Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Stille Nacht ❯ Morning Stillness ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Kagemihari 
Anime/Manga: Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.08.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 685 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.08.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 685 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss. Not me. u.u
Warnings: PWP, lemon, swearing, lots of angst, a little bit of sap, sort of, and possibly some OOCness.
Kagi's notes: The fifth and last chapter of Stille Nacht, an epilogue of sorts to the Silent Night part. Apologies for the lateness of this. Apparently, I have managed to write fluff. o.O Very angsty fluff, but fluff nonetheless. Wonders never cease. ^^ Thanks to all of you who are still reading, hope it was worth the wait! Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, and those of you who have just read and liked it, you rock my world. Responses to reviews are at the end of the chapter.
Thanks as always to Moonraven for betaing! *heart* I would also like to thank samurai-ashes, Mephisto Waltz, and most of all, Lóceheri for listening and just being supportive while I bitched and angsted about this chapter for the last week. You guys are the bestest, no da. ^_^
As usual, "quotes" signifies speech, 'single quotes' are thoughts.../slash marks/ indicates thought or...whatever.
~ Stille Nacht ~
2: Morning Stillness
Ran awoke in unfamiliar surroundings, and froze instantly. Where was he?
Someone stirred next to him, and he was aware of a warm body curled up against him. Kudou. Right. He was in Yohji's room. With a long sigh he allowed himself to relax, unsure if he was actually happy with the situation.
He'd been wanting to sleep with Yohji for a long time, but afterward...he wasn't looking forward to dealing with that. Nothing had changed between them, and everything had changed. Too many unknowns, too many new variables and possibilities, and yet they still had to work together, live together the same as always. He felt frustrated, facing now the reality created by last night's impulse, and suddenly not sure if it was worth it after all.
What had seemed so obvious, so right in the silence of night was now full of questions, hidden implications. Some things were much less clear in the light of morning. Maybe he could just leave....
He shifted gingerly, hoping he could just roll out quietly without disturbing his still-sleeping lover. The arm thrown loosely around him slipped away, and he held his breath--
And let it out suddenly in a soft grunt of surprise as he was pulled back into a tight embrace, the strong arm tucked firmly around his waist, Yohji's other hand tangled in his hair. A soft whimper came from the blonde man as he spooned up against Ran's side and buried his face in his shoulder. Still asleep, and definitely not letting go.
Ran sighed again, in resignation. 'Dammit.' Well, he hadn't exactly wanted to leave anyway...that was part of the problem. He turned his head to look at the sleeping man with a twinge of wry amusement. ' You're a big teddy bear, Kudou.' This was not strictly accurate, since he was well aware that Yohji could be perfectly ruthless when necessary. But in sleep his face was smooth and free of shadows, and he looked younger than his twenty-three years. Ran shifted slightly so that he could return the embrace, wrapping his arm around Yohji's shoulder.
The blonde hair tickled his face and he reached a lazy hand to smooth it back. The motion turned into a caress, fingers running through the soft blonde strands and twining around a handful at the base of Yohji's neck. His words from last night echoed in his mind. 'I'm not going anywhere.' Did he really mean that? Did he want to mean that?
He struggled with himself, knowing the truth, yet finding it incredibly hard to actually admit it, even in the privacy of his own mind.
The ache from last night had not lessened. He felt angry again, and he was aware that not all of it was aimless--he was angry with Yohji too, for slipping under his defenses, getting inside his walls when he wasn't looking, making a place for himself which might then be left cold and empty. Angry with himself, for wanting it, needing it so badly. It was a weakness, a liability, one that neither of them could really afford. He shouldn't allow himself to--but...
But there it was. He had allowed it, had encouraged and welcomed it, even. Well, if he was going to allow this weakness--and hadn't he already made that decision?--he was going to make damn sure it was worth it.
He found himself somewhat annoyed by the apparent hypocrisy of Yohji's request--it was Yohji who had a new girl every week to fuck and forget. And he had asked Ran not to go, as if Ran were the one most likely to walk away--hell no, he wasn't letting Yohji get off that easily. If he thought Ran was just going to let things go on as if nothing had happened, he had another think coming.
