Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Superficial Arc ❯ Hollow Warmth ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Why do I have to continually repeat myself? I don't own it.

Warning: Yaoi/Shounen Ai, Angst, Limish.

Notes: I don't really know where the idea for this came from. OmixNagi/NagixOmi isn't exactly my favorite pairing. I love to read them if they're suitably angsty, but most of the fics I've read/seen are far too sappy for my liking which has resulted in my less than enthusiastic appreciation of the pairing, as well as the characters.

Gomen ne, Yanagi-sen, if you were expecting a sappy fic, or even a cheerful one. I tried. I really did. In fact, I have half a page of the parody OmixNagi fic that I started sitting right next to me. It just wouldn't have worked. I'm too bitter.

Soundtrack: Hello Time Bomb - Matthew Goodband, Everything is Automatic - Matthew Goodband

Hollow Warmth

by DragonSoul

Dirty enough I got me a love

And it's so bad, it's so bad...

Hello time bomb,

I'm ready to go off...

-Hello Time Bomb, Matthew Goodband

The one thing I'll always remember about our meetings is the dark. We met in the dark, had sex in the dark, and parted in the dark. That was the way it was. And because of our associations, it couldn't be anything else. He was my enemy and I was his. Never mind all that romantic idolisms about forbidden love. There was one reason behind our elicit meetings and it wasn't love. It wasn't even a mutual need for company. It was lust, unadulterated primal urges.

Sure, I would have liked to see his face as he cried out in pleasure, but I took what I could. If that meant a rough and rushed fuck in an alley, I didn't care. It assuaged the hollow within me, the pleasure blanking out my mind long enough for me to forget the world, forget anything but myself, what was inside my skin. Esset had screwed with my mind enough to make it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything but what I was ordered to, so the escape from the disorder was welcomed, even if it came from something like this.

We pretended to care, exchanging dutiful kisses before and after our encounters. But they were always hollow, the need to appease our desire evident behind our every move. I couldn't have cared less. After all, I was in this for the sex. And Omi was always gentle, no matter how much he wanted it.

But somewhere along the line, all that changed. I found myself growing impatient to see him again, longing to hear his voice and to touch his skin. He was my life line in a world gone wrong, my last chance for sanity, a last grab at having a normal life. I denied it at first, even made up my mind never to see him again. But every time we made an arrangement to meet, and I told myself that I wasn't going to go, I found myself hidden in the shadows near the prearranged place, watching as he arrived and waited, and I knew that he was beginning to feel the same. Every time I didn't appear on time, his face fell, hopelessness mixing with anger and worry on his face, and every time I'd step out into the open just before he could leave.

But neither of use loved each other. How could we? We were two sides of the spectrum, and to be allowed to love the other, we'd have to lose a part of ourselves, becoming gray. Both of us were too prideful to allow that to happen. So the hollow warmth remained, a fragile shell surrounding an icy void where feelings should reside.

Overtures were made to meet in the daylight, but all of them went astray or were turned down. I didn't want it to end, but neither did I want it to grow. My team was already suspicious of where I was going every few nights, and I'm sure Schuldich actually knew what I was doing, if not who. Or else they all knew and simply didn't care. Proves how much I meant to them.

I guess Omi's teammates must have found out, because he called on the phone one night, almost hysterical and begging to see me. I was stunned at the emotion in his voice, so I agreed to meet him in the loading docks down at the harbor. I still don't know why I complied.

As soon as I stepped out of the shadows, he threw himself on me, sobbing and yanking on my clothes. Shocked at this reaction, I allowed him to tear away the gray uniform, my mind detaching itself from my body to watch the proceedings.

Omi backed me against a crate before dropping to his knees. I remember him running reverent fingers across my abdomen and thighs before dipping his head, breath whispering along my groin. His tongue slipped out to touch the head of my erection and I was slammed back into my body, pleasure flooding my brain and leaving it clear. He bathed the length of my penis teasingly, even whilst tears streamed down his cheeks, crystalline drops hanging on his chin before falling to the ground, perfection ruined as they splattered on the uncaring gray concrete. Warm suction closed around my length, and even that clarity of thought was lost, washed away by a wave of lust. My fingers tangled in his hair, forcing him to take me deeper and he complied with out complaint. I was openly thrusting into his mouth, eyes open and glazed with pleasure while more tears fell from his. I came with a strangled moan, and he took it silently before pulling me onto his lap, the fastening of his jeans undone, his own erection ready. He kissed me softly, almost apologetically, thrusting home without any prep.

God... It hurt. It hurt so fucking much... Schuldich tells me now that it was rape and I tell him it wasn't despite the fact that I needed to go to the hospital for stitches afterwards.

I bit through my lip, blood trailing down the side of my face as he thrust into me, the crimson liquid dropping onto his shirt and staining the white fabric red. I was being ripped apart, any thought of pleasure lost in the haze of pain. I knew at once that this was the end of our relationship and my tears joined his, not of pain, but of sadness. Sorrow at the loss of the illusionary warmth, regret at never telling him that I cared, pity for myself. Vaguely, I remember the word he whispered with every thrust. Sorry...

He brushed away the tears gently as he came, but it wasn't comfort enough. I screamed as the heat seared my inner tissues, shredded and raw from the abuse they had already sustained.

I slipped off his lap, clutching my knees to my chest as he dressed quickly. Now, tears of pain streamed down my cheeks, but they went unheeded by both of us.

He turned to leave and I heard the rustle of clothing other than his or mine, which were lying on the concrete beside me, but I made no sound.

The shot surprised us both.

I saw the bullet leave the gun.

I could have stopped it.

I could have killed the red haired German who fired, who had followed me, looking out for my welfare.

I could have knocked him out of the way.

I could have taken the bullet myself.

I could have done all those things.

But what's the use in saving a hollow warmth?

~*~

Well, there you go... My first OmixNagi. Nice, and appropriately dark for she who wrote it.

Again, I'm sorry Yanagi-sen, if this isn't exactly what you wanted. I just can't write extremely genki Omi and Nagi, or even ones that care about each other.

It's up to you readers to decide if Omi's dead or not. I don't want to say anything at the moment. There -may- be a sequel to this, dealing with the after effects, again centered on Nagi and dealing with his relationship with Schuldich as the German slowly rebuilds the teen's trust. If you want Omi to live, there might even be another sequel, dealing with his side of the after effects.

Until next time!