Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Superficial Arc ❯ Invisible Emotions ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I still don't own it...

Warnings: Yaoi, Angst, Allusions of rape, OOC Schu?, Sap.

Notes: Again, I don't know where this came from. Everyone was clamoring for me to write the SchuxNagi sequel to Hollow Warmth, so ta da!! Here's Broken Emotions for you!! ...Why does no one ever write stuff for me? Just kidding.

I'm well aware that compared to my other portrayals of Schuldich, this one's extremely OOC. *Smirks.* Bear with it for now, okay?

Soundtrack: Ironic - Alanis Morisette, Duvet - BôA, Symbolistic White Walls - Matthew Goodband, Adam's Song - Blink 182

Invisible Emotions

by DragonSoul

And all the fears that you hold dear,

Will turn and whisper in your ear.

And you know what they say might hurt you,

And you know that it means so much,

And you don't even feel a thing...

-Duvet, BôA

I'll never know why I followed Nagi that night.

I guess it doesn't even matter, because I did. Not even the strongest telepath can change the past.

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't gone.

No I don't. I know what would have happened. Nagi would be dead. He would have killed himself.

If there's one thing I wish I could redo about that night, I would have shot to kill. No one deserves what Nagi's been through, and that Weiss brat made it worse. Feeding off of Nagi's pain, tearing apart what little self worth he had is unforgivable. If I ever see him anywhere near Nagi, no, if I ever see him period, I'll shoot him again. Several times. He won't survive it next time.

Nagi's a wreck. He was depressed and withdrawn before this happened, now he doesn't talk at all. Not verbally, not bodily, not mentally. He's just not there anymore. There's no thought, no emotion, no reaction. Nothing. He's an empty shell. Tabula rasa. A clean slate to be written on.

At times I'm tempted to rewrite his memory, omitting anything that he shouldn't have to deal with, but something always stops me just before I can begin. What ever fate watches over him is extremely cruel, to make him suffer so much. Sure, all of Schwarz has had it rough, but of us all, Nagi's past was worst. At least Brad, Farfarello and I all knew our parents and family at one point. I don't think he ever did.

I really should take control and rewrite him. It wouldn't be too hard after all. There's nothing there to be erased, his mind is already blank.

It hurts to see him, to know that there's nothing left of the Nagi I used to know within his mind. He destroyed himself.

Maybe death would have been preferable.

He's a doll, a puppet with cut strings. Why can't I get him off my mind...?

I want to be able to yell at him, to tease him, and to have him yell at me. For all that he was quieter than Brad with a migraine, the house is empty without him. Schwarz is falling apart.

Farfarello hasn't been sane in days, and when he's even near lucid, any mention of Weiss will set him off again. I guess he was closer to Nagi than I thought.

As expected, Brad's buried himself in work. I haven't seen him all week, and no one's been allowed to enter his office. I'm starting to worry about him.

And myself...

I can't even bear to stay in the house anymore.

~*~

Gods... I can't stand it anymore! I can't stand wondering if he'll ever return to us, wondering if he'll ever be the Nagi we remember. I don't care what Brad will think when he finds out. I'm going to rewrite his memory. At least he'll regain some semblance of his old self.

I stand and walk into his dim room. It's eight at night and the lights are already off. I wonder if they were ever on.

I was the one to get him up and dressed today, and he's still sitting in the position I left him. Dammit Nagi...

I push away the feelings of resentment and anger, blanking out my own mind except for my memories of Nagi, and slip into his mind. Even now, weeks after I brought him home from the docks, his mind still frightens me. It's so empty...

I impress my memories of him into his mind before beginning to rebuild his memories of Schwarz, of Brad, Farfarello and I. I leave out his memories of Weiss for now. If I have to, I'll refuse missions where Weiss will be involved if it means protecting Nagi from that bastard.

Though it would be better for him to forget being an assassin, if he's to live with Schwarz, that would be impossible. Just as it would be impossible for me to neglect rebuilding the memories of his training, both mental and physical.

One thing I can do for him however is rewrite his past, make it so that his life on the streets never existed. The other's may think it strange at first, but all Nagi'll remember is Schwarz. No life with out us, and no life other than that of an assassin. I know this may back fire and turn him into someone exactly like the one that made him this way, but it's all I can think of. No one ever accused me of being creative.

Finally, I'm done and pull away, staring at him from across the room. His mind's active again, no longer the empty void that our Nagi had disappeared into. He blinks and I hold me breath, hoping for the breath. A second, an hour, an eternity goes by before he looks at me, obviously confused.

He remembers...

"Schu...?"

~*~

*Evil grin.* I think I'll stop there now. Next up is Omi's side of the story, then we'll return to Nagi.

Ooooh, all the bishonen torture I have in mind...

Until the next!!