His arms tightened almost involuntarily around his lover. Whether Yohji knew it or not, he belonged to Ran now. He would find that out soon enough. No way he was letting that happen, letting this be just a one-night stand. Ran felt a sardonic smirk curl his lips, as he imagined the look on Yohji's face when he confronted him about it. But that could wait--he really had no idea what he would say anyway.
He would just have to...take one day, one thing at a time. Deal with that when the time came. For now, find a way to handle all these unfamiliar, awkward feelings, without compromising the mental balance and emotional armor he needed to do his job. Damn Kudoh.
He sighed as the tension drained out of him, leaving behind resignation and wry acceptance. He brushed a ghost of a kiss on the other man's forehead, and pressed his cheek against the blonde head. Ah hells...he could get used to this, alright. Besides...it felt nice, being held. Being loved.
Feeling somewhat more at peace with himself, now that his head had rationalized his heart's impulsive decision, he gave himself over to the mindless, luxurious content of watching Yohji's peaceful sleeping face, as he trailed his fingers through the tangled blonde mess of hair on his pillow. Everything else could just wait.
~*~
Yohji stirred sleepily, dragging himself, slowly, out of the depths of slumber. / Warm. Safe. /
He was sleeping with someone? Damn, he didn't usually actually fall asleep in bed with someone he brought home...what had he...? And this was no soft minx such as he usually went for--and he didn't bring the guys home--so why were the arms around him so strong, the body flat and hard, and....Oh. Ohhhh....right.
In disbelief, he forced his eyes open a crack, to confirm what his memory was telling him. Red hair brushed his eyes, stinging briefly and he hurriedly squeezed them tightly shut again. ' Oh my god....'
Feeling a wondering, incredulous sense of something that was too fragile to be called hope, his arms tightened around his....his lover. ' He's here....he's *still* here...oh gods...' He thanked every god he believed in, and several that he didn't. Ran was here, it hadn't been a dream--and he hadn't left as soon as he woke up, either.
Suddenly his throat felt tight, and he swallowed hard. ' Sweet Jesus....' He had hardly dared to imagine, to hope, before, but now...was it possible?
No, no, he wasn't even going to think about that...he was going to take things as they came, and not try to discern the reasons for them. Ran was here, and Yohji was holding him, and that was enough for now. More than he'd hoped for, really--god, the whole damn night was more than he'd ever dreamed of....he rubbed a hand in aimless circles on Ran's back, needing to touch, to just reassure himself that this was real. That he was touching Ran, and Ran was letting him. Even welcoming it...he heard a soft sigh of appreciation or content as he continued the soothing motion.
He felt like he was in shock, suspended in disbelief, and any minute now reality would come crashing back and Ran would freeze, and say something cold and cutting, and leave ...he swallowed hard again. The blank fear of that idea scared him almost as much as the idea itself.
When did he let start letting himself need this so much? He'd been trying so hard for so long to accept that it was never going to be, and now all he could think was that it was, and oh god, if it had to end now, it was going to tear out his heart. He could think of few things more painful than getting this close to Ran and having him walk away again. /Please, please don't leave.../
For an instant, he allowed himself to entertain the heady idea of waking up in the same bed with Ran often, every day even...ahh, that would be heaven... He sighed heavily. Never going to happen in a million years, no matter what strange peace was holding Ran here this morning, it would never last.
"What's wrong?" He blinked, not registering for a moment that Ran had spoken, then replaying the quiet question in his mind. What did he mean, what's wrong?
"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong."
"Liar," Ran said, without heat. "You sound...lost."
Oh...the sigh. Yohji didn't know quite what to say to that. 'It's not me that's lost,' he thought, 'it's what I'm losing.'
"This is...nice," he said instead, not directly answering the question.
