Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Songfics That Were Never Meant to Be: the series ❯ Two Guys, a Fish, and a Flowershop ( Chapter 2 )

Song: "Fish Heads" by Barnes and Barnes.

I actually had no idea who did this song; I had to look that bit of information up on the net. My knowledge of it dates back to a badly copied tape of `Dr. Demento does the 70s.' Yes that's right a cassette tape. I didn't own a CD player back then. Dr. Demento rocked my little eighth grade world. How sad.

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

~~~

"Two Guys, a Fish, and a Flowershop"

"Soooo," Yohji drawls, leaning across the breakfast table and twirling his spoon, "the shop closes early today, and there's no mission tonight."

"Nope," says Omi, trying really hard to look as interested as possible in the newspaper in front of him. Unfortunately it had been left opened to the sports section, and Yohji wasn't fooled.

"Yeah, a whooooole evening with nothing planned. I bet you'd really like to go out and do something fun."

"Not really," says Omi, silently counting how many times the word `ball' appeared on the sports page.

"There's this new club see, and you're only allowed in if you have a really attractive date."

"And your point is?" Omi says irritably.

"Help me out here, I'm trying to score my date." Yohji says, grinning.

"I don't think Ouka's very interested in you Yohji, I'm not even gonna ask." Omi rolls his eyes.

"No, you lunk-head, I didn't mean Ouka." Yohji says with a cringe.

"Well if you want to take Sakura, you'd better clear that with Aya first, not me." Omi says.

"Why would I want to take Sakura when I'm far more interested in cute little blonds?" whispers Yohji, smiling a little too lecherously for Omi's comfort.

"Oh Crap, not again," Omi mutters to himself.

"So whaddya say, Ommitchi? How `bout a date?"

"I say, let me think about it for a minute. Hmmmmmm…NO."

Yohji leans even farther across the table, "I think you should spend a little longer thinking about it."

Omi picks up the remains of his breakfast and tosses it at Yohji. "You can take that as your date if you're really desperate."

"Ouch, man. That was pretty cold," observes Ken.

Aya just sits in silence, obviously thinking deep, meaningful Aya-thoughts.

"Oi," says Yohji, sadly picking up the remains of Omi's breakfast fish, "the chibi is so mean to me."

Fish heads fish heads
Roly poly fish heads
Fish heads fish heads
Eat them up
Yum

All day long Yohji carried around the dead fish that Omi had thrown at him that morning. Whenever anyone tried to get him to talk to Omi, Yohji addressed the fish head instead.

"Yohji, go tell Omi to make that delivery."

"Okay" says Yohji, turning towards the fish, "Hey Omi, Aya needs you to do a delivery." Then to Aya's horror, Yohji starts making the fish talk, "okay Yohji-sama. I'll make the delivery! But not because Aya wants me too, I'll go `cause you asked me soooo nicely!"

Omi, who was in hearing distance the whole time anyway, just goes out to get his bike without saying a word. He was just going to pretend Yohji didn't exist for a while….

Yohji sat at the front counter watching the girls filter in and out of the shop. He perked up at the sight of Omi returning. As soon as he entered the store Yohji resumed his conversation with the fish. "Oh woe is me!" Yohji whines, "Spurned by my one true love, who won't even give me a single evening out! I shall die old and alone, for sure." He opens and shuts the fish's mouth with his fingers, and in a squeaky voice delivers, "how could anyone turn down someone as cool as you, Yohji-sama? They must be really dumb! Well, I'll go with out with you if you want!" Yohji feigns surprise as he looks at the fish, "Oh that is so kind of you, little-Omi-fish! I accept your offer, though I must warn that I'll surely break your heart, as I already love another!" He wipes imaginary tears from his eyes. "I'll treasure every moment of our time together, fleeting as it may be," squeaks the fish.

Omi pulls his jacket over his head, hoping that no one will recognize him as he sneaks into the back of the shop. Unfortunately, the fan girls instantly recognized his pink shorts and tackled him. He never makes it.

