Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Standing Outside the Fire ❯ 21 ( Chapter 21 )

21

 

There is freedom within, there is freedom without…

 

*

“You know, I think I'd forgotten that. Forgotten those visions.” I wasn't sure who I was saying this to, only that I needed to say it. “They were so strong, and so true… But I didn't forget them, did I? Until now.” Everything seemed so scrambled in my head. Why couldn't I make it clear again?

*

 

*

“Schuldig, wake up.”

 

“Hn?”

 

“You were having a nightmare. You were yelling about the tower.”

*

 

Between Frau Sheffield's guidance and my own stubbornness, we got my visions a little under control. It had taken the better part of two months, but at least now I wasn't losing time on a daily basis. There were still moments, but that was just a fact of my life.

 

Now it was high summer, hot and sticky in the dorms and worse in the classrooms. At least Don and Jules didn't smell bad. The kids in my classes downright stank some days. I knew that was what happened when boys went through puberty, they started to smell different and get hairy and all, but damn! Being stuffed in a classroom with them in the middle of summer was pretty nasty.

 

I trudged back to my dorm room after a wearying session with Sheffield and Herr Cochran, a teacher who usually worked with empaths and illusionists. He specialized in ways to separate “self” from “other”, a process of grounding that empaths sorely needed. Considering the unpredictable power of my own gift, Frau Sheffield thought he might be able to help me stay focused.

 

So far, all he'd done was give me a headache.

 

I wanted a nap. I wanted a shower. I'd settle for a few minutes of peace and quiet. I slunk into my room feeling more than half-dead.

 

But when I shut the door behind me, I realized I'd walked in on something uninvited. Donley sat on the edge of his bunk, and David Smythe stood in front of him, leaning in between Don's legs. Don wasn't wearing any pants, and -

 

I felt myself go scarlet as I darted back out of the room. My mind whirled, trying to decipher just what, exactly, I'd seen. My own fear of Konnor had colored that particular act, but Don certainly had not been afraid of Smythe! There was no indication that it was going any further than the obvious, either. The very fact I thought about that made me feel even more awkward, and a little excited.

 

Jules and I had only ever touched, though we'd done quite a lot of that in the past several months. I trusted him, and he trusted me, and it only ever went so far. He never asked, he never demanded, and I never had to tell him `no'.

 

Suddenly I found myself wondering if that was all we'd ever share, before I lost him to his career in September. I didn't want him to go. He'd kept me warm when all around me was frozen, and he'd kept me grounded when all around me was in shambles. And mixed in with the deep and powerful friendship was this undercurrent of - what? What was I wanting from him?

 

And what was I willing to give?

 

The door opened, and Donley peeked out. He turned the wrong way first, then looked back and saw me standing there. “Hey, Crawford,” he said with a sheepish grin, “sorry about that. You can come in now, if you want.”

 

“Nah, it's okay, Don,” I mumbled, painfully aware of my very visible hard-on.

 

“Look, you can't just stand in the hallway like that,” he bantered. “Someone will see you and eat you up!”

 

I gave up and slipped back into our dorm room. “Ha ha. Big bad wolf, right?”

 

Smythe leaned back against Don's bunk and took a drag on his cigarette. He grinned around the filter and murmured, “The better to see you with, my dear.”

 

Donley gave him a light punch on the arm. “You're my wolf, remember?”

 

I flopped onto the bunk beneath my own, not having the energy to climb up just yet. That, and I still had a bit of an embarrassment in my pants. I leaned back against the wall, hoping to turn my thoughts to something boring and failing totally. Images of Julian wafted through my mind: tall, sweet, gentle Julian. For a moment I could even smell the worn leather of his gloves, so honest and warm, so very different from Konnor's crisp white cotton.

 

“You okay, Crawford?” Donley asked, eyeing me closely. I could feel the gentle tendrils of his thoughts probing at my shields as though tasting for salt.

 

“Yeah,” I said. “Just thinking, is all.”

 

Donley and Smythe exchanged a look, and I realized they were talking telepathically. Smythe gave me a small smile as Don said, “If you and Jules don't mind, I'll hide out with David for a while tonight. You know he's leaving in another couple of months, I want to make his goodbye long and memorable.”

 

Smythe chuckled, his expression fond and lewd. But Don's words hit something painful in me: Julian was leaving too.

 

Then I realized: Donley was trying to give me a hint, and I'd almost been too dense to catch it. The smile rolled across my face before I could stop it. “Thanks, Don. I appreciate that.”

 

The two excused themselves, leaving me alone in the room with early evening sunbeams.

 

Julian arrived late. His Gamma division meetings ran just as unpredictably as my own sessions with Frau Sheffield: called on a moment's notice and lasting as long as they needed to. That was all right; I'd used the time to do some real thinking.