Ran was silent. Yohji raised his head to peer at his face, trying with some apprehension to read his expression. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, as if he were struggling with something. He closed his eyes, and finally in a whisper he answered, "Yes. It is."
Surprised, Yohji just stared for a moment. Was he...
Ran opened his eyes then, and they were troubled; Yohji was caught by the wild beauty of the expression and the unusual color. "Yohji, I..." Ran shook his head, looking away. "We don't have to be up until later," he offered with a sideways glance, and Yohji smiled, slightly, his eyes lighting with understanding, and maybe with relief. He recognized the offer for what it was, an oblique response to his indirect statement, for all the things he could not say; it was about as much as he was likely to get from the redhead.
But then Ran surprised him again, meeting his eyes with a fierce, intent gaze, an look that seemed to be telling him something, though he wasn't sure what. He noticed suddenly that the easy communication of silence from last night seemed to have gone, the gods knew where, and wished it hadn't--a fleeting thought before Ran's mouth descended on his in a fiery, intense kiss. It was hard and demanding, passionate and hungry, fueled by all the intentions and emotions that Ran didn't know how to express, taking possession of his mouth and his soul in no uncertain terms. / Mine. / He understood that message, all right.
The kiss broke, though their faces were still mere inches apart, and Yohji was left wide-eyed and breathless, a little bit wondering. That fragile bit of almost-hope was suddenly flaring into almost-belief, almost joy. Ran was giving him that same intense stare, looking to see if he got the message, and then the expression eased, his body relaxing, and he looked to be smirking faintly. Yohji would have grinned, if the wound on his lip wasn't already smarting from the kiss.
"No, we don't," he agreed to Ran's earlier comment, and his voice, still husky, sounded very much as if someone had just kissed him senseless. He was fighting that grin again--man, this was going to be a bitch, not being able to smile much more than a little tilt of his lips. Although he was certain that if he could really smile, it would be a large, silly, relieved grin that would make him look rather foolish. Almost-believing your impossible dreams had come true would do that to you. Maybe, just maybe...well, they would take it one day at a time. One step at a time. He laid his head on Ran's shoulder and pulled him closer, letting his eyes drift closed. Yeah, this was enough for now. More than enough.
He lay drowsing in the warmth and lethargic peace that had fallen after his last words, and felt the slight weight on the top of his head as Ran laid his cheek against it. They were definitely going to have to do this again, he thought hazily, but he was feeling too warm and peaceful to worry about that now.
The comforting silence fell again, unspoken words slipping into the background for another day, another time, and they lay simply holding each other in the morning stillness.
~owari~
A/N: That's it...I wrote fluff, no da. *proud* ^^ Please, read and review! Tell me what you liked, or what you didn't like, or just that you read it--I'd love to hear from you. In any case, thanks so much for reading! ^_^
Responses to reviews--
Ryushin: LOL...is that enough sap for you? ^^ No, I wouldn't do that. Not this time, anyway. And yes, I hate writing without getting into everybody's head...I appear to be incapable of it. It's just so much more...complete, and satisfying that way. Glad you liked--thanks for reading!
SomaliChan: Gah, I'm a little busy in other fandoms right now, mainly GW and Yugioh, but I'll consider it. It certainly has the potential for a sequel...or two...I left it wide open. ^^ I'm glad you like the silence thing--I thought it was rather cool myself. And who says bottoms can't be aggressive? ^_~ I can't see Aya being less than dominant in a relationship, no matter what position he takes in bed. But I like uke Aya, so there you go. ^_^ As for the surprising bit...the main thing about my portrayal of Aya is that he's very conflicted. Which side of the conflict eventually gets translated into action, depends on a lot of things. So, yes, it's maybe not all that predictable. ^_~ My GW fics so far are Death's Angel, Convergence, and a couple of one-shot Impressions, neither of which are at Mediaminer, but they are up at FF.net under the same pen name. There is also a new fic I have posted the prologue to, Stealing Sweet Dreams. (More fluff, jeez--you'd think I'd learn. I must be insane...-_-)
Sky Rat: Hehe, they might...I doubt it, but you never know. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it!