In the morning laughing happy fish heads
In the evening floating in the soup

When Yohji came down from his room after dinner the fish head was wearing its very own little brown tank top.

"Did he make that?" Ken whispers to Aya.

Aya just shrugs and looks thoughtful.

"Am I the only one seriously disturbed by this?" Ken asks.

"No Ken," says Aya, shaking his head, "you are definitely not the only one seriously disturbed by this."

Yohji sets the fish head down on the table while he gets his coat.

"Don't let him buy too many drinks." Ken advises the fish.

Little-Omi-fish says nothing, as fish heads often do.

Ask a fish head anything you want to
They won't answer they can't talk

"Well, the lady in front of us was extremely rude." Yohji says to little-Omi-fish, "we couldn't help the smell."

Little-Omi-fish just nods.

"We should have been the ones complaining, those kids of hers where so loud I completely missed the love confession."

"She was just jealous that you had a cheaper date," squeaks little-Omi-fish.

"Ah, how true," agrees Yohji.

I took a fish head out to see a movie
Didn't have to pay to get it in

And so it continued for a week. Every night Yohji made a big production out of preparing for his date with little-Omi-fish. Every night Ken and Aya exchanged worried glances, and every night Omi stayed in his room, with the door locked and his stereo cranked up.

Yohji was running out of date-plans however. You can only do so many things when your date is a dead fish, and he'd already run out of movies to see.

They can't play baseball they don't wear sweaters
They're not good dancers they don't play drums

"It's been fun, little-Omi-fish, but I'm afraid things just aren't working out between us," Yohji sighed, while little-Omi-Fish floated in, rather than ate his soup.

Meanwhile, Ken and Aya had decided to intervene. Ken knocks down Omi's door, while Aya tackles Omi.

"You're going out with him!" Aya growls.

Omi shakes his head, and clings to his desktop.

"Come on Omi, just one pity-date! The fish smell is starting to make me sick!" Ken begs.

"As your leader, I command you to go out with him!" Aya says.

"What?!" says Omi, "I thought that I was the leader! Look it says right here in my profile in `All That Weiβ'!"

"Anyone who allows another team member to engage in an emotionally harmful relationship with a dead fish deserves to be overthrown," Aya says, "you're being usurped. Ken, notify Manx."

"Aye-Aye captain!" responds Ken, with a mock salute.

"You can't do that!" cries Omi defiantly.

"Watch me." Smirks Aya, as Ken starts dialing the phone.

"Okay fine, you win!" groans Omi, "I'll go on a date with Yohji." He scowls, "I was going to give in eventually anyway."

"Didn't we know it." Says Ken.

Not too long after, Yohji comes back from his unsatisfying dinner date with little-Omi-fish.

"He's all yours," say Ken and Aya, pushing Omi towards Yohji as he walks in the door.

Yohji just breaks out into a huge grin and attempts to hug Omi. Omi stops him by sticking out his foot.

"Shower. Now." Says Omi, scrunching up his face.

Yohji's grin widens. "Is that an invitation to join you?" he asks, hopefully.

"No." Omi cries, shoving him towards the bathroom, "and you're not allowed to touch me until you no longer smell like fish, and every article of clothing you wore this week has been burned."

"Ah, even as my boyfriend, the chibi is still mean!" sniffs Yohji.

"Shut up and get rid of the fish!" yell three voices in unison.

After Yohji and the apartment have been de-contaminated of eau-de-poisson, Yohji finally gets to take Omi out. They decide to go to a movie (Yohji pretends he hasn't seen it yet) instead of the sleazy club, which suits Omi just fine.

This time Yohji does have to buy a second ticket for his date.

But Yohji doesn't mind one bit.

Roly poly fish heads are never seen
Drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants
with Oriental women

Yeah.

A/N: Well, I'm sorry if that sucked. No wait. I'm NOT sorry. Just what where expecting from a songfic called `fish heads' anyway? That's right, you brought this suffering down upon yourself. I pity the foo' who expected this to be good.