 

“Hey, Elvis.” He smiled at me as he dropped his books on his desk. “Where's Don?”

 

“Underneath Smythe, most likely,” I replied, trying not to laugh. I'd never been so outspoken about sex before, but talking about Don it seemed more right this way.

 

Julian stared a moment before busting out laughing. “O-kay, then! So you're just enjoying this little sauna all by yourself?” He peeled off his t-shirt, revealing a smooth expanse of lightly muscled chest and that tummy I knew to be ticklish as all get-out.

 

I realized he was right, that it was pretty warm in the room. I'd thought that was my own problem, but the day had gotten rather hot. Following his lead, I shrugged out of my shirt, wrinkling my nose at the smell from the armpits. What was that I'd been thinking about the older boys smelling raunchy? Somewhere during the past few months, I'd started turning into one of those myself!

 

“Come on, I want a shower,” Jules said, draping a towel over his shoulders.

 

I'd actually come to look forward to showering in this area of the dorms. The guys we shared this washroom with were all quiet and civil, and the hallway was off-limits to anyone not living there. In a word, it was safe, and I regarded it as a bit of a haven.

 

We only had an hour until lights-out, so it wasn't much surprise to find the showers empty. As we stripped and started the water, my mind spun, questioning my earlier decisions. I liked Julian maybe as much as Don liked Smythe, and I wanted to make his goodbye long and memorable, too. Problem was, there were some things I just didn't feel right about doing.

 

“Hey, are you zoning out over there?” Julian slipped an arm around my waist. His skin felt cool as though he'd been standing in the rain. “I thought you wanted to rinse off?”

 

I let him lead me back into the spray, both of us gasping a little at the brisk coolness of the water. It made a fantastic counterpoint to the summer heat, while at the same time driving me into the warmth of Julian's embrace. Suddenly the world condensed to two boys in the shower, bodies pressed together, external warmth the last thing on our minds. I looked into his eyes, read the affection there. I was pretty sure this wasn't anything more than friendship, love should feel different than this; still, I knew I didn't want to let him go, tonight or two months from now.

 

Somehow Julian had become my anchor, my lifeline, and I only knew of one way to thank him. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but I knew better than to wait that long. I pushed away the thoughts of all the friends I'd lost without a goodbye, and turned all my attention to this one who was, for the moment, still with me.

 

Our lips met, still awkward after so many times, and my hands slid over his fair skin. Julian trembled slightly. His hands started to explore me, but I stopped them, pinning them to his sides. I was already excited, I didn't want him distracting me that way. When I got the feeling he'd stay put, I let go of his wrists and let my hands wander again. I couldn't resist running my fingers so lightly over that ticklish spot on his belly, just beside the navel. He flinched, and his cock reared up toward my hand. I gave him my best wicked look, then slid down until I was kneeling in front of him.

 

“You don't have to,” he whispered, his voice all but washed away. His hands played with my hair, made waterfalls across my face.

 

“I know,” I told him. Then I ran my tongue over the head of his cock, tasting the dimensions I knew so well by touch.

 

Julian gasped. His hands clenched in my hair, and for a moment I thought he was going to come right then. But he didn't, though his cock seemed to get even bigger.

 

I wrapped my left hand around it and licked it again. At the sound of his low groan, I got even bolder: I closed my lips around the head and suckled at it, bringing even more dark and rusty growls from his throat. The noises made me even more excited. I was already just as hard as Jules; my right hand snuck down and I started jacking off, anticipation and sensual reality blurring into the hottest cold shower of my life.

 

For a moment, my mind and body recalled Konnor doing this very same thing. I pushed those thoughts away. I refused to share Julian, even in my own mind. Julian was mine tonight, and Konnor was not welcome here.

 

My hand moved faster as I stroked myself in time with Julian's breathing. Strong hands clutched the back of my head, but gently, so gently. He guided me without demanding, and I gave without reservation.

 

Then Julian was pushing me off him, slipping out of my mouth, and taking himself firmly in hand. A few quick strokes and he spurted, catching me on the face and neck with it. His whole body arched into the shower spray, every muscle gleaming with mingled water and sweat. I shot off too, the look on his face more than enough to send me over the edge.

 

We hovered like that, him standing, me kneeling, for several seconds before Julian lowered himself to join me closer to the floor. He kissed me as the water rinsed away the last remnants of our pleasure, the evidence safely washed down the drain. It took a while for me to realize that the water on my face wasn't just from the shower: I was crying.

 

Julian stared into my eyes, seeing the truth before I even knew it myself. “I'm going to miss you too, Elvis.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N:

There is freedom within, there is freedom without…

“Don't Dream It's Over” - Crowded House Crowded House

 

I'm going to miss Julian too.