Warnings: PWP, lemon, swearing, lots of angst, a little bit of sap, sort of, and possibly some OOCness.
Kagi's notes: The fifth and last chapter of Stille Nacht, an epilogue of sorts to the Silent Night part. Apologies for the lateness of this. Apparently, I have managed to write fluff. o.O Very angsty fluff, but fluff nonetheless. Wonders never cease. ^^ Thanks to all of you who are still reading, hope it was worth the wait! Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, and those of you who have just read and liked it, you rock my world. Responses to reviews are at the end of the chapter.
Thanks as always to Moonraven for betaing! *heart* I would also like to thank samurai-ashes, Mephisto Waltz, and most of all, Lóceheri for listening and just being supportive while I bitched and angsted about this chapter for the last week. You guys are the bestest, no da. ^_^
As usual, "quotes" signifies speech, 'single quotes' are thoughts.../slash marks/ indicates thought or...whatever.
~ Stille Nacht ~
2: Morning Stillness
Ran awoke in unfamiliar surroundings, and froze instantly. Where was he?
Someone stirred next to him, and he was aware of a warm body curled up against him. Kudou. Right. He was in Yohji's room. With a long sigh he allowed himself to relax, unsure if he was actually happy with the situation.
He'd been wanting to sleep with Yohji for a long time, but afterward...he wasn't looking forward to dealing with that. Nothing had changed between them, and everything had changed. Too many unknowns, too many new variables and possibilities, and yet they still had to work together, live together the same as always. He felt frustrated, facing now the reality created by last night's impulse, and suddenly not sure if it was worth it after all.
What had seemed so obvious, so right in the silence of night was now full of questions, hidden implications. Some things were much less clear in the light of morning. Maybe he could just leave....
He shifted gingerly, hoping he could just roll out quietly without disturbing his still-sleeping lover. The arm thrown loosely around him slipped away, and he held his breath--
And let it out suddenly in a soft grunt of surprise as he was pulled back into a tight embrace, the strong arm tucked firmly around his waist, Yohji's other hand tangled in his hair. A soft whimper came from the blonde man as he spooned up against Ran's side and buried his face in his shoulder. Still asleep, and definitely not letting go.
Ran sighed again, in resignation. 'Dammit.' Well, he hadn't exactly wanted to leave anyway...that was part of the problem. He turned his head to look at the sleeping man with a twinge of wry amusement. ' You're a big teddy bear, Kudou.' This was not strictly accurate, since he was well aware that Yohji could be perfectly ruthless when necessary. But in sleep his face was smooth and free of shadows, and he looked younger than his twenty-three years. Ran shifted slightly so that he could return the embrace, wrapping his arm around Yohji's shoulder.
The blonde hair tickled his face and he reached a lazy hand to smooth it back. The motion turned into a caress, fingers running through the soft blonde strands and twining around a handful at the base of Yohji's neck. His words from last night echoed in his mind. 'I'm not going anywhere.' Did he really mean that? Did he want to mean that?
He struggled with himself, knowing the truth, yet finding it incredibly hard to actually admit it, even in the privacy of his own mind.
The ache from last night had not lessened. He felt angry again, and he was aware that not all of it was aimless--he was angry with Yohji too, for slipping under his defenses, getting inside his walls when he wasn't looking, making a place for himself which might then be left cold and empty. Angry with himself, for wanting it, needing it so badly. It was a weakness, a liability, one that neither of them could really afford. He shouldn't allow himself to--but...
But there it was. He had allowed it, had encouraged and welcomed it, even. Well, if he was going to allow this weakness--and hadn't he already made that decision?--he was going to make damn sure it was worth it.
He found himself somewhat annoyed by the apparent hypocrisy of Yohji's request--it was Yohji who had a new girl every week to fuck and forget. And he had asked Ran not to go, as if Ran were the one most likely to walk away--hell no, he wasn't letting Yohji get off that easily. If he thought Ran was just going to let things go on as if nothing had happened, he had another think coming.
