… Had to make sure they continued to have the wrong idea…”

 

“It sounds like a lot of effort just so you don't have to put out a lot of effort… I don't see the point,” said Nagi, who was genuinely confused by it all. It had never occurred to “Prodigy” to hide his intelligence.

 

“Maybe… But a different kind of effort entirely… And once you get it going…once you get people to see you as that…it becomes easier.” Once again one of their familiar silences filled the room as Nagi attempted to digest everything he had heard. Yohji's mind drifted in the span of that silence, wandering this way and that as memories and thoughts cluttered his head. A random thread of thought came to him and tumbled from his lips without him even realizing. “Besides Japanese, I speak eight languages fluently… A couple of other languages I don't know so well, but that's just because I only started getting into them recently… I wasn't sure where I'd be heading to next, you see…” His facial muscles twitched a little in confusion as he wondered why he mentioned that. Perhaps some part of him had a reason…

 

Nagi tilted his head, in thought this time instead of confusion. “I speak five other languages besides Japanese. I had planned to start studying more, though.” He found it slightly surprising that he was starting to like Kudou. He was starting to feel some sort of bond with the man. Such a thing wasn't a good idea, though, he knew. It worried him a little, but he could not change it. After another small silence, he opened his mouth to say something, though he wasn't sure just what. His mouth snapped shut, however, when he noticed the shadow stretching out along the floor from the open doorway.

 

Yohji saw the shadow, too, and looked up to see someone he really hadn't been expecting to see. Brad Crawford, the cold-hearted, precognitive American, stood in the rectangular entryway, the light pouring in from behind him. His long black bangs were framing his face in just the style Yohji had remembered, and his glasses had a couple of glares from the backlighting. Even so, the man's dark, piercing eyes were still visible enough for Yohji to just make out in the shadow cast over his face. The man did not look pleased.

 

“Nagi, return to the computer room now,” the leader ordered in a deep, stern voice.

 

Without a word, the boy picked up the bowl and quickly slid past Crawford as he obeyed his commander. The heavy door closed behind Nagi once he made it into the hall. That caused him to stop. Why would Crawford need to close the door? Hesitantly, he stepped back to the door, leaning in close to see if he could hear anything. The metal was so thick, however, that no sounds escaped. With a sigh, he turned to start back down the hall again. He only managed to take a few steps before he heard it, muffled by the soundproofed room. Yohji was screaming. He paused for a moment, fingers clenching tightly on the bowl, then forced himself to keep walking.

 

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Tsuzuku…