Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Soliloquies ❯ Those Tiring Cliffhangers ( Chapter 11 )

Too much thinking kills you

 

Didn't I say that I can do anything? I wasn't joking. And I just bet that idiot Yo… I mean, Kudou is having a hard time trying to establish my patterns now. Hah. All his plans of murder, wasted. Hah!

 

So now he thinks I'm a friend. Yeah right, like he wants to be my friend. He's so transparent, you can just see through his devious little ploys. “Hey, Aya, I'm doing laundry… want me to toss yours into the machine while I'm at it?” oh yeah, right, and suffer some irrational rash and die of some skin disease caused by a chemical you'll pour into my clothes? Not a chance. And you can just poison all my clothes, because I'm not wearing them anymore, because now I've bought a whole new wardrobe! And I do my own laundry, you idiot! Damn, he may not kill me, but he certainly is going to kill my wallet.

 

“Hey, Aya, I'm going to do the cooking tonight. Whaddaya want?” Yeah, I want poison-free food Yo… I mean, Kudou, so I do the cooking from now on! Oh, you want to “help” (read: get the chance to kill me) me huh? Okay, but not without me watching your every move… and you're such a simpleton, so easy to deceive, just a smile here and a friendly sentence there, and you think that I don't know what you're doing. I'm on to you Yohji-ku… damn it I mean Kudou, but you still don't know that, because you're so busy being confused and frustrated with all your plans thwarted. I'm not risking the chance of you having ample time to sneak about and prepare an elaborate trap, Yo-ta… KUDOU, so I'm taking pains to be by your side. How I want to laugh at your face every time you appear confused, every time you fake surprise and hide frustrations, every time I “innocently” get in the way of you and your plans for my demise.

 

Damn it, when are you going to kill me?! Sometimes I just want to just let you go ahead and kill me, because then all I'll have to do is defend myself, not like now where I have to wear different clothes, change familiar habits and be with you every single frustrating minute! And hear you in my head, or think about you, and call you Yohji-kun.

 

One of these days I'll just have a nervous breakdown.

 

Nervous breakdowns… wait…

 

So that's what Yoh… Kudou wants me to do! Drive me completely nuts into my own nervous breakdown, and when I'm vulnerable, and then he'll strike! But what if it's not his plan? What if he really doesn't know that I know? What if…

 

…What if he really isn't planning to kill me…?

 

 

Fuck all these What Ifs! Damn you Kudou and your mind games! Damn you to hell!

That darned cliffhanger

 

It's as if every pore in my body is screaming out, every fiber tense and agitated. I couldn't hold it back any longer, I wanted to know. Damn it, I NEEDED to know. So I did what I should have done days and days ago. I went back to his room, that day he went to see his sister. I turned the knob with a mixed feeling of great exhilaration and anxiety. I faced the quiet of the room, all at once familiar to me- the smell of fabric softener, the dim light from the window, the clean, polished hardwood floor, the glint of the light bouncing off from the mirror. I placed my foot on the room's floor as if with extreme reverence, and I entered in his sanctuary. He was nowhere, but he was here… damn it I'm turning poetic! I smiled a wistful smile at the thought, how he would have given a fit if he knew I considered myself poetic. For him, he thinks I have but the IQ of an amoeba. No matter, he's not here anyway. But I really have no time for this, I came here with a purpose, and that is:

 

To finally satisfy my curiosity and finish the goddamned novel! Darned book got me all anxious to know what will happen to Sierva Maria and Delaura's love story!

 

(AYA)

 

Visits to Aya-chan were always nice- she for some reason think she adores me. She'd chatter endlessly of stories with friends, experiences, of a life that I almost had once, and would not have a chance of having again. She is such a nice kid, so hard to dislike. I did this all for her, after all. She didn't deserve to have her life taken from her because of stupid choices her parents made, because of a sinful child born of illegitimate circumstances became her adopted brother. She tapped my arm lightly, as she did every time I got too absorbed in my thoughts. She told me I looked harassed. Had I been taking care of myself, she admonished? I said I was too preoccupied with thwarting a murder ploy to “take care” of myself. What else was I supposed to say?