His arms tightened almost involuntarily around his lover. Whether Yohji knew it or not, he belonged to Ran now. He would find that out soon enough. No way he was letting that happen, letting this be just a one-night stand. Ran felt a sardonic smirk curl his lips, as he imagined the look on Yohji's face when he confronted him about it. But that could wait--he really had no idea what he would say anyway.
He would just have to...take one day, one thing at a time. Deal with that when the time came. For now, find a way to handle all these unfamiliar, awkward feelings, without compromising the mental balance and emotional armor he needed to do his job. Damn Kudoh.
He sighed as the tension drained out of him, leaving behind resignation and wry acceptance. He brushed a ghost of a kiss on the other man's forehead, and pressed his cheek against the blonde head. Ah hells...he could get used to this, alright. Besides...it felt nice, being held. Being loved.
Feeling somewhat more at peace with himself, now that his head had rationalized his heart's impulsive decision, he gave himself over to the mindless, luxurious content of watching Yohji's peaceful sleeping face, as he trailed his fingers through the tangled blonde mess of hair on his pillow. Everything else could just wait.
~*~
Yohji stirred sleepily, dragging himself, slowly, out of the depths of slumber. / Warm. Safe. /
He was sleeping with someone? Damn, he didn't usually actually fall asleep in bed with someone he brought home...what had he...? And this was no soft minx such as he usually went for--and he didn't bring the guys home--so why were the arms around him so strong, the body flat and hard, and....Oh. Ohhhh....right.
In disbelief, he forced his eyes open a crack, to confirm what his memory was telling him. Red hair brushed his eyes, stinging briefly and he hurriedly squeezed them tightly shut again. ' Oh my god....'
Feeling a wondering, incredulous sense of something that was too fragile to be called hope, his arms tightened around his....his lover. ' He's here....he's *still* here...oh gods...' He thanked every god he believed in, and several that he didn't. Ran was here, it hadn't been a dream--and he hadn't left as soon as he woke up, either.
Suddenly his throat felt tight, and he swallowed hard. ' Sweet Jesus....' He had hardly dared to imagine, to hope, before, but now...was it possible?
No, no, he wasn't even going to think about that...he was going to take things as they came, and not try to discern the reasons for them. Ran was here, and Yohji was holding him, and that was enough for now. More than he'd hoped for, really--god, the whole damn night was more than he'd ever dreamed of....he rubbed a hand in aimless circles on Ran's back, needing to touch, to just reassure himself that this was real. That he was touching Ran, and Ran was letting him. Even welcoming it...he heard a soft sigh of appreciation or content as he continued the soothing motion.
He felt like he was in shock, suspended in disbelief, and any minute now reality would come crashing back and Ran would freeze, and say something cold and cutting, and leave ...he swallowed hard again. The blank fear of that idea scared him almost as much as the idea itself.
When did he let start letting himself need this so much? He'd been trying so hard for so long to accept that it was never going to be, and now all he could think was that it was, and oh god, if it had to end now, it was going to tear out his heart. He could think of few things more painful than getting this close to Ran and having him walk away again. /Please, please don't leave.../
For an instant, he allowed himself to entertain the heady idea of waking up in the same bed with Ran often, every day even...ahh, that would be heaven... He sighed heavily. Never going to happen in a million years, no matter what strange peace was holding Ran here this morning, it would never last.
"What's wrong?" He blinked, not registering for a moment that Ran had spoken, then replaying the quiet question in his mind. What did he mean, what's wrong?
"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong."
"Liar," Ran said, without heat. "You sound...lost."
Oh...the sigh. Yohji didn't know quite what to say to that. 'It's not me that's lost,' he thought, 'it's what I'm losing.'
"This is...nice," he said instead, not directly answering the question.
Ran was silent. Yohji raised his head to peer at his face, trying with some apprehension to read his expression. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, as if he were struggling with something. He closed his eyes, and finally in a whisper he answered, "Yes. It is."
Surprised, Yohji just stared for a moment. Was he...
Ran opened his eyes then, and they were troubled; Yohji was caught by the wild beauty of the expression and the unusual color. "Yohji, I..." Ran shook his head, looking away. "We don't have to be up until later," he offered with a sideways glance, and Yohji smiled, slightly, his eyes lighting with understanding, and maybe with relief. He recognized the offer for what it was, an oblique response to his indirect statement, for all the things he could not say; it was about as much as he was likely to get from the redhead.
But then Ran surprised him again, meeting his eyes with a fierce, intent gaze, an look that seemed to be telling him something, though he wasn't sure what. He noticed suddenly that the easy communication of silence from last night seemed to have gone, the gods knew where, and wished it hadn't--a fleeting thought before Ran's mouth descended on his in a fiery, intense kiss. It was hard and demanding, passionate and hungry, fueled by all the intentions and emotions that Ran didn't know how to express, taking possession of his mouth and his soul in no uncertain terms. / Mine. / He understood that message, all right.
The kiss broke, though their faces were still mere inches apart, and Yohji was left wide-eyed and breathless, a little bit wondering. That fragile bit of almost-hope was suddenly flaring into almost-belief, almost joy. Ran was giving him that same intense stare, looking to see if he got the message, and then the expression eased, his body relaxing, and he looked to be smirking faintly. Yohji would have grinned, if the wound on his lip wasn't already smarting from the kiss.
"No, we don't," he agreed to Ran's earlier comment, and his voice, still husky, sounded very much as if someone had just kissed him senseless. He was fighting that grin again--man, this was going to be a bitch, not being able to smile much more than a little tilt of his lips. Although he was certain that if he could really smile, it would be a large, silly, relieved grin that would make him look rather foolish. Almost-believing your impossible dreams had come true would do that to you. Maybe, just maybe...well, they would take it one day at a time. One step at a time. He laid his head on Ran's shoulder and pulled him closer, letting his eyes drift closed. Yeah, this was enough for now. More than enough.
He lay drowsing in the warmth and lethargic peace that had fallen after his last words, and felt the slight weight on the top of his head as Ran laid his cheek against it. They were definitely going to have to do this again, he thought hazily, but he was feeling too warm and peaceful to worry about that now.
The comforting silence fell again, unspoken words slipping into the background for another day, another time, and they lay simply holding each other in the morning stillness.
~owari~
A/N: That's it...I wrote fluff, no da. *proud* ^^ Please, read and review! Tell me what you liked, or what you didn't like, or just that you read it--I'd love to hear from you. In any case, thanks so much for reading! ^_^
Responses to reviews--
Ryushin: LOL...is that enough sap for you? ^^ No, I wouldn't do that. Not this time, anyway. And yes, I hate writing without getting into everybody's head...I appear to be incapable of it. It's just so much more...complete, and satisfying that way. Glad you liked--thanks for reading!
SomaliChan: Gah, I'm a little busy in other fandoms right now, mainly GW and Yugioh, but I'll consider it. It certainly has the potential for a sequel...or two...I left it wide open. ^^ I'm glad you like the silence thing--I thought it was rather cool myself. And who says bottoms can't be aggressive? ^_~ I can't see Aya being less than dominant in a relationship, no matter what position he takes in bed. But I like uke Aya, so there you go. ^_^ As for the surprising bit...the main thing about my portrayal of Aya is that he's very conflicted. Which side of the conflict eventually gets translated into action, depends on a lot of things. So, yes, it's maybe not all that predictable. ^_~ My GW fics so far are Death's Angel, Convergence, and a couple of one-shot Impressions, neither of which are at Mediaminer, but they are up at FF.net under the same pen name. There is also a new fic I have posted the prologue to, Stealing Sweet Dreams. (More fluff, jeez--you'd think I'd learn. I must be insane...-_-)
Sky Rat: Hehe, they might...I doubt it, but you never know. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it!