 

She didn't utter a single word as I told her from start to finish the situation with Yo… Kudou. I told her everything. After I ended the story with my doubts as to what Kudou really wanted to do, she took a pillow and hit me on the head. What the hell was that about? So now she tells me how stupid I am for thinking that “Yohji-kun” wanted to kill me.

 

“Yohji-kun isn't planning to kill you Ran! I can't believe you think he'll do such a thing!” I argued that on the contrary, nobody can really tell what the man will do. “Oh, Ran, how can you be so blind? And here I thought I had an intelligent brother…” I am not blind, I replied. “You are so paranoid! Oh, but you can't help it, can you, Ran?” Then she hugs me, as if she was so sorry for my plight. That was the point were I could no longer follow her line of thought. Next thing you know, she's spouting sentences saying that Yohji was watching me because he `liked' me (don't quote me on that) and that he was snooping around my room because that was the only way Yohji can ever get to know me without getting frostbitten, because I am such a grump and could I stop being one.

 

If I was bewildered, then I hid it very well, because she wouldn't stop from talking about how `good' me and Kudou would look together, and though she wasn't so sure about how Kudou looked other than in the few photos I showed her of the group, she was dead sure that he was kind and all. That Kudou would be really good for me, and she's sure that I would be to him. And that goodbye, she'll see me in a day or two, surely with Yohji-kun in tow, right, well then goodbye to her brother, how she loves him…

 

You can be sure my mind is completely fucked up by the time I walked up to the door of my room.

 

(YOHJI)

 

I was so absorbed devouring the book, sitting on the floor with my back resting on his bed's side, that I did not notice the setting sun and the turning knob. So you could just imagine how I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the familiar baritone call my name.

 

“What are you doing here?” He commanded, no longer the nice Ayan that I came to know these past few days. Ah, back to the old grump that he is. I knew it was too good to be true. I smiled a cheeky smile, the cheekiest I can get when I'm sweating profusely and deafened by the wild drum solo my heart was hell bent on doing. I held up the book as evidence and reason. He looked so tired; as if- allow me to use an over-used sentence here- he was carrying all the worries of the world on his shoulders. And knowing my Ayan, of course he is.

 

We didn't talk or do anything, except breathe… well he was breathing, I wasn't… when I finally opened my yap to tell him some hare-brained reason I got for somehow knowing he had a copy of “Of Love and Other Demons” lying about without disclosing that I go about his room every so often. Before anything can come out of it, however, he walked tiredly towards his bed and went down in a gracious fall, back first, arm shielded across his eyes. He lay there, sprawled, and I felt a familiar ache for the millionth time. If I wasn't conscious before, I certainly am now.

 

“I'm tired, Yohji… so damn tired.”

 

“I'll leave you now then…”

 

“No.”

 

The frog in my throat just won't go down. I steadied my hands by mangling the book. So I turned back to face him again, never mind if he notices the raging hard-on. Well, his eyes are closed. Fuck my hard on. Wait. That didn't sound right. Argh, to hell with…

 

“What do you want from me Yohji… tell me. Why do you go about my things, why do you insist on taking shifts with me, why do you stick around with me, why do you watch me… what do you want from me… I'm tired of thinking Yohji. So damn tired.”

 

My hearts on overdrive, doing a fantastic rendition of adrenalin induced Metallica drum solo. A million thoughts swimming through my mind, at lightning warped speed, voices fighting over in my ears telling me what to do, but one sentence lords over all else. All right, that's what I'll tell him then.

 

“Aya, I…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n: when did this fic become serious? So confused with Aya-chan- do the boys know about her? Is she awake? Yohji listens to Metallica? Yes, too much thinking can kill you…